My Secret desire

4.

Serena

when I come home to my collegeapertment (here every student has to share an apartment between 2 or 5 student each, however it is awesome you get to have your own room and a small livingroom and kitchen, only minus is when you share with one there are just one bathroom), I see that my roommate has fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for me?

I go over to her and wake her up, so give give her a little shaking.

"Diana wake up you have to go to bed"

she mumbles something about sleeping a little longer.

I shake her again and her eyes flutters open and she says irritated

"Serena what on earth are you doing in here?"

"What? in our livingroom I just came home, and found you sleeping and I thought it would be better for you to sleep in your own bed."

Diana´s take a confusing look around and shakes her head. mumbling why am I out here.

"God I´m sorry for snapping at you Ren, I think I dosed off, waiting for you. and you are home at (she looks at the clock in the open kitchen) 3 a.m." she looks bewildered at me. This is one of the reasons I love her so much, she don´t hold a grudge, even if wakened at night.

"Don´t worry I was just hanging out with Nate"

Diana´s face immediately changes into pure joy, and a bit of curiosity, before she even contempt to say anything I say to her.

"Di, don´t even bother. You of old people know that Nate just is my best friend, I do not see him as a loveinterest I see him more like a brother, besides even if I did it would be impossible, and you do know what happened back then." I feel myself tremble at the memory, and I cant stop the tears as they begin to roll down my cheeks.

"Serena stop okay I don´t intended to make you feel bad, and yes you told me what happened, and you are in no ways to blame for what happened, it was just a freak coincidence" she hugs me tight while comforting me.

" What would you think yourself, I was just being together, getting to know each other when he suddenly stop breathing, what would you think?" I shakes in despair.

"easy now sweetheart, you cant do anything about what happened, except move on. But it´s time to go to bed, come on I don´t want you to be alone when you are having it like this, come on"

she gets up and drags me to my bedroom where she puts me on the bed, I just lie down and immediately drifts off while Diana is holding me tight lying next to me, there is not an ounce of romantic feelings in this but just unconditionally friendship. I swell in the feeling.

I am only just drifted off before my sleep is filled with a never ending nightmare although this time there is a new edition.

I stand looking into the complete darkness from where all I can see is a pair of crimson red eyes, accompanied by a boneshaking and chilling growling as if whatever it is, is about to get to me.

I abruptly turn around and start running just to come face to face with Alia, I look back and see the eyes are long gone.

when my attention returns to Alia I see her face is full of malice and evil intentions.

she goes around me so I am now turned to look at her with the darkness as her back ground.

"SO DID YOU REALLY THINK, THAT YOU GETS THE LUXURY TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY! MURDERES AND NERDS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO SO WHEN THEY ARE ALIVE!" she looks at me at continues.

"I HAVE NEVER LIKED YOU, AND SOMEHOW YOU ENDED UP KILLING CHRIS, WHO I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO SENIOR PROM WITH! SO LET ME HELP YOU GET PEACE YOU PATHETIC PIESE OF THRASH."

And the next thing I register is that she is pushing me, and I wait to hit the ground behind me just to realize something is wrong, because I just keep falling. That´s when I hear the uproar from the Ocean, and I hit the surface and it is freezing I am terrified and struggling to keep myself above waters since I can´t swim that is hard as hell. I looks up to the cliffs above me and see Alia standing at the top grinning wickedly at me.

"JUST STOP FIGHTING THIS WORLD WOULD BE MUCH BETTER PLACE WITHOUT YOU!"

and at that´s when I see the shape of a person standing behind her, you can only see the blurry of whoever it is nothing more.

That´s when it comes to my attention that a pair of eyes are looking wickedly up at me from under the sea, I feel a pair of cold hands grip my ankle, and drag me under the water, longer and longer down under the surface until I stop thinking, as I try screaming out of fear and despair.

That´s when I wake up drenched in sweat, and my heart is beating rapidly, I shivered all over.

The first thing I see is Diana with a face of pure horror. she is holding a hand against her heart.

"just a minute sweety I just need to kickstart my heart before I am ready to listen." she says and I can see how she slowly compose herself yet again.

"so now I think I am ready to hear what you have to say, the way you were screaming making me think of somebody being killed. A nightmare I think is obvious?"

" yeah of course it was a nightmare AGAIN, I can´t get damn break, I´m being tormented even in my dreams. I woke up standing in complete darkness hearing a bonechilling growl, completed with a pair of crimson red eyes, I am feeling scared and turns around to come face to face with Alia, she yells all sorts of profanities at me blaming me for what happened to Chris - not that I disagree - but at a point she pushes me and I fell but instead of landing on the ground behind me, I fall down a cliff into the freezing cold ocean. at some point I feel something grip my ankles to see a pair of eyes under the water suddenly dragging me to the bottom drowning while Alia stand on the cliff laughing." I shake my head in fear, what on earth should I do I can´t remember the last time I slept through a whole night.

"you said you drowned? that´s a new one, and considering you are extremely afraid of the water I can se why you could see monsters - and it was of course a dream, it´s which is where your subconscious tries to reach you.

And now I will say it again you are at no fault at Chris´ death, even the coroners said it was just a freak accident." Diana say. damn psychology she is reaching for a master in that, it has started to make our relationship a lot more interesting these day, to say the least.

"So you say I´m just a raging lunatic, ready for my own suite with a view" I say and raise my eyebrows at her, and she sighs.

"No off course not, but I think it would be a good idea to make a diary of your dreams and then talk to someone about it" she finishes

"Yes I know that would the most rational to do, but I don´t think I can talk about to a stranger, at least not yet. But most women our age dream hot dreams about the guys around us, I have since what happened to Chris lived with nightmares every night, if I don´t get killed or bullied by Alia, I just sit in a place where there are nothing, there are just white (that is by far the worst nightmare of all) I feel so lonely, like I will never be able to have a meaningful deep relationship, to break this loneliness."

I shiver by the memory of that dream thankfully it has been a long time since I´ve had that dream. and the whole accident about Chris, I do know it should worry me, but come on it´s not normal that a healthy quarterbacks heart suddenly stops out of nowhere, after kissing.

" no off course I don´t think that, and someday you will indeed meet someone, who you dare trust with your life, and open up to, and to be intimate with, I´m very sure of it, not that I am psychic or anything, but look at you, you are gorgeous and I have never met a person more goodhearted than you, you a kind to everyone, and it couldn´t just fall you in to tell someone how much a pain in the ass they are."

I love these conversations, it has been a while since I have talked about this, and suddenly my thoughts turns towards Nate, and his behavior yesterday where he for most part acted as a complete jerk. so I wonder what is going on and I can´t help myself to ask Diana.

"can I ask you a question (she nods) What did you think about Nate when you first met him.? and what about now?"

She hesitates for a moment before she answers

"when I first met Nate he was charming, sweet and caring, and he still is for most part but I think that something is bothering him, why do you ask?" she looks a me.

"I don´t know, the reason for my question is because lately I feeling that something has changed, he is of course still sweet and caring, but yesterday he behaved like some sort of pompous arrogant jerk, who seemed to have no care of how he talked to women. and honestly I felt very uncomfortable, and our night together stopped rather sudden, but I don´t know what to do, since I really do care about him. should I talk to him about it or jus act like it never happened?" I asked feeling confused

"I don´t know what his deal is, but I don´t think you will get anything good from asking him about it, just tell him you didn´t like it, and make sure he knows he can talk to you if he want´s to, but I´m afraid we will have to stop this conversation now if we don´t want to be late to classes, are you okay. " she says and shakes her head, and look at my full of concern.

For one I´m feeling a little better but so many thoughts are swirling around in my head.

"yes Diana I´m okay, at least for now, I don´t know about talking about that therapist right now, but I think you are right that it would being a good idea keeping a dreamjournal. Now I think I will go take a shower and get ready to class."

Diane stands up and walk towards the door, she looks at me one last time and closes the door behind her, I check my email fast, and checks for new emails, not even from my mother, or sister. I just shake my head in disbelief I have been gone since Friday, and I have written to them that I have arrived perfectly fine but no response back.

I sigh pick up my clothes and heads for the shower.

When I am done and out in the mainroom again, I hear a knocking on the door and Nate walks in all fresh and ready he smiles at me, when Diane comes out of her room as well, she is hot as hell and dressed very professional.

"I thought I might escort you to campus ladies." He smiles his most charming smile.

"Of course you can Nate let´s go then" I send him a pointed look and he looks down, he obviously still remember my outburst last night.