My Day - Blue Harmony

“I want to fall in love and be happy, and I don’t feel like I can do that until I confront him.” AMY “I am so happy with your choice, Amy. Santorini is like heaven on earth!” My friend Allison’s voice pulls me out of my contemplation. I agree with her—Santorini is a Mediterranean paradise—but at the moment my thoughts are torn away from the spectacle the horizon offers. Rather than admiring the gorgeous view of the Aegean Sea, I’m thinking about the real reason I chose this destination for our vacation, and I can only wonder about Zoe’s and Allison’s reaction when they find out why we’re really here. Every year we take a week-long vacation together, and this time it was my turn to pick the destination. My friends agreed, no questions asked, and I still haven’t summoned up the courage to tell them about my plan. We’re all seated at a table on the patio and enjoying some freshly-squeezed juice while discussing our plans for the week. As Zoe begins to tell us how eager she is to see the volcano, I interrupt her. “If you were given a chance to change the past by reliving one moment of your life, what moment would you pick?” Zoe looks at me warily, but Allison’s eyes open wide and she sits up in her chair. “I love this kind of conversation!” she exclaims. With her emerald eyes and heart-shaped face, Allison looks no older than twenty-two, and yet she is twenty-seven and a successful bakery entrepreneur. Of the three of us, she’s the one who sees the bright side of life and the person who always tries to smooth things over. I’m not surprised by her enthusiasm. “Do you want a real answer, or is this just a way to pass time?” Zoe wonders. As a lawyer, she always asks a hundred questions before venturing to give an answer. “Because I have the feeling there’s something you’re getting at.” “Well, maybe …” I add nothing else, deciding to wait for their response. I know when they find out why I chose Santorini they’ll not only be surprised, but worried and maybe even mad at me for not being honest with them from the get go. At least the hotel I’ve booked for us is incredible, with luxurious amenities and a terraced layout that allows for awe-inspiring views from every level. Hopefully its charm will make them forget the rest. Although, I didn’t really pick the destination—I had no choice if I wanted my plan to work. I’m just lucky it’s such an idyllic place. When we arrived this morning, we savored a fabulous breakfast on the balcony of my room overlooking the entire caldera. Now we’re enjoying the clear skies and sunshine by the expansive pool. I can’t wait to watch the famous sunset from this patio later. “I have so many regrets. It would be difficult to pick just one,” Allison jokes. “Where to start? My love life or my career?” “Personally, I don’t have any real regrets. To be honest, I don’t even understand the concept,” Zoe states. “People often claim to regret the things they didn’t dare to try or to say, but I think they’re fooling themselves. If they chose not to do something, they probably didn’t want it badly enough. Not to mention that, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to regret something you did do.” “Oh really …?” Allison challenges her. “Because if my memory serves me correctly, you’re always the one complaining you weren’t firm enough with a client, bold enough with a man, or more available for your friends. I think those are the kinds of regrets Amy is talking about, right?” “That’s right. Whether your regrets are big or small, you really can’t claim not to have any, Zoe.” “Okay, I misspoke. It’s true; I indeed complain about things I don’t think I handled well, but only because I’m a perfectionist. You’ve told me a thousand times I shouldn’t worry about things that aren’t worth the trouble. Therefore, these aren’t regrets that could change my life—that’s all I’m saying.” “Girls, picture it,” I prompt them. “You have the chance to go back in time and relive one of the most important moments of your life. To face a fear that kept you from moving forward, to confront someone who hurt you and got away with it, to relive a magical moment you didn’t fully appreciate at the time. What would you pick?” “Like I said, I don’t lack regrets,” Allison replies. “Just off the top of my head, I would go back to my first baking contest, when Jake Matthews told me my apple pie was tasteless. I’d make him eat the whole thing.” It’s so rare to see Allison riled up that Zoe and I both burst out laughing. “Why don’t you tell us what you have in mind?” Zoe asks me, leaning forward in her seat. Her closeness makes me feel at ease, like I can confide anything in her. It almost makes the truth easier to voice. “You never say anything without a reason. I know you.” “That’s true. Something has been bothering you in recent weeks,” Allison adds. “And that reminds me, what was Melissa talking about on the phone this morning when she said the past should be stirred with caution? Does it have anything to do with your question?” Melissa, my best friend, called when we arrived to make sure we had landed safely. She couldn’t come with us this time because Reed, the man who makes her heart race, surprised her with a romantic escapade. She’s the only one who knows why I’m really here. In fact, it’s partly thanks to her that I decided to ‘stir up my past,’ as she aptly put it. I watch a hotel guest dive into the sparkling pool water, the ripples creating waves, and take a deep breath. It’s time for me to dive in and tell Allison and Zoe the truth. “You’ll understand when I tell you why I chose Santorini for our vacation. Just promise me you won’t hit the ceiling after hearing my plan.” “Spill it,” Zoe orders. “You’re starting to scare me.” “You know how I went out a few times with Stephen?” “Yes, but you decided he couldn’t possibly be the one. Your relationship lacked magic, the kind of connection you’ve been looking for since ...” Zoe stops, but I know what she was going to say, so I finish for her. “Since Ethan. You can say it.” “Have you changed your mind?” Allison inquires. “Absolutely not! But I realized the reason I was so reluctant to pursue a relationship with Stephen was related to what happened between Ethan and me years ago.” Their cries pierce my eardrums. “I knew it!” Zoe boasts. “I knew you hadn’t forgotten Ethan.” “Is it true?” Allison asks me. “Do you still have feelings for him?” “Not at all.” I frown at Zoe, but she pretends to ignore me. “I don’t have romantic feelings for him. However, I do think the reason I can’t start a new relationship is because I can’t forget about what he did. I’m afraid I’ll get attached to another man and he’ll break my heart, and I’ll let him, just like I did with Ethan.” Zoe nods sagely. “I’m not surprised. I’ve always said you needed closure.” “And you were right. I didn’t have the courage to do it at the time; the thought of facing him was too painful for me. But, I’m determined to do it now.” “Hence the topic of regrets,” Allison concludes. “Do you need to put a strategy in place?” Zoe asks. “If that’s the case, this is the perfect time to draw up an action plan. I’m entirely at your disposal.” I smile. Zoe is definitely the girl you want by your side when you have a goal in mind and need to figure out how to achieve it. “Actually, I already have a plan.” “Why am I getting nervous about what you’re going to say next?” Allison asks. “Don’t worry, my plan is simple. A few weeks ago, I was talking with Melissa and Erin about our regrets in life, kind of just like now, and we were musing about how wonderful it would be to get a second chance. We joked about how amazing it would be if there were an app that could take us back to key moments in our past so we could choose to do things differently. “We were having fun listing our biggest regrets, and I realized the one thing that still left me with a bitter taste, even after all these years, was that I never asked Ethan for an explanation. Since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I realized it could be more than just a conversation between friends. I could actually do it. I could rewrite my history with Ethan and win my dignity back all at the same time. I don’t need an app–all I need is a bit of courage. So, I’ve decided to give it a chance and our trip here is my first step.” “I don’t understand,” Allison says, puzzled. “Ethan is here.” Again, the girls let out a scream. “You mean here, here? Here in Santorini, or here at the hotel?” Allison’s voice is high-pitched from shock. “What is he doing here?” Zoe asks. “And how do you even know where Ethan is?” “Here at the hotel. And please! Ethan isn’t some superstar who travels incognito; his employees don’t keep his whereabouts secret. I just called his secretary and told her I owned a shoe store and wanted to sell their line. I said I needed to get in touch with him, and she told me he was currently unavailable, he was away on vacation, and I could contact him after he got back from Santorini. It wasn’t hard to find out the exact place and dates. All I had to do was chat with her a while and share some vacation stories.” “Smart,” Zoe says approvingly. Allison doesn’t seem as enthusiastic. “Again, what exactly are you planning to do?” “Nothing crazy. I just want to give him a piece of my mind. I need to let him know how much I despise him for what he did to me.” “I don’t want you to end up getting hurt again,” Allison cautions. “I know, Alli. I also know it won’t be easy even though I try to persuade myself otherwise. But what choice do I have? It’s been three years! Is it normal that I’m still thinking about what happened back then? This is my chance to settle things once and for all, to get rid of his shadow and move forward with my life. I want to fall in love and be happy, and I don’t feel like I can do that until I confront him.” “If all you want to do is tell him a few home truths, why couldn’t you do it when you were with Stephen?” Zoe pushes back. “You could have sorted out the past without ending your relationship. You could have just gone to Ethan’s office. I know you’ve been avoiding him for the past three years, and I totally get that, but you didn’t have to come to Santorini to see him. Admit it—you want more than just to get rid of his shadow.” “I honestly don’t know what you mean.” “I think you want to see Ethan.” “Yes, Zoe, of course I want to see him. I could have sent him an email or called him, but I want to prove to myself that I can face him in person. I also could’ve waited for him to get back, but I wanted to see him here; it’s neutral ground. Plus, I thought you two could back me up. Believe me, this wasn’t an easy decision. I thought you would be proud of me.” “Let me refresh your memory. He cheated on you and, what’s worse, you suspected all along something was going on with that girl. You asked him, and he unequivocally denied it. Yet a few weeks later, you found out he was lying. You were miserable for months, and you still want to relive the whole ordeal? Sorry, but I really think you’re asking for trouble. I just want to protect you from being hurt again.” I cross my arms and frown at Zoe. “Just a moment ago you were ready to help me strategize! Now you don’t want me to do anything at all?” “You should do it,” Allison says, surprising me. “Yes, it’s risky to awaken painful memories, but I think it’s a good idea to talk to Ethan. We don’t know what really happened between him and Bethany; this is your opportunity to clear things up. After all, you’ve already been through the worst part.”