Art of Serendipity

20

I stopped when I felt a hard hand on my left cheek because of a slap. Hindi ako natumba ngunit ramdam ko ang lakas ng sampal na iyon. Halos mayanig ang buong pagkatao ko. My hair exploded on my face because of that strong slap and also, my left earing also unclasped, I removed it harshly, pati ang kabila ay tinanggal ko, not minding about the pain I felt in that harsh move.

My last words hurt her, she hates comparing herself to anyone. Lalong-lalo na kay Mommy. I chose the right words for her, and I am proud to think that I do not regret saying that.

Unti-unti akong lumingon kay Tita Donna. Napupuyos sa galit ang mga mata niya. Her eyes fired me, halos makita kong umusok ang ilong niya. Gritted teeth and she suddenly pulled my hair firmly.

Wala akong ininda. Masakit ang pisngi ko pati ang pagsabunot niya sa akin. No tears, even pain did not become evident on my face. Saktan niya man ako, hindi ko maramdaman. I just feel tired and angry, extremely mad.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nakasabunot sa akin pero napaluhod lang ako nang hinila niya ulit 'to. Masakit, but I can't voice it out. Her anger is crazy.

"Donna!" Dad's voice thundered, kalalabas lang ng office niya.

Unti-unti, binitawan ako ni Tita Donna. Nawala ang galit sa mata niya at napalitan ng takot. Dad walked towards us, I could feel the heaviness and anger on his walk.

Tumayo ako at pinagpagan ang sarili. I can't feel my heartbeats anymore, parang natabunan na talaga ng galit ko. I bore my eyes onto them, to the both of them. Nakatingin lang sila sa isa't-isa. Tila may pagkakaintindihan silang dalawa. Buti pa sila.

"Ayannah, go back to your room-"

"Ito po ba… Ito po ba ang gusto niyong maging buhay magmula nang mamatay si Mommy? Tita Donna didn't respect mommy's memories here, pati ang mga gamit niya ay hindi niya pinalagpas..." my cold voice begun to shake but I still continued. The tears left on the sides of my eyes.

"She didn't respect your patience and loyalty too, Dad, yet, you want me to respect this woman?!" I exlaimed, pointing hardly on Tita Donna. Her devilish aura disappeared, napalitan ng takot at pagkainosente. Bullshit! Pakitang tao! Darn her!

"Aya, I said go back to your room!" Daddy equaled my voice.

Umiling lang ako. "Ano po? Ipagtatanggol niyo pa po 'yong babaeng 'yan?! Sige po! Magsama kayo! Tutal never niyo rin naman akong pinakinggan!"

"Stop it, Ayannah Miles! Just do what I said! Let me handle this! It is also for you! " sigaw niya pa rin. Bahagya pang nagtago sa likod niya si Tita Donna na parang ako pa ang may kasalanan sa aming dalawa.

Tutal ay nandito na rin naman ako. Bakit hindi ko pa sagarin?

"All my life, I obeyed your wants Dad, even Tita Donna's but why do I received too much of hates? Why can't you understand me? Why can't you understand your daughter, Dad? Bakit hindi niyo ako marinig?" One tear slid down my cheeks. I still continued...

"Ganiyan na po ba kayo kabingi. Ganyan ka na po ba katanga kay Tita Donna, Dad? She's using you! Para sa luho niya! Para sa pera but still, you chose her over me! Mas pinili mo pong magpaloko kaysa sa tahimik na buhay lang Dad!"

"Don't talk like that to me, Ayannah! Do you know what you're saying? Who influenced you to say those kind of things?" Dad asked, anger in his voice.

"No one tought me! Buong buhay ko natututo ako mula sa sarili ko! I rejoiced, I failed, I smiled, I pained and yet, nasa'n ka?! Wala ka po dahil busy ka! Busy ka sa trabaho at busy ka sa bwisit na babaeng 'yan! Babaeng mas pinili kang lokohin sa kabila ng pagmamalakasakit mo sa kaniya!"

"Ayannah! I said stop! Makinig ka sa-"

"Palagi po akong nakikinig sa inyo, Dad! Bakit ako, hindi niyo po mapakinggan?" I asked tiredly. Pagod na pagod na magexplain dahil alam kong hindi ako papakinggan ni Daddy. Wala akong nakikitang kahit anong reaksyon sa mukha niya maliban sa galit. The veins in his whole upper body are now visible.

"Isang pakiusap, Ayannah Miles. Bumalik ka na sa kwarto mo at hayaan mo kaming magusap ng Tita Donna-"

"Para ano? Para mabilog niya po ulit ang ulo niyo? Nagpaloko ka po kasi, Dad! You're just showing to me that Mommy is not important to you. That you didn't love my mom at all! Na hindi mo rin ako minahal na anak mo at masaya ka na dahil nakuha mo na ang perang gusto mo-"

Another hard slap touched my skin. This time, sakop buong pisngi ko. Tumilapon rin ako sa sahig. Biglang nag-mute ang paligid ko dahil sa sampal na 'yon. I can also taste the blood running through my lips, down to my jaw. I knew because Dad has a ring, may patusok iyon sa paligid. It's their f*****g engagement ring, pareho sila ni Tita Donna kaya ganoon na lang din kalakas ang tama ng sampal niya sa'kin.

What hurts the most is my own Dad... slapped me. This is the first time. Unang beses niya akong pinagbuhatan ng kamay. Masakit... Hindi lang sa pisikal kundi sa loob. Sobrang sakit. I cannot describe the pain anymore. Nakakapanghina ang sakit...

I sobbed. Hindi ko na napigilan pa. Hindi ko maiangat ang paningin ko dahil sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko. My heart hitched so bad. My whole body is also trembling.

Dad suddenly kneeled infront of me. "I'm sorry, anak. I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Please, I'm sorry. I didn't- "

I didn't let him finish. I stood up and ran as fast as I possibly can. Wala akong dalang kahit ano maliban sa wallet ko. Tumakbo ako palabas ng bahay. I also heard the maids and my driver calling my name.

I also heard Nanay Luz called me, crying and begging for me to come back but because of anger, I didn't. Ayaw ko sanang iwan si Nanay Luz pero pinapangunahan ako ng galit ko.

Hinayaan ko ang mga paa ko kung saan akong dadalhin. Kung saan ako dadalhin ng galit ko. Habang naglalakad sa mataong kalsada, with digging nails and anger visible in my eyes. I can almost hear the people gossiping about my arrangement but I couldn't care less. Ang mga busina ng mga sasakyan na halos makakabangga na sa akin ay naririnig ko rin.

"Hoy! Kung magpapakamatay ka, aba! Tumalon ka roon sa building!" sigaw ng isang driver ng jeep dahil muntik na niya akong mabangga.

Oh! Thanks for the idea, Manong!

I almost said that but gladly, I didn't. Kung mamatay man ako ngayon. Sa totoo lang, wala akong pakialam tutal ay wala rin namang pakialam sila daddy. But I don't want to die yet, h'wag muna ngayon dahil wala pa akong nagagawa sa mundong 'to. I still want to find my purpose in this life. In my own. Marami pa akong gustong patunayan.

Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong nakaupo sa harap ng puntod ni Mommy. I want to tell her my problems. All of it... because I know, she will listen to me up there. Tumulo ang luha ko nang lumakas ang hangin. The air is not cold, it's warm like someone is hugging and soothing me.

I looked up to see the calm and beautiful sky. "Is it you, Mommy? Are you hugging me?" I whispered, hoping that she would hear me. Wishing that she will help me with these problems.

I buried my face in my knees, to cry without anyone noticing. The breeze is slowly waving my long hair, natanggal na ang hair tie ko dahil sa pagtakbo ko kanina. I'm wearing the school's skirt but the top is just a sleeveless blouse. Nagkataon pa na naka-flat shoes ako this week kaya dumagdag rin ang pagpapaltos ng paa ko. It's so cold. Masakit pero iindahin ko pa ba 'yon? Sa dami ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, maiinda ko pa ba iyon?

I don't know what to cry first. Yung sakit ba ng pisikal o ng emosyonal. I don't know. I really want to freaking cry, until no tears will come out. Until my face is numb of crying. Until my heart stops aching but I know... that's impossible.

"I miss you, Mommy. I wish you are here. I wish you didn't die..." I said in between my sobs. Kung nandito lang si Mommy, hindi naman sana ganito, e. Hindi sana maghaharian si Tita Donna, napaka-pakitang tao niya. Mommy is way way more better that her, even Nanay Luz is better than her.

We could have… a happy and amazing family...

Isang oras na ata akong nandito pero hindi maubos-ubos 'yung luha ko. I feel drained but the tears just won't stop. They said that God loves the sound of a broken heart because He thinks that it's good. Katulad ng mga likha niyang ulap, if they're sad, they cry. They are crying but still, both positive and negative happens. Minsan ayaw ng mga tao sa ulan but in the eye of other people, rain is a blessing.

Siguro ganoon din sa mga tao. If humans are crying, there are both positive and negative outcomes. Negative in a way that it can cause depression and anxiety but somehow, positive because it is our way to release the pain, a self-soothing way.

This is the only thing I know... Crying is not a kind of weakness.

"Mom, can I sleep beside you?" marahan kong saad. Ayaw ko munang umuwi sa bahay kaso wala naman akong dalang kahit ano ngayon. I just bought myself but I have some money in my pocket, maybe I can have atleast, a water to dehydrate myself.

I sighed and stood up. I wiped my tears first before turning around. Bago pa man din ako makahakbang pa-abante ay isang bisig na ang yumakap sa akin. His firm arms snaked around me, parang ayaw akong makawala. Hindi ako makagalaw, not because of his strong grip but because of shock. My heart is beating so goddamn fast.

I can feel his heartbeats too because I'm leaning on his chest. Nagkukumahog sa bilis ng pintig, sa tingin ko ay mas mabilis pa sa akin. His breathe is shallow too. I tried to look at him but everytime na gagalaw ako, lalong humihigpit ang yakap niya.

I know his scent, his stance, his hair, his back and his height too. Hindi ko na kailangan pang kumpirmahin kung sino ito. The way he hold me is somehow, soothing. Dalawampung minuto niya na ata akong yakap pero hindi man lang siya nagsasalita.

"Lev.." I called him but my voice couldn't cooperate. My voice is almost a whisper but enough for him to hear.

Unti-unti siyang bumitaw sa akin and then there, I saw his worried face pero bago ko pa man din ito mapuna ay agad na itong nawala. His jaw clenched hardly, pinipigilan niya ang sarili sa kung anong bagay man ang gumugulo sa kanya. His eyes dropped on my lips, where the dried wound placed, napapikit siya ng mariin, hindi nagsasalita.

Marahan niyang hinaplos ang mukha ko, napapapikit ako tuwing tumatama iyon sa sugat ko. Bago ako magmulat ay isang yakap muli ang natanggap ko sa kaniya. I didn't protest, instead, I squeezed him back and buried my face in his broad chest. I felt him stiffen a bit but immediately resumed his warm embrace.

I cried, for the nth time. My eyes are hurting but the tears are still falling. Nababasa na rin ang damit ni Levi pero tila wala siyang pakielam. I am sobbing but he stil chose not to talk and let him to be my crying shoulders. Nang kumalma ay humarap akong muli sa kaniya.

"How-"

"I'll answer your questions once you're fine. For now, I know you're tired. Let's go home," he cut me off with his hooded eyes.

Kumunot ang noo ko at unti-unting hinila ang kamay ko palayo sa kaniya. Marahan man ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin ay hindi niya pa rin ako hinayaang makawala.

"Ayo'kong bumalik sa bahay, Lev. If you're here just to say that, umuwi ka na lang, please," my voice is still shaking but I said that bravely.

He shook his head lightly. "Uuwi akong kasama ka..."

He glanced at my mother's grave and looked back at me. Hinila niya ako na tila kulang pa ang distansiyang mayroon kami kanina para magkalapit ng ganito. He wiped my unfelt tears.

"Hindi ako uuwi sa bahay namin, Levi," I still whispered in final. Hangga't naroon si Tita Donna ay hindi ako uuwi, I have my own money if I please to have it back to me once I communicate with Nanay Luz. I don't want to see them for now, especially, my witch stepmother.

Binasa niya ang pang-ibabang labi niya bago muling tumunghay sa akin. "If that's what you want, then come with me. Iuuwi kita sa condo ko. Iuuwi kita... sa akin, Aya."

~~~