Gone

You know. I've always had nothing to lose Under the heavy raindrops, I remember my moments with you, your laughter. And your sweet words. Did you really have to do this, leaving me alone here, talking in a vacuum, as if I were talking to you? I stare at your pictures so I don't forget your features. As I thought, my life did not stop at that threshold, but rather I crossed it with a well-polished heart. And a muted memory. I would be lying to the point of lying if I said I forgot you. I never forgot him. But I forgot to take back my hand from his hand. I forgot my prayers that I left in his heart. I will remember December in order to forget. On the side of the road. Withered feeling He was waiting for people to revive him on the side of the road. I left my heart hoping that after I had traveled a distance that made my feet bleed, I would have another heart and another memory that had no memories. As the page of days turned, I realized every time that life was not a mistake, but rather my misfortune. On a bridge that stretched horribly across my chest, he stood looking down, searching for a fall that would take him to experience death. He only wanted to experience it, and decided after this handful of experience to return. I want to experience death, I have nothing to lose, and because you are not here. It was the content of a letter I received from him on a Saturday morning, and because I smelled the strong scent of seriousness emanating from his letter, I rushed to look for him in all the places where he had tried to die before. At the end, when I failed to find his face among all those faces, I decided to determine his location from my phone. This took me some time, and I decided inside myself that the matter was over now. There is no one to prevent him from falling now, only the bridge will be a witness to his death because it was closed due to the damned repairs, or that is what I thought. All the despair I had drilled into me vanished the moment I arrived. He was still standing there on the bridge with his blackness, his blackness that covered me and crossed all the boundarie of life separating us. A scream filled my throat with his name before I made my way towards the bridge and in the middle of it I stopped with stiff feet, a paralyzed body. No movement took me except the blinking of my eyes on the surface of the distorted reality. The moment he fell, I wanted to swear to the sky. It was one of my nightmares, but the sound of his frail body hitting was a response to the fact that it was not that Congratulations, you have experienced death closed the apartment door behind me. Everyone in the building was wearing black to mourn the first suicide death in their apartment But in complete contrast to them, I wore something flashy I swore to myself that I would not mourn him even if I missed him. even if I felt some love for him in my heart Because it was a bad, bad idea to love a suicidal person. For a moment, I thought I would be his savior. Songs faded like reproach. and he showed me a moment in which I remembered the meetings that brought us together on the side of a letter. The time of rain and the melting snow. is a time when I remember that I am in love, and even lost to the point of exhaustion For you,suicide was just a game that you mastered. You wanted me dead in an endless silo of misery. You skillfully took off death from your body and put on another whenever fate marked failure as the end of all your attempts. You never realized that I was your only suicide, the one you took off and never put on again. The dates of our two apartments opposite, the locked door, and the monotonous things passing through the window. I have not forgotten that one time you experienced death in my house. I kept wondering how simple life seems in your world, to the point that you end it whenever you want. You took courage like a veil over a heart. Maybe there was nothing in it, not even me. The weather was clear that day, and you and I were in the company of the sky above the roof. We look at it in surprise How lofty and steadfast it seems, unlike the air that blows turbulently in my chest How brave he seemed to withstand this huge amount of death I have been standing since you blocked me the last time. I will wait for you to disappear so that I can experience death properly He said in our silence I won't disappear I will not disappear and I will not disappear. Amidst my preoccupation with not disappearing in front of you like a vanished image. I did not realize that we had exchanged places, and it dissipated around me and disappeared. It was the ugliest reality I had ever seen in my life. And the worst. Sin is marked on the faces of criminals, and on my face is the mark of your love. When people asked me who I love, I was afraid that speaking of you would be like a sin that would destroy my lips. And I see you walking on the path of the final journey towards your port that you love more than anything else Our last meeting touched on the details of our first meeting, which happened in December, the winter season. I built a snowman in the square opposite the building, and the next day I found your scarf on it. With its interwoven threads, our story of you, me, and the snowman was born. Like the first hello I said to you, instead of all my letters, I told you that goodbye for now until the day comes when I separate from you, create a new chapter, and put on another life. love you guys hope you like it and who knows mybe it's the Last chapiter if it not the first .