Milena (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER XI: Goodbye

I wanted to say goodbye before you can leave again without telling me.

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Are you kidding me?! Is this some type of a game to you?! Those were the words I wanted to scream at her face! But, instead, I removed her hand away from my arm. She walked closer and tried to give me a quick hug, but I flinched backward. I saw hurt flashed from her eyes, but I ignored it, I’m hurt too. I knew that I miss her, but my body reacted to her touch like she’s a total stranger. Maybe because, I already convinced myself to love itself first. We sat on the floor, leaving enough space between us. I acted calm and collected being alone with her. But deep inside, being with her like this, made me nervous! I avoided looking at her and just waited for her to speak.

“I went to your house the day you gave me these”, she knelt in front of me, opened her bag and let me peek inside. My paper roses. How? I saw her threw them away that day while her friends laughed at my miserable state. I gave her a questioning look.

“I went back and get it from the trash when my so-called-friends were not looking.”

She hugged me again. I drew in her sweet scent. I really miss this girl. She embraced me tighter. Her arms wrapped around my waist and her head on my chest. I could feel that she wanted to cry but she tried holding back her tears.

“I went to your house that day, but when I was about to knock, I felt scared. I don’t know if I could take it if you scream or slap me or threw things at me. I saw the rage in your eyes when you saw me throw your gift. I saw the hurt and sadness when my so-called-friends started to laugh. I got scared, afraid that you’ve had enough of my actions and I won’t be forgiven. I went back yesterday, to check up on you because you didn’t attend our class. But I saw Zec crying while running away from your house. I thought that I shouldn’t interrupt whatever it was that is happening between you and your best friend, so I decided to go back home. And earlier, I thought you will not attend the class again. I got worried. I miss you, baby. I’m so sorry if I avoided you these past few days. I have reasons that I couldn’t tell you now. But I wanted you to know, that I avoided you because of those reasons and not because I stopped loving you.”

I slightly pushed her away from me. I didn’t want to hear her stupid alibis. My mind didn’t want to believe her lies. “You can avoid me publicly if that’s what you wanted. But you could’ve told me first, right? You never heard of the word respect? I looked like an i***t following you all day and night just to talk to you! All the things you said to me now, you could’ve easily said that before you and your friends made me your laughing stock! And what now? Do you think I could forgive you by saying you misses me and still loves me? Let’s say I could forgive you now, but what will you do tomorrow? You and your friends will start making fun of me again, right? Do you think I’m that stupid? I can still feel pain you know! And it is f*****g hurts, Eliza!”

I stood up and was about to leave her. She grabbed my arm, “Please, Mimi… baby... I’m sorry…”

She's crying again but I didn’t want to forgive her… Not yet... Not now… I hated that I still love her! I didn’t know that’s possible. Loving and hating at the same time. My heart’s glad knowing that she still loves me but my mind’s telling me that she’s just playing with my emotions. For now, I couldn’t accept her explanation. I didn’t mind when she went back with her pretentious friends. But to flirt with random guys? Oh, come on! That’s offensive! Azil knew I still love her and I’m jealous and hurt. Her friends constantly made fun of me, they spread the rumors that I am Azil’s stalker and so obsess with her. They said that Azil’s disgusted by me and she would never like girls. Maybe someone knew about our secret and Azil’s making damage control Yes, she might have reasons but whatever they might be, she could’ve told me that before she avoided me. I removed her hand and never looked back. If I saw her crying, I would stupidly act again based on my emotions. Surprisingly, as I walked out of the library, not a single tear fell from my eyes.