Freak (Book 1)

                                                                                                                         Autumn    Lightening, that's what it was. I was laying on my back in my room, my eyes followed each and every c***k on my ceiling. I was laying on my back in my room, my eyes followed each and every c***k on my ceiling. Lightening, Screech, Boom, Crash, and most of all the Gulp. Sounds you hear every day,but in that order, those sounds became events that ended my life in just several minutes. A shock of pain pulsed through my veins, I squeezed my eyes shut dying my eyes of the lingering tears and took a huge step back into reality. I was bleeding but not enough Attempt 32 failed. A light laughter escaped from my lips as I shook my head, my head at my wrists, slashed open as if I was in a horror movie Not deep enough.         "I can't even kill myself correctly" I mumbled to myself, My dark humor never seemed to make anyone laugh..not anymore.When,looking into the deep dark red pools of blood I swallowed hard before looking away uncomfortably. Looking at my scars especially new ones made me feel uneasy , that's why I look away, I start to think too much about it, second thoughts start to race my mind and that's when I start feeling regret, A feeling that I don't deserve to feel.        "Autumn get your ass down here you're going to be late for school!" My mom's voice boomed throughout the house waking up everyone who was sound asleep in the neighborhood down to every little creepy critter crawler. A massive sigh slipped through my lips. I know I am not the only teenager who has thought about killing themselves or running away before starting school, a new one as a sophomore. I'm turning 16 in a few weeks but that age won't get me out of the country and go to France. I heard it's gorgeous, I need to flee and never look back without worrying about who would come after me. I laughed out loud, just as a slight to push my pathetic dreams away and tug me back into reality. Who am I kidding, who is going to search for a dead girl? At least it was the first day of school for everyone. Ever since July, after the move. I've been locked in my room trying to build a time machine, So I would just stop myself from being born so I couldn't hurt anyone..let alone kill. I bit down on my bottom lip harshly until I felt blood pop out, It wasn't a lot it was enough to leave a scar. I took a deep somewhat reassuring breath and stood myself up from my bed. It was comfy,  the duvet was a dark blue with little black puffy butterflies. I looked at the blood-drenched towel I left underneath me, So I wouldn't ruin the sheets. She picked them out for me, When she was a kid I would let her sit on my shoulders and run fast so she could feel like she was flying. She wanted to fly like a bird, but now she is an angel forever trapped in the sky. Mariel, I am so-        "Lord so help me...Autumn Marie Tyler if you don't get your ass out here NOW!!!" Her three violent bangs on my door sounded like gunshots and felt like needles piercing through my soul. Pushing all my feelings aside I snatched the bloody towel off my bed and threw it into a hamper across my room. I opened the door to my bathroom and quickly rushed in, I washed off my wrists quickly as I ran my palm over the bloody slits. I tugged open the mirror cabinet and took out the rubbing alcohol twisting open the cap with my mouth and lifted it over my left wrist. Lord have "MERCY!" I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned, I glanced over at my other wrist and asked myself if it was worth it f**k it, feeling pain is better than feeling sadness, agony and just being miserable.       I walked out of the bathroom with perfectly bandaged up wrists, I opened up my drawer and pulled out jeans and a long-sleeve black shirt, and a pair of black skinny jeans and threw it onto the bed, Almost turning away my letters caught my eye 32 suicide letters all marked 'Goodbye'. I kept them, I don't know why. They all had the same general idea but each one was written differently. I slammed the drawer closed out of frustration. What's holding me back? I wondered as I carefully slipped my jeans over my scars, they were old ones I realized cutting up your thighs was mostly just for pain and not the real endgame. I buttoned up my jeans and pulled the long-sleeve over my head and shoved my arms into the sleeves and pulled the shirt over my waist and down to my pants. I stopped in front of the mirror and looked for anything unusual besides my forearms looking a bit  bulky. I shrugged my shoulders and looked away. Who cares? Before looking off for shoes my reflection pulled me back into the mirror I ran my hands through my dark brown hair which was often mistaken for black, I blew upwards pushing my bangs off my forehead just for an instant then they settle right on my eyebrows slightly on my eyelids,I inched closer to inspect my pale skin and my blue eyes. People used to say I looked a lot like Elsa, the invincible Snow queen who had an annoying sister who wouldn't stop at anything to protect her. My deep blue orbs pulled me in, I was drowning in them and I didn't want to escape, I wanted to sink deeper and deeper.       "For Christ Sake Autumn, I will send you off to an orphanage if you don't hurry the hell up!" And there was a life raft unwillingly pulling me back into the surface. Stepping away from the mirror I sighed putting on my high top black converse one foot after the other and laced them up tightly.        "I'm coming, Mom!" I shouted but not too loudly so I wouldn't test her limits. I grabbed my black messenger bag off the arm rest and rushed out of my room. Walking down the hall I held the urge to look at her bedroom door. Even though she died before she could set up her room she had visited the house when my parents were looking. She had picked out her room beforehand. My mother packed up all of her things and put them in that very room. I wasn't allowed to go in there. My emotions downed in pain and despair knowing I would knock on the door and I would never hear a response. As I approached the top of the stairs I heard my parents talking about expanding my father's business and making donations to more charities.        "We can still try, I went to the obstetrician-gynecologist and she said I would be fertile for a few more years. I want to have a baby-" I heard a slight screech from a chair being pushed out       "AUTUMN!" His booming voice frightened me, shoving me to walk down the grand stairs quickly. Mom has been urging and pushing dad to have another baby but my dad has been rightfully nervous about it and scared I could tell by him constantly avoiding the conversation. Ever since the accident they treat me as if I'm someone who is living in their house rent-free. Slowly walking  down the stairs I could feel my face heat up and tears gathering up behind my eyes once I reached the bottom of the stairs. I tried giving a faint smile to lighten up the mood but darkness drowned the room as their faces shot darts at me and my attempt of happiness. It's like it's their mission to stop me from being happy. At the sight of me Mom groaned as if I was interrupting her conversation,she narrowed her eyes at me as she walked up to me"Took you long enough" Dad hissed, I could feel the hatred sink underneath my skin and right into my heart."What the hell happened to your lip?!" Mom grabbed my face in her cold palms and her thumb ran over my cut on my lip I got frustrated that I can't die in peace, instead I am stuck here with memories becoming nightmares "I was standing in front of the door and I opened it too quickly" I said blankly, I avoided their eyes. I never looked at them when I spoke, their words would just hurt more when it was matched with their ice cold glares. Mom slightly pushed my face away before turning away and walking to the front door "We are going to be late Ash, we don't have time for this or her" She didn't make it sound like she was going to be late for an appointment, she made it seem like by me breathing I was wasting minutes of their lives."We have to go" Dad said turning away from me and pulling out his phone, Mom opened the door for him and she walked out as soon as Dad did and I followed them.          The car ride was a bit silent, I listened to the hum of the wheels as they drove against the road and I  relaxed underneath the vibration the car made as it sped down the road."Yes, We already put the payment down for the new expansion building" Mom said before everything had happened they both tried their best to keep their jobs from interfering with their lives but now it's like I'm interfering with their lives, they drowned themselves in work to avoid the reality.       "Yes, we have a board meeting today with the new employees" Mom nodded her head at the voice on the other end of the line and smiled faintly, It wasn't real both mom and dad haven't smiled in ages. Mom finally ended the phone call and I diverted my attention back outside the window. I hated the thought of high school. It was the time of school colors, needless/endless parties, bratty cheerleaders and snobby football players. It was a lame excuse to promote the only sports schools ever paid attention to, maybe basketball, baseball, and soccer. I took tiny breaths as I sucked on my bottom lip drawing out the blood from the self-inflicted cut.       "If anything happens this autumn, there is a boarding school in Japan I will gladly send you off too. If there is a single phone call home, So help me God-" him screaming at me wasn't bringing him anywhere except looking like a fool. I clenched my backpack to my chest and snapped my neck at my father.        "Why does everything have to be my fault? Why can't you just be on my side?" I didn't want to scream back, I wanted to prove my point through pain and agony. Mom and dad looked at each other I saw dad's knuckles tighten around the steering wheel the car sped up and raced down the road        "As far as I know, both my daughters died in that car crash" He didn't scream, his voice had no tone and I detected no emotion. They cared so little that they didn't care to use any kind of emotion towards me when they spoke. I rested my head back onto the window and his words cut deep. I didn't know if I should feel alone or angry but both encouraged me to end my life.              We pulled up to the high school 'Monarch High school' it said on big letters on a sign, it even sounded prestigious, the school has three buildings. The architecture and design was high class. Once Dad parked the car, this all felt too real. Time passed by too quickly.       "Autumn!" I jumped as I was tugged out of my thoughts,I looked to the front and realized there was no one sitting in the passenger seat nor the driver's seat. Tiny little sounds came from my window and it was my mother furiously tapping her knuckle on the window.I closed my eyes. Great. I pushed open the car door and stepped out "Sorry" I mumbled underneath my breath, I felt their eyes lingering my body in disappointment. They turned away from me as they walked hand in hand towards the school. I pressed my lips together furious and slammed the car door, way harder than I should have.Mom and Dad both stopped in their tracks and turned to look at me.        "Sorry" I mumbled once again but with a slight smirk embedded on my lips.I caught up with them,they just avoided all kind of contact with me,I made sure to step a few steps behind them.After a long 5 minute walk on the grounds of this high school I learned that they have two pools,a student garden, a greenhouse and a student lounge area. Hell.. If I see a horse or even a student uniform I am making a serious run for it. Dad held a door open for mom and walked in right after her. Yeah, I've totally been here before leaving me to fend for myself. I grabbed the cold steel door handle pulling the door open, I practically had to run after my parents,I feel like they were purposefully trying to lose me so they could have another reason to bring hell upon me. Once I was practically on their asses I decided to take in the view fresh shiny white lockers, blue, white and gray tiles littered the floors,the walls were painted a light gray.'Go Huskies!' was decorated on a poster, with a husky running after the words. As we walked down the never ending hall multiple staircases appeared both going up and down.We finally came to a halt and a middle aged man who was probably in mid-40's, he stood tall, he had brown eyes and hair with gray streaks, he had a bit of faded goatee.        "The Tyler's" His voice was loud and boomed throughout the empty halls. It even made my parents jump "Yes-" My dad answered by grabbing his earlobe and stretching it out "Yes, here we are. " Dad cleared his throat and stretched it out        "Hello Brian or shall I say Mr. Mayer? We spoke on the phone about my..um my daughter" He weakly motioned towards me and I gave a weak smile to Mr.Mayer He couldn't even say I was his daughter properly. Mr.Mayer gave me a nod and a bright smile "I am your principal Autumn, it's very nice to meet you" He said slowly and way too happily I felt like I was being admitted into an asylum."Autumn,this is my daughter Isabella. She will be showing you around" He motioned to a girl who I hadn't noticed before, she appeared from behind him. She had sunshine blonde hair,grass green eyes and perfectly tanned skin, and her lips were thin but full with a light pink lip gloss She didn't wear any make-up, she was naturally beautiful.She smiled at me,It was a full smile, a real one. She shined her perfectly straight teeth.        "Bella, you have her schedule show her to her locker and to her classes" Mr.Mayer said putting his hand on her shoulder, she nodded staring at her light brown boots she wore denim light jeans with a light blue knit sweater "Mr and Mrs Tyler will you come with me to sign some papers?" Mom and Dad nodded and started to walk off with Mr.Mayer, leaving me alone with Bella.        "Hi,I'm Bella," She said,her voice was angelic and soft. She was perfect. I sighed softly and gave the best smile I could offer. "Autumn" I responded. She gave me some papers and a map of the school "Wow,that big huh?" I mumbled staring at the map seven floors?? and she laughed, I looked up and realized she was looking at the map with as well standing a little too close "Yea, its like they are trying to cover up something, Like killing off students and putting them in our burgers" I laughed at her remark and she laughed along "Come on" She motioned down the hall with her head as she started walking and I trailed behind her "Let's show you to your locker" She walked with such confidence, she was amazing. I straightened myself out and swung the strap of my messenger bag over my shoulder.I closed my eyes and took a deep breath You can do this. I opened my eyes gaining a speck of confidence after reassuring myself, I started walking to follow Bella but she was nowhere in sight s**t! I contemplated which hall to go down ahead of me then there was on to my left and right If she went straight I would've still seen her, right? I stood there playing Eeny, meeny, miny, more until I finally decided to take a left. I turned my body so I was walking backwards keeping my eye on the right hall just in case Bella appeared. After a while I deemed myself to be stupid for walking backwards in a hall I could easily-        "Ugh!Watch it!" -walk into someone. A force pushed me forward, I took a few steps but I was able to catch myself digging my fingernails into the wall. I took a deep breath trying to slow down my rapid heartbeat, I turned around a bit furious "Was the shove really necess-?!" Once I came face to face with my aggressor. I immediately regretted it,I sucked in my last words like a vacuum and pressed my lips shut. What in the Beverly Hills 90210 meets Vampire Diaries is going on?! "Watch your tone! You were the one walking backwards,In a hallway!" I looked around to see if I missed the sign Movie in progress. I was confused, these people came straight from a cliché love story "Hey!" my eyes was drawn back to the 5 person crowd,the tall redhead snapped her fingers in front of my face her perfectly done red shiny long nails.The red-head was wearing a light pink dress with a golden belt wrapped around her waist.She had nude pumps and I knew they were Louis Vuitton because the red bottoms radiated the floor underneath her. Her green eyes pierced through my soul ,she crossed her arms over her chest along with her light pink handbag purse That! That absolutely me rages me.Where are you going to put your books, your homework!? You're at school not a damn cocktail party. You can't even fit a damn pencil in there, Jesus.I took a deep breath and looked at her. She raised an eyebrow at me. Her eyes read confusion. All this girl needed was a boy toy wrapped around her neck and she is a literal embodiment of the mean girl cliché.       "She isn't worth it, let's go" He said in a deep raspy voice whispering in her ear. Here comes the devil himself. Maddie wore his up arm as if it was a scarf. He stood towering over her, he had black hair that rested in front of his eyes until he shook it away, his eyes were the color of pure silver breathtaking. His jawline was sharp, he had nice full lips that were a faded pink, he dressed in all black, he was a bit toned, his muscles pulsed through his shirt, and he had one piercing right through his left eyebrow.         "s**t Nile, looks like you found your soulmate" said a tall bulky red-head nudging this so called Nile on the side of his arm, laughing slightly. A blond male joined in and started to laugh along with him. A female brunette eyed me up and down before letting out a light chuckle.         "Nice shoes.." the brooding Nile had said in a deep tone. At first I didn't know he was talking to me until he motioned towards me and my beat up black converse I looked down and slanted my feet a little before looking back up at him "Thank you" I put on a slight smile, he caught his bottom lip in between his teeth and smiled at me "Uh-huh" his Adams apple bounced up and down in his throat, I stood there for a while staring at Nile and he stared at me. I brought out my schedule ,I looked up and saw all of them had red faces and the girls had put their hands over their mouths. I opened my mouth to ask him if he could show me where my first class was.That's when laughter exploded from the five,I swallowed hard as embarrassment flooded my body. Oh Autumn, you idiot.I backed up slightly from them as Nile unhooked his arm from the red headed girl's neck and walked out  in front of me smiling "Get out of my way.." He placed his hand on my shoulder shoving me out of his way. I breathed heavily as he first brushed passed me followed by his friends. The redheaded male followed lastly, snatched my schedule from my grasp and flung it into the air, although it didn't go far it was still mean."You guys are assholes!" At last Bella came walking up to me and shouting out after them.She groaned in annoyance as she picked up my schedule from the ground and made her way to me "Hey,Are you okay??" I sniffled my nose as I felt my eyes heat up I took massive deep breaths before nodding in response to her question "Yeah,Yeah..Can we just get to my locker" I wiped my eyes before any tears could drip out of my eyes and smiled slightly "Yes, lets go" She placed her hand on my shoulder reassuringly and smiled before leading me down the hall. How am I going to get through this?