trying to be stressed free and not let nothing bother me
1098 Words
I am trying to live stressful try not to let nothing bother me or anyone but you know it's always something or somebody is going to test you make you get out of your character but at the end of the day you have to be stronger than that and overpower them that's what I'm trying to do I ain't going to lie it gets hard I'm getting through a day by day one day at a time because I know that this is not going to be the end of my life I'm always saying I'm walking through this dark tunnel and wonder is there going to be light at the end of that coming and I said to myself is there ever going to be light at the end of the dark tunnel and every time I think that it's going to be a light darkness come back again so sometimes I'll be wondering why this have to happen to me what have I done so badly to be treated the way that life has treated me over these years cuz in June of 2020 that's one life changed for me I lost my wife home everything and it happened so fast you know I was not prepared for none of that to happen everybody did I wish that I was able to go back in time as she would still be here if I had it my way sometimes I know that she was suffering she tried her best to stay with me but you know what it was her time do I still think of her of course I do cuz she was my person and always made me smile and always made me happy even when I was saying she always knew how to put a smile on my face now it's like I have to smile to keep from crying and people look at me and think that I'm just as happy person because I'm always smiling but they don't know the pain behind that smile or the pain behind my eyes if you know me you know but if you want to outside looking in and you would just think that I'm just as happy person but I'm not life has really been kicking my ass these days but I'm getting through it I really am is it hard hell yeah it's hard do I want to give up and throw in a child sometimes yes I do a lot but you know what I won't cuz that's like I'm being defeated I'm losing the battle and I can't lose this battle I have to always think that there's always someone that's worse off than I am someone is living in the streets someone that doesn't even have a home to live in and I do have that might not be where I want to be but I'm not outside I'm not in a shelter anymore I guess that's what I have to look at these days because it could be worse I appreciate everything yep but like I said try not to stress have not been taking my medication because all my car makes me feel so I just been chilling watching movies or like I said if I can I'll be texting with my lady friend otherwise I'm talking to my friends back home video chatting talking to them or talking on the phone or even FaceTime with my mom I'll talk to my sister sometime and I don't like that last time I talked to her was her birthday she turned 54 wow I got a long ways from that age so that's why I try to take care of myself now because when I get that age hopefully I'll have a lot of bad health problems so I try to take care of myself at the end of the day do what's best for Sparkle cuz ain't nobody going to take care of me better than I'll take care of myself I believe that since I've been back in Arizona I was going visiting my friends at the shelter a lot of my friends is right back in that same show I get it it's not their fault but I still was going down there visiting him haven't been lately though but when I go down there I do enjoy myself talking to my friends laughing and stuff or whatever I don't worry about things except laughing to have a fun with them so any issues I have that's going on at home it stays at home I don't take it out the doors with me so I may think that I'm ungrateful unappreciative but that's not true I appreciate everything anybody has ever done to me cuz they don't have to but they do it and I appreciate it but sometime I can see how they really don't want me here I get it but then I don't because with my over-the-counter card I get from my insurance I paid the lights and consumer bill the part that really gets me I asked for a little and gets nothing but when you need me I'm in 100 why can't I get the same help is crazy but you know at the end of the day I love you fine cuz I'm still learning people and analyzing everybody and looking at them totally different than seeing right through their b******* I know personally they don't want me here but the reason why I came back was for my daughter but then at the end of the day I wanted to come back to Arizona cuz Detroit didn't feel like home to me no more everybody was different but I did enjoy being there with my family and everything and they had a chance to live with my best friends and stuff or whatever that was awesome stay happy in our household nobody was said nobody was beefing everybody was happy it was warm beautiful and it was real why nobody fake as f*** I miss that and every time I'm going to FaceTime with them I just be missing being you with them you know but at the end of the day I'll be fine everything was going to be okay and I'll be able to help them too once I'll be where I want to be cuz I'm a strong believer that God got me and this is not the end of my story it's just the beginning for greatness to happen and I'm so ready
- Writer
