Where is my Luna

Chapter 4

Kael's Pov

"You've been very distant" Her oud perfume announced her arrival before her voice echoed into my ears.

"And the guards tell me that you've been in and out of the forest very frequently" I lifted my eyes to meet my mother's eyes, only her could dare enter my office without knocking.

"Kael" Her tone was very soft and tender as she called my name, "When you're not training, you're working" Gracefully she walked from the door to my cabinet.

"When you're not working you're in the forest, there's always something you're doing" She got to the window and pulled the drapes open, flooding the peacefully dark office with offensive unsolicited light.

I had become used to the mixture of pity and concern in her eyes. She helped herself to sit opposite me.

"Why drain yourself with work? Why have you refused to open up yourself and heal? Why.....".

"Mom please" This conversation again. I hate the way she cuts corners when she tries to talk about Natalie.

"It's been six months!" Concern vanished from her eyes leaving pity all alone, and it glistened.

"It breaks my heart to see you like this" Her voice was shaky, "I need you to open up your heart and heal!".

"Have you picked out clothes for the festival of Stripes?" I liked to change the topic whenever healing came up.

"Kael" For the first time in a long time, tears rolled down her cheeks, I think it's funny and sad at the same time because she can cry, but I can't, I mean I haven't been able to.

"Please stop" I moved to the other side of the table, close enough to reach her.

"You can't hold on to this pain forever, you think you can, but you can't, please Kael" She sniffled.

There was a small silence, I like to gather my thoughts.

"You make it sound as if I can forget everything that happened and just continue with my life" My neck turned to the window. "There's no way I can forget Mom", I sighed a deep breath.

"You can't forget. There's no way for you to forget what happened that night, but you can't carry it like this all your life" She grabbed my hands into hers.

"Kael, you can't live like this; it's eating you up and.......it's....." The tears returned, she threw her head backwards and covered her nostrils with a finger.

I wish I could grieve like this; it's easy for her, but not for me.

"Kael you're losing yourself" Her eyes had tears under and inside them "Kael please I can't lose you"

"You're not going to lose me" I reclaimed her hands.

Without wiping her face or her nose, she continued "Kael, your people need you".

We had this conversation before, and the first two times, it irritated me so much that I threw up, and my stomach was upset just thinking about the end from the beginning.

"This pack cannot continue without an Alpha, and an Alpha cannot rule without a Luna".

"I can't! It's easy for you to say, it's easy for the people to make requests, but I can't get married" I moved away from her, pacing the small space between my cabinet and the windows

There's no way I can ever love again, my heart died with Natalie, and my mother knows that, but she'll never admit it or acknowledge that she knows

"Kael, time is not on our side, you have to take your father's throne!" Her voice was more assertive now.

"Mom", I turned slowly ", I can't".

She came to me, claiming my hands again. "Kael, I know how you feel" She did, "But you don't have the luxury of options" This truth was more bitter than the first.

"Your father's throne has been empty for far too long, you have no brother to ascend the throne in your place, will you wait till things start getting ugly" The weight of her words was pulling me down.

"I can't" Random flashes of Natalie flushed through my mind.

"You can!" She cupped my face into her hand "Kael, the elders are clamouring, they've given you time".

I tried to protest but she stopped me "I know six months is not enough for you to mourn the one that you love, but they don't know that" Nobody will ever understand me the way my mother does.

"Kael!" She called out, louder than she did before, "I will find you a suitable bride, you will marry her, receive blessings from the elders, and you will take your father's throne!" Her eyes piercing deep into my soul.

Her grip got even tighter than it was before; if I could, I would draw strength and courage from her eyes; I needed it.

"Do you understand me, son?" I knew very well that I couldn't protest, so I nodded.

Her eyes still looking deep into my eyes, "She's just a wife, and you'll keep her away from my personal space" Like ascending the throne she knew that wasn't negotiable.

"I know you need time, don't worry, she be in her space till you warm up at least!" She nodded.

She released her grip on me. Never did I imagine that I'd get married to a woman who isn't Natalie.

How was Natalie by my side six months ago and now I have to marry a complete stranger.

"I know this is hard" Her voice returned to being soft "But an order has been sent to the neighbouring pack, their princess is single and she will be your bride".

I couldn't care less "Okay".

"I know this is hard for you, but I promise to be here with you every step of the way. If the elders weren't clamouring this much, I wouldn't have purposely put you under this much pressure" Her voice was tender, as usual.

"They are a good family, a king and queen directly under us; I did my digging; their daughter is a good girl" At this point, I wanted to be alone.

She sensed it.

"It's going to be fine Kael, it's going to be fine!".