Milena (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER X: Secret Love

Her heart’s broken because of the words left unspoken.

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“Why are you so crazy loving that spoiled brat? I’m here and I love you.”

I didn’t expect to hear those words from her. How could you tell if your best friend is in love with you? Zec’s always been there for me when I needed her. She always finds time for me even she’s juggling so many things. But that’s what friends do, right? I already lost the love of my life and I don’t want to lose my best friend too.

“I’m sorry Zec… I love you too.”, I looked at her intently, and continued, “But only as a best friend. As a sister. Please, I don’t want to lose you…”

She ran off without hearing me out completely. I want to run after her. But I couldn’t lift my body, I feel too heavy and sleepy. The fever took over control my body and my vision suddenly went dark.

The next morning, I woke up with my eyes hurt and there were traces of tears in my cheeks. And, I think I overslept a little. I checked the time, it’s still early and I could attend my first class if I wanted to. I hesitated at first, but I like to see Azil one last time before letting her go. Yes, I’ve decided to let her go. Missing her is inevitable though she continues to hurt me over and over again. This stupid heart of mine still beats for her! Remembering her, hurts so much! I wanted to scream and cry and threw things just to lessen the pain. I would rather be punched and burned alive by Azil if she wanted to than be hurt like this without knowing the reason why she’s doing this to me. A wound can be patched up by bandages, but what about a wounded heart?

I arrived late for our first class, but our teacher didn’t saw me entered the back door. I asked my classmate who’s seating near the door, if he could switch positions with me. My chair’s somewhere in the middle of the room and I didn’t want to attract more attention. I saw Azil looked at the guy who sat on my chair. I don’t know if I’m the one she’s looking for when she looked around the room. Our eyes met, and I caught a glimpse of smile on her face. Was that real? Or am I imagining things? I looked away, I have no time debating whether it’s a smile or not. Our teacher gave a surprise exam. Luckily, I could still recall some of his lessons and this is an English subject, so this is easy peasy lemon squeezy!

After our exam, my next subject is Home Economics. I am rattled when I can’t find my notebook, so I skipped class. I can’t remember where I put it the last time. I’m pretty sure I didn’t remove it from my bag and I never leave my notebooks in my locker. Hmm... I remembered doing research in the library. Maybe I can find it in there. I ate my lunch first before heading to the library. I planned to go home early and locked myself in my room. I’m satisfied seeing Azil for one last time. Yes, this is the last time. I need to love myself first. If I keep on wishing that she’ll talk to me again, I’ll never make myself happy. Zec was right. I can’t find another love if I will not let go of this stupid feeling first. Could I unloved her? Every time I close my eyes, I could still feel her lips on mine. All the memories I have with her, keeps crawling back. I could still smell her intoxicating scent, and I could still feel her warm touch on my skin. I don’t know if I could stop myself from loving someone who left me with so much to remember. I wonder when this will hurt end and if I would ever be able to go back and start from the very beginning when I didn’t know what love is.

I quietly moved around the library to search for my notebook. I asked every person there but can’t find it. I felt nervous, we’re required to submit that by end of day. Before I could exit the library, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back inside and dragged me to the corner of the room where no one could see us. I panicked because it’s too dark in there. I was about to hit this person with my elbow, when she spoke up, “I miss you.” Am I dreaming? The first person I thought would never speak to me again, was here right in front of me. Ironically, at the same moment that I convinced myself that I would prioritize my happiness above everything else. Including her.