Love Mechanics

Chapter Three

Cat

"Hello, Cat, I'm an alcoholic," I said,

"Hello Cat,"

"So I realized that the strongest an alcoholic could be is when they see drugs lying there at their worst and they don't take it, last night I experienced something that made me want to just rip off a bag of cocaine and stay there for the whole night and snort it till I die, sorry, it might be triggering but I needed to just put it out there, at my lowest and I didn't do that, I never took the white powder that was lying on the table and I just went to sleep."

Wow, this was always hard, saying what I actually felt.

"I think it was awesome personally, and all thanks to Maggie, my sponsor, she taught me well," I finished as I went off the stand and headed to the back of the room and sat quietly, trying to think of something else apart from the bazillion eyes staring at me that time and absent minded claps echoing through the once again, dark room.

"Hey," Chiki was standing outside, it was six fifty four o'clock,

"How long have you been here?" I asked after muttering a hello under my breath,

"Like, two seconds, give or take"

"Oh," I said thanking God that I did not make him wait.

"Let's go," He said as he stretched his arm ready to share his umbrella.

"YOU MADE HIM SUCK YOUR d**k!!!" I was on the doorway when I heard my mother screaming at who I assumed was Mickey, I'm dead meat, I concluded as I twisted the door knob, took a deep breath, assuming it was my last and death had finally decided that I needed to go for peace to reign in this house.

"THAT'S COZ YOU GIVE OUT YOUR f*****g CUNT TO MEN AND NOW IT'S JUST A LOOSE RIVER DOWN THERE w***e!!!" Mickey shouted back, I had planned to sneak upstairs but they were fighting right in front of the staircase, where my eyes were staring.

My mother's shirt was mostly unbuttoned, only the last three buttons were intact. The shirt was hanging from her elbow revealing a floral brassier, Mickey was completely n***d, his balls hanging from his large sick p***s and making a slight noise every time they bounce off his thighs disrupting the awkward silence.

"You sick cunt!" Mickey pulled my hair roughly and pulled me to the ground, the pain was unbearable, it felt as if my skull was pulled with my hair, my head started rounding his grip, still tight on my head and his large p***s hanging near my face,

"Let him go!" My mother shouted as he tried pulling Mickey away but he moved with the chunk of my hair still on his hand, I squinted at the excruciating pain, I held his hand, trying to loosen it a bit but he was strong.

"I SAID LET HIM GO!" Mickey caught her neck and she struggled to breathe too, he was strong, no one could defeat him,

"You think I don't know that you steal my money to pay for his goddamned fees! Are you dumb woman?" Mickey shouted as he tightly gripped my hair again, I started crying as I bit my teeth tightly together.

I caught my mother looking at me when I looked up, Mickey was still holding her tight, he turned around, hands still intact on both of us then strongly pushed my mother to the couch, she held her neck and took a deep breath, she then looked at me, pity in her eyes, I wish I never told her, I regret it, some things should be left in the dark and never revealed, this stupid AA meeting taught me to say the truth but they never told me that there would be dire consequences.

"If you think your f****d up son gave me a blowjob..." Don't say it, "Then..." Don't please! "Watch as he actually gives it to me," He pulled my hair up, I was sure as hell my eyes were red, I could feel a gulp on my throat, it was a fact, when you cry you can't breathe.

My mother stood up to prevent me but Mickey took a knife that was laying on the table and pointed it to my mother,

"You sure you want to try that Marie?"

Every time I lock the door to my room, glide my back to the floor, sit there, stretch my legs and look at the window hoping for light, I always have one thought;

Why Me?

I'm never the type to wish stuff like this could happen to people but I wanted to be a normal child, one who never takes drugs and has parents who are great and love each other normally and abstain from drugs, heck I can take Christian parents now.

I did it, I cried, again after trying to hold it in while Mickey was pointing his knife to me, it came out, all the anger and pain, all the hurt came out, I stood up, made sure I had actually locked the door then headed to the bathroom and looked at myself.

My eyes, red as if I took w**d, I had dark eye bags and red dry lips with white stuff on my shin, My neck was red, a hand was tightly gripping it not long ago, I wish I could just die, if only, I'd cut myself then slide with my torso downtown and give my legs to dogs then lay there and wait for them to devour me, piece by piece, like street meat that fell on the ground.

I would smile then, as they lick my face and one dog rips my eyelids, I would then look like Jeff The Killer for a moment before another dog bites up my eyeball and chews it like gum, I'd smile.

I would still smile when one licks my lips then bites it and pulls it out, My mother among the laughing crowds happy that I was now gone, dead, I was now that piece of street meat.

But we can never get what we want...