Alone

Chapter 15

I woke up, tangled in sheets, next to Sebastian. I stood up slowly, taking said sheets with me, as I tried not to wake him up.

I stumbled and stubbed my toe. "s**t, that hurts." I whimpered at the pain. Why is it that stubbing your toe hurts worse than almost any other injury?

I got to the doorknob, and I heard Sebastian groan in his sleep. Crap. I slipped out, the rest of my endeavor going unheard as I grabbed my clothes and made my way to my room.

I assured myself it was a one time thing, that it wouldn't happen again. I smiled. For once, I believed myself.

That is, until I saw Sebastian in the dining hall that evening. I smiled at him. He gave off that 'just got laid" vibe, and it really suited him. At least that much was obvious.

I saw my dad's amused glances as he looked over Sebastian, then at me. He knew. But I wasn't embarrassed. "Do you expect me to ask for your blessing or something?"

"No, but you have it."  Not what I was expecting. 

My father looked at me as if I had something on my face, "That's not what you wanted to say is it?" Sebastian c****d an eyebrow, "Spit it out. I know you want something."

I feigned confusion at his words, "I have no idea what you mean."

"You obviously want something. I can see it all over your face." It's been twenty years, but he could still read my facial expressions. Huh. Still full of surprises, aren't you Damien?

"I want to go on a day trip," his eyes narrowed, but not in anger. "You can keep Luca here. As  insurance. But if you hurt him..." I trailed off. I didn't need to finish though.

He dismissed the threat with a wave of his hand, "Why would you need to leave? Everything you need is here."

I didn't mind telling him. I knew deep down he had a soft spot for my mother. He wouldn't let one of her children be harmed. Or at least not protected. Even if the kid wasn't his. He had loved her once. There was a heart in there. Frozen and dying, but I knew it was in there. I just had to find it.

"Ronan had a daughter with my mother. I want to find her, "I paused. This was the part I had to sell him on, "and I want to bring her back with me."

His eyes dilated, but I'm not sure which revelation it was that pushed him further off his rocker. "No."

I stood up so abruptly that my chair slid out behind me and screeched. "You can't stop me." He scowled. I was just as stubborn as he was, and that I would find a way to get out undetected if he didn't agree. That was my entire childhood. "This girl has been forced to live under Ronan's tyranny her whole life." My eyes were silently pleading with him, "Please, Dad, she's my sister. I need to do this." I looked over at Sebastian, "We need to do this."

"Fine," he nodded in agreement after what seemed like forever, and I sighed in relief, happy he relented. "But," of course there's a catch. I held my breath, "You should know that Ronan won't bother anyone again. Ever."

I released my breath as I heard a choking sound and I heard the creaking of a chair, then the whooshing of air. I turned to see Sebastian's chair empty. 

Guilt hit me. I was relieved about Sebastian's father being dead. I had only thought about myself. I was such an asshole.

I ran after him. I found him laying on his bed. Unshed tears laid idly in his eyes, "I can't believe he's actually gone."

I stayed silent for a few moments, not entirely sure sure how to console him after the news of Ronan's death. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have turned him over to Damien yesterday. I if had just- I'm so stupid."

He cut me off with a sigh, "No, it's not that."

"It's okay to be sad about losing a parent." Even one like Ronan. "I know how it feels. It sucks losing someone you care about."

"It's not that either." He looked at me with the most guilty look on his face, "I don't miss him." Damn, survivors' guilt? That kills. When I was my father's second, and he wanted me to help subdue the other kingdoms, some of my friends died. Gave their lives for me. Some bad cases act as if they have killed the people themselves. I was a bad case.

He continued, "I don't regret not doing anything when you turned him in. It's like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I'm free. I feel guilty because I'm glad he's dead." He pulled me onto the bed and into his arms, "Does that make me a monster? How could someone be glad their parent is dead?"

How could someone be conspiring to kill their only living parent? My thoughts scolded me.

"No," I told him quietly. "You could never be a monster. You make monsters want to be good." I would know. 

Because of him, for a split second, I felt bad about my plans to kill my father. But only a monster can kill another monster.

"Thank you. I don't ever want to be like him." 

"You won't. I won't let you." Then I let out a little laugh, "The world could only survive one, anyway." He laughed along with me.

As we laid there together, me wrapped up in his arms, he whispered, "We really need to leave."

"I know," I responded barely loud enough for him to hear. 

But we stayed, snuggling in his bed, enjoying each other's embrace, as I drifted into a comfortable sleep.