Slave For Lust

VI - The Series Of Flashbacks

SAHARRA'S POV

I DID NOT see Clark at the restaurant where his secretary pointed me to. I just left when I saw that he was not there. I won't do anything at that restaurant. I don't want to eat and I just want to sleep and rest. I feel so restless. After all, I don't even know where my good ex-boyfriend is. I'll just go home to his penthouse to rest.

As I walked back to the building, I couldn't help but feel the cool and heart-warming air. Until my walk reached the garden of the building. There I saw a swing. Since it was already dark around and the night was starting to fall, no one was using the garden anymore. No more children who reside in the condominium play. No one. I don't know why I feel like the swings are pulling me to sit there and stay there even for a moment.

And so, I did.

My heart swelled with joy as soon as I sat on the swing with the strong wind blowing. My eyes closed automatically as I smiled for an unknown reason.

And when I did that, Clark and I's past suddenly came to my mind. How careful he was with me, how worried he was about me, how he loved me, how he handled me and how he was when he was still my boyfriend.

All our friends are jealous of me because I have an all around boyfriend like Clark. The only thing missing for both of us is marriage. We were almost perfect. Our relationship back then was almost perfect.

We studied together. We worked our frustrations together back then. We will study for a whole week because we are graduating at the same time and we schedule a day to rest from stressful yet useful studies. I can count on my fingers the days that I sulked in our several years of relationship because Clark never made an excuse for us to fight.

We fit in each other's arms perfectly. It seems impossible for us to be separated because we can't live without each other.

Not until I failed to pass our final exam. I failed my major subject and that was the reason why I did not graduate. I failed being a student. I have all the time to review and process all the lessons I reviewed but I still failed. I got several retakes because I begged my professor. Even give me a special project. I still haven't done it. I don't know what happened to me. I don't know why all the reviewing I've been doing hasn't been good enough.

My parents and siblings are disappointed. Because we were not rich then. The tuition that my parents spend to send me to an expensive university is no joke so that I can have a good job that will be the tool so that I can educate my siblings.

That's when I started to question myself.

What happened to me?

What happened to me being a consistent honor student?

Did I neglect my studies because I have Clark?

I still remember how it felt when I told my family about how I failed my studies. They were so disappointed. Mom even slapped me. Dad grounded me to meet Clark. They all blame me for something that I did not like either. I did not want to neglect my studies. I did not mean to fail the major exam. I know that I did my very best. I hardly had time with Clark then and he understood me because he was also busy studying.

I still remember their words...

"All you have to do is study, Saharra. You haven't done well yet. You have the privilege and the chance to study in a prestigious university. Not everyone who wants to study can go to an expensive university. And you wasted that chance!”

I just bowed my head while accepting all the resentful and unpleasant words that would come out of mom's mouth. She is always like this every time I make a mistake. I can't go wrong with them because otherwise I'll get words that hit my heart.

But what happened is my fault. There is no one to blame but myself.

My tears just kept flowing. They were all disappointed in me and it was evident on their faces. Even my two siblings who are younger than me, I can also feel their sullenness. And I understand why they are like this to me.

I failed being their daughter. I failed being a student. I failed being an older sister.

"Your mom is right. The money you are being taught is not picked up on the road. How can you work well with that? We still thought you could lift us out of trouble. I hope we did not send you to an expensive university. It's not the university that can educate you. Go in there stupid. Can you see me? You did not pass the simple course. How can you educate those brothers of yours?”

I looked at my brothers. I can see the madness in their eyes. They cannot accept that their sister failed the major exam and that will be the reason why they will not be able to study properly.

Because they depend on me for their future.

I raised my eyes a little to look at dad.

“I w-will t-try my luck again, dad—" But he did not let me finish.

"And how will you do that? Are you going to study again? What for? To waste your mother and I's money again?"

I shook my head. "J-just give me… a-another chance—"

And for the second time, he interrupted me. "No! You had your chance. You lost it already since you became stupid."

I wanted to beg. I want to kneel down so that I still have a chance to study again and prove that I can graduate. I promise that I will pass that time and I will not give up.

But I did not do it.

Because I know my parents too well. Once their decision is final, it cannot be changed.

In the middle of my parents talking to me, my younger sister interjected to ask a question.

"Can't I study anymore?" she asked in an unpleasant manner. When I glanced at her, she just rolled her eyes at me.

My mother answered quickly. "No longer. Who will be the one to shoulder your school expenses? Is it still on us? The reason why we sent your sister to a prestigious university first is so that she can help you graduate. It's just that we did not get anything from him but his boyfriend and her stupidity!”

After that she gave me a bad look. That look is loveless. I feel like she hates me. I feel like she resents me. I could clearly see from the burning in her mad eyes how much she regrets that I became her child.

But instead, I looked at my sister's behavior to answer her question

“I'll find a way, Samantha. I won't study anymore. I am going to work to sustain all your needs," I said. Asking for her forgiveness and understanding.

But instead, she crossed her arms and looked at me disgustingly.

“You did not finish school.How can you send me to a university? Your salary at a fast food restaurant? That's not enough for you to live. Nevermind. You studied in a good school and then you're going to let me study in a low class unversity? That's unfair!" After Samantha said that, she left in front of us. Also our youngest sibling, Shaun.

My siblings left me in front of our parents because they were mad with me.

"See? That's how it affects us, Sahara. And this is all your fault. This is because of your stupidity! You selfish brat!" Words came from the lips of my mother.

And that hurts me a lot.

I bowed again. "I am so sorry..."

That is how my ruined life started. Clark did not know that. All he knew was that mom and dad were mad with me because I failed my studies. But what he did not know were the words I received.

I would have been okay at first. I accepted that I did not graduate. My parents and siblings treated me coldly. I feel that they are forced to be with me. When I keep up with their food at the dining table, they kick me out. They don't want to eat with me. They shunned me as if I had a contagious disease.

But I stayed.

Not until...

I drifted off to sleep when I felt my bed sink on my side. I am a light sleeper so I can easily wake up with just a little noise. And when I felt that, I immediately opened my eyes.

I was surprised by what I saw. It was my Dad. But I don't know why he is here in my room.

I could see my father's devilish grin from the little light brought by my lampshade, which is why I was completely nervous. I don't like that grin. And I know he has evil plans.

"W-What are you doing here, dad?" I asked him.

"Because it looks like we won't be able to benefit from you anymore. I'll be the only one who can benefit from you."

And he slowly brought his face closer to me.

I did not just feel a strong heartbeat. Even the no-joke fear.

"W-What d-do you m-mean… n-no! No!" He started leaning on me and kissing my neck.

I struggled but he was too strong because he was on top of me. He is heavy because dad is a big man. I can't get him off me.

I scream but I know no one can hear me. Mom and my siblings are not here today because they went to the salon. They left me because they said I did not deserve that treat.

And now my father took advantage of that.

"Shhh. Don't make this hard for your daddy. Your body came from me," he said in a low voice and continued kissing my neck.

He tried to kiss me on my lips but I did my best to avoid him.

"N-No! Dad, please! No! Please! Please… no! No!" I begged but he did not hear anything. "Help me! Help! Please! I need help—"

I did not finish what I was going to say because he slapped me hard. Not just once, not just twice, but he did it many times until I could taste the blood on my lips. But he did not end up there. He hit me until I was weak. He grabbed both of my hands and lifted them up with his other hand. So I could not resist.

Tears ran down my cheeks. How can he do this to me?

"Dad… please… no. I am your daughter. Dad! I was once your princess…" I whispered to him because of weakness.

And when I said that, I was surprised when he suddenly stopped and violently left on top of me. I received one more slap from him.

"You're worthless!"

After that he left my room. I was left dumbfounded as I was terrified that he might come back.

I tried everything to forget what happened. But every time I see him, I remember what he did to me. I feel his kisses. I can feel his lips on my neck and it gives me a scary trauma.

I did not tell anyone what happened. Even Clark. Because I am afraid he'll make me stay away from him. I am afraid that he might dump me and leave me because another man kissed my neck.

At that time, he was the only one I cared about. I can't handle it if he will be gone from me.

That's all, Clark feels that something has changed in our relationship. I no longer allow anything to happen to us because I just remembered how bad my own father was to me. At that time I knew he was wondering but I really had no intention of telling him. Even with Emerald.

I wanted to sue my dad that time but how can I do that when the first person I thought was on my side did not side with me. Is it someone else?

"He molested me, mom!" I couldn't stop screaming anymore.

We were in the dining area and mom confronted me about why I was avoiding my dad. Who will be close to him after what he did to me?

So I told them everything. But mom did not believe me.

"What? Don't talk like that to your father! Your father is not like that! Be careful what you say, Saharra!” Mom's voice rose. I want to lose hope because I know my mother doesn't believe in me but I still hope that I will get her sympathy because first and foremost, she is my mother.

"I am telling the truth!" I will emphasize.

My eyes were sharp when I glanced at dad. I heard him laugh as if he was saying that I was just joking.

“How can I do that to you? You are my first princess, right?” I saw him smirk secretly when he said that.

I couldn't stop myself anymore. Even though we were in front of the dining table and our food, I stood up and pointed at my father.

"H-How could you-" Mom did not let me speak.

"How could you do this to me, Saharra? Do you want to break our relationship with your father? And are you really going to do that? Are you that low class? I am ashamed to have you as a child!”

I looked at her like I couldn't believe what came out of my mother's mouth. Her daughter was molested. Her daughter was about to be raped. Her beloved husband hurt her daughter. And she did not seem to care.

I laughed out loud and it echoed throughout the dining area. My sisters are witnesses tonight. This is the last time they will see me. I don't want this house anymore. I don't want to be in their world. I don't want them anymore.

"Thank you for ruining my life, dad!" I said boldly and looked at my father, who until then was still smiling and as if he had done nothing wrong to me.

"Don't blame your stupidity on your father. You already ruined your life the day you failed your studies!”

I gave mom a bad look. She was even surprised by what I did because it was my first time fighting.

"And I found out when you all became my family members. When my grades are high, when I have medals, when I have high honors and when I win competitions. When I fail, you hate me. All you have to do is reject me. It's so hard to go wrong with you guys! It's so hard to be your child!" I couldn't stop crying in front of them because of the anger I felt.

And I swear, this is the last time I will cry because of them.

"Then leave this house!"

"You don't need to tell me that. I will leave this hellish place!"

And so, I did. I went to Emerald because she was the only girl I could run to in that kind of situation. At first she did not know what happened. As I said earlier, no one knows what happened even Clark, and until now, I know he doesn't know anything.

Emerald was the first person I ever talked to about such a thing. She wanted to sue my dad as well but I know we won't win. Even though we are not rich, my father, who is an attorney, has connections and he can easily be free.

Until I gradually started to feel sorry for myself. I am on my own. The events that happened keep coming back to me and I can't control it. Until... I broke up with Clark for good because I knew our relationship wouldn't work if I was not okay.

He is asking for my time, my attention and the romantic scene in bed. But I can't give that to him and I don't know how to make him understand. He understands but I know there is pain in his heart. I can't say that to him. I can not do it…

And as I look back on these events, I can't help but think.

I suffered a lot. I did everything to survive. I did everything to get my life back on track.

And here I am now, ruining my life again for begging someone who doesn't feel sorry for me.