Looking for a piece of mind and trying to become a warrior at the same time
2225 Words
trying to figure out what did I do wrong how did I make this happen what in this lifetime she told me that I can be a superwoman that I can do so much and showing that I'm doing what I can but it seems as if it's not enough I had got a little weak and life flash upon my eyes when my sister was yelling and she couldn't breathe I didn't know exactly what to do except call the ambulance 911 good thing they did come but finding out if I didn't call 911 she wouldn't be here today I am happy and grateful and thankful and humble but yet scared too I could have lost the only sister that I have because she couldn't breathe she's very hard headed I want to listen to me like arguing with me over petty and stupid things but I know it's not her it's her illness that she have she suffers with COPD and lymphedema is crazy cuz my sister always has been the life of the party and with this illness that she has is not much that she's able to do she always out of breath she has to have oxygen on her 24/7 is crazy I never thought that my sister would be in a situation that she's in right now I appreciate her I love her I can't see my life for daughter but she does get on my nerves but I wouldn't change her attitude for anyone else I know that she's in the right place now she's at Sinai and Grace I haven't told nobody in the family that she's in the hospital because she said to me her words was I tell them they don't come to visit me no way when I'm at home I haven't said nothing I'd even to our mother that's just how it is only ones knows that she's in the hospital is the one that live in the household and maybe some people that I know that don't know my family it's sad that we have to live in a situation like this and I'm learning that I don't have nobody that got my back but my sister after when I was in Arizona everybody kept on saying if you come back home we can help you well I've been back home for a couple of months now and only one really been having my back is my sister and she told me don't worry about them I'm not worried about them they just was saying stuff when you was in Arizona but I got you this is exactly what my sister is saying to me and I can't wait till I'm able to help her but she feel like I am helping her by doing what I can cooking for her helping her whatever she need me which I know sometimes I take forever to get up I don't be feeling like it and then I do have a lot on my plate because I am going to school online for my bachelor's degree in criminal justice and then I'm also doing my music so I'm doing so much overwhelming myself but you know what I know right now it's something and I know keeping my faith and believing in the Lord above that I'm going to get through anything that I have to get through cuz this life right here is a struggle but the only difference is now I am with my family and struggling I am not alone I have a very strong support system behind me and I don't have to worry about nothing and that's the part that I hold on to because back in Arizona I didn't have my family my family was all back here in Detroit it's crazy but I do miss being in Arizona don't get me wrong but being back home with my family is so awesome a lot of them I really have not seen a lot of my family members my media family yes my brothers of course my mom cousin I see them some friends I've seen but other than that I really ain't seen nobody but you know what it is what it is I can't worry about that stuff or get upset cuz being mad takes up too much energy and I don't have time for people when they f****** cuz at the end of the day they don't make me they don't break me they don't feed me they don't close me so I'm good and go continue to be good with the support system that I have behind me I'm going to be great and I can't wait till my music is out there and everyone can hear me and not just on SoundCloud it's so many people loving my music I knew I was talented but I didn't think that I was that much talented until strangers from all over is enjoying my music when they hear it on SoundCloud that is why I believe Interscope record one of the Siamese cuz they saw that I'm going to make them rich as well as myself when that happened I'm going to remember those that looked out for me but the ones that didn't believe in me didn't feel that I can achieve any goals in life make them look stupid I'm going to make them eat those words definitely when I don't believe that I have certain celebrities behind me I get it they probably don't believe it but once it's in your face you can't help but to believe it but just me telling you it's like yeah right whatever but actions speaks a lot of volume and definitely seeing a person in real life is going to speak high volume it's going to be awesome cuz I know 2024 this my time to shine I can't wait just like my name is Sparkle I'm going to shine like a m************ diamond and ain't nobody going to be able to say nothing I'm not going to ever be broke again and life I will not ever struggle again and life I will accomplish all the goals that I've been trying to accomplish am I passion everyone knows my music and I can't wait cuz right now I understand still I can't put no more music back out there cuz of course I signed the contract so I can't put no more music out there but I can write more I can make more music I just can't post it it's fine cuz I'm working on a song now and the title of it I am a warrior that title speaks volume because I've been living my life as a warrior right now I am a warrior a strong warrior a beautiful brown woman warrior I've overcast so many trials and tribulations and obstacles I am a warrior can nobody stop my shine can't nobody stop me from doing what I want to do cuz at the end of the day I am a warrior and I'm a god-fearing woman and will kiss me about people today but I tell them I did music and they listen to it first thing they say is I need to be singing gospel music singing for the Lord I feel like I could do both ain't nobody going to tell me just the same that because of my voice no I am going to sing with sparkle feel comfortable singing and I've been singing r&B music and that's what I'm going to continue to sing and if I feel like one day I want to sing a gospel song I will sing a gospel song but ain't nobody going to dictate and tell me what to sing cuz I ain't got to listen to them it's whatever Sparkle want to sing and if I want to sing some r&B music touch your soul music feeling good music that's exactly what I'm going to do and ain't nobody going to stop me or say no don't sing that sparkle you can't sing that ain't nobody going to say that to me cuz I ain't got to listen I'm going to see what I want to say what makes me feel good it don't matter how you feel that's where I'm at today and then I'm learning how people say one thing to me and do other things I'm learning that today sad but true ones that say they got your back really don't I'm learning that it's just something that the life that I'm living today but it's going to be okay cuz like I said right now things is taking time and it's just my testimony that's what it is right now everything is moving very very slowly but in a minute everything going to be running so smoothly OMG is going to be so awesome and ain't nobody going to be able to say anything and I can't wait till the time come but I don't have to ask nobody to help me do anything when that time comes or that's going to be awesome too but right now I'm so freaking needy you know always saying I need this can you help me can you help me do this can you can you can you can you I know they get tired of me asking I don't be want to ask but this is something that I need not a one this is a need but they thinking that no you don't need this well I do and what I don't like is how people always have to lie to me if you feel like you got to lie to me don't don't say nothing at all keep that mess to yourself if you want to be a liar I can't stand a liar a cheater a manipulator I can't stand those type of people they could just stay away from me but it seems as if I attract those type of people I don't like it at all because I know that the type of person I am I don't know how to be cold-hearted I wear my heart on my sleeve and when I say that you're my friend I mean that I don't just say it I show it but some people they always saying I'm your friend you know you my homie they don't show it but you got something that do actually show it and some that don't show nothing I have some friends that do show that they might ride or die for life like my homie in Arizona I used to call her my wifey play wifey you know what I'm saying but she always been there for me and I always been there for her and we still there for each other right today she helps me a lot and I appreciate her and I can't wait till I'm able to really show her how I appreciate her like if I'm able to get her a car or a house or whatever I could possibly can because she deserve it she been there for me and she understands me sometimes better than I understand me it's crazy but it's the truth and there has been times where people try to depart us from each other what time we did depart from each other I didn't want to talk to her no more cuz some BS had happened but you know what end up happening is my mom know how close me and her was and she said to me you need to squash whatever problems you got with her cuz she was a real friend and y'all was so connected so you need to talk back to her and quit with this nonsense and I did and we've been talking ever since FaceTime and all the time that's my homie for life I love her for the rest of my life and I know that if I need her she will always be there for me and she don't sugarcoat nothing detailed it like it is weather is good bad or ugly she don't give a damn she going to tell you and I appreciate her for that and love that thank God for her and I'm always be here for her no matter what and I know she's going to always be here for me and we're going to always have each other back regardless of how anybody feel about our relationship if I got a phone she going to have a way to get in contact with me and I'm always have a way of getting in contact with her her husband he okay but I know he don't like me but it doesn't matter because she still talks to me and then he try to act like he likes me and he cool with me but deep down inside he don't care he want her to be miserable but at the end of the day I'm not about to let that happen she would never be miserable dealing with me and I mean that from the bottom of my heart and my soul I got her back and I know she got mine
- Writer
