Trigger King

PROLOGUE 2 years ago... My brother would do anything to prove that he is a strong man. My father would kill his enemy to show that he was a strong man. My mother... my dear and weak mother is just like me. Malayo sa limelight ng pamilya. Gustave would get frustrated if I didn't join the family talk. Ang family talk ay tungkol sa pamamalakad ng buong pamilya, ng buong organisasyon. Pamilya. Para sa pamilya kaya ko siya binaril, Cherry. Para sa pamilya kaya ko siya sinasaksak sa braso, sabi ng aking kakambal noong teenager kami. "Para sa 'yo ang ginawa ko," Gustave said indignantly. Hindi siya makapaniwala na hindi ko gusto ang kanyang ginawa sa kamay ni Calvin. "It's for you, Riri." My brother is a dark mosaic in my mind. A fragment of a broken soul who finds justice and redemption in the eyes of my father. Of the family. "He isn't doing anything wrong, Gus." Ginamit ko ang kanyang palayaw. Ayaw ni Gustave ang pangalang Gus, pambata ika nga niya. He doesn't like to be treated like a child. Pareho kami ng edad. Pero umaasta siyang parang ka-edad niya ang aming ama. My family is like an Alexander mosaic that flaunts the strength and victory of the Romans. Matatag at lubos na hinahangaan ang mga Romano noong unang panahon. Mamatay muna sila bago nila aminin na mahina sila. My father is Alexander the Great, the general, the commander of our family. My brother, Gustave is Darius, a man who is fearful but would never admit that he's in fear. Me and my mother...we're the soldiers who don't want to get involved in the battle. But we're in the battle because of family. Family again, again and again. "You could just have talked to him instead of doing that," napakahina ng aking boses. In my mind, I wanted to believe that my twin brother wasn't the monster that he claimed to be. Tinangka kong hawakan ang kanyang palad at matalim niya akong tiningnan. Gustave believed that soft actions don't matter in our world. I couldn't persuade him by holding his hand. "You said that you would talk to him," I said. His eyes revealed extreme arrogance. "I didn't promise anything." Napatayo ako ng upo sa aking silya. Para akong sinisilya-elektrika sa harapan ni Gustave. He was sitting proudly on our father's chair. Our father would ask him to sit there as a reward. Para sa pamilya, 'yon ang palaging bukambibig ng aming ama. Padre was very proud that Gustave did that to Calvin. Dinaluhan ko si Gustave sa kanyang paanyayang puntahan siya sa silid ng aming ama. This is where they talk about the dealings and businesses of our family. I would see a lot of people come out of this room with their sullen faces or winning smirks as they would surely get revenge on their enemies once they asked for my father's help, at the right price, of course. My father is a biased man, he always favors strong and intelligent men. Gustave wanted to be a Padre just like our father, the head and the strongest of all men in our entire family. And I...I just wanted to have a simple life. Be like Gustave, Cherry. Commanding, vengeful, and strong. Be a Castellanos, my father said when he found out that I went home crying from fighting with some girls at school. Kapag sinabihan ka ng masama ay gantihan mo ang bibig niya, my brother encouraged. Knock her out with your fist, Cherry, and make her mouth bleed. I remember asking Gustave why I would do that since it was just a petty insult from of one the mean girls in our school. Gustave responded with his demonic smile. He shrugged and just casually asked me back: What's the use of learning martial arts if you can't use it to other people? Wala akong nasagot sa tanong niyang 'yon, doon ko na napagtantong unti-unti ng nilalamon ng kadiliman ang aking kakambal. "Are you always going to do that, Gus?" tanong ko. Sa edad naming diseotso anyos ay dapat nagsasaya kami, naglalaro ng video o cellphone games o di kaya'y nagloloko kasama ang aming mga kaibigan. We don't need friends, Cherry, Gustave said when I asked him whether we should mingle with other kids of our age. We're Castellanos, Cherry. Associate with people but never make friends because it could make you weak. That's the golden rule. Ang punto ni Gustave ay huwag akong lumapit at gumawa ng malalim na relasyon sa ibang taong hindi parte ng pamilya. Family, Cherry. Trust our family. But how could I trust the family that pushes me to question my worth as a woman? Good thing that the spotlight isn't on me. It's always on Gustave and I hope it will stay that way forever. My therapy for my soul is painting. If not for painting I would have gone crazy. Meanwhile, Gustave likes guns and knives, and the last time I discovered him he was learning Krav Maga. Gustave may hate me for being fragile, but we're twins. If violence and vengeance are his way of expressing his love for me, then I accept it. But sometimes I fail not to hate my brother and see him for what a monster he is. I sometimes think that I don't belong with them. Me and my mother, we're misfits in this dark world. My brother smiled proudly, his teeth so white and straight. Gustave and I looked eerily similar, our hair is naturally dark brown. Our eyes were golden hazelnut, and he looked bigger for his age because of too much training. Skills, my father would say. You need to learn other skills, Riri. Hindi iyong skills na normal na inaaral ng mga ka-edad ko: cooking, piano or swimming. The main purpose of those skills is to kill your opponent and make them realize that this world is for strong men. "Think straight, Riri. Think. He made you cry, then that shithead deserves it." Bumara ang aking lalamunan sa muhing nararamdaman ko para kay Gustave. "Gus...what you did was too much," mahina kong napagtanto. Bigla akong nagsisi na sinabi ko pa sa kanya ang ginawang pagsira ni Calvin sa aking painting. Calvin is the typical bully in our school. He usually makes fun of new students. And since I was so quiet and antisocial, he made fun of me on the first day of school and made a scene in our Art class by breaking my painting into half. "It's not too much, Cherry Ann. It's what he deserved for messing with you. Nobody, no one should mess with Castellanos." It was a declaration of power that our family holds. For a moment, I thought that Gustave wasn't really concerned about me--that I cried because Calvin destroyed my painting. No, he was concerned about our name, for our reputation. Tumayo si Gustave at lumapit sa akin. He stood in front of me and cupped my face. He smiled and it was a cruel smile. "For the family, Riri," he uttered. For the family that he butchered Calvin's hands. For the family, Calvin would be disabled forever. For the family, he would ruin whoever would wrong me. Us. The Castellanos. For the family. Tapang at Dugo para sa aming pamilya.