Save Me Alpha

CHAPTER 17

ROSALIE POV

I feel like a completely different person these days. 

It's been two week since the slumber party, Jasper has been so adorable all the time and I feel whole and complete around him.

Making friends has helped too, while Jasper is busy I spend time with the girls, and they all understand me and we just click. They don't judge me from my past, they accept me for who I am even though I worry that they sometimes only hang with me because of Jasper, even though he assures me they aren't.

We've had a few dates, he's taken me out to restaurants in town, the movies and even took me dancing but  then a few days ago he was tad withdrawn, he said it was pack stuff keeping him busy.

Jasper and I still haven't had s*x, much to my dismay. I'm so f*****g frustrated I could probably get turned on by an orange, I swear.

He would hold my hand or cup my face, I tried putting my hand on his thigh but he coughed and removed it, he kills me.

Yesterday he was eating pancakes with chocolate syrup and I almost choked on my porridge man, I ran off to the bathroom straight away so he didn't tell me for the millionth time that he could smell my arousal.

I just want him to throw me around the bedroom a bit, but he just won't. I don't know why, he says he still wants to get to know me and not rush things... that's cute... sarcastic much Ros? YES.

"Can I ask you something Ros?" I'm snapped out of s****l demise and whip my head in the direction of Deb smiling at me.

"Yeah what's up?" I smile back, gathering my thoughts.

Deb puts her wipes her hands and puts her elbows on the tabletop making sure her full attention is on me.

"Can I ask about the scars on your forearms and wrists?" 

Oh s**t.

Do I lie?

Wait, what business is it hers anyways? b***h.

Nobody has ever asked me outright. 

I take a deep breathe looking down at my wrists, I'd completely forgotten about it. 

Maybe I wanted people to see it before, I didn't care but now I feel tongue tied. 

She's a friend right?

Would she judge me?

"You don't have to hon, I'm sorry I asked." She chirped up making me look up at her, she smiled at me but for the first time it wasn't a sympathetic one.

"It's fine, just some stupid stuff I did over the years..." I whispered this to her, averting my gaze away from her once I said it.

Deb stood up rounding the table in front of me, "Can I see?" she holds her hand out for me.

I look at her outstretched hand, she's touched me before, linking arms with me, putting her hand on my shoulders and even playfully smacking my butt a couple of days ago.

I held out my arm and she it softly, she touched the marks lightly and sighed.

"Is this why Sofia brought you here?" 

Words wouldn't come out.

I suddenly felt embarrassed, but nodded anyways.

"All I can say is, I'm here for you girl. If you're ever that low, me and the rest of the girls are. Never will we judge you." She kisses the back of my hand and sits back down.

I feel a tear slip from my eye and quickly wipe it.

I love this girl, I've never experienced love and yet I love this woman like the sibling I never had.

I love that she's got my back and I would have hers wholeheartedly.

The same for the other girls.

The only thing about being here, is that the other pack members still didn't seem to like me very much. Some of the mated couples would be whispering when I would pass by, the females would give me dirty looks and shove their kids away from me if I tried to interact with them.

Deb and the girls said they'd eventually warm up to me but I something was off.

"So tell me... has lover boy given up the goodies yet?" Deb asked me playfully, I laughed at her taking a bite out of my sandwich.

I shaked my head and said with a mouth full, "How can he not find this sexy?" I playfully chew like a pig which Deb laughs at but drops her head when I feel him behind me. 

"That's not very lady like now is it?" My body heats at his manly voice.

I roll my eyes trying to appear unfazed by him, he props himself on the counter top with his elbows and rests his chin on his hands staring at me.

"Could you give us a second please Debbie?" He doesn't even look at her, his eyes still glued on me, desire holding me in place.

Fuck, did he hear our conversation?

Deb nods and takes her plate out the kitchen without looking back our way.

"What's going on alpha?" I put emphasis on alpha, making his eyes darken further.

"Serious talk Ros, I'm going away for a few days for pack business but the girls won't leave your side so you're protected. I'll be back in three days, I'll be calling Sofia and Deb to talk to you every day OK?"

I felt a pang of pain in my stomach, like a punch to the gut.

"Can't I come with you?" I whisper trying to keep the pain and panic from my face.

Jasper's eyes widen slightly, like he's trying to think of an excuse. 

What's going on?

"Why are you acting so weird?" I ask.

I can feel anger building, trying to get used it after it being dormant the last few days.

I straightens up and smiles.

"Look pretty lady, only mated couples can go and it's strictly business. I'll be back before you know it."

"Are you f*****g kidding me Jasper? Have I not been giving you signals that I want to f*****g mate! And if it's only mated couples then why are you going alone?" I hadn't realised that I had stood up and was practically leaning across the table in his face.

"Ros, I can go with my beta's an alpha of the pack and Cameron is attending as Jaxon's official mate and that's it." His calm tone is really pissing me off more.

Does he not want me to go with him?

Am I not good enough for him?

Is... is he embarrassed by me?

I pulled back with the thoughts invading my mind.

"Am I not good enough to be seen as your mate? Are you embarrassed by me?" I can feel my eyes blurring with tears.

Pain strikes his face and then anger for some reason.

Before he has a chance to kick of the argument, I feel my anger shoot through the roof reacting to his anger.

I pick my plate up and throw it on the floor.

"YOU are the one that pursued me! YOU are the one that started this between us! YOU are the one that called us mates! And now you're acting ashamed of me! Like you've changed your f*****g mind you asshole!... is that why you haven't mated with me? You don't want me?" My voice broken towards the end.

Goddamit Ros, you started off strong, don't break now.

He's changed his mind.

"It's not like that Rosalie, things are complicated. If I mate with you, I WILL end up marking you, that makes you the Luna of this pack and right now, that's a lot for you to take on. You need to be ready for that kind of responsibility, it's not just about me and you... I need to think about if the pack will accept you too." He finishes his sentence rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand.

He doesn't think I can be a Luna.

I mean I doubted it myself but thought he loved me and that meant he would help me learn to be a Luna.

He doesn't think I'm good enough for him... for his pack.

I feel my heart hurting at the realisation.

"Is it because I'm human?" I asked emotionless, he went to grab my hand but I swiftly pulled it to my side.

He looked back into my eyes but I quickly looked at the floor waiting for an answer.

"A little yes." He said it so quietly.

I tried staying calm, trying to think of it from his perspective but his next words make my heart explode in my chest.

"A Luna needs to be able to protect their pack which is the main concern for the pack especially since they know about your um...past. They are still very attached to Carmen, she will always be their only Luna and their alpha's only mate in their eyes." 

Carmen.

I'll never be Carmen.

That's why the pack doesn't like me.

That's why he doesn't want to mate with me and make me Luna.

I'm not Carmen.

As he said, she will always be their only Luna and their alpha's only mate.

I nod at him, feeling numbness take over my body.

My guard back up.

My heart in pieces.

I had f*****g fallen for him.

FUCK.

"Ros? Please talk to me, I'm leaving soon" He asks but I still don't look at him.

"I'm going to go to my room for a bit, I need to think about stuff. I hope you travel safe. I'll speak to you when you get back." My voice was calm and gave nothing away.

I started walking to the kitchen door, leaving my mess on the floor.

He abnormally speeds to step in front of me.

"Rosalie, please." He raises his hand to my cheek but I flinch and take a step back.

"Just give me time Jasper. Enjoy you're business trip".

I step around him and hurriedly walk to the elevator and step in.

Thoughts swirl around my head as I stare straight ahead and step out and rush my room.

As soon as I step inside, I just sit on my bed and just stare into space allowing myself to feel the full pain take over.

The tears fall but no sobs or cries leave my mouth.

I'm broken.

Jasper knows I'm broken.

His pack knows it too.

I'll always be broken in this life.