Dark Secrets

Chapter 6: Never Knew Loving Could Hurt This Good (1 of 2)

25th of June 1975

I’m not a fan of football or any other sports but the boys forced us girls to watch their favourite team’s match the next day after our graduation, so we all came to support their team.

I don’t if it’s the noise or everyone’s excitement to the match but I somehow don’t feel right the moment I see the stadium.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jacob noticed that I’m tensed. “Let me guide you, just close your eyes, I’ll walk you to our seats.” he covered my eyes with his huge hands as he leads me the way.

Well I do see some ghosts around the area but it’s not like I’ve never experienced it before in such a crowded place.

I really don’t understand what kind of feeling I’m having now.

When we took our seats at the VIP area, it felt like I’m burning up and I feel so hot as if all the heat of the sun is coming at me.

I took off the jacket that I’m wearing even though I’m only wearing sporty bra and mini shorts underneath it because I keep on sweating.

“Holy sh*t! Desa, you’re so damn hot right now!” Jacob smiling at me as he gives me a lustful look.

“Yeah, I do feel hot, I need ice cold water.” I don’t care anymore what’s happening around me but I feel boiling hot at the moment.

Jacob bought a litre of bottled water for me and after I drank a half of it, I poured the other half on myself to put out the fire.

“Look somewhere else there’s nothing to see here!” Jacob telling everyone not to look at me.

“Hey, Desa are you alright?!” Alexa who’s sitting beside covered me with my jacket immediately because the water on my white clothes makes it see through. “We can leave now, if you’re unwell.”

The crowd goes wild as soon as the players make their appearance on the field and I looked at the faces of my friends who are hesitant to leave the stadium.

“No, I’m fine. Let’s just stay. Thank you, Alexa.” wiping myself dry on my seat instead of going to the toilet and disturb others.

Maybe pouring out that water on me helped me relax as I don’t feel hot anymore and I got to watch the half of the game with everyone.

The team that we came for is winning, so the boys are extremely having fun with the game as well as the other girls who also caught their football craze so I can’t spoil this moment for them.

“Hyde and I are going to buy us some snacks what do you guys want?” Alexa stand up with Hyde.

“Potato chips for me and soda.” I uttered then everyone followed.

“Got it. We’ll be back with your orders.” Alexa walking out from our row with Hyde who look back at me with worried expression.

“Are you sure you’re fine now? I got so focused on the game and forgot to check on you even though you’re beside me.” Jacob said.

“I’m fine. Sorry, if I caused a scene earlier and thank you for covering up for me.” zipping up my jacket.

“If you say so. Hey, after the game, can we go somewhere? I need to tell you something.” he said shyly. “But I’ll take you home before your curfew so you don’t have to worry that you’ll be grounded.”

“Yeah, being grounded on summer vacation sucks.” I smile at him.

My gut is telling me that he’s going to confess to me later, I already rejected Hyde yesterday and told him that I only love him as a friend, although he’s cool that we remain as friends I still hurt him.

But I don’t think that Jacob will be the same as him, this might be the last time that we can be together comfortably, so I have to cherish this friend that I’m about to lose later.

The 2nd half of the game started and we’re all cheering for the team we support until they won the match victoriously.

Everyone’s rejoicing and jumping at their seats when suddenly a loud noise shakes the whole stadium and before everybody got into panic the whole place is covered in fire.

Everything happened in a flash and I wished I’m just having a premonition of what’s about to happen but when I opened my eyes, I’m in a hospital and my Mom is crying beside me.

“Mom?” I called my Mom’s attention. “What happened? Where are my friends? Where’s Alexa? Where’s everyone?”

“I … I call your dad.” Mom stuttered as she leaves me in a hurry.

I saw a lot of people in the hospital, asking for names at the nurse’s stations while some are crying on the side.

“You!!” Jacob’s Mom walked to me furiously. “I knew you’re no good! Look what you’ve done to my son! He’s dead because of you! You cursed him and everyone around you!!” screaming at me hysterically.

“W-What are you talking about??!” I’m still confused of what’s going on. “What cursed?” I suddenly noticed the news on the TV.

The news got a headline of ‘Terrorist Attack’ and the video footage shows that the whole stadium is completely wiped out after the bomb explosion thousands of people died and less than a hundred survived including me, but I don’t get it.

I saw it, I should be burned from that fire and died along with my friends because we’re near from the field, there’s no chance for me to survive that explosion.

But I’m physically fine, completely unscathed, and the weird thing is I’ve been found lying on the ground unconsciously at the park across the stadium, that’s why I ended up in the hospital ward.

All of my friends died that day and everyone is blaming me for their death as if I’m the one who set up the bomb and blew the stadium, just because I got to outlive everyone.

I wanted to go back to the stadium and see at least their spirits, apologized to them that I lived but I couldn’t even step out from the house as my life and my parents are being threatened by the families of the people who died that day.

So, we had no choice but to abandoned the house and go back to Korea, on the 2nd day after the incident, like I’m a fugitive that needs to hide, a runaway from the crime that I didn’t committed.

28th of June 1975, 11am, Suncheon, South Jeolla Province, S. Korea

I was on my 1st grade when we left this country and lived in Vancouver, Canada for 11 years.

I’m a foreigner to my birthplace that I forgot everything about this place including the language.

We were living in a small apartment before so we got nowhere to go but to my Mom’s place in Suncheon, the place she ran away from.

The path to the temple is off-road and it’s located in the mountain nearest from the centre of the city.

When we got off from the cab an old woman surrounded by other people wearing hanbok got my attention the most because she’s glaring at me even though it’s the first time, we meet each other.

“Desa, call her Halmeoni, that’s grandmother in Korean.” Mom said.

“Halmeoni.” bowing my head slightly to the old woman.

“How impolite!” the old woman uttered sternly in Korean.

“You can’t blame her she basically grew up in Canada and not here in Korea.” Mom defended me in Korean.

“I know it’s your fault that she forgot about this country and she doesn’t know about us, your family that you abandoned, and now you’re coming back here with your cursed child! Ha!” Halmeoni said.

“She’s not cursed! She inherited what this family have!” Mom shouted at Halmeoni. “She’s paying what I owed from this family.”

“Come here, child!” Halmeoni called out to me.

“Desa, your grandmother is calling you.” Dad translated it for me.

She’s scary but I don’t care anymore if she hurts me or not, I’m used to be hated anyway so it’s not new for me.

Halmeoni grabbed my chin and look at my face thoroughly like she’s examining it before she holds my right hand then stare at me with a petrified reaction on her face.

“It’s not a gift but a curse!” Halmeoni stepped back from me. “This child made a deal with a devil! That devil won’t let her die until she did what needs to be done!” almost fall to the ground if not for the people who grabbed her arms to prevent her from falling.

“What is Halmeoni saying Mom??” looking back to my Mom who’s still in shocked from Halmeoni’s extreme reaction.

“She’s just overwhelmed with your ability sweetie.” Mom forcing out a smile on her face.

I don’t know if Mom is telling the truth or she’s hiding behind the language that I’ve long forgotten.

I saw how terrified Halmeoni was when she looked at my right hand where I used to have a huge scar from the tablets, I found at the secret basement in Aunt Lily’s house.

I’m not sure if we’re welcome here at the temple or not but they kept me lock in a room and put a lot of yellow papers with letters written in red ink everywhere in my room.

Although they delivered food in my room to keep me alive and books in Korean for me to relearn the language again.

It’s like in a prison but it felt like I deserved it, I always think about the incident, my friends who died, but I never dreamt of them once as I always have a dreamless sleep except when I have a dream oracle, I want to see them again.

I’m well aware that taking my own life is a sin but I couldn’t take the depression anymore, so I tried a lot of things to commit suicide but none of them ever worked out.

I always ended up waking up like my suicide attempts were just a dream as there were no marks or I’m not hurt anywhere at all.

3 months later, it’s the 6th day of October when they let me get out.

I don’t know what happened but they just told me I can go wherever I want while wearing an amulet.

To be honest I don’t want to go anywhere, I just want to stay in that room and live like a prisoner, but my Dad doesn’t want to give up on me, he wanted me to go to college and have a normal life.

Dad got me a tutor to teach me Korean and mostly everything about the country’s culture so I could socialize with other people.

I don’t care about socialization; I don’t even try to remember my tutor’s name because I don’t want to be attach to anyone again.

I studied and took a college entrance exam like what my Dad wanted me to do, although I don’t know if I should continue living a life when I’m already dead inside.

“Desa!” Dad opened the sliding door of my room with a huge smile on his face. “You made it sweetie! You passed the exam at Seoul National University! You got admitted at the college of … nursing??!”

“Sorry, Dad. I wanted to be a doctor like you but I didn’t make it to the cut-off that’s why I chose nursing instead.” rubbing my nape.

“It’s fine sweetie, you don’t need to apologize.” Dad embracing me. “I’m happy enough that you’re going to SNU. Desa, SNU is considered to be the most prestigious university in the country. I know how extremely competitive the admission in that university because I’m unsuccessful when I applied, I didn’t make it to the cut-off to get into the university itself, but you … Desa you made it! I’m so proud of you! I don’t care what college you’re in, you’ll be a SNU student!” smiling at me wholeheartedly with joy.

“I’m glad that I made you happy, Dad.” forcing a smile on my face.

“Desa, you’re going to Seoul, Congratulations!” Dad getting excited.

We’re not rich and going to Seoul means my parents are going to spend a lot of money for me so I also have to find a way to lessen my financial burden to them somehow.

Unlike in Canada where the school year starts at September here in Korea it starts at March but with the same summer break on July and August.

First day of class should be on the 1st Monday of March but it so happened that it was 1st of March where Korea celebrates the Samiljeol or the Independence Day Movement, it got move to 8th.

But Freshmen students are required to be on the campus on the 2nd or March for the enrolment process.

Even though I’m already 18, my parents came with me to Seoul and accompanied me in the campus until I completed the whole process.

Although they told me to use Korean language often for me to get used to it, they’re speaking to me in English the whole day.

“So, you two did it for us to look like rich?” looking at my parents.

“No one knows about us here anyway, also speaking English in this country makes you look respectable because you’re well-educated.” Mom uttered. “We did it for your sake, sweetie.”

“You don’t have to Mom. I don’t care how people think about me, I don’t have any business with them anyway. I’m going to SNU because you two wants me to go, I’m doing this for you and not for other people. You’re the only people I care about and not them.” I replied.

“Sorry, if your Mom and I are being immature. You’re right, we shouldn’t pay too much attention to others, only to people we care.”

... To be Continued ...