A Crossroad (Filipino)

Habol ang hiningang napaupo ako sa damuhan. Halos hindi na kinaya ng puso ko ang pagtakbo nang kay tagal mula sa mga taong humahabol sa amin. "Jusko, mamatay na yata ako..." anas ko na lang saka mariing napapikit, pinapakalma ang hindi maawat na pintig ng puso ko. My poor heart is pumping too much oxygen to support me. "Don't worry, you won't. I would rather take in the consideration of a quickie death if those assholes catch up with us and poof— welcome bullet. I guess that would be the end of my promising career." Mas lalong uminit 'yung ulo ko. I should always be calm pero pagdating sa lalaking 'to nawawalan ako ng pasensiya. He's the epitome of a whole annoyance, ignorance, plain crap. For God's sake! Kung hindi lang niya ako pinakialamanan at hinila sa problema niya ay hindi ako darating sa puntong magbibilang na lang ako ng ilang segundo bago maka-face to face si kamatayan. All because of him! "Shut up. Huwag na huwag mo akong kausapin hanggang wala pang kwenta 'yang pinagsasabi mo. All you did was grin like you're not afraid to die. If only that could get us out of here, then that would make sense— but since it won't, then just shut up." I tried my best not to raise my voice, not even a little. Nakita kong nagkibit-balikat lang siya. Gago. How come I am attracted to this guy? "Oh well, I'm not like you, woman. Things like these are very easy to handle. I'm very much used to it." Used to it? Does that mean he faces death every second of his life? Bigla naman akong nag-alala. Wait. Why would I bother concern myself with his safety? Napairap na lang ako. "If you are, I am not. Ayoko ng gulo but you pulled me here. If you're best friends with trouble, I am sorry— not sorry to tell you that we aren't and all of this is not to my liking." When did I start talking too much about myself? And especially to a complete... stranger! Kahit sabihin pa nating alam ko ang pangalan ng lalaking 'to, does it pass my standard for an acquaintance? Obviously not. I never do storytelling. I keep everything to myself but right now, I just feel the need to. Certainly because I never experienced such frustration and uncertainty with life that I might need to let out everything before it's all too late. I am dragged into this mess at natatakot ako. Why won't I be scared? Natatakot na nga akong makihalubilo sa mga tao, takasan pa kaya ang mga armadong lalaking humahabol sa amin? Just one pull on the trigger at maaari na akong maputulan ng paa. I heard him sigh. "Okay, as a way of saying sorry for everything that I caused you, I will give you the rarest opportunity to ride on my back." Awtomatikong tumaas ang kilay ko. What is he doing? Talagang seryoso siya sa pagpapasakay sa'kin sa likuran niya? "Come on, pumasan ka na. I know you're tired." Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba 'yun sa lambing ng boses niya o sa pagod kaya pumasan na lang ako sa likod niya. Gusto ko nang umuwi. Kinakabahan ako hindi lang kasi natatakot akong maabutan kami ng mga humahabol sa amin kun'di dahil na rin sa naa-appreciate ko ang simpleng alok niya para makapagpahinga ako. I never appreciated men. Since my father left me and my mother for another woman, I learned to despise men. My mom didn't like the idea... maybe because after all these years, she is still holding on... But no one can change my principle. It was pondered by experience and not just mere observation. Men will always be men, cheaters. "Iyong mama ko," I whispered all to myself. My mom's left at home, all alone and waiting for me to be home like what I promised her. "I'll see to it that she will be fine so you don't have to worry. By the way, I am really sorry for everything that happened," mababa ang boses na sabi niya. "You should be. You're one at fault." If only you didn't... "Blunt as ever." I can certainly hear the amusement in his voice but I don't understand why. Napagdesisyunan ko na lang na manahimik at buong pakapalang inihilig ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. I suddenly wanted to sleep like this for eternity. "Harassment na 'yan," he said that came out as a mock for me. "Then sue me," nasabi ko na lang bago pumikit. Is there anything wrong with wanting to stop everything and just enjoy this while it last? In the real sense, everything will be over after this. Maibabalik na rin sa dati ang lahat. And this man will remain only in my memory like how things go in my world. He must be one hell of an asshole for intruding with my peace of mind. I meet people, but I never thought of entertaining them. It just happened that I met this man for the second time for no particular reason. And even though I know something is up within me, I know very well it is my responsibility to make sure it won't grow and destroy everything I vowed. People meet by chance, coincidence, or even fate whatever. But that's it. It doesn't mean you can't choose to leave, because I certainly can.