Love me

not an actual chapter. move along. mistake that cannot be erased.

They reached his home and he went to his father his mind still not in the right state. “Father what did you do to Alexander?” Xavier did not even get an answer as he was pinned down by the guards as he approached his father. “Lock him in his room. Do not let him out, Penelope, contact Alice’s father and tell him Xavier is ready to marry.” Penelope nodded to her husband’s words and asked a maid to write and send a letter to the Abram’s family. “Mother how can you let your own son suffer like this. I thought you loved me and would accept me for who I am. Is your love this small that just because I am a little different you chose to treat me this way? Mother please let me go. I want to be with Alexander. Father what did you do to my Alexander?”  Xavier wailed as he begged his parents. He cried as he was being dragged to his room and locked. He continued to cry as he asked his father where was Alexander and what did he do to him. Any person with a heart would feel sorry for him but at this moment, not even his mother cared about him which really broke his heart. He knew that his father was not going to accept him but he had hoped that his mother would love him for who he was. At this moment he felt like a bird whose wings have been cut off, totally useless. The person he loved the most was no longer with him, with the possibility that his father killed him. His mother felt disgusted by him. He was locked in his room just waiting for the day that he would be forced to marry a woman he did not love at all. He could not think of a way out of the mess he was into. He needed someone to pull him out of the train wrecks he felt he was tiered in ready to be crushed into pieces.

It has been two days and Xavier was still locked inside his room. He sat on the floor looking broken and lifeless. He had not even taken a bath in these two days. The only sunlight he got was the one that shone through his small, bared window. He felt like killing himself but could not come to it as he hoped that Alexander was still alive and waiting for him somewhere. He smiled a weak, unnoticeable smile to the thought of him being alive. Even though there is one in a million chances that he is still breathing, that was still a chance for him and the reason he was still breathing too. As his mind wondered, he heard the door c***k. It must be the maid. They always sent a maid to bring him his food which he never had the appetite to eat. He was surprised to see his mother walking in with a tray of food he did not wish to eat. “Xavier, it’s been two days. Please eat something. There is no use to acting like this. Here, have some pork soup.” Xavier looked at the soup. It was the same soup that Alexander would die for. How can he eat not knowing whether Alexander has eaten or not. “I am not hungry.” “Xavier, keep it together. Tomorrow the Alice and her father will come to discuss about the wedding date. Make yourself presentable, and stop crying like a little boy for God’s sake.” With that said, Penelope stood up and left her son’s room not aware that what she just did was the last thing she had wished to do. The little love that was left in Xavier’s heart for his mother was washed away by the words his mother said to him. She did not care at all about him. All she wanted was a reputation. He was going to give it to her then. Since it was so important to her, he will gladly give it to her.

Xavier stood up, looked at the tray of food left by his mother and took it. If he was going to be the boy his parents want him to be he might as well eat and anyway, he will need the strength. After eating he went and took a bath and put on his best cloths. When he was done he marched to the door only to find it locked when he tried to open it. He banged the door calling for his father in a calm manner asking him to open the door. The door eventually opened. “What?” His father asked showing him attitude. “I need to talk to you about the wedding.” Xavier said, his words devoid of emotions. “What about it?” Xavier looked at his father and in his heart he apologized to Alexander but he had to do what he had to do. “I will marry Alice.” Xavier’s heart broke as he said those words. His father was too happy to even see his broken  son breaking in front of him. “Wonderful. I knew that you will eventually agree. You will still be locked though. I don’t want you trying anything.” “Only on one condition.” “What is it? It better be not about that boy. I don’t want to even hear that boys’ name in my house. He almost turned you into a f*g. Ha ha ha. Tell me now.” Xavier could not believe the audacity his father had. But he did not say anything. “I want to marry after a few years. I want to get to know Alice better first.” “That is easy. I will tell them tomorrow that you need time to know her. Come now let’s go and tell your mother. This is great news.” With that said, they went down stairs to find Penelope reading a book sitting on the couch. She was as excited as Alfred when they told her that Xavier was ready to get married. They spent the whole afternoon talking about the future. Talking about the number of kids he was going to have and the names. They seemed like a happy family indeed but under that fake happiness, Xavier was breaking into pieces. Inside he was like a shattered mirror that can never be fixed. But what else could he do?

After happily eating a meal with his family, Xavier excused himself. “Mother, I will go rest now. You said tomorrow I should look presentable, so I will rest. I don’t want to have red eyes when I am meeting my future wife.” With that said Xavier left leaving his parents all smiles. When he reached his room, he threw himself on the bed and buried his face in his pillow, he then let out a river of tears. Without making much noise all the sorrow and hurt that he has kept inside him came out flooding in the form of tears. Who thought that the cold looking Xavier would someday be so vulnerable? He tried to ease himself by crying but went in vain. He cried himself to sleep hoping to find peace.