Miracle in December (Filipino)

Chapter 2

!!! CONTENT WARNING !!!

Please, be advised, this chapter contains content that may be troubling to some readers, such as discussions of self-harm, trauma, depression, and suicide. Kung hindi ninyo po kaya magbasa po ng ganito, you can skip the chapters with a content warning or stop reading this story. Wala po akong intention na maka-offend ng iba o makasakit ng feelings ninuman. I’m writing this story with the hope that I can help and give strength and inspiration to the readers. God bless, everyone!

Chapter 2: “A Miracle From Heaven”

“NAYA!” Mira shouted her best friend’s name at the top of her voice. “I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me the most! I-I’m sorry, hindi ko napansin na nahihirapan ka na pala. A-Akala ko, okay ka pa. H-Hindi ko man lang natanong kung ano na ang nararamdaman mo… kung okay ka pa ba o kung kumusta ka na…” She was biting her lower lip to stop herself from breaking down at that point. “S-Sorry for thinking that you are fine when you’re clearly not. Sorry for not realizing that you needed someone to lean on, someone to listen to your problems. I-I’m sorry that… that I-I let you feel alone and let you die miserably…”

She hoped that those words from her heart would reach her best friend wherever she was right now. Guilt, sadness, and loneliness had been eating her up alive since the day Naya committed suicide.

She didn’t even notice that her own best friend had been suffering depression until Naya left her. She couldn’t forgive herself and continued to blame the death of her best friend on herself.

Humawak siya sa kanyang dibdib habang patuloy ang pagtulo ng mga luha sa kanyang magkabilang pisngi. It’s been a year, and yet she could feel the agony threatened to cripple her again and again. She couldn’t bear the sadness and pain in her heart anymore, so she decided to go there on the rooftop of the hospital building she was in.

Plano na niyang tapusin na ang paghihirap niya kagaya ng ginawa ng kanyang kaibigan. Gusto na niyang mawala ang sakit na nararamdaman sa kanyang puso at samahan si Naya kung nasaan mang lugar naroon ang babae ngayon. And the only way she thought to ease her misery that moment was to jump off in that building and die as well.

After crying for almost one hour on the floor, she stood at the side of the rooftop. She looked at the blue sky. Takot siya sa matatas na lugar kaya hindi man lang niya tiningnan kung gaano kataas ang lugar na kinatatayuan niya mula sa ibaba.

When she was about to jump off, suddenly, she heard someone coughed at the back that caught her attention. There, she saw a guy whose skin was as pale as her and also looked sick as she was. He was wearing a patient’s robe just like her.

The guy looked at her and smiled happily, with his bright teeth showing. For that moment, Mira stopped crying as she felt comforted by his warm smile. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang nangyari sa kanya ng mga sandaling iyon pero nakaramdam siya ng kung ano sa kanyang puso na nagpakalma roon.

He walked towards her and she saw him clearly. He has short and wavy black hair. He is taller than her and has a slim figure. He has almond-shaped black eyes with long eyelashes, a pointed nose, and moist lips that perfectly fit his face. His bright smile makes him look more attractive.

The guy in front of her confidently showed her his wrists and his throat. Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Mira nang makita ang mga malalaki at malilit na laslas sa magkabilang pulso at sa lalamunan nito. Both of his wrists and throat were full of scars. Some were already old and some were still fresh. Just like her… this guy, who smiled at her brightly, had suicidal thoughts, too. She couldn’t believe it dahil hindi iyon halata sa mukha ng lalaki.

“Ilang beses na akong nagplanong mag-suicide. One time, tumalon ako sa kuwarto ko from the second floor to end my life, but guess what happened?” he asked her. He paused for a moment before he continued what he was saying, “Nabalian ako ng mga buto at nagkaroon ng spinal fractures, and other injuries sa braso at sa mga hita ko. Almost six months din akong na-confine noon sa hospital. As you can see, I’m still alive and kicking so far. Nakatatawa!” He smiled again and she felt her heart skipped a beat. His voice was surprisingly calming her tangled mind. “I tried to cut both of my wrists and my throat, pero sa tuwing ginagawa ko na ay laging may pumipigil sa akin para ituloy ko iyon. Until now, I didn’t know the reason why I’m still here, but it seemed like it’s not my time yet to go and leave this world.

“Then, one day, nagising na lang ako at na-realize ko na hindi suicide ang sagot sa mga problemang kinakaharap ko. Hindi rin suicide ang magpapagaling ng sugat sa puso ko o mag-aalis ng sakit na nararamdaman ko.” He looked at the sky for a little while and turned his gaze back at her. Nagtamang muli ang kanilang mga mata. She can see the sadness and emptiness in his eyes that she’s been seeing in her, too. They’re on the same boat. “Suicide isn’t and will never be the answer to cope up with our sadness and pain. It will only worsen the situation we are in. It would make people, who were left behind, felt the same sadness we’re going through and would make them bear the pain we’re trying to escape. Mapapasa lang natin iyong sakit at lungkot sa kanila na hindi natin alam kung maghihilom pa ba. It’s a cycle of never-ending pain. We’re not even sure if they could endure it or if they would end up like us—who thought that suicide was an effective way to end everything.

“I’m telling you… I’ve been there. I’ve done that repeatedly for years and it didn’t give me happiness nor didn’t fill the emptiness here.” He pointed to his left chest. Nanatili lang na nakatingin si Mira sa lalaking nagsasalita. Every word he said hit her differently. It’s as if he was talking about what she was feeling at that moment. She couldn’t keep her eyes off him while waiting for what he would say next. “We have different ways on how we respond to the unknown voices in our heads. Some people needed someone to talk to, some needed space and wanted to be alone, some chose to fight it, but some chose not to and gave up. May mga bagay na hindi natin mapipigilan. May mga bagay na kahit ano’ng gawin natin ay hindi pa rin natin maipapaliwanag. May mga bagay at pagkakataon na hindi natin maunawan ang dahilan kung bakit nangyari. And that’s life.”

“Kahit na pigilan pa kita na magpakamatay ngayon, if you already decided and chose to end your life. I couldn’t do anything about that. I’m not stopping you from jumping off in this building, but I’m giving you an option to live your life to the fullest or to give up your life and die now.” Hindi nakasagot si Mira hanggang sa may kunin ang lalaking nasa harapan niya mula sa bulsa nito. Kinuha nito ang kamay niya at inilagay doon ang isang maliit na kutsilyo na sa tingin niya ay gamit nitong panglaslas sa mga peklat nito. Nagsalita muli ang lalaki, “I’ve decided to live and now it’s your turn to choose. To live or to kill yourself is not mine nor anyone’s choice but yours.”

He left her speechless on the rooftop. Nabalik lang sa kanyang diwa si Mira nang maramdaman ang malamig na simoy ng hangin na dumampi sa kanyang mga balat. Naalala niya ang mga salitang iniwan sa kanya ng kaibigan sa diary nito nang araw na mapagpasiyahan nitong magpakamatay.

Naya wanted her to keep on moving forward even if she’s not there beside her anymore. Naya didn’t blame her. Instead, her best friend was sorry for not being strong enough to stay with her. Bigla ring pumasok sa kanyang isipan ang kanyang ina. Nakikita na niya ang pag-iyak nito sa araw-araw kapag namatay na siya. Tears started to fall in her eyes when she realized what he was trying to say to her.

No’ng sabihin nang lalaking iyon sa kanya na siya ang magde-decide kung gusto niya pang mabuhay o gusto niya na ngang mamatay, he was actually saying that it’s not her fault that her best friend committed suicide and died. He wanted her to realize that it’s not her choice but Naya’s. He tried to stop her from blaming herself for something that she couldn’t control… for something out of her hands. In his simple way, he was telling her to live.

Napayakap siya sa kanyang sarili ng mga sandaling iyon. Tama ang lalaki, may mga pangyayari na hindi nila mauunawaan. May mga pangyayari na hindi nila hawak ang kahihinatnan. May mga pangyayari na tanging ang Diyos lang ang nakakaalam ng dahilan.

Gusto sana niya itong pasalamatan o alamin man lang ang pangalan nito pero hindi na niya iyon nagawa. Nananalangin siya na makita niyang muli ito kung pagbibigyan siya ng pagkakataon.

Hindi niya kilala ang lalaki ni hindi niya alam ang pangalan nito. Hindi niya rin alam kung saan ito galing. But maybe, he’s someone sent by God to help her at that moment. A miracle from Heaven on that cold day of December.

She was consoled…

She was understood…

And she was saved by him… by a stranger.

“DECEMBER!” sabay-sabay na pagtawag ng kanilang mga classmate sa nagsalitang lalaki na nagpabalik kay Mira sa kasalukuyan. Bakas sa mga mukha ng mga naroon ang saya nang makita ito.

Hindi mapigilan ni Mira ang makaramdam din ng saya sa kanyang puso. Nagkita nga sila ulit at ngayon ay magiging classmate pa niya ang lalaki. Nalaman na rin niya ang pangalan nito—December. Bagay na bagay iyon dito. Just like the month of December with a cold breeze and cozy vibes, she feels really happy seeing him again.

Hindi niya alam kung naaalala pa siya ng lalaki pero umaasa pa rin siya na makilala siya nito. Sakto namang tumingin sa gawi niya ito at nagtama ang kanilang mga mata. Bumilis ang t***k ng kanyang puso nang ngumiti sa kanya ang lalaki.

“Hi!” bati nito.

Hindi siya agad nakasagot sa lalaki dahil hindi siya sigurado kung siya nga ba ang binati nito o namamalik-mata lang siya. Nakumpirma na lamang niya iyon nang pati ang atensiyon ng mga classmate nila sa loob ng classroom ay bumaling sa kanya. Tila noon lang napansin ng mga ito ang presensiya niya.

“H-Hello…” nahihiya niyang sagot.

Ngumiti itong muli sa kanya at nakita niya ang mapuputi at pantay-pantay nitong ngipin na nakadagdag sa kaguwapuhan ng lalaki.

Muli itong nagsalita, “It’s nice to meet you again.”

She feels those butterflies in her stomach.

Naaalala siya nito. Naalala siya ng lalaking sumagip sa kanya.