Lost Wolf

“why am I here?”   I look out of the small kitchen window, drops of rain are clinging to the glass and creates a blurry filter to the grey world outside. I put some apples and clementine’s in my bag and grab my umbrella. Lila jumps up against my leg and stretches while yawning, I bend down and tap her head: “you and me both lila” I smile. My cottage is small, it’s nothing fancy but I like it, not very modern but yet, me. I close the front door and walkun to my car. As I fall into the car and throw my bags onto my other side on the passenger seat I push a strand of hair that got loose with the running, back behind my ear and start the car. You are probably wondering who I am and why I’m relevant in this story, well my name is Esmay, I’m 22 and a primary school teacher. I live in a small cottage in the greyest, wettest spot on earth, but I love it because there are a million trees and everything is green and overgrown. I don’t have parents and I don’t really care why I don’t have them because they didn’t want me, I grew up in the system but got out easily and settled here creating my small quiet life. I walk into the teachers’ lounge directly towards the coffee maker avoiding the other teachers, not that their horrible, I’m just not a chatty Cathy and like being alone. I walk over to where Tyra is already sitting with her tea, she smiles; “Morning sunshine, how was your weekend?” she slurps her coffee. I roll my eyes as I sit down next to her and wrap my yellow jacket around my waist; “fine I guess, I graded tests and read a few books, and took lila to the park”, Tia grins “nothing new right, I babysat for my niece and Kyle was in and out repainting the living room, now the whole goddamn house smells like chemicals and I swear its making me dream a lot of s**t”. I snort trying to keep my coffee in my mouth, Tia is my best friend since school and she never has a dull story to tell. “When is the wedding planning commencing?” I ask. “Well, I’m thinking of going to look at a few venues this weekend, actually..” she says turning to me “I was wondering if you as my maid of honor would like to accompany me” she winks. “Definitely T, that would be amazing!” I smile, we both knew I would be maid of honor as we don’t really do the big friend group thing. “Well then , its settled, Friday after school, ill send the address” she says standing up, I follow her to my class and take a deep breath as I enter my class; “Good morning everybody!”   Finally, it’s Friday and I peer over my glasses as the excitement of the weekend rise up in the classroom, everybody is whispering and well, I’m pretending to mark tests instead of having to answer questions about my life I don’t really want to share with my students.   Bing! Tyra: Hey girl, meet you at 556 Chromwell cres. I might be a few mins. Late have to go check out the new colour for the wall.   I read the text and sigh, I almost forgot about it. Now my book and pajamas have to wait.   Esmay: Great, cant wait.   On my way to the address I look at the beautiful scenery, she really has a knack for good taste. This will be the most beautiful wedding ever. I drive up to a huge gate with the initials DS on it, it looks heavy and well designed, I drive up a pebble road through a tunnel of trees and as I exit the tunnel a huge house greets me, It’s beautiful, not modern or anything it looks like a fairytale house, lanterns and old designs scream at my inner artist. Heavy wood doors, whitewashed and a beautiful historic water feature in the front. The wheels of my Fiat 127 p crack with the rocks under them as I stop. I slip on my faux fur jacket and get out of the car, I walk up the stairs and find that the front door is almost three times my size, I knock when I see there is a bell “f**k Esmay” I curse at myself. AN old grey man opens the door, dressed pretty elegant and smiles at me; “Can I help miss?” he says allowing me inside. “I, I’m with Tyra Belle, we are here to view the venue” I stutter gawking over the interior of the house, artistic, elegant but rustic, definitely my taste. “Great, we have been expecting you” he says taking off my jacket. “can I use the restroom?” I ask softly. “yes miss, just up the stairs, turn left, 3rd door on the right” he smiles. “Great!” I think. I walk up the stairs trailing my hand on the large wooden rail, where does this house go to, and where is the venue I think daydreaming looking at the art on the wall as I walk. Suddenly a wooden door steps in front of me and I walk full force into it, knocking me to the floor and my head spinning with a ding sound echoing. “f**k” I whisper holding my head. “s**t, I’m so sorry!” I hear a deep voice, my vision is blurred but I make out a pair of black shoes next to me and see a face bend down to me. ‘what a God’ I think when my vision returns and a handsome dark haired man with chocolate eyes look into my soul, or that’s what it feels like. “are you okay?” the man says holding up my chin. “I guess so” I whisper and push backward. “I’m Dean, Dean Saloy” he says taking me under my arms like a child and pulling me up to my feet. “E,Esmay” I get out blinking nonstop still gripping my head. “Lets get some ice on that Esmay, sorry about it, I didn’t expect someone to be up here” he says and holds me by my waist, partly carrying me down the stairs, to a lovely open kitchen. He sets me on the kitchen counter and grabs a bag of peas from the freezer and holds it to my head. “feeling better Esmay?” he asks and my vision returns to normal and my head only hurts a little bit. “A lot better, thank you Dean” I say softly, measuring the large human in front of me. He looks at me, what is he looking at, why, why is this so strange. “what are you here for miss Esmay?” he asks still piercing me with his gaze. “a wedding” I stutter. “lucky guy” he mumbles, “no not mine my best friend T, Tyra” “maybe a drink would help, I insist” he says grabbing a bottle of champagne from the fridge and pull two glasses out of the cupboard, before I can even answer he pours both glasses and hands me one. I sip slowly and glare at him, he is so strange what is he? “esme?” I hear Tyra from the kitchen door, Dean jumps and grabs another glass, as he hands it to her “for the beautiful bride to be” Dean smiles and Tyra with a question mark on her face looks at me and then takes the glass “thank you” she says more of a question.   “Esmay made out with a door, but it was my fault” Dean says and Tyra smiles giving me the kissy face, ugh. “are you okay, was the door as handsome as …” she says waiting for Dean to give his name, “Dean” he answers and blushes. “Yeah it hurt but it’s better now” I smile taking another sip. The bubbles tickle my tongue and I crinkle my nose, Tyra starts talking with a lady who entered, I guess the wedding planner. I stare at the finishes in the kitchen and study the garden outside framed by a large wooden window. “amazing” Dean says. “I wouldn’t mind living here” I think out loud. “o’yes the house, it has been in my family for years, my mother decided to make it a wedding venue, she says its to pretty to enjoy alone” he says swirling his drink slowly. Something inside me growls, what the hell was that, I did eat, didn’t I? “lets take a walk Esmay?” Dean says. “Wonderfull idea, come Belle” Tyra winks at the wedding planner, I slide off the table and follow the group through heavy doors, to  garden, with huge trees and a river flowing through the open garden. “Here!” Tyra yells as she runs throwing her hands in the air at an open space under atree next to the river, I smile as I love seeing my friend happy and a violin singing in the background, I look to see where its coming from and see a small restaurant on the hill, it looks like its French style and a man with long hair strokes the violin with his eyes closed, he looks like he is in a dream, a dream I want to join in, it looks happy. “Tyra you will be the prettiest bride ever” I smile, “really” she asks and gets talking with Belle the wedding planner. “Lets eat something, to say sorry for Esmay and congratulate Tyra” Dean proposes and without answer everyone starts walking to the restaurant. I take a seat on the white steel chair with curly designs and place my glass on the table, a waiter runs up to us and she places menu’s infront of us, she smiles brightly at Dean and I giggle at her and the fact that Dean doesn’t even notice. “French” I mumble softly. “Yes, he is an amazing French cook and I would recommend him for the wedding dinner” Dean says pointing at things on the menu as the waiter scribbles down, “o and some wine” Tyra interjects as she shows Belle a few pictures from a magazine. “what is it you do” Dean asks seeing that Tyra is busy. “Im a teacher, an art teacher at Haven Primary” , “O’ I didn’t take you as a teacher but that’s great, do you paint?” Dean asks. “I used to but the paintings started to stack up and I need some more space” I smile, “I’m interested to see them, I love art, maybe ill buy from you Esmay” he says, “O’no they are not that great, I just paint whatever comes up but its not art gallery good” I laugh, “o I doubt it” he says with a straight face “how would you know, you don’t even know if I can paint, maybe im useless” I say with a raised eyebrow. After a lot of delicious food and a bit too much wine we walk back to our cars. “Thank you so much Dean” Tyra smiles and greets everybody. I say my goodbyes and get in my car, I start turning the key and the Fiat takes after a third attempt, I cringe and don’t look up, I reverse my car and take the drive down the dark road. As I drive down the roads covered with trees I think of Dean, mysterious guy but so handsome, o and that house, Tyra will love her wedding. Maybe I should start painting again, maybe Dean will be interested and I can make some money selling it. As I get out of the car at my cottage it’s completely dark and I walk run to the front door, I love my house but it’s very secluded, I hear a howl and shut the door behind me, ‘what is that’ I think as Lila jumps up excited next to me. “hey baby” I smile down and greet her. After taking a hot shower I jump into my lace pajamas and get into my duck feather bed, I grab my book when my phone dings:   Dean: I’m interested in your art, can we meet?   What? How did he get my number, this guy is something else. I type…   Esmay: Sounds fine, when?   Dean: Tommorow? At 12?   Esmay: great, Ill send my address.   Take a chance Esmay, maybe I can become a known artist in this small town, with a wealthy family as Dean interested is great exposure. I fall asleep, into my dream world I love so much.   Theres a knock on the door and I sit up yawning, another knock follows and I look at my phone, 11:55. “f**k” I say and jump out of bed, before thinking I run to the door and open it, Dean stands there in a chino short and a polo shirt, handsome. “hi” I say and he turns to me, as he looks at me he blushes and looks away. I look down seeing my n*****s standing up against the lace top and my legs exposed in the short bottoms. “sorry” I say as I run to my room, I close the door and grab my satin pajama cover. “Come in and start the kettle” I yell and I hear him conversing with Lila. “sorry about this, I overslept” I say as I come out of my room. I see Dean facing the kettle his fists clenched. “No worries” he says but keeps his back facing me. “let me get my portraits” I say blushing and walk to my study area looking for my paintings. We sit down at my patio with hot coffee and Dean looking at my paintings, the sun is out slightly which is very scares in this town, I enjoy the soft heat blooming on my skin and I sit a while inhaling the sun. “This is amazing Esmay” Dean smiles and takes a sip of his coffee. “Thanks, I paint people I see in my dreams” I say softly, he takes a painting of a man and a woman and stares at it. “Who is this” he says sounding concerned, I look over and see a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and a strong man with dark hair smiling; “I don’t know, I dreamt of them” I say thinking deeply. “Ten thousand dollars for this one” he says rubbing his chin. “Esmay this is very strange but these people look like people I used to know when I was little” he says while I’m wiping coffee off my legs as I almost chocked at his offer.  “Uh, O, Okay really?” I say trying not to trip over my words. “where are you from Esmay” Dean says staring at me with confusion on his face. “The town just a few miles over, I was born there but was placed in foster care at a very young age, I cant remember my parents but I know they are also from that town, I think” questioning my history and his sudden interest in it. “Esmay” I suddenly hear, but it’s not Dean, it sounds like its coming from inside of me, a woman but me, but not my thoughts, a part of me, speaking? My stomach tightens and I shift in my seat, I look at Dean and my vision tunnels, I see him but feel connected to him, suddenly. “esmay?” Dean asks seeing my unease. “sorry, im daydreaming” I say and twirl my blonde hair in my hand. “Are you okay?” Dean says but suddenly my world turns dark and I lose sight of everything, the last thing I see is dean jumping up and glass shattering.   I wake up with a few licks to my face and a beeping sound, I open my eyes slowly and look around. Lila sits next to me but im not in my room, or house. The roof has heavy designs and the bed is huge, I look at my arm and see an iv in it, I look over and see the drip stand next to me, “Hello?” I yell becoming nervous of where I am. I sit up straight and hold my head where my scar is pounding. “esmay” Dean smiles as he rushes to my side, “im sorry, but you fainted and my mom is a doctor and I thought she could help you better with your condition..” “wait wait wait, condition” I interrupt him. “what condition, nothing is wrong with me” I ask looking around me at the interior. Dean looks worried and I hear a voice in the doorway; “A wolf” the voice says, “you’re a wolf, but you contained your true self but when you got into contact with Dean, it was awakened” The woman says walking up to me, she smiles and looks at my iv. Shes beautiful and look a lot like Dean; “This is my mother, Delila” Dean says. “wait, what? Are you people insane?” I ask holding Lila close to me.  Delila smiles warmly at me,” lets drink some tea and ill explain” she says walking out the door. “Dean? Who are you, who am I, what the hell is going on here?” “come with me” he lifts me up and hands lila to the old man who greeted me at the door when I was last here. Confused I follow Dean outside the patio, I sit down and sip some tea that Delila set infront of me. “Esmay sweetheart, I think that you were born from a wolf family but something must have happened because you never knew you were a wolf, and because you didn’t know your wolf was contained but seeing as we, me and my family are wolfs we must have awakened your wolf. Dean saw that you’re a wolf but didn’t say anything, but instead of leaving you alone he had to meddled with your life and now we are here, there are things that are going to happen to you now but we are here to support you” I burst out in laughter; “have you met me, have you seen my life, im already an outcast and now your telling me im a wolf?” I shudder and settle down; “This week was normal, I went to work and helped my best friend plan her wedding now my world is turned upside down and I have to deal with, what? This story or whatever” I laugh again. “Esmay, settle down, take a breath and listen to your mind, listen to your inner wolf and let it out” she says taking my hand in hers. I hesitate but close my eyes and inhale deeply, My mind is wirling but suddenly my dark mind lights up, ‘finally’ I hear and I see bright white eyes, I gasp and jump up. My hand holds my pale face and I walk back; “what is happeneing” I ask as I bump into Dean, when we touch I shudder and my knees weaken, before I fall Dean grabs me and I hear his heartbeat against my back. Suddenly my senses become stronger, I hear everything, I smell things that seem miles away and I see things clearly. I’m a wolf?