No Way Out (COMPLETED)

18

The late afternoon sun bathed everything in soft gold, and the air smelled like popcorn, grilled hotdogs, and cotton candy.

Sobrang tagal na mula nung huli akong nakapunta sa amusement park — maybe since I was a kid. I was never really interested in places like this. Pero ngayon, even without the rides or the food stalls, I'm already having a nice time.

Because my eyes were glued to Andy.

I'm done meeting with him inside enclosed spaces. Kaya nung tinanong ko siya kung saan niya gustong pumunta at sinabi niyang dito sa amusement park, I immediately agreed.

He walked a few steps ahead of me, eyes wide like a kid seeing the world for the first time. He held a plastic cup of slushy — bright blue, the kind that stains your tongue — and he was humming some random tune. There was a bounce in his step, and his smile came so easily, so naturally, it almost hurt to look at.

He looks so... free.

And that's when it hit me, right in the chest — how many things I stole from him.

Lumunok ako nang madiin at itinago ang mga kamay ko sa bulsa ng jacket ko. My fingers curled into fists, my nails digging into my palms, trying to punish myself silently. Matagal ko nang naproseso ang mga ginawa ko. Matagal ko nang tinanggap na hindi ako mabuting tao at sinira ko ang buhay niya — but man, he still makes me realize so much.

Even without saying a word, just watching him makes me feel so f*****g horrible. But I love him so much, at kung hahayaan kong mastuck ako sa nakaraan, hindi kami parehas makakausad. I want to be the man he deserves — and I'll work hard to be that person.

Andy stopped walking, so I stopped too. I watched his back, his hair glowing under the setting sun. I sighed and smiled, no thoughts in my head. All I knew was I wanted to hold his hand, to wrap my arm around his waist like some normal boyfriend — pero may part pa rin sa akin na natatakot.

What if this is all temporary? What if Andy wakes up one day and realizes I'm just a reminder of his worst days?

"Jude! Tara, pasok tayo dito!" Andy's voice broke through my thoughts. He was pointing at a stupid haunted house — one of those cheap ones with fake cobwebs and mannequins na halatang luma na.

"Why aren't you answering?" Tinusok niya ang tagiliran ko, tila ba nang-aasar. "Takot ka ba?" His grin was wide, eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Takot? Sa ganito? Please." I rolled my eyes, but my heart skipped a beat at how playful he sounded. Hindi ko mapigilang mapangisi, kaya tinusok niya ulit ako sa tagiliran.

"Nakuuu!" Tuloy pa rin siya sa pang-aasar.

Without warning, he grabbed my wrist and dragged me toward the entrance. I was too shocked to react, kaya kinagat ko ang labi ko para pigilan ang pagmumura. But even then, I felt my cheeks heat up.

His skin was warm against mine, and that one small touch sent heat rushing up my neck. After all the f*****g therapy, bakit ganito pa rin epekto niya sa akin? After everything, he still makes me feel like a lovesick teenager.

Inside the haunted house, Andy clung to my arm — pretending to be scared, pero alam kong nagpapalusot lang siya para makadikit. And I let him, because I wanted it too. Every brush of his fingers, every press of his side against mine, felt like a gift I didn't deserve. My pulse hammered in my throat, and my breath felt short, pero I forced myself to act cool. I can't show him how much I'm loving this. I can't give him a reason to freak out.

I am still as obsessed with him — maybe even more than before. Pero ayoko siyang takutin. I came back to his life to be the partner he deserves. So I just gripped his hand a little harder and did nothing else.

The horror house was not scary at all. If I came alone, it would have been boring, but the experience was a 10/10 because of the person that was holding my hand the entire time.

When we stumbled back into the sunlight, laughing like idiots, Andy was slightly out of breath, his face flushed and glistening with sweat. Hindi ko mapigilang mapatitig. His hair was a little messy, his lips stained blue from the slushy, and he was smiling so wide — f**k, that smile — it makes me so weak.

He caught me staring. "What?"

"Nothing," mabilis kong sagot, turning away. But my ears were burning.

"Liar," he teased, poking my side again. "Sabihin mo na, ang cute ko 'no?"

My laugh came out awkward. "Nah."

"Suplado ka pa rin," he said, his grin still so wide.

I know he knows what I truly think. I never felt shy telling him back then. I made sure to tell him every single day — and I'm happy he remembers.

The sky started turning purple as we continued to wander around, playing games, eating junk food, and just being together. Bawat ngiti at tawa niya, every little happy sigh and glance my way, felt like a knife to my chest — because I still don't believe I deserve any of it. But I'm greedy enough to take it all. Gusto kong kabisaduhin ang bawat segundong lumilipas. Gusto ko siyang pasayahin. Gusto kong bawiin ang lahat ng kasalanan at pahirap na idinulot ko sa kanya.

I'm lucky to be given a second chance after so much f**k-up, and I'm not wasting this opportunity.

But I'm still scared.

Scared that one day, he'll remember everything I did to him — and walk away.

But right now, under this night sky, with his fingers casually brushing mine as we walked, I let myself believe.

Even just for tonight — Andy is mine again.

Nilabanan ko ang pag-aalinlangan na nararamdaman ko at walang pag-aatubiling hinawakan ang kamay niya, kaya napatigil siya sa paglalakad at tumingin sa akin. Nilakasan ko ang loob ko, especially when I didn't see fear or hesitation in his eyes. All I saw was hope and longing — emotions I knew mirrored what was in my own eyes.

I intertwined our fingers, our eyes still locked. Nang tuluyang magdikit ang mga palad namin, ngumiti siya at isinandal ang noo sa dibdib ko. I knew he could hear my loud heartbeat, and I didn't even try to hide it.

"Thank you for giving me the chance to make it right..." Bulong ko. "I promise to give you all the freedom you'll ever need — and more."

Binitawan niya ang kamay ko at iniyakap ang dalawang braso sa bewang ko, his head still resting on my chest. Niyakap ko siya pabalik, still nervous because I am not sure if this will be the last time I get to do it.

"Ang sama-sama ko..." Mahina niyang sabi, but I felt his voice vibrate through my chest. Nakaramdam ako ng kaba sa binitawan niyang mga salita.

Will this night end with him telling me he can't be with me after all?

"B-Bakit?" I asked nervously. Lalo lang nadagdagan ang kaba ko nang tumingala siya mula sa dibdib ko at nakita kong luhaan ang mga mata niya.

"H-Hey..." Agad kong pinunasan ang luha sa mukha niya. "What's wrong?"

"Ang sama ko..." Bigla siyang humagulgol, kaya lalo akong nag-panic. Regardless of the impending doom I am feeling, I am more concerned of him. Kaya naman dinala ko siya sa isang bench sa ilalim ng puno at pinaupo doon.

"Why, Andy?" I asked, concerned.

"You tried so hard to change, but... I miss your obsession with me," he confessed. And I felt like my jaw fell to the ground.

"I wish you were still as possessive of me." He mercilessly continued, not wanting to give me time to recuperate.

"I want you to keep me all to yourself. I want you to want to see me every day, ask me out every day, ask me to sleep with you, live with you. I want you to tell me you love me." Sunod-sunod niyang pag-amin habang pinupunasan ang sariling mga luha. I couldn't even do it for him — my body felt boneless, like I was in shock. I couldn't even come up with a response.

"J-Jude?" Tawag niya sa pangalan ko, sabay hawak sa kamay ko. Instinctively, I held onto his hand like my life depended on it.

"I'm sorry if I'm not as chaste as I used to be when you first liked me. And I'm sorry if it looks like I don't appreciate all your hard work — na parang basta-basta ko na lang itinatapon ang sarili ko sa 'yo. I know you want to take your time, and I want that too. I just love you so much..."

He is staring at me with nervousness in his eyes. Kabaligtaran ko, parang napakakalmado ng puso ko pag-katapos kong marinig ang mga sinabi niya. All my fear, hesitation, and doubt left my body in an instant. With just his words — and those beautiful eyes — he gave me the assurance of a lifetime.

"f**k, baby..." It was all I could say. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya, at agad sumilay ang malapad na ngiti sa labi niya.

"Y-You called me baby!" Excited niyang sabi.

"I did." I grinned and pulled him in for a tight hug. Mabilis niya akong niyakap pabalik.

"Because you are my baby."