knowing now that everything I possibly was dreaming about wasn't real
2675 Words
every time I think that things are about to go great for me it's always something I'm sitting up here been doing this music thinking that I really was signing with Interscope record label and come to find out that was all bull crap and then I sit up here open up this bank account thinking all this money going to go in there and I'm going to be good and guess what that was BS cuz they were trying to put stolen checks in the account so I end up canceling my socar music contract which come to find out it was bull crap it wasn't real scam once again but the part that's just all messed up is the person that I trusted and believed in and didn't think that this will happen and it did the unexpected happened this hurts because my passion always has been music I'm thinking that life is about to change for me eventually and now I'm back to square one but I feel like when it's my time to shine I'm going to shine bright like a diamond when it's my time to be making that money I've never going to be broke again and life I'm not even going to know how to spell broke cuz I'm going to have so much money but right now I got to keep on pushing doing what I need to do and start thinking about me and my future I am still going to school online I'm doing awesome but the music is in the back but I am still making music but it's just not out there for everybody to hear on Spotify Apple music or anything like that they hear it on Soundcloud and they hear it on rap Fame but they don't hear nowhere else but it's okay cuz I already know that God has a lot in store for me and this ain't the end I'm going to be fine and blessed and highly favored I'm going to make a whole bunch of money and be able to help my family oh but guess what not talking to my mom right now because she was so disrespectful two weeks ago sounded like a b**** out in the damn street with her profanity with her nasty mouth to be 72 years old need to grow up that's crazy but you know what at the end of the day it is what it is can sit up here and think about that stuff but I have not talked to her reason being I feel that she owe me apology as well as my older sister apology but you know that's not going to happen but it is what it is cuz you know that is my favorite word I will continue to say that word it is what it is my daughter she's doing okay she is assistant manager at Circle k gas station in Phoenix Arizona my goddaughter is pregnant by that low life that I went MIA don't know where the hell he at and the baby is due September 13th but more than likely she's going to have her before then yes it's a girl the weather here been beautiful I'm still happy to be at home but I need money coming in like either every week every two weeks I just need money because it's always things that I need and I don't want to keep on depending on other people to give me things that I need I am a grown ass woman the last I checked I will be 47 next year on the 10th of January and I am hoping that before this year is out everything changes for me that I will be with the man that I love and we're in our home and we're happy and everything is fine cuz once I connect with him I will never ever ever ever be broke again and I can't wait to that happen just a delay on everything it's crazy because everyone I thought that I really was talking to thought they was real celebrity they really wasn't they were scammers and that's the part that's just terrible and I'm not going to lie to you and hurt like hell but I should have known that it wasn't a real people anyway cuz why would they be asking me for money now people ask me for money I want to use my cash app I tell them my cash app is messed up and they're not using nothing less and learn I'm trying to get my name clear so everything goes to be straight in my life cuz right now I feel like everything is still up in the air it's not steady yet but the good part is at least I have a roof over my head a bed to lay in a refrigerator to get food out of or to cook in the kitchen and soap and water to wash my bottom so I'm not going to complain too much cuz I know at the end of the day this still my testimony and I know that things is going to get better this is not going to be the end of nothing cuz you know at the end of the day God got me and I know this and I'm going to be fine everything is going to be fine and you know it's best to not really have a lot of friends cuz when you do have a lot of friends and drama but you know what I'm learning though who behind me and who against me who give a damn or who don't because the story I have to tell is crazy it starts like this so associate that's what I'll call her she was nice enough to let my mail to come to her house cuz I can't really have no mail coming here where I live because my sister is on section 8 and they don't supposed to have nobody living with them or nobody else mail coming to the household but the ones that live in the same household so she was nice enough that my mail come there okay long story short I don't know what was her problem she got a reckless ass mouth and you want to punch her in it because she think can't nobody lay hands on her well what happened was she had a mess of attitude this particular day or whatever and she got in contact with me and told me I need to come and get my mail I said okay so around the time she told me to do that Papa should was over here and he took me over there I don't know why she thought I was about to be all friendly I just went over there she gave me my mail I left out then I get a message from her talking bull crap saying that since you want to come over here with a messed up attitude and I ain't do nothing find somewhere else for your mail your mail cannot come here no more so I sent her a message and I said say less so I asked my friend that I graduated with if it's okay if my mail can come to her address even though she all the way on the east side and she said yeah that's cool so that's what I did but in the meantime you know I still have mail going to that other person house okay so I get a message from her I'm tired of your mail your mail piling up and you need to come and get your s*** but I don't be at home like that but I'll let you know when I'm available then you can come and get your stuff when I'm available to you so I called her today well text her on messenger to find out when I can go over there and get my mail and she was like either today or tomorrow she will let me know she's a child and that's what I have to look at who but guess what her so-called roommates that was living with her they played her left her room junkie just left her house and stuff after she set up then was letting them stay there for free they wasn't paying no rent they wouldn't clean and they wasn't doing nothing just living off of her using her so everyone ever do to her is user which is sad and it's like wow you know but at the end of the day it was time for me to depart from her probably you know because how the way she is and how reckless her mouth is and that's cool I don't regret it I'll go over there and get the rest of my mail and that's that you know life is too short to be dealing with stupidity ignorance people I have no time for work I am too grown she is the same age as my daughter and I don't take disrespect from my daughter and I'll be damned if I take it from her cuz she's no f****** different but it is what it is at the end of the day and I'm just over everything for real like it is what it is on life. on my life it is what it is everything is going to work us out the way things supposed to work out I guess when God is ready cuz maybe right now I ain't the time I don't know these things is taking a lot of time and it's like okay when everything is going to happen because I know that people don't believe I believe and I found out for sure that I am really in contact with the one and only Tamela Mann and that's awesome and I did not know that it's almost 4 years that we've been talking to each other that's I can't wait to actually be able to meet her and her family in person they already say that I'm their family and that is so awesome that's how I know my life is going to be great because who I have in it greatness it's going to be something when my life change and I'm happy once again and June 13th is around the corner and that's going to make it for years that I lost my wife I'm going to have to continue to stay strong and know that she's in a better place and not suffering anymore but damn it still hurts it feels like this just happened yesterday and I'm just dealing with everything and thinking a lot but one good thing though her family is in contact with me on f*******: is better than nothing and her great niece about to be a mother again and she looks so good and happy and she's still in Arizona and that's awesome too my daughter is still in Arizona too sometimes I wish she was here with me but she grown and she where she want to be and it is what it is I just don't like her boyfriend though he played too many games and he a boy not a man but she have to learn for herself I just don't want her to make that jump move into California and it end up being bullcrap with him then she going to be going back to Arizona cuz I know she ain't going to come here she keep on saying she don't want to come here and I get it I didn't want to have to come back home either but my sister really f****** needed me and she was giving up now she's in good spirits she's doing way better she actually stopped smoking cigarettes and everything she moving around doing way better than what she was and I am so proud of her very proud of her she came a long way and she's so motivated and in good spirits and everything and I will continue to help her as much as I need to but the end all and a couple of couple of couple of months I want to be moving to Texas that's exactly where I want to be living at I'm not Detroit for the rest of my life but I have to make sure my sister good though I won't leave her if she not good I'll just be here until I feel she is good but what she will be sooner weather than later and I know that cuz she got God and she believe and that's all she really need is to believe in him and everything is going to work itself out everything is going to be fine everything's going to be awesome everything is going to be great because God is right there and yeah so with that being said I know life is going to be awesome it's going to be great amazing extraordinary cuz they got to be I don't need no more downfalls in my life I don't need no more unsuccessful life changing everything should be successful in my life and that is the goal that I am going to accomplish before air leave my body I am going to be an accomplish a lot of things in life that I've been trying to accomplish and I'm also going to make my wife proud of me and I know that she will be smiling if she was here now hell I wouldn't even be where I'm at I'll still be in Arizona will still be in our home and I will be happy but you know what things happens for a reason don't nothing just happen to us there's a reason behind everything that happens in life people don't get it and don't understand it I get it I understand it I stand on it but what do I know everything is going to be fine though cuz now I'm paying attention and analyzing everything and not being so gullible towards no mother f****** body no more and not believe in a BS and the b******* no more and ain't giving out my damn information no more or trying to get money quick anymore cuz it's all f****** scams and now I know that I was getting f****** scam and it's fraudulent s*** written when my name is written down somewhere and that's messed up I'm hoping all that get fixed though and everything will be straight cuz I cannot take no more down for us I cannot take no more negativity I cannot take no more not being successful getting what I want I can't take it no more I'm going to be fine and I know I am cuz I got a strong support system behind me I have God that's what I have and that's all I need cuz he's everything to me he is Will woke me up this morning he is what's making me stronger every day he is helping me to talk to people that's going through things if I can be the one to talk to them to help them see the light and to show them that is not the end of the world and if you need somebody to talk to I'll be there for them but one thing I am tired of these psychics talking about they want to talk to me they want to do a reading on me but they need a small donation I don't want nobody to do no readings on me I don't want that s*** cuz I don't want to hear that negativity but they keep on saying we got something good to share to tell you it ain't s*** good and I ain't falling for it no goddamn MO do with that b*******
- Writer
