Chapter 3
1498 Words
It was already dark when I woke up. I looked at the clock on my bedside table and it says 9:10 pm. I slept for 10 full hours, no wonder I felt refreshed. I went to the bathroom and washed my face.
Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko sa desk at tinignan ang mga bagong notifications.
3 missed call from Mom.
I hesitated for a minute before calling back.
It rang a few seconds before someone answered.
"Hello." A woman's voice sounded on the other side of the phone.
"Mom." I responded.
"O Xian, tumawag ako sa'yo kanina."
"Opo. Nakita ko kaya nag-call back ako. Did something happen Mom?"
"Well, nothing big son. Nakausap ko kasi kanina si Tita Gina mo. Do you remember her?"
I scanned my memory trying to remember who Tita Gina is.
"Hmm, friend mo po?"
She laughed. "Yes. Twice mo pa lang siyang nakita, it's a good thing you remembered her."
"Bakit po?" I grabbed my laptop and walked to my bed. I leaned on the headboard while waiting for my laptop to open.
"You see, nung pumunta ako ng mall, nakita ko siya kasama yung daughter niya. It's been years since I last saw that child. And she had grown up to be a very wonderful young lady."
I was silent for a few seconds. I have a foreboding guess as to what my Mom is trying to get to. This conversation seems to be going in a very dangerous direction.
She paused for a while, but after not receiving any response from me, she continued talking.
"Anna is the same age as you, isn't it wonderful?" She added excitedly. I'm guessing Anna is the name of the daughter of Tita Gina. I rolled my eyes. I knew it, she's trying to hook me up again.
She's been doing that 3 years after I started working. If not for their assumption that I was dating Mariel before, I wouldn't have experienced a stress-free life of 2 years.
Etong reto-reto na to, nag-umpisa lang naman ulit one and a half year ago. After finding out that they've mistakenly assumed that Mariel was my girlfriend.
"Mom, I've no time for woman right now." I replied.
I looked a my laptop and checked my email. There are no new important messages only spams. Nilipat ko ang laptop ko sa kama saka tumayo. Lumabas ako ng kwarto at nagtungo sa sala.
"No time?! Ilang taon na kami naghihintay ng daddy mo sa apo namin, ang tanda na namin Xian oh!" I was silent. Whenever the conversation ends up with this topic, I cannot say anything.
I am a menopausal baby. My parents had a hard time conceiving me, and Mom almost lost her life for trying to give birth to me.
"Mom... Alam mo naman ang nature of work ko." Sinubukan kong lambingin ito.
"Yes I know, for I was a nurse myself half of my life. But, how could you not have time for a woman and try to make a family?! Does that make any sense Xian? Kung laging dahil sa trabaho na yan, e di sana lahat na ng nurse sa mundo ay single!"
Yes Mom, it doesn't make any sense. Kasi hindi ko nakikita ang sarili kong may kasamang babae in the future.
Sinunod ko lahat ng mga gusto ng mga ito simula ng maramdaman ko kung ano ba talaga ako. Dahil pakiramdam ko I was a failure. I failed to live up to their expectations. In my own way, I hope this would lessen the guilt I was feeling.
Sinunod ko ang kursong gusto nila, na kahit ang passion ko ay sa pagpipinta. I studied well and was a consistent honor student. I did everything I could.
Sometimes, I just want to let out everything that I am trying to hide. Pagod na rin ako.
"Mom, let's talk about this another time. I'm about to go to work." Palusot ko rito. Mukhang di ako makakarason ngayon dito. Desidido talaga ito ngayon na ireto ako sa anak ng kaibigan nito.
The woman paused for a few seconds before replying. "Fine. But, I'm telling you Xian, you won't be able to get away this time. Prepare yourself to meet with Anna soon." Then the line was cut off. I looked at my now bright screen and sighed.
I scanned my phone notifications. I clicked the name of Mariel and read her message.
[ Date with Paul. ]
I smiled and replied, [ Enjoy. Ubong. ]
Bigla ay naramdaman kong kumalam ang sikmura ko.
Pagkatapos kumain ay naghugas ng pinggan at dumiretso sa sala.
Binuksan ko ang TV sabay kinuha ko ang cellphone ko. Inopen ko ang isang dating app para sa mga gays na nakainstall sa phone ko.
I like men, but I never tried being in a relationship with one. Not even a fling or just playing around. At first, ito ay dahil binuhos ko lahat ng atensyon ko sa pag-aaral. And as soon as I started working, my job has kept me busy.
After adjusting to the busy working lifestyle I finally had time for myself, but the courage to date someone has already left me. I don't know, I guess I just don't have the guts. As a closet gay, courage is something that I yearn for.
I have my needs too, physiological needs. But whenever I feel the need to release something, it's only me and my left hand who accompany me at night.
And thanks to this app, I get to flirt with other guys. I say flirt, but it's actually just casual chatting. Just interacting with people who are the same as me. I feel comforted to know there are others like me. But whenever they want to meet up, I quickly back out.
I logged in to my account, nomeetflirtonly.
I quickly checked out the photos of the people near me who are registered on the same app as well. After browsing, I tapped the old messages.
I've been chatting wih this guy for 3 months now. As of now, siya na ang pinakamatagal na nakachat ko dito. Yung iba wala pang buwan ay di ko na kinakausap, o di na nila ako kinakausap, kasi di ako nagpapakita ng mukha.
Oh well.
seriousguy: [ Hello. ]
Si seriousguy ang kachat ko for 3 months na.
Unlike me, nagsend na ito ng personal picture nito.
May itsura ito, at base sa litrato ay matangkad din ito. Basically, my type.
Yun lang di ko alam kung siya nga ba talaga ito o hindi.
[ Hey. ] Nireplyan ko ito.
seriousguy: [ 'sup? ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Just woke up. I had a 30-hour shift. ]
seriousguy: [ Wow, kapagod ah. Kumain ka na? ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Yeah. U? ]
seriousguy: [ I'm about to. ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Oh okay. Eatwell. ]
Nagsend ito ng selfie kasama ang dinner nito.
nomeetflirtonly: [ Sarap ah. ]
seriousguy: [ Me? Ikr. ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Lol. ]
seriousguy: [ Oh! Did you mean the food? I honestly swear I thought you were referring to me. ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Enjoy your meal. ]
Di na ulit ito nagreply. Mukhang kumain na.
Naghanap ako ng mas kumportable na pwesto sa sofa, saka kinuha ang remote. Lipat lang nang lipat ng channel, wala akong makita na interesting na palabas ngayon sa TV.
Kinuha ko ang bag ko at naghanap nang makakain na chocolate nang makita ko ang wallet ko.
Binuksan ko iyon at tinignan ang calling card na iniligay ko kaninang umaga sa wallet ko.
Naalala ko ang mga mata ng mag-amang naka-engkwentro ko kanina sa mall. I couldn't help but smile.
What an unusual morning.
Maya't maya ay tumunog ang cellphone ko. Binitawan ko ang hawak ko at ipinatong ang bag ko sa coffee table, bago ko tinignan ulit ang cellphone ko.
seriousguy: [ U there? ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Yes. Done eating? That was fast. ]
seriousguy: [ Haven't finished eating yet but I need to go. ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Okay. ]
seriousguy: [ Be a bit more disappointed will ya? Anyway, they need me at work right now, kaya di ako makakapagchat ngayon. Damn, I rarely chat with you nowadays and this happens. ]
nomeetflirtonly: [ Well, it's work. ]
seriousguy: [ Yeah, work. How 'bout you give me your number? So I can just call you anytime. ]
I was taken aback. This is not the first time I was asked for this kind of personal information, but this... this is the first time this guy asked me about it.
seriousguy: [ I mean, I just thought we've been close enough to ask this stuff. ]
seriousguy: [ But if you don't want to, it's fine. ]
I chuckled. He sounded tense.
nomeetflirtonly: [ 09xxxxxxxxx, you can call me Xian. It would be too awkward if you used my username when you call. ]
Minutes passed but there was still no reply. I wonder what happened.
seriousguy: [ Got it. Call ya later. ]
- Writer
