Secrets

That one question

Roger's POV

I'm driving home from the studio. I stayed there way too long talking to Freddie... I wanted to do more than talking though, but he was holding back. And I get it, he probably thinks I'm a player or something. 

But the truth is, I haven't had s*x with anyone since that night Freddie and I shared a couple weeks ago...

So I'm f*****g horny. And spending time alone with Freddie doesn't make it any better...

Dominique tries it on with me all the time, but I just refuse, no matter how horny I am. She can't expect me to have s*x with her when I don't even want to be in a relationship with her. Maybe if I keep refusing she'll get bored and move on. 

Oh f**k. I suddenly remember Dominique told me she wants a baby?? Whatever, probably just another trick to get Freddie jealous. Why would you want kids with someone you know hates you... Jesus, she needs to see a psychologist.

'I'm home!' I call, full of enthusiasm. Not.

'Jesus, what took you so long!' She calls back from upstairs. Freddie.

'We just had a lot of stuff to do...' I lie. It's partly true though.

'Whatever. Come here babe...' she just walked downstairs and wraps her arms around my neck.

'Don't call me that. I don't have the energy to pretend to be the 'happy couple' when no one is around.' I say coldly while I push her away.

'Don't be so grumpy.' She 'innocently' looks at me.

'Stop your pathetic games, Dom.' When is she gonna get that we're never gonna be a real couple again?

'Shut up Rog.' She can be so f*****g stubborn. 'I know you want me...' she kisses me and grabs my hard c**k through my pants. f**k, my hard c**k. That was Freddie's fault, not hers...and all I did was sit on his lap. That already gets me hard. Might as well let Dominique believe it was her. Cuz I'm f*****g horny, and Freddie didn't do anything about it. Dominique is still my 'girlfriend' so I wouldn't hurt anyone by f*****g her...right? I kiss her back and feel her smile against my lips. She wraps her arms around my neck and I pull her closer. Her scent reminds me of when things weren't as complicated, when I was still in love with her and not Freddie...God, I loved her. Loved. I try to hold on to that feeling and block Freddie from my mind. I think about him way too much, I need a break. I push Dom up against a wall and remove the panties she's wearing underneath her skirt. I don't want this to be too meaningful. Because it's not. She rips my trousers and boxers off and I quickly lift her up. She wraps her legs around my waist. I kiss her neck and slowly push into her.

'Roger...' she softly moans. How I wish it was Freddie moaning my name... Jesus Freddie, stop controlling my mind. I start to thrust into her quicker and I groan.

'God, I've missed you' she moans as I pound deep inside of her.

'I hate you..' I mumble into her ear.

'I hate you more.' She groans before kissing me. I run my fingers through her hair. I don't want to, but my mind keeps wandering back to Freddie. It's been about half an hour and I already miss him. Dom pulls back.

'Oh god Roger...' she loudly moans as she scratches at my back and cums. I thrust into her a few more times before I throw my head back and c*m inside of her.

'Freddie..' I loudly moan. f**k. I didn't mean to, but when you're in love with someone you just automatically say their name when you cum..

'What did you just say?' Dominique asks as I pull out of her. I give her a cold stare.

'That's what you get when you force someone who's in love with someone else to stay with you.' I start putting my trousers back on. She sighs but doesn't say anything back.

'By the way, you knew you didn't use a condom, right?' She says with a devilish smile. f**k. My mouth falls open.

'No...' how the f**k did this happen. If she gets pregnant she'll be in my life forever.

'Hmm.' She puts her panties back on and acts all casual as if getting pregnant is nothing to her.

'Dom, what if you get pregnant!?'

'You should've thought about that before you forgot to put on a condom.' She rolls her eyes.

'Why do you act like you don't care!? We can't have kids Dom! You know it!' I'm freaking out. If she gets pregnant I swear to God... 'Can you imagine, a kid with parents that hate each other. What a nice childhood is that gonna be.' I sarcastically laugh. Dominique shakes her head.

'No Rog, I don't hate you. I love you.' She rubs the sides of my arms.

'Jesus, how many times do I have to tell you that if you really loved me you'd let me go!?' I push her away. She opens her mouth to say something but then the phone rings. Of course, right at this moment. Why not. I pick up the phone.

'Hey Rog, it's Brian...' f**k, why is he calling me. We're still kind of in a silent fight so it must be something really important. It better isn't something bad...

'What? What's up?' I anxiously ask. I can hear him take a deep breath.

'Freddie's had an accident.' My heart drops. I gasp. Immediately tears start to well up in my eyes.

'What!? What happened? Is he alright?' I was already freaking out before, but now I feel like I'm suffocating in everything that's happening. I'm suffocating in life.

'A truck hit his car. He's...' His voice cracks.

'He's what!?' I yell. I can't lose Freddie. Not right now. Never. I need him in my life. Even when he can't be mine, I just need to know he's there.

'He has really bad injuries. They're taking him to the intensive care right now. He might not make it through the night...' Brian softly sobs. It feels like my heart was ripped out of my chest, stabbed multiple times and then put back. Then, of course, that one question enters my mind.

'He's...he's going to die?' I carefully ask, not ready to hear the answer.

'I don't know Rog...' Brian asks, while crying softly. My mouth falls wide open and I sob loudly.

'No...no...oh my god!' I scream.

'Shhh Rog, he'll survive. He has to...'

'But what if...' I start, still sobbing.

'No 'what if'. He'll survive.' Bri tries to sound confident, but I can hear he's still crying. I hang up, sink down onto my knees and bury my head in my hands. Freddie can't die. He can't leave me. I need him. I love him so much that it hurts. Then I feel Dominique's hand on my back.

'Roger what is it? Who?' I look up at her very confused and concerned face.

'Freddie...' I say through my sobs. I suddenly realize that I was f*****g my fake ass girlfriend while Freddie almost died. If he's gonna die, I'll never forgive myself for not telling him the truth.

'I need to see him.' I mumble. I get up, wipe my tears away and quickly run out the door. Even Dominique's cold heart will understand that I have to be with Freddie right now.

Freddie's POV

It happened so fast. There was a big crash. It hurts so much. I can't think straight, I'm dizzy and slipping in and out of consciousness. It hurts so much that I don't even have energy left to cry.

. . .

I'm in a bed and there are people all around me yelling things at each other. I can't focus on what they're saying. All I feel is a sharp pain in my left leg, chest and my head. Jesus, my head. I don't remember coming into this room. I must have been unconsciousness for a while.

'We're losing him!' One of the people yells. Good, it hurts so much, I want to die. Why don't they just kill me right now? Please God, let me die.

I start to get a really weird but good feeling. It feels like I'm not really in my body anymore, but I'm flying up to the ceiling of the room. The pain is slowly fading away. I have no idea what's happening, but it feels good. Did they drug me or something? I'm in a corner of the room, and I can see myself lying in a bed with a bunch of people in white coats around me busy with attaching a lot of machines to my body. I'm definitely hallucinating. But I'm not scared, this feels like the most normal thing ever. It almost feels real...I want to fly away completely, but it's like something is holding me back. But I don't remember anything. It's frustrating. 

I don't care anymore, all I want is to get away from that body as far as possible right now. I don't want that horrible pain to return.

Suddenly I'm not in the room anymore, but in a tunnel. It's quiet. Not creepy quiet, peacefully quiet. I'm all alone. At the end of the tunnel is a bright light. This must be real, drugs don't do this. I start flying towards it and see that it's not just a light, but a place made out of a beautiful warm golden light. I stand at the edge of the tunnel, ready to fly away. Is this Heaven? If it is, did I die? I'm not sure but one thing I do know, I never want to leave. I don't feel any pain, mentally and physically. I haven't felt this happy in a long f*****g time. Suddenly I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I turn around and see a man dressed in white, no, a man made out of the same light as the rest of this place.

'It's not your time yet.' He says. Or says, he didn't open his mouth but I can still hear him. He comes across very calm. But why is he trying to stop me? Why wouldn't he want someone to go to this place? I don't even know him.

'Why? Is this real?' I ask. Somehow I don't need to open my mouth either.

'Yes, this is very real. You have to think about all the people you're gonna leave behind.' I'm starting to feel a little confused.

'People I'm gonna leave behind...?'

I don't remember anything..or anyone. I frown. I can't imagine I'd wanna go somewhere else.

'You had a car accident, Freddie. If you fly away you're gonna leave everyone behind.' It isn't like he's pushing me, but the things he's saying are making me feel very uneasy. I'm starting to remember the crash. And...someone. And how the f**k does this unknown man know my name?

'I don't get it...am I dying?' I wanna stay here so bad.

'Yes.' He simply says. If dying feels like this I should've done it a long time ago.

'Don't go, Freddie, he needs you.' The man gives me a warm smile. Suddenly I know who I'm gonna leave behind. I can't do that to him. Or myself. I couldn't be happy without him, even when I'm in Heaven. I need him.

Roger.