Phoenix (Book Two of the Forbidden Trilogy)

Chapter Four: Alive

Gabriel

            I had purposefully waited for their arrival out on the balcony.  I wasn’t sure if I would have been able to school my initial expression and reaction had I been in the room when she arrived with Nikolai.

            I’d bought myself a few precious seconds when I heard them enter the room by staying out of direct sight of the door.  I wanted to disappear, to jump off the balcony and run.  I didn’t want to face Celeste in Constance’s body and pretend everything was alright when it wasn’t.  But, I had a job to do.  Just like everyone else here.

            And the longer I procrastinated, the longer I had to stay in her unwanted presence.

            Taking a deep breath, I casually moved into sight.  What good was it to prolong the inevitable, for both her and I?  The moment she’d entered the room, I could smell and feel her anxious energy.  This was just as unpleasant for her as it was for me.

            It nearly killed me to smile at her, to pull her into my arms and pretend everything was okay.  I’d wanted to rip her apart, tear her limb from limb for impersonating Constance.  For taking her away from me.  I was so filled with hurt and rage, I hoped I was masking it well enough so she wouldn’t feel it.  Because if she did, I would never gain her trust.  While it wasn’t crucial now, gaining her trust would play a big part in the whole scheme of things. So, I had to make sure I set the stage to earn her trust later, after I'd had time to calm down. After I'd had time to mourn the loss of my sunshine.

            I did have to admit she had a backbone.  She was almost as stubborn as Constance.  She’d looked me in the eyes.  Told me straight what was going on and what had happened.  She didn't beat around the bush.  Other than shying away from my touch and having Nikolai here—because the real Constance would have handled this on her own—she played the part better than I had anticipated, even though I could sense her insecurity.  Victor hadn’t prepped her well enough for this, and I couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t put more effort into her training.  If he really wanted this to succeed, why had he half-assed her education and instruction?

            Things weren't adding up, and I had this gut feeling she was some kind of diversion. That she was going to be a disposable pawn in Victor's game of chess.

            As much as Nikolai shouldn’t have been here for this conversation, I was glad he’d stayed.  Otherwise, the temptation to call her out and reveal her might have been too much.  As it was, it was a struggle to play nice.

            I was also grateful Obsidian had stayed with me for so long last night.  If I hadn’t have gotten out all that pent up anger and furious energy, I would have already blown cover with Celeste.  Obsidian and I had fought continuously until dawn when I couldn’t go anymore.  My body had been exhausted from abusing my powers, coupled with the intense physical exertion and emotional upheaval I'd gone through last night, I was exhausted. My soul was weary from continually trying to reach out to Constance to no avail.  

            At the end of it all, we had come out as evenly matched.

            Being so worn from the night’s escapades, I didn’t have much left to give Celeste.  So, when she broke the news to me, I had played my part.  Watching her expressive eyes, I realized she was expecting something more violent from me.  Instead, I did just the opposite.  It wasn’t hard to play the broken-hearted fool, considering I was already heart broken.  I’d allowed some accusations and some yelling, but no physical contact.  No actions or threat of violence, which surprised her.  Good!  She needed a dose of reality.  To see that everything Victor had preached and drilled into her wasn’t true.

            I was glad when I was able to leave.  Glad I didn’t have to pretend anymore until the trial came to determine our fates.  Nikolai and Erwin were better at pretending nothing was wrong.  They were better at carrying on this façade, where I wasn’t.  Which, was mostly due to the fact I was Constance’s true mate.  It was hard not being connected.  There was a huge empty hole in the middle of my chest that was threatening to swallow me whole.  It felt like my soul had been physically split, crushed even.  The emotional and mental pain was nearly overwhelming and crippling.  There had been so many times I’d wanted to curl up and die last night. Even now, I was fighting that depression.

            No, I couldn’t come back to see Celeste until the trial, there was just no way I’d survive.  Afterwards, though, was a different story.  I wasn’t looking forward to what was to come after the trial.  What I would have to do, what I would have to say and be.  I didn’t want to wear a mask and pretend like everything was fine, but it was necessary.

            When I was out of the house, I headed north towards the cabin Obsidian and Raphael occupied.  There was no way I could go back to my home since it was burned to the ground.  I was prepared to be a wanderer for a period of time. However, before Obsidian left me this morning, he’d told me to come see him after this business had been taken care of, and he would have a solution for my homeless situation if I wanted it.

            “Gabriel!” Obsidian called out when I neared the cabin.  I’d hoped he wouldn’t be waiting for me out here, that he would be at the cabin where I could hopefully beg to see her...

            I needed to see her, to know she was going to be okay.  Otherwise, I wouldn’t make it.  “Obsidian,” I greeted, wondering if I’d be able to make a run for the cabin and reach it before he could stop me.

            “Don’t,” he warned.

            Sighing, I faced him.  I couldn’t help it.  “Why?” I demanded.

            “Because she asked us not to let you.”

            “Is she awake?  Is she ... Alive?”  I needed to know, but at the same time I was afraid to know.

            “She has not woken up.  She is alive.  The souls have taken to the changes Raphael made.”

            That was good news.  Knowing both souls had accepted each other and the body they had been put into was a huge stress reliever for me. I had been stressing for the last few days about it, knowing she would be sharing a soul with a demon.  If the souls wouldn’t have taken to each other or the body, both souls would have competed for the space.  In doing so, they would have used the body’s natural defenses to try and take over.  Which, in the end, would have been detrimental to both.  “When does he think she will wake up?”

            “It’s hard to say,” Raphael said, approaching us from the side.  He looked beyond drained.  Almost like a corpse walking.  There were visible bags under his eyes, his skin was dull.  He looked almost sickly.  “It wasn’t an easy transition and I received Celeste’s body just before dawn.”  That explained the demon’s exhaustion.  He must have finished just before I’d arrived.  “I wouldn’t expect her to come to for at least twenty-four to forty-eight hours.”

            “Do you think she would know if...?” I started to ask the question, but my voice trailed off.  Obsidian had already said she had requested me not to see her.  The likelihood that either one of them would betray her request was slim.  But I had to ask.

            Obsidian and Raphael looked at each other.  “What do you think, Raf?”

            After a few seconds of contemplation, he replied thoughtfully, “You know, it might actually help.  Constance’s soul is having a harder time adjusting and adapting to the new body.  It could be due to both the sudden break from Gabriel and the introduction into Celeste’s modified body.  I’m willing to risk her wrath because I believe it would be beneficial in the long run.”

            “Okay,” Obsidian relented.  “I’ll continue to stand watch while you are here,” he looked at me.  “And maybe you,” he looked to Raphael pointedly, “Can get some rest too.  He’ll be able to monitor her and can alert you if something changes.”

            Raphael nodded before silently leading me into the cabin.  The strong scent of incense hit me, along with the heat generated from the dozens of candles lit in the small, magically darkened cabin.  My gaze zeroed in on the bed where the naked back of a very slight woman lay.  Slowly moving closer, I noticed her skin was paler, her hair a lighter shade of blond, her frame smaller than that of Constance’s.  I could see the outline of her spine and shoulders along with multiple scars on her skin. 

            Celeste had been through a lot, based off the state of her body.  She had been starved, her body deprived of the correct nutrients for years.  Possibly longer than Constance had gone without blood.  It explained the amount of scarring on Celeste’s body.  If she had been properly nourished, her body would have healed naturally without any scarring.

            Seeing Celeste’s body gave me a little bit of a different perspective of the girl.  Looking closer, most of the scars I could see weren’t from battles or training.  She had been tortured by Victor, and from the looks of it, for her whole life.  There were scars on her wrists from cuffs.  I’m sure there were matching ones at her ankles.  Scars from deep lacerations on her back indicated violent lashings.  Victor had never loved her.  He’d used her to curb his own anguish and anger.  He had abused her.  And she hadn’t ever known anything but his kind of love and affection.  Which would make physical contact difficult for her.

            A twinge of guilt hit me for judging her so harshly.

            All’s Celeste wanted was love and approval.  I highly doubted Victor had ever given her either of those.

            This, taking Constance’s life, doing everything he asked of her, was her only hope of ever gaining those from him.

            Unless, we were able to show her what real and true love was…

            Constance had made the right call to follow through with this plan.  Somehow, she’d known.  Somehow, she had predicted Celeste wouldn’t know what unbridled love was.  Placing her in the gentle hands of Nikolai was for the best.  Between him and Erwin, they had a chance to turn Celeste’s loyalty from Victor to us.  And once that happened, we would be able to destroy Victor from the inside out.  He believed he had complete control over Celeste...Soon, he would know his mistakes.

            Taking off my armor, shirt and weapons, I transformed into my demon before crawling onto the bed.  Resting my back against the wall, I picked up Constance’s new body and cradled her skin to skin.

            The tension in my chest eased at the contact.  Her even breathing washing over my skin eased away the remaining panic and pain.  She was alive.  She would be okay.

            “I’ll be over here if you need anything, Gabriel,” Raphael said softly, sinking down onto a pallet in the corner.  The moment his head hit the pillow, he was gone.  And I was left alone with my love.

            Gently, I traced every feature I could.  Exploring this new, and yet familiar form.  I wanted to burn this moment into my memory for the long, empty road ahead.  I picked out the differences between Celeste’s body and Constance’s and found the physical aspects didn’t matter.  My sunshine was in this body.  That’s all I cared about.

            As much as I wanted to ease my essence into her, to try and touch her soul, I refrained.  Raphael and Obsidian had done enough.  I didn’t need to provoke Constance, to make it any more obvious they had gone against her wishes.  Though, I was sure if Raphael explained how he’d felt she’d needed my presence to ease her soul into her new body, she would forgive them.

            Burying my hand in her hair, I massaged her scalp, and hummed a quiet tune.

            I don’t know how long I sat there, cradling her against me.  Time was lost.  Nonessential.  It was something I didn’t allow myself to worry about.

            Closing my eyes, I almost drifted off when I felt the softest of touches against my forearm.  My eyes flew open and I saw her small hand gently gripping me.  Her eyes were still closed, body still relaxed in sleep.  But she knew I was here.

            And then I felt her tentatively touch my mind.

            Without hesitation, I opened my mind, allowing her in.

            “Gabriel?” she whispered hesitantly.  She wasn’t sure if this was a dream or reality.

            “Hi sunshine,” I whispered back, hugging her mentally through the fragile bond. My arms automatically pulled her closer too.

            “I’m afraid.”  The confession broke my heart, and I could feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

            “And why would you be afraid, sunshine?  I’m here.  Nothing is going to happen to you.”

            I felt the bond waver as she fought against her body’s need for sleep.  “I’m not me… This isn’t my body.”

            She was confused, which happened.  She’d barely been placed into Celeste’s body and had been disconnected from her own for a week.  I was glad we hadn’t split her soul sooner.  “No, it’s not,” I confirmed.  “Do you remember Celeste?”

            “Of course!  She’s my twin!  But she’s dead.  Right?”

            “No, sunshine.  She’s alive.  And you saved her.”

            I could feel her confusion before she started poking around in my mind, trying to find answers.  When she found them, it was like a light clicked on.  “I remember now,” she breathed, her memories of the night before bombarding me.

            I was astounded by Constance’s grace.  How she’d played her hand with Celeste.  No wonder Celeste was so confused and off balance.  Constance had shattered her world and planted the seeds of doubt we needed.  “You know you’re amazing, right?”

            “And you know you’re not supposed to be here.”

            “But am I really here?”

            I felt her hand move again, my eyes refocusing on the woman in my arms.  It was then I noticed her eyes were ever so slightly open.  I was caught.

            “Don’t get mad at them, Constance.  I begged to see you.  I pressed them—

            “I’m not mad,” she reassured, her eyes fluttering closed.  “Though, I would have loved to see you beg.”

            The naughty implications in her tone had fire lancing through me.  “Don’t tease me so, sunshine.  Not when my hands are bound.”

            My pleas did little to persuade her.  She didn’t hesitate to drag me into her half dream like state where she showed me everything she wanted to do to me, every fantasy she’d ever imagined.

            Biting my bottom lip, I leaned my head back against the wall of the cabin.  The heat felt ten times stronger.  I was being driven insane with desire.  “Not fair, sunshine.  Not when I can’t even take care of myself.”

            “Who said you couldn’t?” she chided gently.  “Besides, it’s just a little reminder of who you belong to, Gabriel.”

            “Like I could forget.”

            I jerked when I felt her lips on my skin, felt her tongue dart out to taste the saltiness of my flesh as my insides were burning alive.  Her carnal desires felt so real as she caressed my mind, making me believe I was truly being touched.  I felt her everywhere, kissing, licking, biting, touching… I felt her caress the very hard part of me that was straining for release.  I nearly cried out as she continued her slow, sensual assault on my senses.

            “Bite me, please,” I begged, needing just a little push to send me over the edge, otherwise I would be stuck here on the precipice.

            Gently, she turned into me, her breath washing over the skin above my heart.  She couldn’t reach anywhere else.  Her tongue darted out, licking the spot she started teasing with her teeth.  I didn’t know how much longer I could stay silent.  And I really didn’t want Raphael seeing me coming undone from just a bite alone.  He wouldn’t know the mental torture she’d bestowed on me.

            “Constance, please,” I implored, trying to keep my sanity.

            Right as the words left my mind, she sank her teeth into my flesh.  I gritted my teeth, arching my back, forcing the cry of ecstasy to stay locked in my chest.  I felt my release, but couldn’t give a damn about the sticky mess on my jeans as I crashed from the high.  I was exhausted from this very spiritual experience.  Before I could fight off the wave, the darkness closed in and I was dragged under into the oblivion of sleep.

***

            It must have been hours, possibly even days later, when I awoke.

            Obsidian was inside with us, sitting in the rocking chair next to the bed.  Raphael was nowhere in sight.  They must have switched, which meant I had been out for a good, long while.

            Slowly, I took in my position.  I wasn’t sitting up anymore.  Rather, I was stretched out on the bed with Constance’s body pressed and wrapped around mine.  I couldn’t help but pull her even further into me, knowing I would be chased away soon.  She was lost deep in sleep, her mind once again closed off to mine.  But, that was okay.  I could move forward now knowing she was alive.  Her small, sensual gift just an added bonus.

            “Well, good morning sunshine,” Obsidian smirked, noticing I was awake.

            “How long have I been out?”

            He shrugged.  “Long enough.”

            “It’s time, isn’t it?” I asked the dreaded question.

            “Yes.  Before she wakes up.”

            Nodding, I allowed myself one minute more before easing myself from under her.  She hardly stirred, her mind once again absent from my own.  At least now, since she’d drank my blood, she would be able to reach out to me, to connect with me whenever she needed or wanted to.

            After getting dressed, Obsidian told me to head to the demon strong hold.  “They are expecting you.  Once you’re settled in, you will train with the guard and help them.  It should keep you busy and out of trouble until the trial.”

            “Thank you, Obsidian.  For everything.”

            “It’s the least I can do to help my brother, and sister,” he nodded from me to Constance.  “There’s a lot riding on both you and her.  If I can make the road a little easier, I will not hesitate to lend any aid or assistance.”

            Brother.  Sister.  It was odd, and yet at the same time comforting to know he felt so strongly about us.  “Take care of her.”

            “And you take care of yourself.”