BLACK TIGER | YOONMIN

Can't Forgive

"My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myself." Unknown.

Jimin's POV:

After the Black Tiger left the room, I couldn't help but keep smiling like an i***t. I may have experienced one of my worst moments in life the night before, but he managed to make me forget that man's voice and I can never thank him enough for it.

I looked around, there wasn't anything special in the room. No posters, no paintings, nothing was hung on the wall. There was only a small desk where he put his laptop and a small piano keyboard which made me curious to know if he's still making music. I left the bed and opened his wardrobe. I chuckled because the colors were literally nonexistent inside. He only had black or dark clothes, which is interesting because it makes him different from the rest of the people I knew. I always thought that being different was a blessing.

I needed to shower, but to go to the bathrooms I had to leave and meet people, and I'm not the kind of man who's comfortable to walk half-naked, knowing everyone will be looking at me.

I knew he would kill me, but I took one of his black baggy shirts and wore it. It was soft and warm, and it smelled just like him. I don't know how to explain it, but even when someone doesn't put on perfume regularly, there is always a kind of smell that identifies him, and I love it so much.

A loud knock made me jump with surprise.

I furrowed because I knew that he would never knock on his room's door. I pressed my lips, guessing it could be someone else.

I heard the door open slightly and a tall guy entered with a smirk on his face.

"He's not here?" he mumbled and moved the bed sheets. "The asshole spent the night with someone huh." he scoffed, tapping the two pillows.

My heart was beating fast because I didn't want Wonsik to see me in his room. I knew he would make a whole story about me sleeping with the Black Tiger and say it to every single agent in the company.

I took my shoes discreetly and was about to leave the room, when he grabbed my arm suddenly. "Where do you think you're going?"

I closed my eyes tight and bit my power lip, "I...I was just looking for something." I lied.

"Oh, really?" he crossed his arms and watched my ridiculous nervous face with a smirk. "And he just casually let you enter his room and..." he took a look at the shirt I was wearing. "And take his clothes." he rubbed his chin. "I am sure the Black Tiger everyone is talking about is not this chill."

I rolled my eyes, "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Unlike you, I'm not pretending to look for something." he laughed. "I'm just doing the company tradition."

Oh, right. He needs to wake him up before being an official Bullet&Co agent.

"Now don't try to change the subject." he said. "What were you really doing here?"

"I spent the night here after we came from the mission...because I didn't want to disturb the others...it was late and-"

"Stop lying sweetheart, it doesn't suit you." he placed a hand on my shoulder. "You slept together, right?"

I choked on my saliva, "WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

I know, I overreacted.

I mean, it's true that it didn't happen, but we kissed, right.

Plus, we technically slept together before so...

"Oh, trust me, I'm everything but crazy." he chuckled. "Say the truth."

"We didn't sl- why the hell am I explaining myself to you?!" I raised an eyebrow. "Does it matter what I was doing here? It's none of your business s**t!"

I rarely shouted at people, but I guess he deserved it because he was truly stressing me out.

"The Black Tiger's not here, he already woke up, so leave." I mumbled coldly.

"How about you? You're not leaving?"

"I said it's none of your business." I pushed him outside the room and slammed the door.

"What an asshole!" I ran my fingers through my dark hair.

I hurried to put on my shoes and looked for a paper and pen. I only found a notebook and I hesitated to open it. It was surely something private, so he wouldn't like anyone touching it.

I wanted to write him a note so bad, so I closed my eyes and opened the notebook to the last page. Thankfully, it was empty so I tore a small part of the paper and wrote, "Thank you Tiger for everything. Because you are here, I don't regret coming to this company."

I cringed because it was too cheesy, but I felt the need to tell him these words because it was the truth.

Before I closed the notebook, the curiosity hit me because it looked quite heavy and the majority of the pages have been used.

I looked around him and flipped the pages to be welcomed by a serie of words written neatly with a black gel pen. I widened my eyes when I realized they were song lyrics. They must be the songs he was working on before he came to the company.

The sad thing is that all the words written were expressing depression, tiredness and loneliness. He must have had a hard time before and it broke my heart just by imagining it.

He made sure to write dates under each page and all of them were from 2014. He couldn't make any song during four years.

"Poor guy." I sighed.

I flipped more pages and stopped when I read October 1st, 2018, two days ago.

The page was empty, only one word appeared in the middle written with pencil.

Him.

I kept looking at the small word, wondering what he meant or who he was talking about.

The Black Tiger was a mysterious man indeed.

Him, it must be someone from his past, the past I'm dying to know about.

I pressed my lips and felt my chest tighten. I was stupid enough to get jealous of someone I know nothing about.

He finally opened his notebook after four years to write something about him. He must be someone very special.

I sighed and closed the book before placing it where I found it. I put the note next to his keyboard and left the room.

I needed a shower urgently because I was literally stinking. Maybe that's why he didn't want to have breakfast with me.

I wished I could stay the entire day wearing his shirt, but I needed to respect the company's protocol. Suit and tie here I am.

I entered the cafeteria and found him in the usual table. I felt my cheeks warm up because I was in front of him again...the man I kissed an hour ago.

I cleared my throat, "Good morning...again." I laughed nervously. "I just took a shower."

"Good for you." he simply mumbled.

I rubbed my neck and sat in front of him, ignoring the other guys calling me. "I actually took one of your shirts earlier. I'll wash it and return it to you."

I didn't know if it was just me, but I saw a slight pink color appear on his cheeks.

"You wore my shirt?" he asked, pressing his lips.

I nodded, "Yeah, sorry I should've asked you first."

"It's okay." he said and took a sip of his coffee.

"So many interesting things are happening in this company!" Wonsik interrupted. He stood in the middle of the cafeteria and smirked to me. "I just witnessed something interesting this morning."

I froze.

No way, he wasn't going to tell everyone, right?

He looked at me and chuckled surely because he saw how nervous I got.

"What did you see?" Jackson asked him.

"That's not important." Wonsik mumbled. "I just saw something more entertaining."

"Spill dude." Taehyung rolled his eyes. "We don't have all the day."

"The boss was arguing with a cop."

Taehyung raised an eyebrow, "He didn't tell me anything."

"Shit." I heard the Black Tiger mumble.

I bit my lower lip too strong that it hurt because of the wounds I already have. I knew the cop must have come because of last night's murder.

I saw him getting up and I followed him immediately. We walked silently to the elevator and I could feel the tension reigning between us. That brief moment we had earlier in the morning made me forget that a man was killed because of me the night before.

I took a look at his face and frowned when I saw how nervous he was. His lips were pressed and he kept rubbing his neck every time. It showed how much he regretted committing a crime and it reminded me of myself after I killed my boyfriend and my best friend with my own hands.

I hoped he wouldn't blame himself because he only did it to protect me. He wasn't bad, in the contrary he was a hero.

When we arrived to the reception hall, I saw the boss talking with the policeman from last time. Jin, if I remembered correctly.

It didn't look like a normal and quiet conversation, they were shouting and using their hands which made me more nervous.

"I'm tired of covering you!" Jin said. "Can't I do my job for once?!"

"I know you want to do your job." Namjoon sighed. "But I have a reason why I brought these young men and women to the company."

"Oh, to kill again?" Jin scoffed. "You once told me that you give them a second time to correct their past mistakes and be better people, but what? I don't see this Namjoon-ssi."

The Black Tiger tensed. I saw him gulping and lowering his head.

I tried to reach him and take his hand, but he walked away and ignored me.

"It's him, right?" the policeman turned around and pointed to my partner. "Why doesn't it surprise me? A heartless man like him can kill everyone easily."

I was ready to throw fists when the Black Tiger hurried to grab my arm, "Don't you dare." he mumbled coldly.

"I can't allow you to talk about my agent this way." Namjoon faced the policeman with a scary stare.

"I'm just stating facts." Jin shrugged. "It's been four years Namjoon-ssi, I don't see any change in him."

My heart was shattering little by little because he looked completely devastated. It killed me not to know anything about him. I wanted to hold him in my arms and comfort him, but he made sure to stand far away from me.

"He deserves to be in jail, not here." Jin added.

"Jin-ssi!" the boss rubbed his head violently. "He only wanted to protect his partner! This is no crime, this is defense!"

"Really?" Jin chuckled. "Do you know who he killed? Or should I remind you?"

Namjoon rolled his eyes, "Does it really matter if he's poor or f*****g rich? Does it matter if he owns a big company? Does it?!" he shouted. "No matter how much money he had, that man was about to rape someone!"

I heard gasps and whispers around us. I didn't realize some agent's followed us to witness the argument between our boss and the cop.

Now, everyone was looking at me. Worse, they were pitying me.

"Oh my god Jimin..." Taehyung walked to me and hugged me tightly. "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright." I mumbled.

"Now tell me, not as a cop, but as man." the boss continued. "Don't you think a rapist deserves to die?"

Jin pressed his lips and avoided his eyes.

"Jimin!" Hoseok came running from the corridor. He seemed so scared and worried.

"I'm so sorry." he cried before placing his arms around me. "I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you."

"If they find any proofs, I won't save him." I heard Jin say. "I'm tired of betraying the station." he mumbled before turning to the Black Tiger. "I hope you can of what you've done in the past. At least it should encourage you to be so senseless."

He left.

Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck and sighed heavily. He turned and found a dozen of agents watching him. He frowned and shouted, "Get the hell out of here!"

The young men and women didn't dare oppose him, so they hurried to start their daily work.

"Christian and Tiger, follow me to my office." he said with a cold tone before leaving the reception hall.

I couldn't look at him. I felt so ashamed because I couldn't defend myself the night before. Because of me, he had to shoot a man and create himself problems with the cops again.

We walked to Namjoon's office and sat in his desk.

I saw a whiskey glass next to his folders. He drank it in one-shot, which made me even sadder because I even ruined the boss' good mood.

"See why I didn't want to send you alone?" he told me after a while. "I knew s**t could happen."

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

He sighed, "I won't send you on missions for a while." he added. "You need proper training. I'll assign a new coach for you. I know Jungkook and you spend the sessions talking more that working." he frowned.

I lowered my head, pressing my lips.

"And you." he pointed to the Black Tiger. "We already talked yesterday, but I'll say it again. Control yourself."

The agent simply nodded.

"There are many ways to punish someone, don't kill easily."

"But hyung! He was just trying to help me..." I protested. "Please, don't blame him."

"Shut up." the Black Tiger mumbled.

"I know he wanted to protect you Jimin." the boss nodded. "But he knows what I'm trying to tell him." he added, looking at him.

I saw them sharing looks and I felt so stupid because I had no clue what they were talking about.

"I'll go." he stood up.

"I'm coming with you." I was about to stand up but he stopped me.

"Leave me alone." he said coldly before leaving the office.

I sighed and covered my face. The small happiness I finally tasted this morning completely disappeared in a matter of minutes. I started crying, hating myself for always creating problems and also because I knew no one would ever love me...or desire me.

Maybe I was the only one who enjoyed that kiss earlier, maybe I'm the only one having ideas of a possibility to be together with him.

After all, Junsun left me for my best friend.

"Jimin." Namjoon rubbed my back. "I know it must be hard...but I don't wanna see you crying."

"I just can't..." I whispered. "I'm such a mess."

He sighed and helped me stand up. "Let's go out, okay?"

"What?" I wiped a tear and looked at him with confusion.

"I'm inviting you to lunch outside." he gave me a soft smile. "It's gonna help you freshen up your mind."

Our boss is too perfect to be real.

Despite all the s**t I caused, he's still thinking about making me feel better.

Damn you Kim Namjoon.

~~

The drive was better than I expected. Namjoon isn't the quiet man I always thought he was. Sometimes, he would surprise me by singing too loud when his favorite songs play on the radio.

I really had fun thanks to him.

"Here we are." he stopped the car and stared at me to see my reaction. I must have looked so ridiculous because my eyes and mouth were opened too wide that a bug could enter easily.

"Where are we?" I asked when I saw the landscape surrounding us. We weren't far from the city, but it surely looked different.

"Hope you like mountains." he smiled and tapped my back. "Let's go, we're gonna walk a lot."

He was right.

We walked a lot, indeed. Until I couldn't move my legs anymore.

I was tired, but it was worth it. Crossing a long bridge to finally reach the mountain was a good exercice.

One more thing that amazes me in Namjoon is that he's very cultivated. We walked passed a historical site and he literally told me a whole story and explanations behind the temples and statues we saw.

He talks in a way that doesn't make you feel bored. This man great.

"Time to rest, okay?"

"God, I was waiting for these words to come out of your mouth." I said, collapsing on the grass.

He burst out laughing and lied next to me. "Don't be a lazy ass. Walking is good."

"Yeah, but walking a lot is NOT." I chuckled.

"Tsk, tsk." he shook his head. "I think you spent so much time with the Tiger that you're getting as lazy as he is."

I laughed and turned to look at him, "Please don't be mad at him hyung."

He sighed, "I'm not mad at him." he said. "It's just that I thought he was making progress, that he was finally letting go of his bad temper, but he's still in the same level."

I pressed my lips, "Say hyung, what...what did he do to come to your company?"

Namjoon looked at me with a sad smile, making me even more worried about the Black Tiger. He must have really done something so bad that he still can't forgive himself.

And you don't know how it feels like to be disappointed at yourself.

"I can't tell you." he interrupted my thoughts. "Privacy is important in the company. You'll have to ask him if you want to know."

"I never dared." I mumbled. "I'm afraid he would get mad..."

"He would never get mad at you without a reason."

I sighed and ran my fingers in my hair. "He's ignoring me." I said. "I know that he's stressed out because of what happened yesterday, but I don't want him to ignore him when all I want is to be closer to him."

"He's not ignoring you because you messed up." the boss said. He turned and looked at me with a serious face. "No one knows this, but Tiger is one of those people who dislike the person they are."

My heart broke again.

"He doesn't appreciate a single part of himself and that's what makes me so worried about him. He made a big mistake in the past and he still can't forgive himself." he sighed. "I always hoped he would finally take control of himself and take new decisions like starting to talk to people again and...make music."

"It must have been too hard." I whispered, feeling my chest tightening again. "He's a good guy, he doesn't deserve such suffering."

"I know." he nodded. "I did my best to help him during the last four years, but I failed."

I placed my hand on his and caressed it gently, "It's not your fault. At least you tried." I smiled.

He smiled back and ruffled my hair, "So, why don't you try too?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I know that he's not very friendly and really hard to talk to, but I have hope that you can change him."

I gulped, "What makes you think this way."

He chuckled, "So many things." he rubbed his chin. "Earlier, I told you that I won't give you any missions, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, I have one for you."

"Oh?" I widened my eyes. "Really?"

"Your next mission, which will be a long one." he laughed. "It's to make the Black Tiger say 'I'm happy'."