Demons within: Chapter 4: when my world went up side down
850 Words
So when I got the call I was outside waiting for my car to come and then. the phone rang and it was the guy with my car saying that my car broke down and wasn't able to pick me up so I had to walk home that day The guy that had my car I didn't see for a few days I kept calling you didn't answer then out of the blue he showed up saying that my car was still broke down he hung out for a little bit but then ended up leaving. but I found out later he was just there to go get my pink slip that I left on top of my refrigerator. he ended up taking my car selling it. I found out from his brother that later that year passed away. after not having a car I went downhill and didn't want to go to work I ended up living to see my place because I lost my job so because I was letting the d**g takeover. after everything I had got taken away from me I told my family I needed help and wanted to go into a recovery program at that point I had two boys under the age of four I asked her dad if they could take them until I got my stuff together he agreed of course. I went into the recovery home I was there for about 6 months My kids would visit every weekend but they kept asking that they wanted to stay in the recovery home did not let us have kids stay so that was my excuse to leave. I ended up leaving blaming it on them for not letting my kids be there I wasn't going to be there even though the true facts were that I just didn't want to deal with life I just wanted to go get high. so that's what I ended up doing I went back out I was homeless running the streets putting myself in situations. people would steal from me people tried to set me up. I was in and out of relationships cuz I couldn't trust anybody. And I would always pick relationships that I knew the outcome because if I knew it was going to happen I would be ready for it I didn't like the unknown so I would always pick relationships that were not the best for me at all. they would use me they would hit on me they would disrespect me and they would always try to have me sell my body I did this for good few years until I met my second baby's dad I was running from a situation I asked him for his help to get out of that situation and you told me well I'll help you but you have to help me too I said whatever I don't care as long as I get out of this one so he said I chose up I didn't even think at the time what that meant but I was just trying to get away from where I was at. it was the longest year in my life being with my second baby's dad I ended up prostituting and you would have girls in and out of the house. he would hit me he would choke me about 6 months into our relationship I found out that I was pregnant I didn't go to the doctor for about 4 months after that so when I went to the doctor I was already 4 months pregnant and I was using constantly at this point I ended up starting to shoot up I was like 90 lb soaking wet and then 5'6 so just think about how skinny I was. so when I went to the doctor I found out that my son had hydrocephalus, That's water and the brain if you didn't know I was mad, because the doctor asked me if I wanted to get rid of him because if he had hydrocephalus he probably had something else wrong as well, I told him no and if anything was else is wrong God will help me through it so we ended up making an appointment to do the test where they stick and needle in your stomach and test the baby by poking the baby as well it's a scary procedure the slightest move could kill the baby I found out nothing else is wrong with the baby I was happy but sad at the same time because I told myself this is what I get why does that have to happen to my son though he didn't do nothing to deserve this I still use for about two more months and I had to get away from the person I was with to have my son clean so about a month before he was born I went to my mother's house everything was okay I was sober I was staying away from my ex but I was having problems left and right with my pregnancy.
- Writer
