Torment: Book Two of Shadow goddess series (COMPLETE)

Chapter Three

Hades, woke me the next day. His very large body hovering over mine in my sleep. The tingling sensation that someone was watching me woke me. And when I woke to see him standing over me, I screamed the most high-pitched, ear-splitting scream that has ever left my mouth, while simultaneously jumping about three foot off the bed, and onto the floor. Hades cringed, his hands covering his ears, while I heard the others groaning from the other rooms. If I hadn’t been scared half to death and in the process of swallowing my heart back where it belonged, I would have found it funny. Unfortunately, I was still trying to calm down.

“What the hell, Hades?!” I screeched at him, panting to catch my breath. “Why were you watching me sleep?”

Hades kind of tilted his head to the side at my reaction, amusement in his eyes. “Us gods do not sleep. So, I watched you. You are interested in your sleep. You talk. Is that normal for your kind?”

I huffed, rolling my eyes as I stood to my feet, just to have to sit back down on the edge of the bed. My legs were still wobbly. Damn god scaring the life out of me. “I wouldn’t know. I am normally asleep, while others sleep. Anyway, I don’t exactly stand and stare at people while they sleep. It’s creepy.”

“Yes. I noticed I had frightened you.” He said grabbing his chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“Frightened? You think you frightened me?” I demanded. “You just about scared the damn life out of me.”

“Is that possible?” He asked, truly confused.

“Actually yes. Someone could have a heart attack if they get too scared. There are quite a few things a human could die from. It is even possible to die of a broken heart. It is called broken heart syndrome. Stress, anxiety, depression. There are so many things a human is susceptible to.”

“You are not human though.” Hades pointed out.

“No, maybe not. But I do have a heart that can stop. We may not be the same species, but we have the same internal organs. Well, at least I am pretty sure we do.” I furrowed my brow suddenly confused.

“Your bodies are stronger though, built to handle more than a human.”

I sighed, standing up and going to dig through my suitcase. “Maybe so, but the fact still remains that you scared me.” I stood up from where my clothes were on the floor with my athletic clothes in my hands. “Now, I am going to take a shower and get dressed. After my shower and breakfast, we can begin training.” I trailed my eyes down his still bare torso, he really does not need to be walking around like that. It was too distracting. I may have bonded, but I’m still a woman and not blind. And this man in front of me was built like a freaking mountain. All hard muscle that rippled under his skin with every move he made. “You.” I said, my voice suddenly raspy. I coughed, trying to clear my throat. “You may want to think of putting on a shirt. If you can find one that fits.”

“A shirt?”

“Wait, you don’t know what a shirt is? Really?”

“I have been imprisoned for a long time Rose. I am not quite as up to date on the current times.” He reminded me, his voice sour. I knew it wasn’t directed at me though.

“Right, well uh…None of the men are as large as you are.” I looked him over from head to toe, noting the half of toga and sandals he wore. “I guess you and I are taking a shopping trip.” I turned, throwing my athletic clothes back into my bag and grabbing a pair of jean shorts and tank top.

“Shopping?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “We are going to buy you some clothes.” I said on a laugh. “We have to go somewhere, where you can be sized though.” I could see he was about to ask, but I held my hand up stopping him smiling. “It means they will measure you. Around your waist, the length of your legs, your chest and shoulders. That will be how they know what size clothes you would wear.” Hades still looked confused, but he nodded, I guess trusting my judgement. “It’ll be okay, I promise. Just make sure you don’t tell anyone you’re a god, that won’t go over well with humans or supernatural. I will have to call you another name other than Hades, that will draw too much attention and we don’t want that. Have you ever gone by another name?” I asked.

“I’ve gone by many names.” He told me. “Though I do not think any would not draw attention to us. My names are ancient, given by the titans or worshipers. I will require a more time appropriate name.”

“Oh, okay, let me think.” What could he possible be called that would still sound strong, so his title was not disrespected? Arthur was too plain, even if here was a king. “What do you think of Leander? It isn’t exactly new but it isn’t a name that would draw attention. Then there is Orion. Both are nice names, and won’t draw attention.”

You are correct, both are good strong names. I knew both men at one time. Which name do you think is best?” He asked, his golden eyes once again staring at me as if he were staring into my soul. I shivered under his scrutiny.

“I like Orion best.” I told him honestly. “I’ve always loved the stars, and Orion was one of the first constellations my dad taught me. Not the one who betray me, but the dad who raised me. I as raised in the mortal world so everything here, is a little new to me.”

“Then Orion I shall be called among the humans.” He inclined his head at me.

“Uh. Okay. Now, please go so I can shower.”

Hades did as I asked with no argument, walking out the bedroom door and silently closing it behind him. I breathed heavily. His aura was so powerfully overwhelming it was hard to keep my composure. It was so filled with colors and emotions I had no idea which was his true color. Even through all of that though his anger stood out, as did his betrayal. He was still hurt by what Zeus had done. I guess I understood, but it happened so long ago. But then I remembered it would be hard to forgive someone who locked you away for all eternity. I wonder why I was the only one able to break him free. I guess the whole situation around it made sense. How I am part of him and his realm, while also being a part of this realm. But why me? Then again, I’m sure anyone in my position would ask the same question. I knew that logically, I really did. But that does not mean that I have to like it, because I didn’t. In fact, I hated it. I hated that I was this damn bridge. That I was the one who lost someone. That I was the one who had to sacrifice my life and the people I loved. I hated all of it. All except my men, they were the only good thing about all of this.

*******

Drying off after my shower I wondered what Hades would look like to other people. His size could not be hidden, he would tower over everyone easily. His clothes were easily explained by saying he was coming from some kind of comic con or role play. It was his size I was concerned about. He was obviously built like no other, his muscle mass alone would draw questions from men wondering how he got the way he was. No, he may not be as bulkily built as Phoenix, or as lean as Cassius. But right in between the two, but combine that with his height and he was still very obvious and would stand out. Didn’t exactly have another choice though, he needed clothes. I could not have him roaming around here without a shirt.

When I made it downstairs everyone turned to me questioningly, They’d all hear me scream. They also knew I was in no danger otherwise I would not have sounded like a teenage girl with a crush. I had basically been their early morning alarm clock, which was actually kind of funny come to think about it.

“Sorry everyone. Hades scared me this morning. Speaking of I am taking Hades shopping, he needs clothes. He can’t just keep walking around half dressed. I need all of you to please stay here and set the back yard up like a training ground. There is plenty of room for all of us to train. Even with all of you being experienced I think you still need to train. I won’t let what happened happen again, not if I can help it. Phoenix, try not to burn anyone please.” I teased.

“No promises.” Phoenix said giving me one of those dimpled smiles.

I shook my head in exasperation. I knew he wouldn’t hurt anyone and would be careful, we were just teasing each other. But the only thing it did was remind me that Tristian wasn’t here to mess around with anymore. He couldn’t chase me through the halls of the palace anymore, or come with me to visit Belle and the others. He couldn’t smile and laugh with me anymore. We could never have fun and act like kids together anymore. None of the others had ever tried to act like children with me, they were all so serious, not willing to play. As childish as it sounded, and as childish as it made me I wanted to play with Tristian and the others. I wanted to be able to act like a child and not have to worry about anything. I just couldn’t see that happening with any of my other bonded. Ryker maybe, but not the others.

“Hades, do you mind waiting a few extra minutes?” I asked standing up from my place at the table.

“Take your time.” He once again inclined his head.

I thanked him with a smile before leaving the manor. I wanted to visit Tristian. It probably wasn’t the best idea, and wouldn’t help me in getting through everything. I just couldn’t seem to help myself. I needed to talk to him, see him before I left with Hades. I know I couldn’t actually see him or have a conversation with him, not unless I visited his eternity and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that yet. It would be too tough; I wouldn’t want to leave. So, I settled on this for now.

When I ducked through the vines, I was surprised to find that where Tristian was buried, a hoard of vibrant blue flowers bloomed. They seemed to shimmer like they were made of diamonds. They were the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen. On closer inspection I noticed they were a mixture of flowers. Tulips, lilies, and roses. All of them the same blue as the stars I put here in remembrance of him. All of them shinning like the magic stars above us, but I don’t remember doing this. If I had known how, or that I could I would have. But it never even crossed my mind. So who did it?

“I made them for your bonded. I thought they would help you smile, help you to feel better.”

I turned to the man the voice belonged to. “Thank you for this, really. They do help in a way, but nothing could possibly take the pain away, take the anger.” I turned from him, looking back down where Tristian was lain and sat in front of the flowers. “I feel the pain, the emptiness, the sorrow. I feel the hollowness where he used to be. But the anger.” I clenched my hands into fists, lightning zipping across my knuckles. “The anger is all consuming, like a fire I am barely able to keep contained. One wrong thing said, one wrong thing done, even if it was by accident lets that fire loose. My grasp on it slipping away. The hallow pit where Tristian was is quickly filling with rage, one that wants so badly to be set free. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep it contained, and I don’t want to go off on one of my men.” I opened my hands and saw blood flowing from where my nails had dug into my hands. I never even felt it.

“You feel such rage, and yet you eased my own before. Why?” Hades had come and sat in front of me now so he could look at me.

“I don’t know.” I admitted looking from my bloodied hands to his gold eyes. I felt it, I felt the impact it had on you in that moment. Even if I couldn’t feel all of it, I knew you would need help containing it. So, I did.” I tilted my head to the side and studied Hades further. His eyes by themselves said so much, but his aura was a tangled web of emotion. I had to close my eyes to rest them after trying to untangle all of it.

“I know, you were once the kindest of the gods, the more benevolent one. Zeus though kind in his nature had a dark side no one knew of. One I don’t think even Zeus knew about, not entirely. And Poseidon, somehow, I know he was kind, but had a temper just as bad. But you.” I shook my head confused. “I don’t know I just knew that you at one time was the kindest, the more caring and fairer of the three of you. But after what Zeus did, after being locked away for so long I knew you would have changed. No one could handle that, not without changing. So, when I felt your anger, I also felt your hatred at yourself, your sorrow for what you had become and the blame you put on yourself for not being able to keep it at bay.”

I looked back up at him. “Your anger is much deeper rooted than mine, but I also knew it wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want to feel the anger. So, I took what I could in that short amount of time. It’s nowhere near gone, there is just so much of it, but I did what I could. But in that moment with you, taking your anger. I don’t know, I just felt more. I don’t know if that makes any sense.” I sighed, irritated with myself. “Never mind.” I shook my head. “I sound absolutely insane.”

When I went to stand Hades grabbed my hand stopping me. My heart stuttered at his touch, and I looked from his hand holding mine, back up into his golden eyes. Again, have they always been molten? I thought they were more honey gold. Huh, maybe I was wrong.

“No.” Hades shook his head, letting my hand go once he knew I wasn’t getting up again yet. “You are right. I was once benevolent, respected, looked up to. There was once a time where I would smile more than I frowned or looked stoic and distant. There was once a time when I was happy. But Zeus took all of that from me when he cast me into the underworld to rule. Locking me there out of fear. Zeus was powerful, but I was almost equal to him and that both scared him and made him jealous. Over the years I have grown bitter, malevolent, calloused, unfair and some would say cruel. The betrayal was what first took me. There but easy to ignore. The anger came next adding it. Then sorrow and loneliness followed. I made every effort to keep it all inside, to remain the way I was. However, as years, then decades, and centuries passed. It all consumed me, turned me into the monster the legends say I am.”

“No one should expect otherwise, not after so long. Anyone would turn bitter after so long. It’s not your fault.”

“I am a god.” Hades puffed out his chest. “I should have been able to resist it all.”

I wanted to laugh at him, but I knew this probably wasn’t the best time to do it. “So? You’re a god, and that’s great for you, really. But you still have emotions, and all of you probably feel them at a deeper level than any of us could. It was only a matter of time before it broke you.”

“I am not broken.” Hades hissed.

“Yes you are. But you want to know something? There is nothing wrong with being broken. It just gives you the chance to build yourself back up into who you want to be. Build a better version of yourself.”

At first Hades still looked angry, but as my words sank in he slowly started to calm down. “How can I rebuild when I would be building on a foundation of anger?”

“You can’t. If you build onto that anger, it will only add to that anger. You have to rid yourself of it. Maybe revenge on Zeus will do it, maybe it won’t. There is really no real way to tell. You just have to let yourself start to enjoy life now that you’re free. Replace all that negative with something positive.”

I smiled as kindly as I could at him. For all my words, I still couldn’t help but feel my anger bubbling, threatening to erupt from me. It didn’t though, not yet, not right now. But something would be said, be done and it would erupt and I didn’t know how I was supposed to prepare for something like that.

“And what of you and your anger?” Hades surprised me by asking. How ironic.

“I don’t know yet. With as much as I told you, I just don’t think it’s that easy, to just let it go. Like I told you. Maybe revenge on the man who was supposed to be my father would help, maybe helping you with Zeus would. But the truth is, there is no real way to tell. Emotions are weird, once felt with such intensity they are hard to get rid of.”

We sat in silence for a little while. Hades seemed deep in thought while I turned to the flowers covering Tristian. He would have loved these. Would laugh at the fact that they matched his eyes. It would have had to be pointed out to him though, he never really saw himself the way I did. I don’t think anyone really saw him like I did. Even his father who was here with us, didn’t feel his loss on such a deep level as I did.

“You know Tristian was the only one of my men who wasn’t afraid to make a fool of himself with me? He chased me through the palace once. Our laughter bounced off the walls so all the palace could see and feel our joy. He only caught me when a Pegasus got in the way.” I laughed at the memory. “He thought he could protect me from a dragon too. The dragon easily just pushed him away with her nose. I wonder sometimes if I could feel that way again. Completely happy, whole. I don’t see how though. The very thought makes me feel guilty, as if being happy without him would be betraying him somehow.” I laughed humorlessly.

“I have had the same thought. The same questions. After so long alone, all except my creations, I have found myself wondering if I shall ever feel the happiness I once did.” Hades looked down at me now. “I do not know how to be around others anymore, not without strain.”

“You seem fine with me.” I reminded him.

“You are different.” He furrowed his brow. “Though I am not quite sure why.”

“Well, I guess that’s something we both are confused on then.” I laughed. “Because you seem different to me too, though like you I don’t know why.”

“Then that shall be something the both of us shall discover.”

He seemed so confidant, and it made me smile. Yes, maybe he was right, but I think that would be something we would need to figure out on our own. Just because we both feel the same, it doesn’t mean we feel it for the same reasons. It could be something larger that is out of our reach, or something as small as us being connected by his immortality. But we wouldn’t know until we tried. So I nodded in agreement. This was something we had to figure out.