Selfish

Chapter Seven - The Fourth of July

Ch 7 – Jimmy

            It was that time of year again: the annual Fourth of July party. Normally, I would have looked forward to this event, but with the combination of Drew and Liz being there, and it being the first year celebrating without my dad, I was convinced I would not have a good time.

            My dad always loved the Fourth of July—I think mostly for the beer and the fireworks. Really, it was any excuse for him to light some fireworks: birthdays, holidays, science projects, and even to celebrate the occasional A’s I earned in school. On those occasions, he always set one off early in the morning as soon as he woke up, “to start the day off right.”

When Keith knocked on my door before sunrise with a single shot aerial and some sparklers in his hand, I nearly cried.

In a low whisper, he asked if I wanted to wake the others, but I didn’t. I wanted to savor this time with my dad, even if he wasn’t there in life.

I dressed quickly, pulling on a shirt and a long robe with my pajama pants. Keith was donning a similar outfit and had made us each a coffee for the occasion. It was already warm outside, even without sun, but I was comfortable in my heavy robe once we made it to the lawn.

The property was large, and although we would always go down the road to a large field to put on a larger firework show, there was plenty of room for us to feel safe setting this one off in the yard.

We set our coffees in the gazebo before placing the tube on the ground at the edge of the pond, pointed out and away from the house. We crouched low to the ground, and without a word, the fuse was lit, and we ran like children back to the gazebo, lighting our sparklers quickly.

Finally, a stream of light shot into the air, our heads following in unison. A loud crack through the air showed the explosion: white streams of light extending from its core, each stream tipped in green. As the lights started to fade and fall with gravity, the center of the explosion crackled again, with bright blue shimmering lights.

The blue spots of light were gone as quickly as they’d come, and all that was left now from the excitement were the remnants of smoke in the air from the explosion, and the smell of burned sparklers, now reduced to a dead sticks in our hands. The air was still again, and we simply stood in our silence.

--xx—

            Though I didn't have to be up for hours to help finish setting up, I had trouble sleeping after that. I would finally have my eyes close in exhaustion, only to be woken up by any small noise or creeping though.

When I finally gave up on sleep and got out of bed to shower, I noticed Emily's bedroom door was cracked open. I couldn't keep myself from peaking in through the cracked door, hoping to find Lizard asleep on her cot.

I had visited her in Emily's room every night throughout the past week, trying to work up the nerve to invite her to come walk with me. A few times she'd been awake but would ignore me. Other times, though, I would find her sleeping soundly, which would leave me lying awake for hours, wishing she had been next to me instead.

This time, though, I wasn't prepared for the sight that I found.

She was fully awake and nearly fully nude. She wasn't facing me, and I hadn't lingered.

I hoped she hadn’t seen me as I turned away quickly to hide myself in the bathroom. I tried to forget the image I'd happened upon--I didn't deserve it.

She'd already pulled on a bright pair of underwear, and she bent to pull her skinny jeans over her smooth legs. Her wet hair was dripping down her perfect back, and though I couldn’t be sure, I thought I had caught a glimpse of something else: her breast as she bent to pull up her jeans.

Her glistening skin and her gentle curves—now, as hard as I could try to push the image away, it had already been etched into my mind.

Guilt washed through me for having looked at all. My face was burnt red in the mirror.

Shaking the dirty thoughts from my mind, I slid into the shower and turned the water on--cold.

--xx—

Every time I locked eyes with Liz as we finished setting up outside, I would remember our encounter that morning. I would snap my eyes away from her, blushing hard. I noticed she had started giving me strange looks when I had done it maybe one too many times.

When she had finally started to walk to approach me, I was relieved to see our first guests were arriving and pulling into the driveway--a married couple: two of Keith's friends who came every year, followed by a few unfamiliar faces I quickly realized were from Keith's work.

We had left the grass beside the house open for parking and it was being filled quickly, leaving guests to park on the street.

I quickly avoided Liz's approach by greeting the first guests and walking them inside to meet Keith and Aunt Kathy in the kitchen.

Of course, when they quickly took to conversation, I had no other plan. I turned to go back outside, and Liz was already blocking the doorway.

"What's going on?" She crossed her arms in front of her, and I felt my cheeks growing hot again as I tried to pull my eyes away from her chest.

"Uh... nothing," I pushed past her to go back outside, but this time she was the one catching my wrist and pulling me to face her.

"Look," she sighed, and dropped her eyes to the ground. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have stormed off the way I did."

I watched as her own cheeks started to flush to match mine, and she made brief eye contact with me. She had started to rub the back of her neck nervously, and I simply had no words.

She was perfection.

"Lizard, I--"

"'Sup, loser." A familiar voice made me stiffen in place.

Shit. I had been about to confess my feelings! Why had he come now? I needed to tell her I was sorry! I needed to tell her she was perfect, and beautiful, and that she had every right to be angry with me. I needed to tell her that I laid awake every night wanting her. I needed to tell her everything.

Turning to face the driveway, my suspicions were confirmed. Drew was strutting up to us and pushed me behind him with one arm as he swiftly brought the other to snake around Liz’s waist and he planted a sloppy kiss on her mouth.

NOOO!

He's using you!

Be with me instead!

Stuffing my hands deep into my pockets, I kicked a rock from the driveway toward the pond and frowned when it didn't even come close to the water's edge.

“Hey, babe,” he addressed Liz now. I continued to make my way further down the drive away from them, not really having a plan of where to go.

All I knew was that I would have to keep a close eye on Drew. He was lying to her, and though she hadn’t believed me when I told her at the lake, I knew it was only a matter of time before he would do something to hurt her.

--xx—

It had been exhausting to follow them around all day. I had been pulled into seemingly constant awkward conversation about school and my future and college--especially once my grandparents had arrived. I had to go through all the usual chit chat that came with an annual event, but now I had to do it while constantly looking over my shoulder to find them.

            Suddenly, I had been snapped back to my conversation.

            “Say, I hear you’ve got yourself a girl!”

            It was Granddad, my dad and Aunt Kathy’s dad.

            He and Grandma Barb faced me in anticipation.

            “Uh…” I couldn’t find the words.

            “Is that why you keep lookin’ over your shoulder? Do we get to meet ‘er?”

            “Uh, no,” I breathed, their faces falling in unison. I continued, “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

            “Oh,” he paused. “So, then what’s this I hear about a girl?”

            I suddenly locked eyes with Liz over his shoulder, who was at one of the tables of food, filling her plate with a bored-looking Drew beside her.

            As they started to turn to see who I was staring at, I panicked.

            What do I say?

            “Uh, yeah,” they turned back to face me. “Well, there is, uh, a girl.” I nodded and pushed my lips together tightly. “Izzy. But I, uh, just haven’t worked up the nerve to ask her out yet,” I lied, pulling a hand up to rub the back of my neck. I shot another glance over their shoulder, but Liz was no longer looking in my direction.

            “Is that her?” Grandma Barb spoke this time, looking directly at Liz now.

            “No!” I knew I was less than convincing. “Uh, that’s just Liz, Keith’s daughter. Haven’t you guys met her yet?”

            “Well, now, that doesn’t explain why you’ve been checkin’ on her all day, son,” Granddad saw right through me.

            “Well, you see,” I locked eyes then with Drew. “It’s not her I’m watching. It’s Drew,” I diverted. “I kinda maybe got into a fight with him over Izzy.”

I darted my eyes to each of my grandparents and back to the ground. This was more than I had bargained to share with them, and while it wasn’t completely true, I knew it would get me off the hook.

            “What?” Grandma Barb gasped. “A fight?!” She grabbed my shoulders and started inspecting me, pulling my chin in every direction and checking my hands for… blood? I don’t know what she expected to find.

            When she was satisfied that I wasn’t broken, she held me at arm’s length before pulling me into a tight hug, my arms pinned down to my sides.

            She suddenly pushed me back by my shoulders again, this time wearing anger on her face. Her lips were pursed tightly, and her eyebrows pulled low over her eyes.

            “How could you do something so stupid?”

            Off one hook and onto another.

            “Grandma…” I groaned under her tight grip.

            Granddad just chuckled and muttered something under his breath, “—your father’s son.”

            Grandma Barb glared in his direction.

            I thought again about what Keith had told me the day before—that he and my dad had fought over my mom. Having grown up around the two of them, I never would have guessed they’d fought in their lives.

            It had worked itself out. Even though Keith had gone after her first, mom had chosen my dad. Maybe it would all work out for me after all.

            --xx—

            Everyone had eaten plenty of good food by the time the sun started to set, and I helped Keith and Aunt Kathy bring the leftovers inside before we would go do fireworks.

            This would be a much bigger show than Keith and I had put on that morning, so we were all going to walk to the field down the street once it got dark.

            To both my relief and dismay, Drew had yet to do anything unseemly since his arrival, save for the wet kiss he’d given Liz on the porch. I had noticed, though, the sharp looks he’d been giving me throughout the day when he’d caught me staring in their direction.

            I wasn’t about to give up. Maybe if I could find a way to apologize to them both, we could all move forward. Even if Liz didn’t want to be with me after all this, I missed having my best friend, and at least maybe we could all be friends.

            I finished the last trip into the house and planned to take the first opportunity to talk to him, which proved easier than I’d anticipated.

            “’Sup Shea,” he grumbled as he made his way toward the bathroom.

            “Wait,” I stopped him. He turned slowly to face me, letting out a long burst of air, rolling his eyes dramatically.

            “Lemme guess,” he started. “You want me to back off or you’ll knock my lights out,” he narrowed his eyes in accusation.

            I didn’t realize my body had stiffened, but I stood up tall and tried to relax, shaking my hands out in front of me.

            “Uh, no.”

            He continued to eye me suspiciously. I wanted to laugh but couldn’t. This was too important to screw up.

            “I wanted to apologize.”

            After more awkward silence I started to explain. I told him that I’d never been interested in Izzy and that the whole thing had been a big misunderstanding. I’d expected him to retort and to spurn my defenses, but he listened quietly. When I’d finished, he slowly nodded, looking toward the door.

            “Okay, you’re right,” he said before suddenly punching me in the arm. This time, it was not an act of aggression. He smiled.

            “I’m sorry, man. I’ll back off Liz. I know how much it sucked when I thought you were doing that to me.” He pulled me into an embrace, quickly pulling back and straightening his shirt, clearing his throat loudly.

            “Alright, well…” He looked at me.

            “…yeah,” I agreed.

            “Well, uh, I’ve gotta piss,” he motioned to the bathroom.

            “Oh! Right, yeah, sorry.” I turned to go back outside.

Where I’d once felt betrayed, angry, and sickened, I was now relieved, and hopeful that the relationships I had been separated from could once again be strengthened.

--xx—

I watched as Emily ran with her lit sparkler after the crowd of people making their way down the gravel driveway, followed by a chuckling Keith and Aunt Kathy. I hadn’t seen Liz and Drew in the masses and didn’t want them to miss it. I even thought this might be a good opportunity to finally tell Liz what I’ve been wanting to since she got here.

Maybe I could even sneak another kiss while everyone else is busy watching the fireworks.

Making my way back to the house to find them, I kicked another stone toward the pond. I didn’t have to look long.

When I looked up from the water, I saw them, lit by the hanging strings of light in the gazebo, their lips locked in another kiss.

The anger filled in me again, and I had to turn away to keep from doing something I might regret.

How could Drew have lied to me again? He told me was going to back down. He knew how I felt about her. He really wanted to hurt me that badly?

I clenched my fists at my sides and started toward the end of the driveway again.

Let them kiss. I don’t give a f**k.

By the time I’d turned onto the road beyond the tree line, I heard something that made me stop. I thought I’d heard Lizard’s voice shout something.

Standing in place and listening now to be sure, I met my answer.

A loud shriek came from their direction, and then a distinct crash of water. I ran quickly back to the house, but didn’t see either of them.

How had they disappeared so quickly?

Another splash came from the pond and I saw Liz break through for air, thrashing her arms as she tried to gain traction.

“Liz!”

It wasn’t a terribly deep pond, but the floor was muddy and your feet could easily sink into it, or could get trapped in the weeds, leaving you stuck. Liz was smaller than me, and I imagined her sinking through, her mouth and nose getting trapped beneath the water.

Without thinking, I stripped off my shirt and shoes, running wildly into the water.

How did this happen?

I reached her with some difficulty and she coughed the water from her lungs as I pulled her to her feet, back on solid ground.

She wasn’t holding her own weight, and I pulled her to the nearest tree I could find.

I held her up first by her waist, but she started to double over, so I ended up pinning one of her shoulders to the tree with one hand. Her shirt clung to her skin tightly, and had pushed itself up slightly, her bare belly peaking beneath the now translucent material.

I let my eyes take her in. Her bright bra was visible through her wet shirt and I remembered seeing the underwear she’d donned that morning. Her hair had wrapped itself across her face and she stared at me with those wild eyes.

I pushed the hair back from her face and cupped her cheek as we both tried to catch our breath.

“Liz, are you okay?” I was trying to sound tender, but my voice was frantic and laced with worry.

“Mm,” she managed quickly between breathing.

“What happened?” I searched her face for answers but she simply looked down at our feet. Mine were bare now, and my wet jeans sagged to meet the ground around them, falling low on my hips.

Looking at her feet, though, I saw she had lost a shoe to the mud, and she wore only one sneaker now, the other foot trapped in a wet sock, covered in mud.

“How did you end up in the pond?” I asked again. She’d still not answered.

“Um, well…” her cheeks blushed, and she pushed her lips together, finally bringing her eyes to meet me. “I wasn’t looking where I was going,” she finally shrugged, looking back down at our feet.

I sighed heavily. “Well, where was Drew?” I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t seen them locking lips just moments before I’d heard the crash. And hadn’t she shouted something before falling into the water?

“Um, well…” she avoided my gaze again.

How could he just leave when she was in trouble? Was he the reason she ended up in the pond?

I felt the anger growing again and I pushed her shoulders against the tree again so she stood tall to face me.

“Is he the reason you were in the pond?!”

I received no answer still.

I placed my hands on either side of her head and leaned closer. I felt the heat of her body. I wanted so badly to push closer, to pin her against the tree and to feel her lips on mine.

Her eyes grew wide.

“What?” I asked.

She pulled a hand up toward my face, leaning closer, her eyes fixated on my neck.

Just as I thought we were about to kiss, she pulled something from my skin, suddenly shrieking and throwing the dark object away from us.

“What?! What was it?” I panicked, gripping the place on my skin she’d touched. I looked to inspect my body and saw another small dark object on my arm.

“Leeches!” I pulled it from my arm and threw it back to the pond in disgust before turning my attention back to Liz.

I scanned her quickly and saw that she, too, had a small black leech on her shoulder. I held her still again as she watched me in disgust, jittering under my touch.

I pulled it away and threw it back into the water.

“Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew…” she repeated quietly, looking down now at her own body.

Groaning, I knew what we had to do, and I took her by the wrist inside.

--xx—

I knew that I would have a hard time getting this out of my head. We were now home alone, in the upstairs bathroom, stripping off our outerwear to check each other for leeches.

Without the leeches, this would be a wet dream.

I’d brought my dry clothes in from outside, and had now taken off my jeans, standing only in my boxers. Turning to face her, I found that she had only removed her lone shoe and socks, laying in a muddy pile by the door.

She’d seen herself in the mirror and was now crossing her arms tightly across her chest as to block my view from her bra.

“Lizard, we have to get them all off. I need you to just take off your shirt and pants,” I tried to reason.

She nodded, her lips pushed together again, but she frowned as she turned away from me, delicately pinched the bottom of her shirt, her arms crossed in front of her. I could see her front clearly in the mirror above the sink and tried to look away. She lifted the shirt high above her head and tossed it onto the growing pile of wet clothes on the floor, crossing her arms in front of her again before turning again to face me.

I hoped she wouldn’t notice the growing bulge in my boxers as she unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them, too, to the floor.

            I turned her away from me again as the heat rose to my cheeks and between my legs.

            Focusing myself on the task at hand, I slowly worked my way down her body, plucking the leeches from her skin and throwing them into a small bucket I’d gotten from the kitchen. I traced a finger over her back, pushing the straps of her bra to check beneath them. I lifted her arm gently to get a leech which was making its way to her front, and felt my body stiffen as I saw into the dark space between her skin and the cup of her bra.

            I cleared my throat and stood up straight behind her before continuing my search.

            When I’d gotten to her lower back and my eyes started to trail to her round bottom, I sucked the air through between my teeth and quickly scanned her skin for leeches. Finding none, I made my way to her legs, crouching now behind her.

            When I was satisfied that I’d gotten them all from her back, I came around to face her, her eyes were wide, and her cheeks were a deep red.

            “There’s none on your face,” I muttered before starting to trail my eyes downward.

            “Um,” she stopped me. “I think I can get the front,” she said quietly, still crossing her arms across her chest.

            I pushed my lips together and nodded thoughtfully before turning quickly. I’d almost forgotten to hide my erection!

            Peaking over my shoulder, I asked her to check my back.

            I could see her in the mirror out of the corner of my eye as she stood on her toes to inspect my shoulders. She was no longer hiding herself, and her face would twist into disgust any time she found a leech on my skin. I found it hard to keep myself from laughing when she would pinch one and bend to drop it into the bucket, her eyes always closed tightly.

            She lifted my arms, too, to check beneath them, and when she’d looked over both sides and found nothing, she dropped my arms and I saw her eyes go wide in the mirror, her cheeks a deep red once more.

            I guessed she had seen it. The tent I had pitched in my pants. My own cheeks grew hot to match hers as she said nothing and continued down my back.

            “Um…” she said quietly when she’d reached the waistband of my boxers.

            I cleared my throat. “Uh, don’t worry about the rest,” I declared. “I’ll go finish in my room while you shower.”

            She blushed again and I turned, leaving the clothes on the bathroom floor and closing the door tightly behind me.

--xx—

I could hear the water running in the bathroom as she showered, and the distant boom of fireworks still going off down the street. I couldn’t help but to picture her body under the hot water, stretching to wash her hair and bending to run her hands over her smooth legs.

I knew the water would be too loud for her to hear as I stroked myself on the bed, my breathing getting heavier as I moved faster, letting myself worship her in my mind.

When I’d finished, I haphazardly cleaned myself with a tissue and collapsed, standing once I’d heard the water stop, wrapping my towel around my waist.

My turn.