Milena (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER IX: Mimi's Misery

In one snap, she stole my heart. Then broke it in half.

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Year 2006.

Another bad morning. I woke up from a loud sound from our neighbor’s karaoke singing, “Oh thinking about all our younger years... there was only you and me… we were young and wild and free…” Our neighbor must be thinking he’s a great singer like Bryan Adams! I checked my watch and it’s just 6 AM! Too early to sing like a frustrated nightingale! I felt furious because I slept late last night, and that song infuriates me! That’s the song Azil sang to me on our first date and it angered me now because I don’t want to remember our happy moments together!

Azil’s not talking to me anymore! Few months from now, we’ll graduate from senior high but then this happened to us! We were happy for almost 2 years and 6 months and I don’t know what made her changed her mind. I remembered celebrating our 30th month together last month. We’re talking and laughing and planning about our future. And when I woke up the next day, my worst nightmare happened! She avoided me like I’m the plague. Why? Did I do something wrong? I approached her in so many ways. I looked like an i***t for asking her attention, her friends made fun of me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t know that loving really makes you stupid.

I stood up from my bed. I couldn’t continue my sleep because of the noise so I decided to start preparing for class. I ate two slices of toasted French breads and drank a cup of hot chocolate milk. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and took a quick bath.

I decided to take a walk to school. It’s still early and I wanted to enjoy the feel of the fresh morning air. While walking, I imagined different scenarios that might happen today. Will it be like yesterday or the days before where Azil keeps avoiding me? Or will we return to normal? If she wanted to break up with me, she should make it official and talk to me directly. Not like this! She left me hanging and wondering what status we have right now.

Before and after class, she’s nowhere to be found. And during our classes, she’s always with her friends; the popular ones. She returned to her old ways, participating in the queen bees and spoiled brats’ group. They always seek attention from people, especially the boys. They are so very pleased with themselves and treated everyone like their slaves. Acting pleased with themselves and treating others like trash!

After an hour of senselessly walking, I decided to go to the library. Before our first class started, I made three blue paper roses for my baby. Each one of them has a note attached to the stem, “I LOVE YOU”, “I AM SORRY”, and “I MISS YOU”. I apologized to her several times, even though I didn’t know the reason why I should be sorry. I thought maybe I made her mad without me knowing it. But maybe, the only wrong thing I did in my life was stupidly loving her.

I went inside our classroom and looked around. There’s no sign of Azil and her friends. I laid the paper roses on her chair, making sure no one saw me. I sat back on my chair located far from them. Minutes passed and there she was, laughing with her circle of pretentious friends, as they entered the room. Azil’s smile brighten up my gloomy day. She’s truly a goddess! She saw the paper roses. From the handwriting and from the color of the paper, she knew that it’s from me. I tried to see her reaction, but her friends already swarmed around her.

The morning bell rang, indicating that the class will start soon. The teacher went inside our room and locked the doors. I looked away from Azil and took out my things then started listening to our teacher. Halfway during class, I felt this urge to look again at her direction. I felt like there’s someone staring at me. And I’m right. I caught her looking at me. I don’t know why, but I sweetly smiled at her. Hoping that my smile will let her know that I still love her, and I miss her so much! But as expected, she just raised an eyebrow at me and went back listening and jotting down notes. Well, at least she looked at me, making my day complete. From the day she avoided me, this was the first time I caught her looking at me.

During our lunch break, I planned to ask Azil to have lunch with me, but my friends shouted my name and invited me to have lunch with them. Zec offered to buy our lunch today. I looked back at Azil, I was about to invite her to join us, but her friends already dragged her to the opposite direction. My eyes followed them as they started talking and laughing again. Azil was holding the paper roses I gave her, and she looked back at me before walking with her friends.

My heart shattered into small pieces when I saw her threw the roses on a trash bin. Her friends laughed and looked back at me. Tears started to fall from my eyes. I can’t handle being their laughing stock. I ran away from their stares. I ignored my friends that were asking me to go back. I ran and ran, ignoring other students being mad at me for bumping them without care. I felt that my heart wants to explode from sadness, from anger, and from being a total loser. I can’t breathe. Is this the end of us? She doesn’t care about me anymore. No! I can’t live without her! For her, I was like that rose, a simple trash. I didn’t have value. I am nothing!

I crossed the busy street with blurred vision from crying. The loud honking of a car startled me! I felt like I’m losing grip on reality. My body froze, as I waited for the car to hit me, accepting that this is the end of me. Somehow, I felt relieved, thinking that the pain of my broken heart will soon be over. I closed my eyes. I wanted to end this pain and to not let her hurt me even more. But someone pushed me away, so that the car won’t hit me.

My guardian angel? Nope. Zec, my best friend, who risked getting hurt just to save me. We got scratches from hitting the ground, so our friends helped us walk to the clinic and clean our wounds. Each of them gave me a hard slap on the back of my head. They were scolding me, but I can’t hear them. I felt numb physically and emotionally. The only thing I feel is the pain from my broken heart. I reached home almost half-sane. I locked myself in my bedroom, took off my uniform and threw them somewhere along with my eyeglasses. I went under my blanket and lulled myself to sleep.

The next morning, I couldn’t get up. My body’s too lazy to prepare for school. It’s a long weekend for students starting tomorrow. The school events will start soon so I thought I could skip school today. The events will be a month-long celebration. Enough time for me to be lazy and not join any school activities starting next week.

I winced a little as the scratches on my arms and my cheeks started to hurt. I can take this pain. This is nothing compared to my heartache. I put my hand over my chest, checking if my heart is still beating because I can’t feel it. Azil’s my heart and she’s now gone. I forced myself to sleep again. I didn’t want to remember what happened yesterday. Flashes of her throwing my gift was like throwing my heart unto the trash repeatedly. I slept for a while. I groaned when I felt something cold and soft touching on my face down to my arms. I opened my eyes and Zec’s worried face greeted me.

“What are you doing here, Zec?”

“Why are you absent today? Are you feeling unwell? Our friends were so worried when they didn’t find you at class today. You didn’t even reply to their messages. I came here to check on you. I’ve checked your body temperature and your fever is high. What are you doing, Lena? Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“I don’t need to kill myself. Someone already did.”

“Why are you being so stupid over one girl? There were so many out there making their efforts to make you see them!”

“No! I don’t need them! There’s no other love that can compare to what I have for Azil!”

“You didn’t even try liking other people and you eagerly said no? Did you ever try to kiss someone other than that spoiled brat? How could you say that no one could compare to her? You didn’t even try working it with someone else!”

I was going to say something when she stopped me by kissing me! I was stunned! Her kiss is different from Azil’s passionate kisses! This one was rough, too aggressive! It’s like she’s telling me that she’s in charge and I didn’t have a choice but to kiss her back. I didn’t want to respond to her kiss! I pushed her away but she’s too strong. Her arms hooked around my neck as she pulled her body closer to mine. I have a high fever and she’s taking advantage of that! I can’t even lift my arm to push her hard away from me. She bit my lip hard. I didn’t want to open my mouth! I tasted my own blood. She suddenly stopped when I mumbled, “Stop, you’re hurting me, Zec!”

“Sorry. I waited for this to happen. I wanted to kiss you since the day I met you.”, She said as her fingers touched my wounded lips and then she pulled me closer to her, making her tongue licked along the outline of my lips. I pushed her away again and she retreated this time.

She cupped my cheeks and stared at me, “Why are you so crazy loving that spoiled brat? I’m here…”, she paused then said, “...and I love you!”

I sighed deeply. My best friend’s secretly in love with me! What to do?!