Of Dark & Light: Acceptance

Magic is an immeasurable science. We are not meant to understand.  Flames coming up the stairs. Smoke choking me as I crawl across the floor. choking on nothing, but a burning taste. I know what is going to happen. I need to fight though. I need to get to the Twins room. The flames had not reached the twins rooms yet. Yet, being key word. I just needed to crawl half a yard more. I could do this. I had to do this. The fire is not here yet. The fire is not here yet. The fire is not here yet. “AHH! MARI GET THEM OUT! GO! AHHHHHHHH!” I heard my mother scream at me. Getting myself to push harder. knowing the flames had reached my room, finally taking my strong-willed, never-giving-up mother away from me. I couldn’t help her. By the time she pushed me out of my room towards the twins’ room she had run off towards her room. Most likely running to get Maxie. That dam dog got her killed! All she could do was Scream at me, to get the twins out of this house at whatever cost. I was not allowed to give up. I was to save my siblings. I shake my head and focus on turning into determination. “I will mom.” I whispered. She never would have stopped a beat; Emily would get her kids out. And that is what I am doing. Get her kids out! With the bottom of the twins’ doors in my face I reached up to get the doorknob. I heard Lillie’s faint cries from the other side, but I did not hear my brother Mattie. Panic started to smash inside of my chest. Shaking off this off Amara! No new panic. Thinking about possibilities won’t help. YES! Score! Got the door opened, pulling myself in and shutting it. AIR! Thank God. It was clear in the room…for now but not for long. I felt Lillie crawling over to me, grabbing my hand and shaking me. Looking up at her now, red tear-stained face. Placing a hand on her face, I want to calm her, but I need her to climb out a window, so I need her fear up to push her. “Little Dove, I need you to listen to me.” I wait till she nods at me. Signaling she is present enough. “Good. Okay, we got to get out the window. Do not ask me why. I do not have time”. I watch as her eyes pop out and she wants to say no. But the serious look in my eyes keeps her from fighting me. “Next thing, where is Mattie?” Her face stilled, and pain ripped in her eyes. I noticed her hand that was not holding mine was touching hair. It was mattie’s! He had burns from head to toe, his clothing and hair melted into his skin. The pain he must have endured had to of knocked him out. I will grieve with him about this after. I promise mom. Turning back to Lil, looking into her eyes. “Lillie, we don’t have time, there is a fire burning the house and we must get out, now. Grab a couple of sheets, twist them up good and tight. I am going to tie you both together, lower you both down. To the grass, okay?” I wait for a nod before continuing. “As soon as you touch the ground, use ALL your strength, pull Mattie to the road.” Again, I wait for the nod. Continuing when she does. “Run to Miss. Millie’s house. Smash her door in if you must. Grab her phone, call 911, okay?” I could see her questions, how scared she was. I didn’t have time though. I can feel the heat from the door, with my legs and feet. It burns. The flames must be coming up from under the door burning my feet. I don’t fully notice though. I just need to hear her say it back, but she was just frozen. “Lillie! Answer me! Tell me you understand!? Tell me you will do this!?! I need you to do this.” Yelling at her to snap her out of this. She quickly shakes her head yes at me, not good enough I have to hear it. “Say it, Lilith Rose.” Saying it with as serious a tone as I could, including her full name. Channeling my inner dad. With new tears running down her face, looking into my eyes, “Okay Mari...” She says shaking. “I will. I promise...I will pull Mattie. I will kick in the door. I will Call 911.” she says back to me in a tearful whisper. “That’s a good girl. Okay um let’s get moving and wrap you up with matt. Grab all the sheets.” I say with readiness and determination. The house shook for the first time as I wrapped them up together. Binding them. This just causes me to go faster. Opening the window, I get them out. Mom’s words running through my head. Accompanied by her screaming, GO! Don’t worry mom, I am going to get them out of here. Whatever it takes. The house begins to shake again, this time we hear a loud crash. s**t! No more time. The house is going to start giving way. This fire burned so fast. I must get them off the roof now. Nothing but me and a ten-foot drop stands in our way… I am not the strongest person, but I can keep up with the best of them. It would hurt once I drop them but would be an okay drop as I was lowering them first. I helped Lil position herself and Mattie over the side. “Lillie, Listen to me. This will not be a clean drop. This will hurt when you get down to the bottom. But I NEED you to remember what you just promised me in your room. Okay?” I said to her with the most “Mom” type seriousness. She shook her head fast in compliance. Good because I have no time to fight her to say it out loud this time. I needed to drop them down. I felt the heat coming from behind. Seeing fear and hesitation on Lillie’s face, looking into her room. I knew the fire was close. To close. Grabbing her face and turning her around again, I took the opportunity to push her and Matty over the side of the roof. Oh s**t! To fast to fast! I bared down on the ledge and tried to get the swing I caused by pushing them down caused. Once that was under control, I could start dropping them down slowly. I started to feel my currently charred, bloody bare feet burning more. s**t the roof do not have much longer. I can’t focus on that though; my siblings being dropped down as slowly as I could to the grass was wait needed to be priority. The house and roof shook again, and I fell to my knees trying to catch the last part of our makeshift rope. Knowing I failed to make it an easy drop. They were still about 4 feet. s**t! I dropped them too high up… Calm down Amara. Calm down. They were not that far from the ground at that point. It would have hurt but not by much. I told myself. They are out. Mom! I got them out. I got them out. The heat and smoke from around me is too much. Once more I am on my hands and knees. Choking on the burning taste in my mouth and lungs. Darkness fading back in. Like in the hallway before my mother screamed at me. The fight I had was gone now. I got her kids out. I gave everything to get the twins out. Like mom and I knew I would. Knowing that once I laid down on this inflamed balcony roof, I was not going to get back up. I force myself to look up one last time. I have to see that Lillie kept her promise to me. Relief and a soft smile washed over me. She did it! Lil did it. She mustered up all the strength she could, pulling Matty to the end of the driveway. Miss. Millie was already there among what felt like the entire world. Miss. Millie was holding Lil back. She was reaching out for the house. Screaming towards the raging fire. She was reaching for me. At this point, I don’t hear her or anyone over the impending darkness sweeping in and all around me. Smiling at her, making sure I locked eyes with my sister. My sweet Dove. I love you I mouth to her. I can’t keep myself up anymore. I am tired. I am just going to lay down on my back. Dad, maybe you could clear a path to the stars tonight? Just one more time before I come see you and mom. Getting glimpses of it through the flames and smoke just won’t do. Dad used to take me out here. We would star gaze all night long. Up until the night he brought me out here to tell me he was dying. 14 years old, 15 a month later, and my world had began to shift. He was leaving us. Refusing treatment. Saying it was better this way, he did not want to spend his last year missing out on all the good memories to be made. He explained he found out about 7 months prior before Christmas. He did not want to ruin his last Christmas with us, I understood why. After that night we didn’t come back out here. I couldn’t. I was so mad at you dad. And now I will get the chance to tell you how mad I was and still am. It seems wrong almost, the twins were 9 when dad passed. Now a year later they would be forced to lose everything. Their home, Maxie; our husky; mom, and now me. I heard my beautifully strong little sister yelling for me again. I smiled. Her voice means she is alive. When the house shifted one last time, collapsing under me. I felt like I was free falling into a quilt that just came out of the dryer. That was the last thing I felt before I went numb. One last glimpse of the stary sky then to you mom, dad. “Amara!” I heard coming from multiple voices. I let out my last worded breath before letting the darkness of nothing sweep over me. “I did it.”