My system got me into an embarrassing situation.

Dawn always broke over Crescent Moon Village to the crowing of roosters, and today was no exception. Qin Wuwang dragged himself out of his drafty adobe hut, rubbed his bleary eyes, and patted his stomach out of habit—he was starving. At nineteen, Qin Wuwang was acknowledged as the village’s good-for-nothing. He hadn’t even managed to reach the first level of Body Refining. Every other young man his age had at minimum reached the third level. He was the disgrace of the cultivation world, the ultimate failure among losers. “Well, if it isn’t our great waste Qin Wuwang? Up bright and early. Off to sunbathe at the village entrance again, are you?” A sharp, mocking voice came from outside the door. Qin Wuwang didn’t need to look to know it was Wang Ergou, who lived for picking on him. He pushed open the door and saw Wang Ergou standing on his doorstep with two lackeys, wearing an infuriatingly smug grin. Eighteen years old, Wang Ergou had already reached the fifth level of Body Refining and was quite well-known among the village’s younger generation. That was exactly why he felt bold enough to harass Qin Wuwang every day. “Ergou, didn’t you have breakfast today? Your mouth reeks.” Qin Wuwang curled his lip. He might not be able to beat Wang Ergou in a fight, but he was more than capable of sharp comebacks. “You!” Wang Ergou was lost for words for a moment, then snapped angrily. “Qin Wuwang, don’t push your luck! A useless nobody like you dares to talk back? Believe me, I’ll beat you senseless!” Qin Wuwang shrank back. He really couldn’t fight Wang Ergou, yet he refused to back down verbally. “You wouldn’t dare! The village chief forbids fighting in the village!” “The village chief? He’s got no time to bother with the likes of you.” Wang Ergou smirked triumphantly. “Word is Qingyun Sect will come recruiting disciples around here next month. My father’s already prepared gifts for me. I’m definitely getting into Qingyun Sect this time!” Qingyun Sect—one of the three great sects of Tianlong Kingdom, a place every cultivator dreamed of joining. Qin Wuwang’s heart stirred, only to sink right after. With his pathetic aptitude, he wouldn’t even be worthy of stepping foot on Qingyun Sect’s grounds. “Hmph, you think you can get in?” Though a little envious, Qin Wuwang still shot back. “Don’t come crawling back crying when you fail the assessment.” “You’ve crossed the line!” Flying into a rage, Wang Ergou clenched his fist and charged straight at Qin Wuwang. Qin Wuwang squeezed his eyes shut, certain he was in for another beating. Yet the blow never came. He opened his eyes to see Wang Ergou’s fist frozen an inch from his face. It wasn’t a change of heart—Wang Ergou was stiff all over, his expression utterly bizarre. “E-Ergou? What’s wrong with you?” Qin Wuwang asked cautiously. Wang Ergou didn’t reply. He remained locked in place, his body trembling slightly. Just as Qin Wuwang leaned in to check, a deafening Pfft— rang out. A putrid stench instantly flooded the air. Wang Ergou had let loose an earth-shattering fart, then collapsed limply to the ground, his face deathly pale. Qin Wuwang was dumbfounded. What on earth just happened? “I… what’s wrong with me?” Wang Ergou muttered weakly. “I feel my spiritual energy… it’s all drained away with that fart…” Struggling to hold back laughter, Qin Wuwang put on a serious face. “Ergou, you’ve clearly lost control of your cultivation. Who knew a single fart could drain your spiritual energy? You really are one of a kind.” Burning with shame and fury, Wang Ergou tried to stand, only to find his body completely drained of strength. He had no choice but to let Qin Wuwang help him up. “Qin Wuwang… mark my words!” With that bitter threat, Wang Ergou left with his two lackeys, slinking away in disgrace. Watching his pathetic retreat, Qin Wuwang burst into loud laughter. Once he’d had his fill, hunger hit him again. He headed toward the village entrance, where Fatty Wang ran a steamed bun stall. Fatty Wang was his childhood friend—greedy for money and fond of pretty women, but always good to him. Fatty Wang’s stall was always bustling. By the time Qin Wuwang arrived, a long queue had already formed. Busy as he was, Fatty Wang spotted him at once and waved him over. “Wuwang, over here! I’ll save you two meat buns first!” Qin Wuwang was so moved he almost teared up. Nothing beat a loyal childhood friend! He took the steaming hot buns and began gobbling them down ravenously. “Slow down, no one’s stealing them from you.” Fatty Wang wiped sweat from his forehead. “Heard the news? Qingyun Sect’s coming to recruit disciples soon.” Qin Wuwang nodded, his mouth stuffed full. “Heard it… what about it?” “What about it? This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance! Aren’t you going to give it a shot?” Qin Wuwang let out a bitter laugh. “Fatty, you know my aptitude better than anyone. I’d only make a fool of myself.” “You can’t think like that.” Fatty Wang waved a hand dismissively. “What if? What if one of the sect elders has a moment of poor judgment?” Qin Wuwang nearly spat out his bun. “Are you comforting me or insulting me?” “Of course I’m comforting you!” Fatty Wang said earnestly. “The cultivation world’s huge—all sorts of strange things happen. You could be the chosen one!” Qin Wuwang was half-tempted, but quickly calmed down. “Forget the chosen one. I’d be lucky enough just to get by without starving.” Just then, a sharp piercing pain exploded in Qin Wuwang’s head, as if something was trying to burrow its way out. He clutched his head, dropped to his knees, and broke out in a cold sweat. “Wuwang! What’s wrong?” Panicked, Fatty Wang rushed over to help him up. “My head… it hurts so bad…” Qin Wuwang murmured weakly. Suddenly, a mechanical voice echoed inside his mind: Ding! Suitable host detected. Funny Cultivation System binding in progress… Binding complete! Congratulations, Host Qin Wuwang. You have obtained the Funny Cultivation System! Qin Wuwang froze, the pain instantly forgotten. He stared blankly. “A… a system?” That’s right, it’s me! The mechanical voice spoke again, this time sounding faintly smug. I am the funniest, most unreliable, ahem—most powerful cultivation system in the entire immortal realm! With me, you’ll become the most dazzling figure in the cultivation world! Qin Wuwang was utterly stunned. Was this real? Was he dreaming? You are not dreaming. The system seemed able to read his thoughts. I truly exist inside your mind. Taking a deep breath, Qin Wuwang forced himself to calm down. “Alright… what functions do you have?” I have countless functions! The system boasted proudly. Issue quests, dispense rewards, provide information—anything you can imagine, I can do! “Then… can you give me a reward right now?” Qin Wuwang asked hopefully. Rewards? The system’s tone turned sly. Rewards are earned by completing quests! But since it’s your first time binding me, I’ll gift you a newbie starter pack as a special favor! Qin Wuwang’s heart leaped with joy. A newbie starter pack sounded amazing! Ding! Dispensing newbie starter pack… Congratulations! You have obtained: First Level Body Refining cultivation! Congratulations! You have obtained quirky skill: Fart Divine Skill (Beginner Rank)! Congratulations! You have obtained one Storage Ring! Congratulations! You have obtained Incomplete Funny Cultivation Manual! Qin Wuwang was dumbfounded. What even were these rewards? First Level Body Refining was fine, but Fart Divine Skill? And the Funny Cultivation Manual—could the name be any more ridiculous? Don’t be ungrateful, Host! The system sensed his disdain. Fart Divine Skill is incredibly powerful! Even at Beginner Rank, you can unleash a stench so foul it blights the air—perfect for attacking enemies or making a quick escape! The skill can even evolve as your cultivation grows! Qin Wuwang’s mouth twitched. Evolve? Into what—an ultimate super stinky fart? And the Funny Cultivation Manual! The system went on. Though incomplete, it lets you cultivate ten times faster than ordinary manuals! The only downside is the process is… a little amusing. Qin Wuwang sighed. Beggars couldn’t be choosers—it was better than nothing. By the way, it’s time for your first quest! The system suddenly grew excited. Are you ready, Host?* A bad premonition welled up inside him. “What quest?” Ding! Newbie Quest Issued: Let loose an earth-shattering stinky fart in front of the entire village! Quest Requirement: Make at least a hundred people smell your fart, leaving a lifelong unforgettable impression! Quest Reward: Second Level Body Refining cultivation + Quirky Pill: Lucky Stink Pill ×1! Failure Penalty: Host will never be able to fart for the rest of your life! Qin Wuwang was petrified. What absurd quest was this? Fart loudly in front of the entire village? Make a hundred people smell it, and leave them scarred for life? It was utterly ridiculous! “System… are you messing with me?” Qin Wuwang was on the verge of tears. It’s just a simple newbie quest! The system said solemnly. You just got the Fart Divine Skill—perfect time to put it to use! Qin Wuwang glanced at the concerned Fatty Wang, then at the long queue outside the bun stall, his heart in turmoil. Should he take the quest or not? If he did, he’d lose all face and never show his head in the village again. If he refused… never being able to fart for the rest of his life—what kind of life would that be? While he hesitated, Fatty Wang nudged him. “Wuwang, you spacing out? Is your head still hurting?” An idea suddenly struck Qin Wuwang. He took a deep breath and turned to Fatty Wang. “Fatty… wanna watch me perform a unique secret skill?” Fatty Wang’s eyes lit up. “A secret skill? What is it? Hurry up and show me!” Qin Wuwang drew in a deep breath, channeled energy to his dantian, and activated his newly acquired Fart Divine Skill… Pfft——!!! The blast boomed like thunder, shaking the entire bun stall. An indescribably foul stench spread instantly, enveloping everything within dozens of meters. The villagers in the queue froze for a second, then clamped their noses, glancing around in alarm. “What’s that horrible smell?” “Who just farted? How shameless!” “Good grief, it reeks worse than a latrine!” Standing closest, Fatty Wang took the full brunt of it. His eyes rolled back, and he collapsed to the ground foaming at the mouth. Qin Wuwang stared in shock. He’d only meant to let out a small one—he never expected the Beginner Rank skill to be this overpowering! Ding! Newbie Quest completed detected! Perfection completion rating! Congratulations! Reward received: Second Level Body Refining cultivation! Congratulations! Reward received: Lucky Stink Pill ×1! Before Qin Wuwang could celebrate, he saw a crowd of furious villagers charging toward him. “Qin Wuwang! Was that you?!” “Shameless brute! Let’s beat him!” Terrified, Qin Wuwang turned and fled at top speed, shouting as he ran. “It wasn’t me! Honestly! You’ve got to believe me!” Why are you running, Host? You already finished the quest! The system sounded thoroughly amused. “Are you daft? They’ll beat me half to death if I stay!” Qin Wuwang wanted to cry. This system was nothing but a walking disaster! He sprinted straight out of the village toward the small woodland beyond, the villagers still hot on his heels, shouting threats the whole way. Finally, he darted behind a large tree, gasping for breath. “System… you’ve landed me in huge trouble!” Qin Wuwang complained. Don’t be mad! The system said cheerfully. You completed the quest perfectly—you should be celebrating! Besides, you’re now at Second Level Body Refining, far stronger than before! Qin Wuwang sensed the surging power inside him. A faint yet genuine stream of spiritual energy circulated through his veins. So this was what cultivating felt like? By the way, you still have the Lucky Stink Pill to take! The system reminded him. Want to consume it now?* Qin Wuwang’s mouth twitched. Lucky Stink Pill? What a ridiculous name. Still, it was a system reward—it had to be useful somehow. He retrieved the pill from his Storage Ring. It was pitch-black, emitting a faint odor suspiciously like… dog feces. “System… are you sure this is edible?” He hesitated. Perfectly safe! The system said earnestly. The Lucky Stink Pill grants three full days of extraordinary good luck! Ignore the name—the effect is top-tier! Gritting his teeth, Qin Wuwang closed his eyes and popped the pill into his mouth. It melted instantly on his tongue, releasing an indescribably awful flavor. He nearly gagged. “This is absolutely disgusting!” His face turned pale. Good medicine always tastes bitter! The system didn’t care in the slightest. Now that you’re at Second Level Body Refining, what are your plans next? Qin Wuwang thought for a moment. “Qingyun Sect is recruiting next month. I’m going to give it a try.” Excellent decision! The system cheered. I’m fully backing you! You’re definitely getting into Qingyun Sect! Qin Wuwang gazed at the distant sky, filled with anticipation. Qingyun Sect, here I come. Immortal cultivation world… Qin Wuwang is coming for you!