CHAPTER XIX: Lost Again

2377 Words
I needed a break from you, so I could be free being myself again… ---------------------- After a while, Milena called me from the kitchen and told me to go to her room. I looked up at the starless night sky before going inside her room. She started setting up some drinks and snacks.  “Here, Zec. We can talk about your problems over some chips and alcohol.” I grabbed the bottles and drank with big gulps. I wanna drown my feelings tonight! We started to get drunk and she interrogated me, “Zec, if that ND guy is your problem, don’t waste your time on him. He will get married soon and he’s not so handsome. And it’s his lost. You’re the best wife a man could ever want. There are many available guys out there. You’re still young.” ND’s not my problem, Milena! You are! You’re always the problem of my heart! I don’t want any man to have me as their ‘best wife’. I want you to have me as your wife! I replied, “He is the least of my problems. I told you, I never really loved him.” “You are together for almost ten years. You didn’t love him even a little bit? Why?” “You.” “Me? What about me?” “You’re the reason why I never loved him. And you already know that because I confessed to you, years ago!” “But… Zec…” Oh my gosh! She’s going to tell me again that she don’t love me like how I love her! I don’t want to hear it from her again! I didn’t let her finish her sentence. I pulled her closer to me and kissed her lips. This is different from the way I aggressively kissed her for the first time a decade ago. She was pushing me away, but I sat on her lap and hold a grip on both of her hands. She stopped wiggling away from me and let me kiss her. She’s not responding to my kisses, so I pulled away and looked at her and asked, “You said we can do anything as long as we’re in this room?” “You know that’s not what I meant. And you are still my best friend. My sister. This is an incest thing to do!” Fuck this life! Could someone bring me a time machine? I wanna go back from the first time we met, and I will kiss her instantly the day our eyes met! In that way, we’ll never start as friends or sisters! I angrily shouted, “We’re not even related by blood! Can’t you forget at least for tonight? Just think that we are strangers having the best night of their lives!” “Zec…”, she pleadingly said. Fuck! I know she’s going to say sorry and say things again that will hurt me even more! Just this night Milena! Give me this chance to give you all that I could offer! I put my fingers on her lips and shushed her. I started kissing her again. More aggressive than before. I forced her to move along with my rhythm. I bit her lower lip to give entrance for my tongue. When she opened,my tongue made love to her tongue. I felt hot! I removed my shirt. The alcohol in my system made me feel hot even more! I started sucking and licking her neck. She taste so sweet! Is this the reason why that Carly b***h always feast on this neck?! Milena started helping me to undress completely and whispered, “You have a wonderful body, Princess and My Madrid Queen!”. When I heard her said that, my heart cried in so much happiness! I waited for a very long time to hear her call me that way again! I sat on her leg and started to slide my bare jewel up and down as I continued leaving marks on her neck down to her chest. I wanted to undress her, but she stopped me. She started kissing my neck, and her hands gently cupped my breasts. My hands roamed up and down her body. I looked at her eyes as she went between my legs. I felt her breath so close to my treasure, that I started to stiffen and then melt at the same time. Her next move on me was pure pleasure that made me scream her name. Shit! I felt that there’s a slight prickle on my toes and my fingers. It’s ticklish! And I also felt something building inside of me. I wanted to release the built-up pressure inside! I pushed her head deeper between my legs. And my nails started digging unto her back. She looked up at me asking permission to add fingers on her way of pleasuring me. I’m nervous but I trust her. I whispered, “My first. Be gentle.” She kissed my lips as she slowly thrust in and out of me.It hurts a little but soon the pain faded away and replaced with unexplainable feeling. It hurts so good! I felt my muscles twitching uncontrollably and my heart beats faster than ever, "Shit... Mi... I'm going to c*m! Aaahhh!"I felt something dripped down between my legs. She licked my juices and kissed me. I taste some of myself from her. Then she started to touch me again. I’m sill sensitive right there! So, when she started pumping in and out again, adding more digits as she enter me, I couldn't control myself but to shiver under her. I scream her name over and over until I didn’t have the energy to voice out the pleasure I’m feeling. When I asked for a time out, she laid beside me. I hugged her and said, “It feels so great, Mi! This is my first time. I thought it will hurt but you are so gentle and so good!” I kissed her lips and wanted to return the favor, but she stopped me again. Instead, she went down on my legs and pleasured me mercilessly. I wanted to taste her too! To make her mine but I think she’s not yet ready. It hurts a little that she’s still saving herself for someone else. The next morning. She woke me up by giving me an oral pleasure. I orgasmed again. I lost count on how many times I reached heaven since last night! This is the happiest I’ve been after she was stolen from me. I gently pulled her shirt up to make her kiss me on my lips. I bit her lip and greeted her, “Good Morning, Mi! I love waking up every morning like this with you!” Her smile faded, and she stuttered, “Uhm… Zec… This thing between us… What happened between us was…” I know she wanted to say that everything happened between us is not anything serious. My heart wanted to cry but if this is my only time with her,then I will make it all worth it! Even if it hurts me in the end. "Sshhh… I understand, Mi. You don’t need to tell me anything. Our remaining days here should be only for you and me… After that, we’ll forget everything that happened between us here.", I said to her although, I know I’m lying to myself.  Then I kissed her again and let her make love to me all day. Good thing our boss let us another day to relax. This gave us more time to locked ourselves in her room and pleasure with each other! It’s such a waste that she’s not letting me have a taste of her sweet juice! Oh my gosh! Did I become a pervert and a s*x addict too?! Is it because I now gave my all to the person I love? And I wanted her to make love to me every time ?! As she slept beside me, I realized that I should still be thankful that I had this chance with her. Yes, it hurts a lot to know that she still see meas her best friend. That she would never love me like I do. I’m still happy that she complied to my request. She treated me like a girl she loves more than everything, even for just the days we’re in here. I woke up the next morning, feeling sore. My part down there, between my legs is throbbing. I felt like it’s swollen. I think we used it so much since yesterday! I bit my lip and smiled as I remembered the wonderful things that Milena gave me! Heaven! My daydreaming was disturbed when Milena entered the room with a tray on her hand. Aww! So sweet! She made me breakfast in bed! She smiled at me when she saw me already awake, "Special Breakfast in bed, princess and my Madrid queen!" She winked at me then carefully laid down the tray on my side. I smiled and kissed her cheeks, “Thank you, Mi!” “Hmm… How are you feeling? Do you feel sore down there? I’m sorry but you’re so irresistible and so delicious! I forgot that it was your first time!” I felt hot and my ears and cheeks flushed. She moved closer and kiss me on my cheeks and whispered, “Hmmm… You’re a yummy princess!" As I was about to kiss her, she stood up and moved away from me. Such a tease! She laughed at me when I pouted. Then she reminded me, “Zec, playtime’s over! Boss needs to talk with us later. We’re going back to Manila. Remember our deal. Everything happened in here will stay in here, capisce?” I sighed and nodded. I said, "So… Is this is how we’re going to be? Back to pretending? I really hate you, Suárez!” Tears started falling in my eyes. She hugged me and said, “Hey, I’m sorry, Zec. Please don’t cry. I’m regretting that I took advantage of you.” “Don’t ever feel guilty about this. You don’t know how happy I am with this borrowed time with you. I wanted this for so long. I wanted to give my all to you. You know how much I love you, right? Don’t worry Mi. I promise that this will be the last time I’m gonna let myself love you. I’m letting you go, Milena. Go and find the person who’ll make you truly happy and complete again.” That day, the project I’m doing with Milena’s team officially wrapped up. We prepared our things and left by afternoon. On our way out, I stare one last time and bid goodbye at the room that’s been the keeper of our secret moments. November 2016. A month after we went back to Manila, Milena, being true to our promise, really forget all the things that happened between us. I kept waiting for days but she never once reached out to me, even as a friend. Several days passed, I learned from Jojo that Milena is in a relationship again with someone else. I was devastated! If she’s looking for a new start or a rebound girl to forget Azil, why didn’t she consider me?Why look for somebody else she barely knew? I’m just here waiting for her all this time! I’m here ready to do anything for her! How ironic! For several days, ever since Jojo broke that news to me, I rarely left the house. At night, I drunk myself to sleep, wake up mid-afternoon, repeat. I was floored with sadness, what should I do now? I was hopeful from the time I gave my all to her. I was hopeful that I finally had this chance. That it is fate that brought her back to me. But then again, I was wrong! One day, Belle, surprised a visit at my home. I wasn’t responsive to any messages for the last days. They thought I ended my life. Belle, being a real friend, talk some sense to me and encourage me to move forward, to find someone who could love me back! It might take time, but at least it is worth all pain. Over night, I’ve decided that I needed to search myself and be happy again. I needed to disengage myself from loving Milena. I needed to bring my excitement, joy, and fulfillment back to life. This is a matter of following my heart that still shouts for Milena or taking care of my soul. And this time,I’m choosing to save my broken heart and wounded soul. I instantly quit from my job and let my parents handle my small business then started to travel solo. I started to feel excitement and enjoyment on my alone time. I could do whatever I want, and no one could say anything about it. I felt like I’m a rebel in my own way! I let go of my fears and insecurities. This is my first step of moving on, forgetting Milena, so I could start loving myself again. I visited new places and met new faces. For every place I went, I noticed that I got braver and I felt confidence and satisfaction. This could be the adventure meant for me, meant to heal my broken heart.
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