Torment: Book Two of Shadow goddess series (COMPLETE)

Chapter Five

“You should not have done that.” Hades’ voice was stern, his eyes hard. Even through my eyes vibrating from my erratic heartbeat.

“I wanted to help.” I defended, finding myself going stern as well.

Hades stood and paced, his golden eyes swirling harshly, chaotically. He didn’t know what he was feeling, didn’t know how to handle what just happened without me blowing up again. If only he knew I didn’t blow up last time, he had stopped me somehow. I still didn’t understand how though. I would figure this affect he has on me out one way or another. I didn’t know when, but I would.

“You took too much, went too deep.” He growled. He actually growled. I don’t think he’s growled since the day Tristian died, and even then, it wasn’t directed at me.

“I did what I intended to Hades. I found the cage you spoke of and I siphoned some of the weight there. Lilith has the majority of it, not me. She fed.” He didn’t need to know about my own pit. Maybe I could do what he did, cage it all inside the pit and weld the lid shut. Well, so to speak.

“And the rest of it?” He asked, his voice still raspy with his anger. “What did you do with the rest of it?”

I looked him in the eye, I knew I would be unable to hide. “I took the rest into me.” I admitted, my voice low. I looked at my feet that were planted on the floor from where I sat on the bed.

“You stupid, stupid girl.” Hades hissed. “Do you know what you have done? You siphoned centuries of pain and anger.” Hades growled again, before stopping in front of me. “Why?” He demanded; anger bled into his tone as he yelled at me.

He wanted anger, fine. I shot up from where I sat on the bed and bore my eyes into his unwaveringly. I wanted to help and he does this. My eyes narrowed as I glared at him, he wanted to know? Fine.

“Because you deserve to be happy Hades.” I shouted back at him, letting a fraction of my anger rise. “You’ve spent countless years locked away, countless years alone. You deserve to feel some semblance of happiness and peace.” I screamed.

I growled at him myself irritated with him and myself. No, maybe I shouldn’t have done it, maybe I should have just taken it little by little, but there was so much weighing him down. I felt like I needed to help. But apparently, I was wrong. Seems all my decisions lately are wrong and ends up hurting someone.

“Rose..” Hades started to speak, but I just growled again, letting myself fall into the shadows. Maybe he could follow me, maybe he couldn’t. Either way I am longer corporal and feel free, separate from the real world. Which in a way it was, the shadows could be a realm of their own, but it’s not. Wraiths lurk here, waiting for me to feed them souls. That was one thing everyone got wrong. There wasn’t just peace or damnation. There was this. I could feed them to the wraiths. A painful and slow death, but an option all the same.

I could still see the real world through the shadows, it was like I was hiding where no one could find me. It seemed even Hades in all his power could not enter here. His form was darkness, not shadows and I could see the irritation on his face because of it. I would go back in a minute, I just needed to find my barring, try and calm myself from where I let the anger bleed into me. I wonder.

I turned and looked over the shadows, the wraiths just lingering, waiting. Maybe they could take some of the anger. But what would that do to them? Would it make them more powerful? Make it easier for them to leave the shadows. I couldn’t take that chance. Wraiths feed on souls, and if they were freed, no one would be safe. Resigned, I allowed myself to become corporal again and face Hades.

“Where did you go?” Hades demanded; his eyes now frantic.

“Nowhere. I stayed here, in this room. I was just in the shadows.” I admitted, turning from him to go sit back down on my bed. I wasn’t even sure why he was still here. “Why are you still here Hades?” I decided to ask, looking up into his eyes.

“I waited for you.” Hades furrowed his brow and tilted his head at me in confusion.

“Why?” I demanded. “You plan to yell at me some more? Call me stupid some more.” I scoffed looking away from him now. “Don’t bother. I won’t do it again. I’ll leave you be, just as you want.”

“I have never said that is what I wanted.” Hades sat in front of me again. I could feel his eyes on me, and I didn’t want to look up, but I felt compelled to.

“Then what do you want?” I sighed covering my face with my hands, suddenly exhausted. “I don’t think I could handle much more right now.”

Hades moved my hands from my face holding both of mine in one of his. Then using his other hand, he brought my face up so I had to look at him. “Yes. What you did was reckless and thoughtless. Nevertheless, I never should have called you stupid. That was ill-conceived of me, and I apologize, as well as thank you. What you did for me was more than I could ever have asked of anyone, yet you did it without my asking, and with no regards as to yourself.” He reached up and tucked stray hair behind my ear, making a shiver run down my spine. “You are truly the most precious of things. A diamond among coal.” Hades smiled.

“I’m no diamond.” I reached up to his hand to remove it from the side of my face and hold it in my hand, his palm facing up. “I am a volcano.” I murmured, tracing the lines in his palm. There were so many. “One earthquake, one jarring would be all it would take for me to erupt. Even before what I did, I was volatile and unpredictable. Things are no different now. If I ever were a diamond, I am nothing but cracked obsidian now. Dark, tainted, broken.” I stopped tracing the lines in his hands and looked up to him. “I’m no diamond Hades, and I never will be.”

“Oh, modicum Rosa, how blind you are. Does a diamond know it is a diamond?” He asked. “Does a flower know of its beauty? You modicum Rosa do not see yourself as so, because you do not know how to see yourself as anything other than what you can see. Outside of yourself, to the others looking in, you are precious, rare and exquisite. A true diamond.”

“Modicum Rosa?” I asked, not able to bring myself to ask about any other part of that statement. Not yet.

“Modicum Rosa is Latin, meaning little rose.”

“Modicum Rosa, little rose.” I tested the name on my lips before smiling. “I like that.”

Hades caressed the side of my face, his one hand completely covering the one side of my head. Though Hades was so large and calloused, he was gentle and kind. There is so much of him he hides now, and I found myself wanting to see all of him. Help him come back to who he was, who he wants to be.

“Our connection is more than me having a piece of your immortality, isn’t it?” I asked on a whisper, not able to help myself from leaning into his touch.

“I believe it is, yes.” He answered me honestly. “Though I would have no true way of knowing. You have your bonded, while gods have their mates, life partners. Some gods however do not stay true to the bond to their mate, betraying and sullying it. I had to watch as Zeus broke Hera, over and over again.” Hades closed his eyes. “I have yet to find a mate, so I do not know what it would feel like, though if it should feel like this” He opened his eyes again, the gold swirling. “Then it shall mean I am yours, as you are mine.”

“How?” I whispered, covering his hand with my own.

“I do not know. Though I do not think it matters now. You have found me, and now I am yours.”

His words all but stopped my heart. I knew there was a connection, something stronger than just me having a piece of his immortality, but this was on an entire new level. How could he want me after what happened to Tristian, my uncle, my parents? Could I risk that with him like I am risking it with the others.

“Hades, the people who get close to me, the people who love me. They always die, are killed. It started with my birth mother, then the parents who raised me, then Tristian and my uncle.” I squeezed his hand, and firmly closed my eyes. “I don’t want to risk you as I am the others. I can’t keep losing people.”

“Are you saying you do not want me as your mate?”

My eyes flew open to meet his filled with hurt. “No. I am not saying that.” I told him firmly. “I just.” I sighed, dropping my hands to his chest over his heartbeat. So strong. “This. Right here.” I patted where his heart was, my eyes staring at the spot as if something would happen. “I don’t want to endure a time where it stops beating. I don’t want to have to go through that with you or the others. To have to hold you while you died. Watch as the color left your skin, listen as the beating slows and then stops.” My hands clenched into fists. “I just can’t lose anymore.” I whispered.

“You can not lose me in the same way as you lost your bonded modicum Rosa. An immortal can only be killed by another immortal.”

“But you plan to go after Zeus, he is immortal like you. He could take you from me.” I pointed out.

“Oh ye of little faith.” He teased.

“I have faith in you Hades, that’s not the issue.” This time I looked up to him and rested my hand on his cheek. “It’s Zeus I am worried about. He is underhanded, will do anything to get what he wants. By now I’m sure he knows your seal was broken and will be looking for you. He will want you dead Hades, and will do anything to see that goal through.”

“You are right. He will feel the seals have been broken, but he will not be searching for me, but for the one who broke the seals. He will be searching for you. Rosa, there is so much about yourself you have yet to learn, yet to unlock. Should Zeus get to you before you awaken, he will kill you and all those you love. I will not allow him close to you, if that shall cost me my life then so be it. You will live on.”

A sudden and intense fear grasped my chest. His words, I could see them coming to fruition. Zeus standing over a beaten and bloodied Hades. A laugh reverberating through his chest, his lips curled into an evil smirk. Then from thin air, a lightning bolt flashes from the heavens and pierces Hades’ heart. His face falling into a silent scream, his golden eyes hardening into a petrified amber color. His skin drained of all color, blood trickling down the corner of his mouth.

“No.” My shout caught Hades off guard making his eyes go wide. “That can’t happen.” I shook my head harshly. “Not now, not ever. It’s funny how all of you think risking your lives for me is what I want, what I need. Yet, it is neither. What I want is for this to continue beating.” I pointed at his heart. “For this to never drain of its beautiful bronze color.” I caressed his face. “And for these eyes, to never petrify into a darkened amber.” I gently ran my finer tip along his eye lids. “That is what’s important to me, what matters to me. Your lives, not your sacrifice. Do you understand me?” I clasped his face between my hands. “Do you?”

He smiled as he gathered my hands into his. “I do.” He nodded.

“Promise me you won’t do anything reckless, anything that could cost me you. And I will promise to do the same.” There was no give in my voice, I wasn’t about to take no for an answer. Not when it came to this. I would male the others promise the same.

“I promise you; I will not intentionally put myself in harms way.”

I nodded; a weight lifted off of me. “And I promise the same.”

The gentleness in his eyes consumed me. How the liquified gold swirled there, how his face softened as he smiled, the harshness hie features once had seeming to have vanished. All that was there now was complete devotion. Devotion to me. And I don’t think I knew how I could ever put what that felt like to me into words. I’ve seen compassion, love, concern, anguish and many others in his and the other guy’s eyes, but this. The emotion so complete and consuming in his eyes put me off balance.

Distracted by all of this I wasn’t prepared for him when his lips met mine. I startled for half a second before I returned his kiss. Soft, gentle, compassionate all at the same time. And like with the others it consumed me entirely, but in a different way. I felt fire and ice spread through me as he kissed me. Each one freezing and thawing me instantaneously. Fireworks seemed to go off inside my head, making me feel jittery, electrified, alert.

When Hades deepened the kiss, his hand tangling into my hair as he drew me to him, I didn’t object. I allowed myself to be pulled flush against him, the warmth of his skin sinking into me through my clothes. I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around his neck, pulling myself impossibly closer, crushing my lips to his more forcefully. Hades seemed to match me passion for passion, fire for fire. Each of us so in tuned with the other I couldn’t seem to feel where he began and where I ended. In this moment it was like we had somehow come together as one whole.

Hades wrapped an arm around my waist as he stood, bringing me with him, never breaking our kiss. The bed creaked under his weight as he sat down, me straddling his lap. Even with the others I hadn’t felt a connection that ran so deep, that felt so unbreakable. But I felt this with Hades. Felt the rightness of it, of us. Why had I not pieced this together sooner? Why had I been so ignorant of what was so obvious now?

A fraction of distance had come between us and I did not like it nor did I want it there. I gripped his hair and pulled myself closer, not wanting even a millimeter of space between us. A loud groan left him and one of his hands ran up the back of my shirt. A shiver went through me at more of his skin on mine. His tongue ran over my bottom lip, and I eagerly opened to him, our tongues seemingly dancing as we tasted each other. It didn’t surprise me that he tasted of smoke, but even so I wanted more. To taste more, feel more, touch more.

But before I could even register the though of dragging my nails down his chest my body seized. Hades realized something was wrong instantly, pulling away just enough to see me. But something in my chest was burning, freezing, stuttering, I don’t even know, but something was happening. I clutched my chest trying to tell him something was wrong. It terrified me, the pain, the feeling of being broken into pieces. Not like with Tristian, I knew my men were okay, this was different. Something was cracking, breaking. Something wanted freed, and there was no stopping it.