9
1412 Words
9.
Excuse me if I often don't know
tell you the right words but, look at me:
I am so alone in the world.
She was going to kiss me! He was going to kiss me!
I still had the sensation of feeling her breath on my lips, stroking my face. I shook my head and started rubbing my hands on her arms.
"It can't be .. Not like that .." I started talking to myself as I walked to my room. Nina was already asleep, I could tell by the lights out at the reception.
Maybe I had to sleep too and not think about it. Maybe it was just the moment that prompted him to make that gesture.
Yes, it must have been time!
By force..
I couldn't sleep! I grabbed my second pillow and hugged it in my arms, lying on my side. I looked out the window:
How could a person change your feelings with little?
I liked Mirko. I enjoyed being in the company of him; he was sweet, nice, yet after that missed kiss, I was afraid to approach him.
It was stupid to think about it but, after all this time I had spent healing my wounds, I found myself in that situation, and it blocked me, pulled me back.
With Matteo I immediately started to have lead feet, even if I let myself go in a kiss, he hadn't had this effect on me, on the contrary, it was an almost unimportant kiss.
A little bit when you want to free yourself from a little oppression and go back to taking risks.
So why was Mirko different? Why had he made me so afraid?
It was useless to think about it so much, so I tried to close my eyes and try to sleep!
There have always been times when people found their well-being in someone else. People who understood the true meaning of the word love, and threw themselves headlong, risking everything without thinking about it, reflecting on what could happen next.
On the other hand, if you don't take risks, how can you deduce if something is your good or your bad?
You had to risk everything: from the most banal to the most important. From material things, to real, human things.
You had to risk it for smiles, for eyes, for kisses. You have to risk for a hug, for a caress. Everything was not a bad risk, of course, but still a risk.
You have to have courage to be strong, and if you are strong you can win over anything. And I wasn't as strong as I thought if a kiss had scared me so!
If you have to take risks, take risks with the awareness of not preceding the result, but of taking it as you are given, based on how much effort you have put in to ruin it, or to make it the best thing in your life!
***
Matteo had invited me to have breakfast together that morning. I didn't want to see him, but I couldn't avoid him for the third time in a row, especially after punching him at the last minute.
I got up and went to take a quick shower, styled my hair, and went to get dressed.
When I went downstairs, Nina was busy talking to two new customers who were complaining about the air conditioner, believing it gave off gas rather than air. I waved at her and walked out of there.
I caught up with Matteo on the canals, at the bar that he had indicated to me by message. He was already there, with a coffee and a cappuccino, and two hot croissants on the table. I smiled and sat down.
“Not even a kiss?” He winked, leaning forward.
Kisses. Kisses. Kisses.
Why was life all about kisses?
I hinted at a smile, and leaning towards his figure too, I left a kiss on his cheek. He held me and looked me in the eye:
"All I do is think about you .." he whispered so that only me could hear.
I watched him as I slowly returned to sit in my seat; I felt more and more confused. Why didn't I feel the same feeling I had yesterday with Mirko? I felt like a real fool!
“It seems like you've been avoiding me lately.” He said he pouring the sugar into the coffee.
"No, Teo. I'm just busy with so many things and ... to tell you the truth I'm also tired! I haven't found an available apartment yet, and as if that weren't enough, I have to find one for a friend of mine too." I brought it to my lips.
"If you want I can help you! Why don't you try to find one for both of us?" Asked Matteo. Which wasn't a bad idea since I had thought of it too, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to have Agnes as a roommate!
She was a good girl and on this I would never deny, or never say the opposite but, temperamentally, we were not at all made to live together!
After that she went out of her the other afternoon, I realized that she is by no means a suitable friend for me, on which to trust the things that were eating me most inside. I felt more friend Nina than she!
I didn't understand why she wanted to be different than how she really grew up, there was nothing to be ashamed of!
"Shall we go to the cinema tonight?" Matteo asked me out of the blue.
I started coughing: "No, not cinema!" I said shrilly remembering that kiss, again .. "I don't like cinema .." I went on in a vague way hoping that he would not ask why I had had that reaction.
I liked her face about Matteo, the way he inclined his lips, and the looks he gave when he tried to understand you. I loved the way he talked about him, it made him sound arrogant but, he wasn't! He was one of the best people I've ever met.
“So I'll take you out for dinner, or let's see a movie at my place, what do you think?” He proposed.
I smiled, but my gaze was captured by Mirko. He was getting closer. He was jogging: he was wearing a tracksuit, and earphones.
“I'm going to the bathroom for a moment!” I exclaimed.
I ran into the bar and locked myself in the bathroom, leaning against the door: I had to behave normally. Calm down.
I waited 10 minutes and when she felt safe I went out.
I went back to Matteo, she had already finished breakfast while I still had everything on the table.
Or, at least, half ..
"Anyway, go out for dinner .." I muttered.
He smiled: "Won't you give me the hole?"
I shook my head and smiled.
***
"Nina I am afraid of what I feel. I have never been so confused before .." I confessed while I was installing programs on my pc. I talked to her without taking my eyes off the screen. It was just her and me, so I let it out.
She had become like a second mom to me.
"But how did this coffee go with the handsome young man?" She asked.
"His name is Mirko .." I barely smiled as I said her name. "We went to the cinema, we ate a sandwich in her car, and when we were talking, she accompanied me, she tried to kiss me .."
I let my body relax, and closed my eyes:
"I don't know why, but that gesture scared me a bit .. It was ... unexpected .." I muttered softly.
"The good things come like this, by chance. He came like this, by pure chance, to reach a girl, but he found you, as you found him .." He shrugged and looked at the pc: "These useless gadgets. "He rolled his eyes.
I started giggling: "I could get you a f*******: profile, Nina! Maybe you catch some cool old man who still feels it!"
I got a grim look from her, and a mimed f**k off.
I kept laughing as I finished sorting out the last few things.
If love came like this by chance, would every person I met on my path have been love?
- Writer
