Black Blood Academy: Kill Schneider

Revealed

19th Blood: Revealed

“If you want to be given everything, give everything up.”

“ISN’T this so ironic, CC?”

            Litong tumingin sa kanya si Kill. Sinundan nito ang direksyon ng kanyang paningin patungo sa mga estudyanteng may kanya-kanyang grupo na nakaupo sa sentro ng Pentagon. A couple of bonfires were lit around and everyone is either engaged in chitchats or dancing along to the music in the background.

            Kunot ang noong bumaling sa kanyang muli si Kill. “What is ironic?”

            “This.” She gestured around. “Humans and extraordinaries hanging out together. Kung iisipin, it is highly forbidden to mix both together. But tonight… here we are. Isn’t it ironic, Kill? Na kaya nating pag-isahin ang mga mortal at mga imortal? Ang mga red bloods at black bloods? This is so peaceful. Something everybody would never imagine happening.”

            Muling nagpalinga-linga si Kill, seeing now what she saw earlier bago ito muling mag-focus sa kanya. “Is it? Ironic, is it? Hindi ba talaga maaaring magsama ang mga mortal at imortal na walang gera? Na hindi nagkakagulo? Na walang diskriminasyon at pang-iinsulto sa bawat isa? Hindi ba talaga posible ‘yon?”

            Pinakatitigan niya si Kill. That was exactly her first impression of him. He’s a vampire pero pinalaki itong naniniwala na maaaring maging mabuting magkakampi ang mga mortal at mga imortal. Sa Academy, inuumpisahan nitong pag-isahin ang mga black bloods at red bloods. Pero hanggang kailan? Hindi alam ng mga red bloods na nag-e-exist ang mga black bloods. Kaya lang naman sila nagkakaisa ngayon ay dahil wala silang alam.

            Like they said… ignorance is a damn bliss. And it really is in this case.

            Gusto niyang sabihin kay Kill ang mga iyon. She wanted to let him know this is all just a sham. Na dahil walang alam ang mga red bloods, tino-tolerate nila ang existence ng mga black bloods. Gusto niyang sabihin na ngayon ay may fairness at equality pa, pero sa oras na malaman ng mga red bloods ang katotohanan tungkol sa mga black bloods, maglalaho ang katahimikang ito na tila isa lamang bula.

            But suddenly, a little voice inside her says that she doesn’t want to shatter Kill’s hopes. That if he gets shattered, in a way, she will be shattered too.

            “Can I ask a favor from you, angel?” his request snapped Raven out from thinking.

            Bahagyang nangunot ang noo niya at naningkit ang mata. “Depends.”

            Pinakatitigan siya ni Kill. Tila tinatantya nito kung magwawala ba siya sa sasabihin nito o hindi. But after a couple of sighs and nervous gulps, he dropped the bomb. “Show me your beloved Black Room.”

            Raven fought the urge of screaming no. Sa halip ay nagtalo ang kanyang isipan. Walang duda na ginagawa lamang ito ni Kill dahil nais nito ng assurance na somehow may kaya siyang ibigay sa binata—kahit paunti-unti—kumpara sa mga bagay na isinuko na nito para kunin ang kanyang tiwala.

            But the Black Room…

            “Kill—” napahinto siya nang tumingin ito sa bonfire, away from her, na parang nasaktan ito. “Look… hindi ‘yon gano’n kadali.”

            “I know,” was his clipped response.

            “Kill…”

            “I just…” naihilamos nito ang kamay sa mukha at marahas na bumuntong hininga. Ayaw pa rin nitong tumingin sa kanya at nagsisimula na siyang mabahala. “I’m sorry, angel. Hindi ko na dapat hiningi ‘yon sa ‘yo, baby…”

            Somehow, hindi siya nakuntento roon. Somehow it felt like the ball is in her court now. Pakiramdam niya’y siya naman ngayon ang dapat na magbigay.

            “Fine. I’ll show you the Black Room.”

TAHIMIK ang madilim na pasilyo ng Black Hallway na nilalakaran nila ni Courtney. Sa hindi malamang kadahilanan, may halong takot ang excitement at relief na nararamdaman ni Kill habang nakasunod sa kanyang anghel patungo sa Black Room. He’d asked for too much. He knew that. Even before Courtney answered with hesitation, he was terrified she’d walked out on him dahil sa laki ng agwat na tinalon niya. Hindi niya alam kung ano’ng meron sa Black Room ni Courtney, but whatever it is, he’s so sure asking to look inside it is enough to make Courtney run from him forever.

            That was enough for Courtney to kick him out of her life. For a moment, if she ever told him that, he knew he was ready to grovel. To beg for forgiveness kung kinakailangan. He’ll do anything—everything—h’wag lang mawala si Courtney sa kanya.

            Because this is deep. He’d fallen much much deeper. He loves her, but he loves her more every second that passes. He’ll be destroyed kung mawawala si Courtney sa kanya.

            “Can you promise me one thing, Kill?”

            Nasa coder na ang mga palad ni Courtney, handang i-scan ang kanyang kamay upang mabuksan ang pintuan ng Black Room. Marahang hinaplos ni Kill ang likod ng palad ng dalaga at maingat na humalik sa buhok nito. “Everything, anything, my love.”

            “Never fear me.”

            Imposible. He wanted to say. Because there’s no way on earth na matatakot siya kay Courtney. Sa babaeng mahal niya, sa babaeng nagsisilbing buhay niya. Never. “Never, angel. Never…”

            Huminga ng malalim si Courtney bago tuluyang ilapat ang kamay sa coder. The thing did its job and the doors slide open, revealing a black room—literally a black room.

            Sinundan niya papasok si Courtney. Madilim ang buong silid, gamit ang mga matang sanay sa dilim ay kaya niyang kilalanin ang mga gamit na nakapaligid sa loob. But something in there calls to him. He senses a lot of life, a lot of existence. Sa hindi niya malamang dahilan, nakakaramdam siya ng vibrations na tila ba buhay na buhay.

            And then he knew when they stopped at the center of the room.

            Ang madilim na silid ay tila bigla na lamang nagliwanag gayong wala namang nabago roon o nagbukas ng ilaw. Sa pangkaraniwang mata, isa lamang iyong silid na walang laman at madilim. Ngunit sa mga mata niya at sa mga mata ni Courtney, ang silid na iyon ay puno ng buhay.

            Ang TV, ang components, ang receiver, ang mobile phone, maging ang mga mesa at mga upuan… lahat sila may buhay.

            “Courtney…”

            Nahuli niya ang ginawa ni Courtney na pagpikit ng mga mata. She must be thinking the sight terrifies him, that he despises her now. Wrong. It isn’t like that.

            “Angel… how? Why?”

            Huminga ng malalim si Courtney. Luminga-linga ang dalaga, acknowledging all her stuffs that clearly is now a living thing, thanks to whatever she’d done with them.

            “Soul crafting. That’s what it’s called.”

            Napakunot ng noo si Kill. Matagal na siyang nabubuhay sa mundo. Buhay na siya nang isa pa lamang simpleng bansa ang Pilipinas, nabuhay siya upang masaksihan ang padagdag na padagdag na mga superhumans at black bloods sa mundo, buhay siya hanggang sa pagkabagsak ng bansang ito sa kamay ng Dreasiana Colony, at hanggang ngayon ay nag-e-exist pa rin siya.

            Subalit kahit kailan ay hindi niya narinig ang term na ‘soul crafting’.

            “What is soul crafting?”

            Again, she sighed then turned to look at him with evident unease in her eyes. But she was ready to tell him anything he wants. Willing even. He could tell with that fierce determination in her face. Tinutulungan na ni Courtney ang sarili niya. Sa wakas, hindi na lamang sila nina Victoria, Quincy, Chiri at Tsuka ang determinadong labanan ang kung anumang pumipigil upang maging normal si Courtney.

            She’s finally determined to help herself.

            “All you see in here… the mobile phone, the receiver, the fan, the desks… all of them… they are stray souls I crafted into things. I don’t force them, don’t fear, they are willing. Mahalaga sa akin ang Black Room dahil dito. Dahil ayokong may makaalam ng ginagawa ko. I’m a Tempress, the Head Tempress for all I was worth. They run to me for security, for assurance that the Academy is safe. And if one word goes out that I can transfer souls into stuff and animals… they would fear me. And I… Kill, it’s not my idea of keeping things inside the Academy together.”

            Weird. Naiintindihan niya ang sentimyento ni Courtney ngunit sa parehong paraan ay nagpalito rin iyon sa kanya. Hindi niya makita ang kasamaang hatid ng pagpapanatili sa mga kaluluwa na kusang loob namang nagnanais pang mag-exist sa corporeal plane. But one look at Courtney and it already tells him she’s damn mortified at what she’s doing.

            Which brings him to a realization. “That night I first encountered you, angel. Si Lem… ano’ng ginawa mo sa kanya?”

            Confusion filled her eyes as she tilted her head in wonder. “Lem?”

            “Si Lem. Naaalala mo ba noong una tayong nagkita? Sa may corridor sa Red Hallway, Courtney. Lem was dead. I saw you with a light shining underneath you then the next thing I knew it was gone. Lem was gone. No traces of his body. And afterwards it almost seemed like the guy never exists! Did you do that? Are you capable of doing that?”

            At sa isang iglap ay nakita niya ang kahinaan at pagbubukas ng bagong yugto sa katauhan ni Courtney. Napuno ng takot ang mga mata ng dalaga. It was drowning with open vulnerability. Something he never expected that would be there. Something he never expected she could feel. The cold, calculating, unattached Tempress.

            Ngunit ngayon ay hindi na siya ang Tempress na iyon. Nagbukas na ang saradong pintuan. Kay lapit na nilang lahat sa pagkamit ng hinahangad nilang emosyon mula kay Courtney. Sobrang lapit na.

            “I… I don’t know. I d-don’t remember. Kill, why can’t I remember?”

            The frustration and anguish laced in her tone made his heart clenched and his guts tightened. He never wanted to hear her like that. It makes him sick. Make him feel helpless.

            “Come here, angel.”

            Walang pagdadalawang isip na lumapit sa kanya si Courtney at yumakap. He secured her against him with every strength he has, not caring how tight his embrace can be. “Tell me things, Courtney. Things you remember. H’wag kang matakot, h’wag mong pilitin ang sarili mong makaalala.”

            Tumango lang si Courtney. Iniligid ni Kill ang kanyang mga mata sa paghahanap ng mauupuan. Sa ‘di kalayuang espasyo ng silid ay mayroong itim na kama. Nang igiya niya si Courtney patungo roon ay saka lamang niya naramdaman ang isa pang dagdag na aura sa silid bukod sa pakiramdam ng mga bagay na buhay sa paligid ng kwarto.

            Mayroon pang isa. Mas nakakalitong basahin. Isang dagdag na sensasyon na tila humahatak sa kanya at nagpapakalma ngunit sa kabilang banda’y nagdadala ng takot at pangamba sa kanya.

            Ignoring everything, he sat on the bed pulling Courtney down his lap and bringing her as close as possible against him. He realized her distance—both physical and emotional—is making him empty. He doesn’t want to feel empty. He’s afraid of feeling empty.

            “Tell me now, angel.”

            “Wala akong matandaan.” As she spoke, she adjusted her cheek against his chest and lay there comfortably. “I just… just know pieces. Things. Blurs of memories. Kill… is this normal? This isn’t, is it?”

            “We’re not normal, my angel, my love. We’re never normal, I suppose. But I’d like to know. Everything you know, I want to know.”

            Kita niya ang paglunok ni Courtney. Immediately he pressed down a soft kiss against her temple in a silent attempt of comfort and encouragement.

            And he did encouraged her.

            “Wala akong matandaan sa pagkabata. Nagising na lang ako isang araw ganito na ako. Dad said I woke up from a long state of coma. It took years. Nakuha nila ako mula sa pamilya ng mga Keera. Doon daw ako lumaki. I was twenty two years old. I lived then as if Dad is so determined to bury me in a cotton wool. Hindi ako nakakalabas ng bahay, kuntento na lang siyang bilhin lahat ng materyal na bagay na naisin ko. But then I grew tired of that so easily. I wanted to know why I can’t go out, why I can’t be a normal person. As the years passed by, I discovered I’m different.

            “Kill, hindi ako tumatanda. I’ve practically watch our servants grow old and die while I stay the same twenty two year old. I’ve began to question everything. I’ve began pushing my father. I’ve pushed and pushed… until… until he stopped being my father.”

            Natigilan si Kill. Her trembling is a sign that she didn’t like traveling down memory lane. Especially at this part of her memory. Gusto man niyang itigil ngunit inaamin niyang matindi ang kanyang pagnanais na makita ang tunay na Courtney Weinlord sa kabila ng makapal na balat-kayo nito. That’s why the least thing he could do was brush her hair softly with his fingers just like how she used to do it to his.

            “How, angel? What happened?”

            “Sir Glenn—Dad—is an unemotional freak the first time I’ve known him. Noong nagising ako at ipinakilala niya ang sarili niya bilang ama ko. He never speak to me unless I ask sensible inquiries. And even then tipid lang ang mga sagot niya. I’ve never really felt like he’s my Dad. I didn’t felt like he… he… he cares for me the way that you do…”

            Napabuntong hininga si Kill. Nahihirapan pa rin si Courtney na makakilala ng isang partikular na emosyon, specifically love. But he’s glad she recognizes how much he feels for her. Hindi man nito mabanggit ng eksakto, hindi man nito kayang maniwala sa ngayon, naniniwala siyang malapit na. Konti na lang ay darating din sila sa puntong iyon.

            “Believe me, angel. Only fools will not come to love you. Your father loves you, he does, I swear it.”

            “It surely didn’t feel like it at the time. I remembered vividly, Kill. Hindi ko kayang maramdaman pero naaalala ko. I pushed him to tell me everything. I pushed harder when he doesn’t want to. And in the end he… he revealed who I really am.”

            “Ano’ng sabi niya?” he asked carefully, not wanting to force her to answer kung hindi man nito gusto.

            “He showed me… things. He yelled at me. He blamed me—I don’t remember what he’s blaming me for—but I remember it was painful. Then all I remember was a woman… Maria! It’s Maria! She… she’s-she’s lying on a tube, she’s inside it. She seems sleeping… b-but… but she’s freezing and I know she’s not alive. Kill… Kill, Maria is—”

            Lahat ng kadugtong niyon ay naanod na nang tuluyang umiyak si Courtney sa kanyang dibdib. It took everything of his willpower for him upang pigilan ang natural na kagustuhang tumayo at lumabas mula sa silid saka kitilin ang kung sinuman o sirain ang anumang pinanggagalingan ng lahat-lahat ng luha ni Courtney.

            He wanted her to feel. But not this way. Never this way. He loathes himself every single second of every single drop of her tears wetting his shirt.

            “He made me do it!” she sobbed and then it went louder and louder. Walang magawa si Kill kung hindi ang yakapin ng mahigpit ang umiiyak na anghel. “He had always known I have that ability. I don’t remember what happened. I just remember being pushed to my limit. Losing a piece of myself, losing a large part that I don’t even know what it was. Next thing I knew buhay na si Maria. Hindi ko alam… swear to God, hindi ko maalala!”

            Ito na marahil ang pinakamalaking impormasyong nakuha niya patungkol kay Courtney sa mga nagdaang taong sinubukan nilang maghalughog ng kahit na ano’ng tidbits na mayroon tungkol dito. Sa loob ng walong taon, kulang na lang ay tignan siya ni Victoria na parang aso na handang tanggapin gaano man kaliit ang ihandog sa kanya ni Courtney.

            And Courtney giving him this gift… Her confessions, her opening up those crucial time of her life, her letting him know what she could do, her letting him in her private solitude like no other had been. This is all more than he had ever asked for. Courtney giving him something. Courtney giving him this big chunk of her life.

            He could die a happy man right now.

            “Ssh,” he cooed, cradling her lush and soft body against his. “It’s enough, angel. H’wag nating pilitin. Everything will be fine, everything’s going to be fine.”

            “Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ako huling nakaramdam ng kahit ano. Hindi ko na maalala kung ano’ng tawag sa mga emosyong gusto mong ibalik sa akin, Kill. I saw Dad change when he saw me change. I remember him crying but I… I couldn’t feel anything while he wept for me one day. He said I’m too frigid. He said what happened to me was his fault. He said I’ve never been that cold to anyone. He said—”

            “…and no matter what he said he still loves you,” pabuntong hiningang iniangat ni Kill ang mukha ni Courtney upang salubungin ang mata nito. “Just like I do, angel. Just like a lot of us do. Who you are doesn’t matter, never mattered. What you are capable of never mattered or will ever matter. Understand that.”

            Her eyes held wonder when she looked up at him that it felt like something kicked him low in the gut and his stomach clenched. He loves her so much he couldn’t breathe. “H-hindi ka natatakot sa akin? Sa kaya kong gawin?”

            Takot? Magalit nga rito ay hindi niya kaya kahit ilang beses man siyang mabuhay sa mundong ito. “No, angel. Kahit kailan hindi ako matatakot.”

            “Kill, kaya kong pumatay. Kaya kong—”

            “Kaya ko ring pumatay. Marami na akong pinatay. Sometimes because it was necessary. Other times, just for the heck of it.”

            For the longest time ay nakatingin lang si Courtney sa kanya. Kill’s mortified. Ashamed even that he had done so many evil things during his exhausting existence. Ngunit kung alam niyang darating sa buhay niya si Courtney—isang babaeng hindi niya akalaing matatagpuan pa niya—ay hindi siya gagawa ng kahit na anumang bagay na dudungis sa kanyang pagkatao.

            But he had. And he was painfully ashamed of it all.

            “Don’t be,” she spoke softly and his heart splintered into pieces by the tenderness of that small voice. “Ashamed of yourself, don’t be. You did what you have to.”

            With a staggering joy he closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. “Oh, angel. I love you. I love you so much it hurts to breathe. I love you so f*****g much that I’m so f*****g afraid of the mere idea of you leaving and getting the hell away from my horrendous life. Without you, it’s empty. Without you, it’s nothing. Don’t leave. Do not make me feel empty…”

            Naramdaman niya ang mainit na mga palad ni Courtney sa kanyang mga pisngi. Opening his eyes, sumalubong sa kanya ang mga buhay na buhay na mata ng dalaga. “Then help me not to make you feel empty, Kill. Love me… Make love to me, Kill.”