YOU WILL BE MY BANE

BREAKING THE BRO CODE

A.

BERRY is waiting for us when we get back to the firm. She is cheerful in her pink Scrubs. She tells you that she has been on call for the past twenty four hours but she had to see you because she misses you. She tells you that she would like to see you in private and I get jealous.

I sit in my cubicle as you and her walk towards your office, hand in hand. I look at how your palms envelope hers and I feel a little jealousy well up in me. I wish that can be us, I make up my mind to tell you at the club.

The day breezes by quickly like the Olympic sprinter, Bolt.

I go home, take a bath and come downstairs. Aunty Ifeoma and uncle Ekene are scolding their son.

"You will not use i********: or f*******: again, only Twitter" Aunty Ifeoma raves.

"How dare you dress like a woman and call it skit making?" Uncle Ekene wails.

"It's unmanly" Aunty Ifeoma adds in a weepy voice.

"Other Comedians do it dad.Tyler Perry dresses as Madea in every Madea movie. It's nothing new, it doesn't mean that I am turning into a woman" the poor boy cries.

"Shut up! What do you know? Don't you think that those boys are dressing up as women in order to live out their drag queen fantasies without being judged? No son of mine will behave like a woman here. Ifeoma, warn your son. Before I return from Emeka's house-warming, I want you to take down that video! Ifeoma control your son! Control your son!!" Uncle Ekene scolds both mother and son and leaves.

I haven't seen him that angry before and if he finds out that I have actual feelings for you, I wonder what he will do.

I know that I should intervene. I should tell them it's probably nothing. He's just a teenager trying to make comedy skits like other Comedians who are actually making ridiculous sums of money by dressing like the opposite s*x.

But I don't tell them that. They are already questioning why they don't see me hang out with any girl. I don't want to give them a reason to turn their radar towards me.

"Aunty Ifeoma, I have an office meeting to get to" I say. She nods sadly "Be back home on time" she replies absentmindedly. She doesn't ask me what sort of meeting takes place at night.

She sits down slowly in the living room with her chin in her hands. She begins to question her personal God.

"God! I asked you for a male son, a male son not just any type of son, a male one" she cries. Her son shakes his head,

"Good evening Couz" he says to me and goes to his room. I feel for the poor boy. He isn't even gay and he is suffering like this, what will happen if he wakes tomorrow and tells them that he is gay?

B.

Thirty minutes later I am at the new Cubana club. The building looks futuristic and the long line of people outside heightens my desire to enter the club.

You arrive in a white gangsta tee shirt and blue baggy Denim jeans with brown Timberland boots. You park your car in the available slot in the compound and I wave to you.

"Nate my man!" You say and give me a shoulder to shoulder hug.

"Now time for your lessons, Bro code 103, always give the Bro Hug to your closest Bros, handshakes are for other dudes and those who rat to the police" you say amidst the loud noise coming from people waiting in line to be let into the club.

"Okay" I say, breathing in your cologne. You look like a different person. Your face looks different from the Cooperate Yemi I see in the office during the day.

You look more fun, happier.

"Why are you waiting in line? Come on, I know the manager" you say and we trudge through the crowd.

"There are pretty girls here" I tell you as we cross different girls who dressed thirstily.

"Their boobs are big" I comment further and you turn and laugh!

I don't know how long I can keep this straight act.

"You a boobs man?" You ask and I nod.

"My man!" You laugh. "Boobs men rule, ass men suck!!" you add, sounding like a college fraternity boy going to a sorority house party.

Wait, there are boobs men and ass men? good Lord!

"Oh wait till you get inside, it's like heaven but for chicks" You say.

We get to the black macho bouncer and you show him a code from your text message and like a stone door, he moves sideways and we enter.

Immediately we enter the large room through a dark corridor, the sweet smell of air fresheners laced with spilled alcoholic drinks, wafts through the air and greets our noses.

About five naked girls are dancing at strategic poles in the room and men are clustered around each dancing pole. The bare breasts of the dancing girls are enormous, swirling from side to side.

"Come on, I got us a private room" you say as we walk through the dancing girls and the men gawking at them. The men are throwing money at them and urging them to do certain things to their bodies.

"Come on girl, lick that booby! Yeah, stick your finger into that honey pot!"

"Shake that ass girl, work that pole!"

I want to tell you that I don't support the display of women like commodities to be looked at or paid for but I rescind my thoughts. They are adults, they want to be here.

Five minutes later we are sitting in a semi dark cubicle with futuristic erotic art designs on the wall.

There is a painting of a couple engaged in an intense c****s on top of what looks like a space ship.

It is followed by a painting of a naked woman with unbelievably large breasts with octopus tentacles as areolas.

Two half dressed chubby girls walk into the room with expensive drinks raised above their heads. They set down the drinks and begin to slow dance to the music playing in the background.

They share the tiny pole inside the cubicle. I look at you, you wet your lips and wink at the fairer girl. I look away.

I look at the drinks, Hennessy VSOP, I nod and look at you again, you look at me and your lips curve into a wonderful smile, my heart skips more than a beat.

Here you are, a few paces away from me and here I am a few paces away from you, dying to be near you. This is torture but what sweet torture it is.

"Have fun my Friend" You say pointing at the dancing ladies.

"Or are you keeping yourself for Tope?" You ask me amidst smiles. You bring out a big cigar and set it at the edge of your mouth.

"Oh nah" I reply.

Not Tope, I'm keeping myself for you but I can't tell you that now, I will do that when we are going home.

"This one you have been talking about Tope, do you want her again?" I ask you as I pour myself a drink.

"What? no! listen, Bro Code 101; A Bro must never sleep with his Bro's Shawty, unless his Bro gives him express permission to do so. This is like the main Bro Code, followed by the Bros before Hos' code. Some guys have been killed for breaking this code" you tell me.

Really? wow, so the girl has no choice in the matter? she's a property to be owned and shared among bros? man! it must be nice being a toxic heterosexual. You get to be dense and toxic and have the sweet blessing of ignorance.

But I won't tell you that. I nod and smile.

"You don't mind if I smoke, do you?" You ask and I smile.

"No I don't" I say and You smile.

"My man!" You squeal and light up your cuban cigar.

The girls are dancing sensually now, the dance is so sensual that I am tempted to join them and display for you. The way their bodies move to the rhythm of the music draws and pulls me.

Their bodies writhe and twist dexterously on the pole .The subliminal messages their bodies are sending to my brain are quite remarkable.

You stand up and grab the fairer girl by the waist, she throws her head back to your chest and the euphoric feeling of watching you romance a girl sends me into cloud nine.

The door of the cubicle opens and two girls and a hunky boy fall in. The boy is drunk as hell.

"Hey guys, you don't mind if we join you, do you?" The boy slurs.

"No mate, the more, the merrier" You say and the boy enters. The song changes into a fast pace rhythm. You and mystery boy are dancing crazily with the girls. I am sipping on my drink, tapping my right foot and nodding my head slowly.

The darker chubby girl approaches me, she draws my head towards her incredulously big bosom and I motorboat her. You laugh and point at me.

"My man!" You rave. The girl turns her back to me and shakes her waist. Her red shiny G-string fighting but failing to cover her lady parts. Her buttocks vibrate like a snow mountain experiencing an avalanche. I look at you, you are dancing wildly with the fair girl. The black girl takes my hand and both I and my nether region stand.

I start to nod my head slowly while she rubs her backside against my nether region. I initiate a few dance steps and then the music takes over me totally. It might be the alcohol or the fact that I am here with you, watching you show me this side of you, watching you trust me but I let loose.

I throw my hands in the air and let my inhibitions loose. I dance, throwing my head from side to side with my hands in the air like a zombie under a hypnotic spell.

You laugh and you approach me, "Nate, Bro code 108; a Bro must never dance with his hands above his head, never do the white girl dance" you say and the mystery boy laughs.

"Doesn't he know the Bro codes?" The mystery boy says and laughs. I smile and bring down my hands as I continue my dance. I am happy, I am free, the world and her restrictions and judgement don't bother me anymore. I am here with you, you see me now. Icarus's face flashes through my mind and I blink.

The mystery boy that joined us gets freaky with the girls, he slow dances with the two girls as they both grab him in places that one shouldn't think of in church. The song changes again and everyone, both those in private cubicles and those in the general floor scream with excitement.

Your hand brushes against mine as you grab the waist of the girl I am dancing with. You pick up a bottle of Hennessy and tilt Your head back.

"Kpukpukpu" the bottle gasps as you down a few ounces. You twist your waist to the rhythm of the song as your hand caresses the girl's semi nude frame. I wish I am the one. I wish I am the one your hand is telling stories without words. I know you see me now but I wish you'd see me more than as a friend.

We dance into the night, sweaty and winded.

"We have court tomorrow morning" You whisper to me and I nod. I must admit, I didn't want to come here but now that I am here, I really don't want to go.

We dance for another twenty minutes and you tell me that we should go. We say goodbye to the mystery boy and he hugs us happily.

You tip the stripper girls who danced with us and they blow you kisses as they continue to dance with the mystery boy.

Five minutes later, you and I are on the road home.

"You can drop me off at the next bus stop and I will catch a taxi home" I tell you.

"Poppycock! You are going home with me bro, it's dangerous out here and it's too late to wait for taxis" you say and I nod. I send a text message to Uncle Ekene that I won't be coming back, I can almost hear the grunt in his "Okay" reply.

I look at you as you drive, you are drunk and you are driving. I know that I should tell you that it is wrong and you can get a DUI but I can't. I should tell you to park and let's order an Uber but I can't. Instead, I begin to breath in your cologne and imagine that you are taking me home to have a mind blowing night with me.

A guy can dream right?

I should tell you how I feel, I should tell you what I feel. This is the right moment, you are drunk, you will be brutally honest. I clear my throat to speak but a loud collision happens behind us.

We hear a crash behind us and I turn back and it seems like there is a burning car behind us. maybe It is a burning car or a maybe it is a mirage. I am too drunk to notice. But don't mirages appear during the day?

I have to tell you how I feel. I try to speak again but you speak first.

"You know, you are very fun Nate. I had pegged you as this annoying gay supporting recluse. But now? Damn it man, you are fun" You slur and I smile and swallow my words.

Was that why we never hung out until now? You thought I am a gay sympathizer? What will you do when you find out that I have these feelings for you?

"Were you about to say something?" You ask.

"No, no" I say.

"Oh okay. I thought you were about to say something. You turned towards me and you know.... damnit man. I think I'm wasted" you say and I smile.

Even drunk, your mind is as sharp as a knife.

Fifteen minutes later, we drive into an estate. The large red gate opens and three burly security men walk out. They see you and they hail you. I burp as you climb a bump.

"You were wild tonight mate!" You scream again as you park the car.

"Well, one has to let loose once in a while" I tell you and you nod. We walk towards a bungalow surrounded by flowers. You open the door and we enter.

"The bedroom is that way, the kitchen is that way, the guest bathroom is down the hall. You can go to bed bro if you feel sleepy" You say and you fall onto the cushion, mumbling.

I burp again as I sit on the cushion opposite the one you are lying on.

"I love her you know" you say, your voice breaking.

Uhuh, Are you a sad drunk? is that why we left the club in such a hurry?

"Who?" I ask.

"Berry, I love her and she just ripped my heart out" You say, sounding sad and forlorn. I am tempted to come to you and wrap my arms around you to comfort you but I know better.

"But you guys seemed happy in the afternoon" I tell you.

You chuckle.

"I went to pick her up before I came to the club, I wanted her to go with us but she refused. She said it's over between us" you say and turn on your sofa. I can hear the sadness in your voice and I am crushed that I can't do anything to help you.

I'm afraid that if I do or say anything that seem unmanly or too caring, you might quote another Bro Code to me.

And Lord knows that I am tired of the lecture.

"I love her you know, I might be with other people but my heart beats for her" You say.

"I'm sure she needs time. She will get over it" I say.

"Do you think that I'm a bad person Nate?" You ask.

"No, not really. I think you are misunderstood" I tell you and you laugh.

"I'm gonna go take a bath, I smell like the armpit of a mad person" you say and enter the room.

Oh Yemi, only you can think that you smell bad even when you smell like lilies on a summer evening.

I go to the kitchen and as your shower begins to run, I run wild with imagination. If I were home right now, I'd draw. I'd draw several eroticas of You and since I am not home, I close my eyes and let my imagination loose.

Fifteen minutes later you are out in the living room and I go to take my bath.

I come out and you are playing a video game. You look sad, depressed even. You look lonely and I long to hold you and tell you that I will always be there for you.

I sit beside you and take the other controller. We sit in silence as we walk down the lonely roads of ancient Greece, slaughtering monsters and taking glory.

"Why did she break up with you?" I ask you as I dismember Medusa.

There is silence, You look at me and smile.

"She said she saw me cheating on her. For all I can tell, it's all conjecture. She couldn't have seen me. I'm careful you know" You say and I nod.

I am happy she is broken up with you, I am glad she is no longer here to take your hand in hers and lead you away from me.

"Give her time, let her anger run it's course. She will cool down eventually" I tell you and you nod.

I should ask you if you cheated on her, I should ask you why you cheated on her but I don't. This attraction I feel towards you will be the death of me, I know it.

"This is nice" you say.

"Ever since my buddies went to the UK to further their studies, I've never really had a bro I can confide in. This is cool" You say and look at me with a ravishing smile racing across your face. I am smitten.

We play into the night and then sleep. We wake up in the morning, I'm lying on the couch and you are lying on the floor. Our hands are touching and I hate fate because as I look at your sleeping frame, you look like an Olympian god who just spent a night with a human companion.

C.

Isn't it Ironic that the first night I spend with you was spent talking about your Berry?.

You lend me a shirt and trouser which are the closest to my size and I bask in the lingering fragrance of your cologne in the clothes. I put my party clothes in a black bag and leave it inside your car as we get to work.

We alight from the elevator and you walk towards your office and slowly it dawns on me that our magical evening has ended.

I look over your office and your head is bowed over your computer. Are you still brooding over Berry or are you working?.

Afternoon comes and we go to court. The Agbomma case is gaining traction all over the country. Feminists are rallying up behind her to support her and to make sure that Chief Coker, her alleged r****t is jailed.

I marvel at Barrister Wale's skills as he cross examines her on the stand. All I can think about is my night with you. Nothing happened between us last night but just staying there, lying beside you was as peaceful as ever.

During court recess I go to the dispenser to take water. You approach me. I look at you as I drink the water from the disposal cup.

"Ahh Nate" you groan as you approach me.

"Bro Code 201; A Bro must never look at another Bro while eating banana, licking lollipops or drinking water. Shawties can do that but bros can't" You tell me and I smile.

"Seriously were you so caught with academics in the University that you didn't have a social life?" You ask me and I smile again.

Was that a subtle shade Yemi? Your bro codes are all homophobic rules made up to shame gay men and make them look disgusting.

"Well, cheer up, you got me now" you add and jab me gently on my tummy.

"Oh geez, how lucky I am" I tease and you laugh. You take water from the dispenser with a disposable cup and you drink.

"Look Nate, I need your help" you say with sadness washing over your face as we walk back to the court room.

"With what?" I ask enthusiastically.

"I don't know but can you help me talk to Berry? I mean she likes you and I always get the vibe that she sees you as a good person" you say and I die inside.

Is this why you took me to the club last night? Have you been having issues with her and you hope I might help you get in a good word? Is this all I am to you? A fool to be used?.

"Can you hear me Nate?" You ask and reality dawns on me. You will never see me as anything more than a tool to be used.

"Yes, yes I can hear you. I don't know where she works" I tell you.

"She is not at work today. She is off duty" you say and I nod.

We go back to the court room and the trial resumes. My heart hurts. It feels as if a twelve gauge needle has been plunged into it.

The court session comes to a close and I don't hear a word of the argument made by each side. I am lost in my thoughts. Apart from my attraction towards you, another thought dominates my waking moment; how do I stop feeling this way about you?.

Two hours later we are at Berry's estate.

"I will come back in a few minutes and pick you up bro. I told Barrister Wale that we are out for lunch, so I'm going to go get some lunch. Please tell her that I'm a good person. Tell her that I would never cheat on her" You tell me.

You take my hand in yours and look into my eyes.

"Bro please, I love this shawty, help me win her back" You say and I nod.

My heart is heavy.

I alight from your car and walk to the gate you had pointed as Berry's gate. I turn towards you. You give me the thumbs up and I smile again.

"I'm going now bro, I will be back soon" you whisper and then you drive away.

I open the gate and enter the one storey building. The yellow walls seem new and the entire compound looks as if the floor was hand-scrubbed with a tooth brush.

"The first pink door on your left" you had said.

I knock gently on the door and there is no response. I knock again and the door gently opens.

"Nate!" Berry squeals happily.

"What are you doing here?" She asks and I swallow hard.

"I....I....." I stammer.

"You heard that I broke up with Yemi and you are here to ask me out?" She says and I am caught off guard.

What? Ask her out?

"I've always known that you want me. The way you look at Yemi each time I am with him. That look, so powerful, raw and emotional. I always knew it was pure hate" Berry says and draws closer to me.

"Did you know that Yemi slept with my cousin?" Berry says and draws even closer. Her flowery perfume wafting into my nose, arousing emotions that I thought were absent. Emotions you aroused last night but didn't satiate.

I should talk, I should tell her why I am here. I try to talk but she is still talking. It's not nice to interrupt people when they are talking.

"I have always excused his animalistic behaviors when it comes to cheating but I think I will give him a taste of his own medicine" Berry says as she gets even closer to me. Her bosom is pushing against my chest. I stand there looking at her, helpless.

She draws me into the house and closes the door behind.

Okay, I really should say something right now. I should really talk now.

"Oh Berry..." I manage.

"Yeah I know. He's a pig" Berry says and then she kisses me.

I should push her away. I am not into her. I am into you. I can't do this, I can't hurt you like this. I can't break the Bro Code.

Before my conscience can catch up with the present, our clothes are already off. All the emotions I had suppressed while I was with you last night come pouring out like a barrel of oil tipped over on it's side. I don't see Berry's face, I see yours.

I stand in Berry's living room, with only my boxer short and I stare at her. She looks at me lustfully and a low guttural sound escapes from my throat as her face turns into yours.

In one pull, she removes my boxer short and drops to her knees.

"Damn boy, where did you hide all that?" She says and her mouth goes to work.

Yemi, if it's any consolation, all I can think about now is you but damn she is good with her mouth.

I know she is doing this to spite you and I should stop her but I don't want to. You used me Yemi, you never cared about me or hanging with me. The moment we shared last night meant nothing to you. If revenge was a dish best served cold, I prefer to serve it naked.

The thought of breaking your trust doesn't linger long in my mind as I draw Berry up to my face. I kiss her lips and her neck. She groans as I breathe out on her neck. She gets goosebumps and grabs my buttocks.

I stare at her areolas and they stare back at me; calling me, begging me to suck them. I can see your face on her areolas.

I acquiesce and I begin to suckle on Berry. She grabs my head as we fall to the hard cold tile. My buttocks cringe as I feel the cold. I swing her around and I am on top of her. I look at her face but I see only yours.

I run my mouth on her left areola and she lets out low moans of ecstasy. I leave her upper deck and I travel below deck.

I anchor her ship with the tip of my tongue and she twists and turns. She curls her legs around my head as her body lays there misshapen in an epileptic fit of ecstasy.

I wonder what you will think of me now when you find out that I have broken the greatest Bro code out there!.