Ghosted

Chapter 8 POV Amelia

POV Amelia

When I got out of the taxi at my house the sense of dread washed over me. Although I’d had a long flight home from Africa and I couldn’t wait to get to bed the thought of going back into my empty house made me want to throw up. I had realised when I was away that the biggest thing holding me back from moving on from Richards death was our house. I had it in my mind that his spirit was still there and I would constantly speak to him and I would never stay out over night because I was scared that it would upset him. I wasn’t completely crazy because there was always little things that would happen and I thought that he was trying to contact me. I know it sounds silly but I was convinced it was him. When he first died I was in a world of my own and I couldn’t sleep one night so I got up and made myself some soup because I hadn’t ate anything for days. I was so tired that I totally forgot to put off the stove. I couldn’t eat the soup I made so I poured it out and went to bed. I lay there for a few minutes and that’s when my lamp next to my bed started to go on and off. It was slow to begin with but then the speed increased and I didn’t know what was going on. I switched it off and unplugged it and then the hall light started to go on and off. I got up and flicked off the switch. Then I could see the kitchen light go on and off down stairs and when I went down I noticed that I had left the stove on. I put it off and the lights stoped blinking. The next day I called an electrician and they said that there was nothing wrong with the electrics. My housekeeper said that she thought it was Richard trying to let me know that the stove was on because it could have caused a fire. I thought she was talking nonsense because I didn’t believe in any kind of afterlife. A few weeks later I decided to go back to work because I needed to feel a little bit of normality even though I was still in the depths of my grief. On my first day back I couldn’t find my car keys anywhere and I looked around the whole house and they were no where to be seen. I looked in the dish where we kept our keys and I spotted that his car keys were still there. I didn’t want to be late for work so I grabbed his keys and when I got into his car I could instantly smell his amazing aftershave and I broke down in tears in the drive way. I sat with my head on the wheel wondering why I thought it was a good idea to return to work because I was still in shock and anything could set me off. When I calmed down a little I looked at the passenger seat and I noticed that there was a black gift bag and a white card under the glove compartment. I reached over and I realised that it had my name on it. I opened the gift and it was an expensive watch that I had been admiring in a magazine. I didn’t think that he had been listening to me when I was going on about how much I loved it. I opened the card and it was the first time I had seen his beautiful handwriting in a long time. The card said “happy birthday Millie, I love you more than words can say. I hope you like your new watch and I want you to know that I will love you until the end of time. Lots of Love Richard” I sat there crying for a while and I realised that I couldn’t go back to work but I was glad that I hadn’t found my keys because if I would have took my own car I would never have found my gift and card. I clutched them both tight to my chest and went back into the house. I went to put his keys back in the dish when I caught the sight of my own car keys in there. I actually felt like I was going to faint and I looked around because I thought someone was messing with me because they definitely weren’t there a few minutes ago. I wiped my tears away and I thought that maybe I was losing my mind but then I thought that maybe it was Richard and that he wanted me to find his gift and that he knew I shouldn’t go back to work so soon. I shouted out to him “thanks for my watch, it’s the one I wanted, you’re the best. I love you” I know it sounds silly but I wanted him to know that I knew he was there. After that there was lots of things that would happen over the years and I would always speak to him as if he was still alive but that he was just in another room. After a couple of years a guy I had met at work called my house phone to ask me out on a date. I didn’t know how he’d got my number because he had only came in to have stitches and I was training some young doctors. He had obviously remembered my name and looked up my number. His name was Charlie and although he was incredibly handsome and charming the thought of being with any one other than Richard was the furthest thing from my mind but I didn’t want to be rude to the poor guy. But every time he would say “I was wondering if you would be free one night for dinner” the line would go dead. I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew that it was Richard ending the call. I laughed for a while then said “Richard I don’t want to go on a date with anybody else, I’m a married woman. I love you so much I would never go to dinner with anybody” But every time Charlie called back the phone would cut off. The next day at work Charlie was waiting for me out side the hospital and he asked to speak to me and I said I was sorry about my phone and that it wasn’t working properly and he finally asked me out and I was surprised that nothing strange happened this time and thats when I realised that Richard was only in our home. I thanked Charlie for inviting me to dinner but I told him that I was still grieving and he said he could understand that I wasn’t ready and that I should give him a call if I ever changed my mind. I took his business card but I knew there was no chance that I would ever need it. Years passed and I would speak to Richard every day. Until one day I got home from lunch with my friend Mandy and I shouted out a loud hello from the front door. “Hello Richard I was at lunch with Mandy and you’ll never believe what that kinky b***h has been up to this week” I said when Robert appeared at the kitchen door. His eyes were full of concern. “What are you doing Millie?” He asked and I couldn’t lie to him. I told him that I still speak to Richard every day and that I thought he could hear me. Robert paced in front of me as I tried to explain some of the strange things that would happen like things falling for no reason when I knew he wasn’t happy but he was shacking his head and I knew then that I was starting to sound like a crazy person. Robert took me into a hug and as I cried in his arms he told me that I needed to speak to a professional and that he was worried about me. He organised an appointment for me with his therapist and he said that Dr Logan had helped him a lot with his grief. Sometimes I could be so selfish because I constantly leaned on Robert for support but he had lost Richard too. I felt like a selfish b***h because I didn’t know that Robert was in therapy. After that I went to see Dr Logan and well, after a couple of years it didn’t work out and I was still talking to Richard every day and rushing home from work to be at home with him. After a while I started to sleep with Mark and I felt so guilty that I was cheating on Richard so when the opportunity to leave for a while and volunteer in Africa came up I grabbed it with both hands. I needed to get away from our house because I really started to think that I was losing my mind when I was there. It was the first time I had ever went away since he died and whilst I was away I felt so much lighter but now I was going back to our home I felt instant dread. I went in the front door and shouted “Richard I’m home, I missed you so much. Africa was amazing. I will tell you all about it later. I need a shower and a nap because I’m exhausted” I dragged my suit cases inside and left them by the front door but before I could even make myself a cup of tea Maria showed up to see me. She said she had missed me and she wanted to know about my trip. It was a Sunday morning so she didn’t need to be there because it was her day off but I was glad to see a friendly face. I put on the kettle and she was telling me that Robert had been over to see her most days and that he seemed a bit lost without me. I felt awful for him because we spent most of our free time together and we were totally co-dependent since Richard had died. She said my father in law had called to find out when I was due home and that he was coming over to see me. There was a knock at my front door and she said “that will probably be him now” but I knew it wasn’t him because he had his own front door key. She got up and answered the door and as I opened the new milk that she had brought over, she came back into the kitchen and I could tell she was nervous “Amelia it’s the police, they said they need to speak to you” my stomach sank because I was scared that they had bad news. I was angry that she was there because she was such a gossip and I knew whatever the reason the police wanted to speak to me would be spread around the whole street to all of my neighbours within just a few hours. Then I thought maybe they had news for me because they had never caught the people that had broke into my house and killed Richard. I took a deep breath and when I went into the hall to introduce myself and find out what they wanted I was shocked to see that it was Mark. His jaw dropped when he seen me and he called me Mrs Ferguson and I could tell that this was just a coincidence and that he was just as shocked as I was. I could tell he had no idea I would be there. Then he corrected himself and he became very professional and I appreciated that he was there to do a job but my whole body was trembling just from looking at him. He looked just as good as I remembered but I was beginning to panic because I didn’t want him to say anything in front of Richard. I took Mark and his colleague Detective Burn through to the kitchen and when he said he was there about the murder of Jeremy I couldn’t believe my ears. He was such a nice guy and it tore at my heart to think of his poor wife because I knew what she was going through. We spoke for a while but there was no way I was going to admit to them that I had slept with Jeremy in his office during one of our therapy sessions. I couldn’t risk Richard hearing me and I’d had feelings for Mark and I didn’t want him to think of me as some slut that slept with my doctor. Detective Burn got a little confused when I said I had been seeing Dr Logan and suddenly Richards golf clubs fell over. I knew that he was jealous of her implying that there was more to my relationship with Dr Logan. I went over and picked them up and I noticed Mark staring at me as Detective Burn wrote in her notepad. I tried to make a joke to break the tension and he broke away from my eye contact and he looked really hurt. Then Robert came in and although I was glad to see him I was annoyed by how pushy he was being with Mark. When they both were leaving Mark stroked my arm when no one was looking and I knew that I must have hurt him by standing him up for our last date and not answering his messages. As he was leaving he looked back at me and gave me a small smile and I wanted to run after him and tell him that I wanted to be with him because I had spent the last two months thinking about him every single day. But instead I just waved him off and I went inside and I wept. I was crying for so many reasons. I was crying out of guilt of having Mark in the house I shared with Richard. I was crying because the memory of being interviewed by the police after his death had been one of the worst conversations of my life and I cried because poor Jeremy was dead and I felt awful for his wife and family. Robert came through to the hallway and he hugged me as I cried in his arms. He was such a lovely man and I didn’t know what I’d do without him. “Robert can you stay for a while, I don’t want to be alone here” I asked as I dried my tears and his whole face softened. “of course I can, and dad is coming over too, look that’s him now” he opened the door and shouted out to his dad and I was happy that I had both of them in my life. Robert held my face with both of his hands and he stared into my eyes and he kissed the end of my nose. He was a sweetheart and although he looked exactly like Richard and he even had the same beautiful blue eyes he wasn’t Richard because no one could compare to him.