Freak (Book 1)

Autumn

Target on my Back

I felt humiliated, I threw my bag onto my bed as my face warmed up with tears. Freak, that's what they called me. That was my new name. It was only the first day of school, what's the rush huh?!. I really did think that I was making a new friend but after seeing her with Nile I realized that I was probably the biggest inconvenience of her day. I crawled into my bed and pulled the covers over my body. In times like these, I would've loved for my mother to just hold me and tell me everything would be okay. I wish I was back in Maine, where I actually had friends and my family was complete, my life was actually perfect. Besides Him, he made everything a living hell. But my manipulated mind loved him. I unveiled my body from underneath the covers and took a deep breath taking in the new cold air. I searched my bed for my bag and pulled it next to me. I pulled out my phone from the depths of my bag. I stared at a pair of black point shoes with the ribbon wistfully dancing around it. ‘No new messages’. I needed to do something, I didn't just want to sit around in my bed begging for death to drag me away to hell. I sat up pushing the covers off of my body and slid out of bed. Not today depression, I am actually going to try. I gave myself a reassuring nod before snatching my bag off of the bed and leaving my bedroom.

It was far from small. The center, everybody at school calls it the TC. It was alive but peaceful, people littered the sidewalk and the sound of distinct conversation was all that could be heard underneath the car noises and the forceful wind. I bit my upper lip and eyed all the street side stores until I found it ‘Precious's Ballet Studio’. All my mother ever wanted from me and Mariel was to take up ballet, whether it was for a hobby or a profession, maybe just a quick one month phase she always wanted to have ballet in our life experiences. Mariel loved it, that's all she ever did was ballet, and when it came to me. I did it, but only for a distant hobby. Now that Mariel is...away.. dead. I wanted to make sure she wasn't forgotten and she always begged me to do ballet with her. My mother told us these amazing stories about her time at this ballet studio and how much times she performed on Broadway. I was making my way towards the dance studio which had full-length windows. A large group of girls stood there gripping the dance bars and slowly went through first, second, third, fourth, and fifth position. They all stood gracefully went through motions of the the warm-up, they all wore light pink long sleeved leotards with a matching wrap skirt, and all their pointe shoes were all the same shade of a nudish pink which all looked brand new. No endless hours, they all just had no work ethic. As the girls did a fouette turn I met all of their eyes in a single second, they seemed startled which stopped their graceful movements. s**t. A few familiar faces came into view, they were definitely not welcoming. The red-head made it clear that I was on her territory. Maddie followed by her swarm of cliche mean girls, she stepped up to the window and crossed her arms her lips moved but the glass separating us prevented me from hearing her but the girls surrounding Maddie and the rest of the ballet studio erupted in silent laughter. Maddie’s eyes didn’t leave mine, I felt intimidated and worthless as she stared me down. Her green eyes said so much to me “Excuse me?” a voice said, I blinked a few times climbing out of the hole Maddie pushed me into. I turned to look and met the eyes of a middle-aged woman, who had dark beautiful olive skin, and braids tied up in a huge bun that rested in the center of her head. She had the same attire as the girls in the dance studio just in black. “Didn’t you read the sign?” her voice was stern and irritation came to light, her fingers were wrapped around a yardstick that she used to slam against the concrete. I diverted my attention from the teacher and followed the yardstick until my eyes met a sign ‘NO GAWKING, BE RESPECTFUL’ I immediately looked away from the sign and swallowed hard giving a faint apologetic smile to the teacher who had lowered her stick. “I’m sorry” I pulled my body away from the window and my attention once again focused on my beat up converse. Embarrassment tinted my cheeks as I began to walk away from the scene “Wait, Autumn Marie Tyler is that you?” A voice asked, my eyes pried away from my converses and over my shoulder to look at the dancing teacher who now had a softer tone in her face. She had cheekbones like Angelina Jolie. “Um, Yeah?” I responded quietly with caution. I turned my body around but still kept a few feet away from her. Maddie and her other minions watched silently. “You are a spitting image of your mother. Jesus, you are so big..” she stood her yardstick up against the concrete wall and approached me with long graceful arms that soon trapped me in an unwanted hug. She squeezed me tightly as she let out a laugh. I didn't return the hug, I felt as though if I did it wouldn't be the one she deserved. When she finally pulled away I felt like I could finally breathe, I tugged on my bag and she coughed out a laugh, she bit down on the finger of her thumb while her eyes inspected my body I shifted to the side a bit uncomfortable but I made sure to keep my eyes away from the window I felt all of their stares. I grew more intimidated, I was an unwanted stranger walking into their land. “I haven't seen you since the baby shower but you were only two back then, I was shocked when I found out that your mother was going to have another baby so soon. Her name, oh gosh what was her name?” She asked herself tapping her upper lip, Just go back inside and resume your class. “Meredith was it? No..Marien?” I looked up at her as she threw out more suggestions of I grew more infuriated each time she got her name wrong. I clenched onto my bag making a tight fist around the strap, I pressed my lips together, and took a step towards her “Her name is Mariel” I said, there was so much pain and agony hidden my voice but I didn't blame her when she didn't pick up on it. She reached out and slid her hand from my shoulder to my elbow “How is she? I haven't seen her since she was on an ultrasound” A bright smile littered her face, I stared back at her with blank eyes then down at her hand that still gripped my elbow She's dead-” I whispered softly, immediately I felt the touch of her hand disappear from my elbow “And I killed her..” My voice became softer, although she heard my voice it was more of a punishment for myself. You dumb stupid b***h, you killed your own sister. You should be rotting in a jail cell better yet dead rotting in a box. I looked up at her, shrugging my shoulders. She looked at me with disgusted eyes, she pressed her lips together before backing away from me grabbing her yard stick from the concrete wall she turned away from me abruptly. I let my sadness conquer who I am and how I interact with other people. People who see something in me are simply fools who have nothing better to do. “Pain is one thing that drives someone, and I need that here in the studio. Maybe you can teach these girls to dance with emotion and not just with their bodies. I'll see your in class next Monday” She didn't even stay long enough to watch my reaction, she left me there on the sidewalk to ponder in my own mind. Eventually she turned back up in front of the class and everyone ran away from the window gripping their hands on the bars. All except Maddie, who had her arms crossed over her chest eyeing me down as if I stolen something so precious to her. But I didn't turn away, I won this little battle, she didn't scare me off into a corner. I won this battle, but she will definitely win the war.

Strawberry, I always hated the flavor but it was Mariel's all time favorite. I gulped down the strawberry milkshake and pulled my lips away from the straw. I sat in a diner, and from the looks of it the young people preferred Flora's and Dunkin Donuts. I liked the feel of retro it made me feel as though I could still live in the past while being in the present. Besides me, an old couple sat near the boombox smothering each other in sweet slow kisses, and a grumpy old man who could seem to solve a crossword puzzle, a little blond haired boy who sat on a floor mounted stool at the counter scribbling into a children's menu.When I walked in he greeted me and directed me to a booth, he was the cutest little thing and got startled when his mother showed up. She apologized over a million times and I told her it was okay. “Would you like another strawberry shortcake?” My eyes pried away from the small population of the diner and looked at Natalia, the middle aged young women who had served me five milkshakes at my desire. “Yes please” I said making that six. I have to get to sixteen,sixteen disgusting strawberry milkshakes. It was the only thing that I could do right, only thing that I could do correctly in her honor.

Flashback to one year ago

“CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG” I banged my fists onto the table which was littered in empty milkshake glasses. She slammed down the now empty milkshake glass and threw her hands up “Time!” The waitress screamed as she stopped the the time on her stopwatch that hung around her neck. “And the new record holder of the most milkshakes drank in one minute is Mariel Marie Tyler!!!” The waitress screamed before disappearing through a door a few feet away from us, Mariel jumped out from the booth and squealed. Mom and dad laughed helplessly but shook their heads defeated. Dad made a bet that Mariel couldn't take his place as he once broke the record with 12 milkshakes, and now Mariel danced in the aisle with sixteen milkshakes in her stomach with a new title milkshake queen title. I crosses my arms and rolled my eyes playfully and looked at my mother who had the same expression as me “This is so stupid, Now Mariel's ego is bigger and she has five hundred dollars to spend.” I said, I looked back at Mariel who was still doing the most ridiculous dance moves I've ever seen. I gave her a disgusted look and slid deeper into the booth as if her hideous dance moves were contagious “Oh no you don't, I see when you have those Beyonce concerts in your room” She grabbed onto my wrist and dragged me out of the booth she wasn't the most strongest person in the world but it didn't take too much effort, no matter how much she embarrassed me I loved being around her. I twirled around in circles and Mariel played the air guitar. Our parents did nothing but laugh at their children “Okay, picture time for the new conquering queen!” the waitress said coming out with a Polaroid camera, Mariel immediately grabbed me by the waist and held me tightly. I could tell it was more than a hug, I love you too sis. Me and Mariel flashed our best smiles and after a few snaps we dragged our parents into the photo as well they resisted but eventually they revealed their best smiles and got into ridiculous poses. For the rest of that night everything was perfect, sike. “Your boyfriend is here..” Mariel said erupting the conversation I was having with Dad, her tone changed from ecstatic to flat. I looked out the window the there he was leaning against his car smiling at me and waving at my parents. “Back home before midnight Cinderella” My dad said eyeing Paul, he was super over protective of me. When I told him that I had a boyfriend he freaked and didn't speak to me for a whole weak. My parents have met Paul on multiple occasions. He was 16 and I was 14 (I’m turning 15 soon), he had a job, a car, and he is an honor student. He is perfect. “Of course Dad” I said packing up my purse eagerly but i felt a negative energy clawing at my skin beside me “No s*x Autumn, I mean it!” My mother’s voice echoed through the diner causing people to drive their attention away from the pancakes and milkshakes and onto me. My face burned with embarrassment and put my face down hiding away in shame “Mom lower of freaking voice” I screamed but in a hushed tone. We started laughing all expect Mariel who sat there mixing her milkshake with her straw staring down into the glass. “Why is it that you always have to ruin our family time?” She looked up from the glass and shot daggers into my eyes, I scoffed and but secretly I was hurt and taken aback by the sudden change in her attitude. Where was this all coming from “Maybe because I have a life, and if you weren't so obsessed with me you'll understand” her eyes widened in shock but I saw traces of hurt and betrayal in her eyes. A groan came the other side of the booth indicating that my dad was mentally getting prepared for another fight “Maybe if you weren't such a shitty, self-absorbed, conceited sister you would've taken the time to know that you are my only friend!-” Her voice cracked and her eyes glistened, she turned away from me shaking her head and letting out a laugh “I've been getting bullied at school, and when I come home I feel normal and not left out" she turned away from me wiping the stream of tears that littered her cheeks and slid out of the booth. I tried to reach for her but she jerked away and ran off. I'm a shitty sister, I'm a horrible sister, and I'm probably going to burn in hell. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" I turned to my parents and my dad immediately looked away from me and sipped on his chocolate shake. My mom took a deep sigh and leaned forward "You've been so busy with cheer, friends, and school. We didn't want to worry you Autumn" I shook my head hearing her words I didn't want to believe that I've been so caught up in my own world to even notice my sister has been going through hell. I took a deep sigh running my hands through my hair trying to figure out how can I fix this. Above all my sister was my top priority she was two years younger than me and I was obligated to make sure she was okay and happy. I looked out the window and Paul still stood there with beaming smile, he waved once again and it made all of my nerves vanished and suddenly I knew what to do. "Go home, I'll take care of Mariel" I said to my parents looking away from the window, and back at them. They looked at each other then back at raising their eyebrows. "Don't kill each other please.." my mom said reaching over and squeezing my hand before sliding out of the booth, my father gave me a wink as he followed her and soon after they exited the diner leaving me to deal with an upset 12 year old on the verge of her teen years.

Back to the Present

"Miss?-" A voice appeared ripping me from the diner in Maine. I looked up and was met with the same server from before Nathalia, her eyes had nothing but sadness in them and the lines on her face did not come from smiling. Worry and stress smeared her face and hid her beauty. I cleared my throat and gave her a faint smile which her returned "We're out of Strawberries. Is there anything else you would like to order?" The pen and pad in her hands were already getting ready to write down what I desired next "How about a time machine?" I let out a soft laugh and looked back at the memory, the empty milkshake glass brought back memories from a lifetime ago. I could just smell her bubblegum perfume and the coconut scent in her hair, I wanted to hug her one last time and just hold the light of my life..before it went out. It all suddenly became too much for me the pain became an urge, then the urge needed to be fed by more pain and anger. I needed my outlet. Snapping out of my dark thoughts I looked back at the waitress who stood there with confusion in her eyes "Sorry, that would be all. Thank you" I mumbled gently, grabbed my bag and dug inside looking for money "That'll be 24.56 please" Nathalia said, I pulled out my 'drug pouch' Me and Mariel got stopped by a few cops because they thought we had drugs but when they searched us our pouch was filled with candy..hence the name ‘drug pouch’.I stuck my hand inside and pulled out the first bill I felt. I slammed it onto the table and swung the strap of my 'drug pouch' over my shoulder and clenched onto my backpack. I turned to slide my body out of the booth and Nathalia still stood there with her jaw on the blue and white checkered floor. She stood there shocked at the 100 dollar bill, she quickly turned the attention to me and I gave her a faint smile "A tip of course, thank you Nathalia", her bottom lip trembled as her eyes became to glisten, she reached over to touch the bill. She was extra careful as if she was holding a newborn baby. I can tell by the look in her eyes, she was relieved and hopeful. She quickly wiped the tears that began to drop from her eyes and nodded at me smiling widely. I stood up from the booth clenching onto my backpack and started to walk out. As I did the little boy turned his attention from the now colorful kids menu and waved at me and I waved back giving him my best real smile. Suddenly seeing his face made all the urges and dark thoughts go away. "Bye Autumn" He said cheerfully, an unexpected laugh escaped my lips as I raised my free hand and waved back at him "Bye Charlie".