Loving a bully billionaire part 4!

Chapter 142

Griffin’s POV

What a f**k is she doing? I asked silently. I know she’s doing this because she’s lonely. This could be the only reason after she told me yesterday that she’s not feeling anything anymore.

“We have to stop.” I moaned into her ear, but she ignores me. I can’t take advantage of her. When she comes out of this state, she will never forgive me, but I want her, I need her, and maybe we’ll both feel like s**t again after this, but this is what we used to do, we argued, fight or we were emotional and then we had s*x just to not feel anything.

I just want to hold her, to feel her. Maybe this would be the last time that she’ll ever allow me? And yeah, I’m still this selfish f*****g Griffin.

I moved her t-shirt up to cup her breast. f**k, I’ve missed this. She slowly rocked on my lap and I can feel myself growing inside my pants while she pulls my t-shirt over my head. Her sad eyes cut through me when I catch her staring.

“Let’s just stop.” I let out softly.

“No,” she stands up from my lap and opened my zipper.

“Mia?” I grabbed her hands that’s shaking none stop. She can’t do this while in this state. I guess I’m not so f*****g selfish after all.

“Babe.” the moment I said babe, her eyes sprout full of tears, making my heart nearly f*****g stop. She removed her hands from my pants, grabbing her face.

“I need to feel again, anything. I need to feel it again,” she screams while dropping to the floor. Her face is in the most horrific state. Crying and screaming is the last thing I wanted her to do, or feel. I don’t know what to answer her. I need her to feel as well, but not like this.

We can’t just drop into our old habits of having s*x to feel each other and not the pain and suffering around us.

She stopped sobbing, but the look on her face changed from sad to anger in seconds. She stands up from the floor and opened the drawer where the booze that I was about to drink was in.

“What are you doing?” I asked in fear.

“What we used to do, remember?” I can’t quite make out her mood. What a f**k is she about to do? She searches the drawers and finally reaches for the matches.

“Mia, babe, let go of the matches, please?” I practically begged.

“Why? So you're the only one that can set things alight and do stupid things, as f*****g disappear for 7years, oh and not to mention fake your death and had me grief you for years. Watching Rosie grow up way too fast because her mother couldn’t let her drunken, unstable, selfish bastard of a father go.” she practically yells making her veins visible in her neck and forehead. The grief is too much for her to handle, and with f*****g good reason.

“Babe, let got of the matches, please. We can talk this through.” I reach out my hand to grab the matches, but she jerked away.

“What did you say to me the day you set the club on fire?” the light of the matches makes her face look even sadder with the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Your perfect. You always see the good in people, well guess what? That didn’t get me f*****g nowhere.”

“Mia, please,” I begged. I have no idea how to f*****g calm her down since she was the one who always calmed me down. How the f**k do you do this?

She pulled the lid off the bottle and drank out of it. Flashes of me in the club the night my brother died played like a vision in front of me. The only difference here is that I have no idea how to stop her. She builds walls so high that f*****g no one can break them down, not even me. Well, I guess I’m the last one who will ever be able to pull the old Mia back. Back from the bottom of the ocean where I left her 7years ago.

“Okay, let go of the match. Burn the place down if that will make you feel whole again,” I said, hoping she will do the opposite. I hate this house, but this is Rosie’s house. She grew up here. The match burned her finger when she dropped it. The touch of her skin made the flame go out and I don’t know if it’s a relief I’m feeling or f*****g pain to see her yet again like this.

“Give me the matches.” I stick out my hand again and this time she submitted. I sigh at the same time she sits down on the floor again.

“I’m sorry for the pain you feel. I never meant for you to feel like this.” she doesn’t respond, just staring in front of her.

“If you want me to leave to feel better, then that’s what I will do.” I don’t want to f*****g leave, but Mia needs time. She needs to come to terms that I’m alive.

“I will leave.”

“Were there someone else in the 7years?” she asked silently, making me turn around.

“No babe, never. It’s always been you. I never stopped loving you. I had to walk away, but you were always the one. You know that.” I bent down to face her. I can see that she doesn’t believe me, and why would she? All I ever did was lie to her. She became addicted to my lies and there was no escape from it anymore.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“How? I’m raising Rosie who you lied about, your standing in front of me where you are supposed to be dead, all you ever did was lie to me, and I still loved you, I still grieved for years, even though Our entire love and life were built on lies,” she said honestly.

“Can you stop talking in the past tense? I still love you, and I still need you.” She started laughing, a crazy laugh, sending a shiver down my spine.

“Here We Go Again with need. I hate that word. What happened when I needed you? The first time when I needed something from you, and you f*****g decided to disappear.” She lashes out. f**k! I always ruin s**t. I know she hates the word, but I keep using it.

“I’m sorry. I really don’t know what else to tell you, babe. I know there is no excuse in the world for what I’ve put you through. I’m sorry for the life I left for you. I had to. Please, just believe me.” I can see her drift away again. I can see her turning colder with every word leaving my mouth.

“I need to go fetch Rosie.” she stands up from the floor and wipes her face.

“Mia? I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. If you don’t believe me, just at least believe that.” she nodded and walked out of the study.

At this very f*****g moment, it’s hard to keep my temper. You would’ve guessed after 7years, 7years of hell that I would’ve changed, but I still have this uncontrollable anger inside me. The need for everyone to f*****g loves me.

My mind drifted off to the day where I had to choose to leave Mia.

.............................

“You have a choice, Mr Baker. Either you work with us and stop the drug heist that’s been going on for years, or you can face the death penalty.” the inspector said with much confidence that I would choose to help them. I’ve been running away from f*****g cops my entire life, and now I have to work with them? What a f**k, and how in the world would I keep Mia and Rosie safe from yet another f*****g lunatic brother that claims he is my brother.

“I have someone inside the prison who claims he is my brother. He will never stop until I testify my father framed him for his mother’s death. He will go after my family.” the inspector wrote notes on a paper, making me f*****g intense angrier.

“Look, if you want me to help, then this will be the deal. Mia and Rosie will be safe from this man, and no one will ever bother them. You will fake my death and then we have a deal.” the inspector looked up, not sure if he will be willing to go so far, but that’s the only choice here. Fake my death and keep my family safe.

“Deal. I will get things in place. The warden will announce your death to another inmate, and we will continue with the case. Keep your head low and don’t get yourself killed before we can make the arrangements.” I nodded, and the guard escorted me to the infirmary. I guess that’s the safest place for now.