Manipulation at its finest.

Are You A Manipulator?

Yes.

Don't try to tell yourself you're not, you may not have intended to but you have for sure even just once manipulated someone or something in your life.

It's okay to admit it, healthy even! Denial, however, is the automatic response and maybe that's because you can't accept the truth that you are just like that man down the street, the woman who lives next to you and the children you see on your daily communes.

So you're a manipulator, maybe a small one maybe a large one. I'll suggest there's like 4% of people who aren't manipulators but are victims.

2% who are not manipulators and not victims.

Just know this, not all manipulative people are monsters.

If you're now realising "Yeah I'm a manipulator..." that's good! It's progress. I'd be surprised if you did realise so soon though, I think it usually takes living what feels like a thousand lifetimes to even consider that option.

Now that you're starting to accept this fact, maybe you're not and you'll skip this chapter or just read it for fun, but I'm going to assume you are still reading it and if that is indeed the case then here's my advice.

Think over the things you believe are manipulative, whether it's manipulating your boyfriend to buy you food (guilty!) to manipulating your coworkers to believe you're doing work when you're not. Once you've thought about it consider why you do it; boredom? fun? feels normal?

By identifying your type of manipulation and then focusing on why you do them the next steps, I believe, become easier.

Stopping.

Of course, I could say "Just stop!" but that wouldn't be enough, would it? because if we could just stop we probably all would have already right? Well, that's why I'm not going to say that.

Stopping yourself from manipulating starts with small steps and I've made a list.

1. You can tell someone you're hungry but don't look at them longingly, don't overstate it or repeat that you are. If they offer ask them if they mind and say that you will pay them back. (Which you actually will do if you want to stop being manipulative.)

2. When someone says no to you take it as a no. Depending on the situation it is almost all the time that you are requesting something from someone else and in that case when they say no or stop then don't continue to plead.

3. It will be hard to do these steps especially when it's something you desperately want but that's why this step is more important, start to accept that you can't get what you want through manipulation and start asking less. If you see something you want tell the person and if they say no, accept it and take a photo of the thing you want to get it yourself another time.

4. This step is not required but it does help and can ease you into stopping your manipulation.

Compromise. Ask them if you can have it and if they say no make a compromise such as you will pay half and they pay half, if you're broke (like I often am!) tell them you will pay them back and write it down. Of course, only if it's something small, if the person trusts you enough they should accept that.

Honestly, I'm still learning how to stop myself and these are the steps I've been using. It's gotten better! At least that's what my boyfriend says haha! I still ask for things but when he says no firmly I'm starting to accept it more. The continuous pleading though? I'm still struggling not to do that and tone it down.

It helps to remind myself that he's not better than me financially either, making me rethink asking for things.

That's all I can think of right now! But I'll let you know if I remember more, I really hope these steps help.