Episode 1: Renee
It was a cold day in February in a small northern city within New Jersey. My heart is pounding, I know my time is limited. It’s ticking down to the decision I need to make. I’m not strong enough, am I? I always thought I was strong but the past 5 years seem to prove the opposite.
How stupid can I be? How can someone as smart as I am allow myself to be manipulated and hurt so bad? I’m a horrible mom, I kept my children with me while I struggled to survive in the worst environment possible. The bruises, broken bones, weapons…and his d**n drinking is overkill.
I decide to drive to the local Wawa to get a coffee and snack. When I pull into the parking lot I park right up front so I can reach my car as quickly as possible when I’m leaving the store. I look around at my surroundings, I don’t see a suspicious vehicle or anyone noticing me. I take a deep breath, look at my exhausted face in my rear view mirror and notice I look aged. Do I look late 30’s or is it early 40’s? I’m 27 years old but I look like I have been jumped in the ally. Pft. It’s him, the living demon in my life, he likes control. It’s so unhealthy and I’m a shell of myself.
It’s time. I have got to get out of here. He’s controlled my finances, he took all resources I had saved and he just got back out of the psychiatric ward from a violent incident towards me a month ago, the cops felt he needed admitted to psych. They think he is unstable, he’s just a great liar. The best I have known actually.
I no longer feel like iced coffee or a snack. I pick up my phone and call my father…
“Hey! What’s up sweetie? Are you ok?”
I break down crying and all I said was, “I think I’m ready. I want you to come get us as soon as possible. I think our time is running out.”
There was a pause on my fathers end before he responded. I was afraid of a lecture but I know he won’t give me one. All he says is “ok, I’ll let you know the day I have a U-haul reserved and your mother and I will get you all. Pack what you can. Be safe sweetie and I love you”
“WAIT! Please don’t tell mom. She is going to worry too much. I can’t explain everything but I need out now. It’s serious.” I break down into tears. We end our conversation saying how we love each other then 20 minutes later he texts me a date. This Saturday coming up, it’s only Monday…but I can make it. I made it this far, we can wait for Saturday. Soon I’ll be In my home town in Virginia to start over and heal. I cry until I am empty of tears and feelings. I leave Wawa for my home without a thing. I sigh knowing that’ll have to be explained. I’ll lie again, my card didn’t work? No, he will be angry. They were out of what I wanted! That’s it, that may work. Four and a half days and it’ll be over…soon.
