No Way Out (COMPLETED)

17

The chime above the cafe door rang, and I automatically glanced up from the counter. My heart skipped a beat — like it always did when I saw him, no matter how much time had passed.

Hindi niya ako kinontact simula noong huli kaming nagkita 3 days ago, at hindi ko rin naman nahingi ang number niya kaya hindi ko rin siya maitext o matawagan. I also checked if he has a social media account pero wala akong mahanap na Judas Mondragon, so I gave up.

I was expecting a letter from him again, but instead, I received something better — a visit from him.

Judas stood there, hands in his pockets, looking almost out of place against the warm, inviting interior of my cafe. His hair was still a mess, his hoodie slightly oversized, and the cautious look in his eyes was hard to miss.

"Hey," sabi ko, my voice soft, careful.

"Hey," balik niya, almost as soft.

There was an awkward pause hanggang sa nag-decide siyang lumapit sa akin sa counter.

"I was thinking... do you want to grab coffee? There's this new place on the other street."

Napataas ang kilay ko, but I couldn't help but smile because of his awkwardness.

"Naglakad ka papunta sa cafe ko para yayain akong uminom ng kape sa ibang cafe?"

"I— yeah. I just thought... maybe you'd want a change of scenery." Yumuko siya, halata ang pagkapahiya.

"Bakit? Pangit ba sa cafe ko?" biro ko, crossing my arms.

His eyes widened. "No! No, of course not. Your cafe's... it's... really nice." His hand rubbed the back of his neck.

"I just— I didn't want to intrude. This is your space."

Napahinto ako saglit. That kind of consideration from Judas was new, and it both touched and surprised me. Hindi ko namalayang humawak ako sa dibdib ko, parang nalusaw ang puso ko.

"You're not intruding," I assured him. "Actually, mas gusto kong dito na lang tayo. It's only me and Amelia today. Ayaw ko siyang iwan mag-isa."

"Are you sure?" Kita ko pa rin ang pag-aalinlangan sa mukha niya, parang gusto niya akong pasayahin pero hindi rin niya gustong guluhin ang mundo ko.

"I'm sure." Ngumiti ako. "Besides, our coffee beans are all from Batangas. We're the best cafe here!"

That finally earned a small chuckle from him, and I felt the air lighten just a little.

"Alright," he said softly. "Dito na lang."

Nagpaalam ako kay Amelia na siya na muna ang bahala mag-asikaso sa customers, but she can always call me if she needs me. Taimtim niyang sinilip si Judas bago siya ngumiti at tumango sa akin. She knows a portion of what happened to me and him, and I know she's not comfortable with Judas, she doesn't trust him. Ganoon pa man, she trusts me.

I smiled back and whispered, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she smiled. "Dalhan ko kayo ng kape pagkatapos ko dito." Itinuro niya ang inaayos niyang mga pastry. I smiled and patted her head.

Dinala ko si Judas sa maliit na office ko sa likod ng cafe — hindi kalakihan, pero comfortable enough. May maliit na sofa sa gilid, bookshelves na puno ng random books and notebooks, at isang coffee table na may bahagyang tumpok ng paperwork na hindi ko pa naayos.

It was my little sanctuary, and inviting Judas here felt... intimate, in a way that words couldn't fully capture. It's crazy that I feel this way, considering that we have lived together before. And I know, it's because the situation has changed.

Umupo siya sa sofa, obvious na medyo stiff, parang hindi pa rin makapaniwalang nandito siya. I sat on my office chair, facing him. For a moment, walang nagsalita. Just the quiet hum of the cafe outside the door, and the weight of our shared history sitting between us.

"Bakit mo ba ako gustong dalhin sa ibang cafe?" tanong ko sa wakas, breaking the silence.

He shifted uncomfortably, his fingers playing with the hem of his hoodie. Gosh, I never knew I'd see the day that Judas would be... uncomfortable. He'd always been the type to know what he wants, he used to speak his mind so confidently.

"Ayoko lang... na matakot ka."

"Why?" I asked softly.

"Andy..." mahina ang boses niya, nakayuko pa rin at nakatitig sa sariling mga kamay imbes na sa mga mata ko.

"I know this place is your safe space. I didn't want to bring any bad memories here. And I wanted to meet you somewhere public — somewhere na alam mong hindi kita pwedeng basta na lang hilahin at itakbo."

There was no bitterness in his voice, just honesty. And it hit me — how much effort he was putting into making sure I felt safe. He wasn't just here to see me. He was here to prove something, to show me that this time, I am the one in control.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing myself to smile.

"Thank you for thinking about that. But you don't have to walk on eggshells around me forever, you know."

"Still.." sabi niya, "..gusto kong gawin nang tama lahat ngayon. And I'll start with the little things."

Bago pa ako makasagot, kumatok sa pinto si Amelia.

"Knock knock! Here's your coffee," sabi niya, at itinulak ang pinto para buksan ito.

"Mukhang seryoso usapan dito ah." Basag niya sa mabigat na ambiance sa loob ng opisina.

Natawa ako, shaking my head. "Yeah."

"Thank you." Ngumiti si Judas sa kanya matapos niyang ilapag ang kape sa harap nito.

"No problem." Pilit na ngumiti si Amelia kay Judas bago bumaling sa akin. "Ikaw, hindi ka magpapasalamat?"

Tinaasan ako ng kilay nito na lalo kong ikinatawa.

"Thank you, Amelia!"

"Hmp!" Ismid niya sa akin habang nakangiti. Pagkabigay ng kape ay umalis na din siya.

I know she still hates him, and I know she doesn't agree with my decision to reconnect with him, but she's a friend more than an employee. Alam kong kahit ayaw niya, pinipilit niya akong unawain. And I appreciate her for that.

The tension eased just a bit after that, and I felt my shoulders relax. Judas smiled, a little shy but genuine, and I realized how much I missed seeing that smile.

"She hates me. But she loves you so much," Judas commented.

"She doesn't want you here," I smiled, too. "But she knows my feelings for you, so..."

Mabilis uminit ang mukha ko nang mamalayan kung ano ang sinabi ko. Gusto ko sana itong bawiin pero nang mapatingin ako kay Judas, pulang pula rin ang mukha niya at nakaawang ang bibig. Tila nagulat din sa sinabi ko.

"I-I.. I.." Pilit akong humanap ng mga salitang dapat sabihin, pero wala akong nasabi.

Bumuntong hininga ako at pumikit. f**k, I don't want to rush this... pero ayoko ring magsinungaling.

We have been apart for so long, I don't want to waste time anymore.

So I leaned back in my chair, breathing in deeply as I prepared myself to make the biggest confession of my life.

"I love you." I said it quick, not giving myself time to think twice.

Lalo lang nalaglag ang panga ni Judas.

"I still do... I never stopped..." bulong ko at yumuko sa desk ko para umiwas sa titig niya. I tried to be brave but in the end, it's still embarassing! Kaya itinago ko na ang mukha ko bago pa lumala ang pamumula nito.

But minutes passed by and he still hadn't responded. My heart raced. Nagsimula akong makaramdam ng panliliit.

Am I the only one who hasn't moved on? Nag-iba na ba ng feelings para sa akin si Judas? Is he here only to apologize, but not rekindle the love we once had? Nag-assume lang ba ako?

Habang tumatagal na wala siyang sinasabi, mas lalong dumadami ang tumatakbo sa isip ko, and I can't take it anymore. Sobra na ang pagkapahiyang nararamdaman ko kaya agad kong ibinalik ang tingin ko sa kanya. I need him to respond!

"f**k, Jude! Just f*****g say somethi—" Pero agad naputol ang mga salita ko nang makita ko siyang lumuluha.

"A-Ah," mabilis kong dinampot ang tissue at nilapitan siya. Agad kong tinuyo ang mga luha niya habang nag-eexplain.

"S-Sorry, I shouldn't have. It's too early for me to say all this... I'm sorry."

Patuloy ang pag-iyak nito, mahigpit ang hawak sa sarili niyang hoodie.

"Totoo ba ang sinabi mo, Andy..." tanong nito, his eyes full of hope.

Lumuhod ako sa harapan niya at hinawakan ang kamay niyang nanginginig na pala.

"Yes," I confessed, staring right into his orbs.

Biglaan ay isang mahigpit at mainit na yakap ang bumalot sa katawan ko. My body immediately relaxed upon contact with his. I smiled and leaned into his body, inhaling the familiar scent that my brain never forgot even after all these years.

"I love you, too..." Humahagulgol na si Judas. "I love you so much, too... It was murder being away from you for so long..."

Lalong humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin, niyakap ko siya pabalik at hinimas ang likod nito.

"I missed you so much, Jude.." I whispered. He kissed me hard on my temple, his arms never unwrapping from my body. I heard him deeply inhale my scent, as if it was the first time he had breathed in a long time.

"Fuck." He murmured shakily. "Me, too, baby.."