UNTIL DAYLIGHT

10

10.

Seen from above we are better

of how you introduce me, of how

I introduce myself.

I pushed myself against Milla's sweaty body, lying on my bed. She bit her lip and gripped the sheet in her fingers.

I watched her enjoy her, she gasped, and she came to my lips, smacking her usual kisses with her tongue when we had s*x. I changed her position: I was lying down, and she lying on me, pushing herself, kissing me.

"How beautiful you are, Mir .." she muttered on my neck. "Mh .."

She squeezed her hands on her hips to increase her movements. I closed my eyes and let myself go. She was still kissing me, her lips in mine. And who would have said it; I would have lost my mind ..

“Mirko!” She screamed in spasms.

She dropped onto my body: her face in the crook of my neck, her arms around my hips.

I ran her fingers over her bare back, drawing invisible trails that moved towards her lower back, and then climbed up on her again and did the round again soon after.

After that evening I had given up looking for Alessia, maybe it was all a mistake to take so much for someone who, evidently, she didn't even consider you! Milla was in my arms and this seemed impossible to me, yet I no longer felt the same sensations that she caused me before: I was absent!

Milla had realized how detached I had been from her these days, so she'd come to think I didn't like her anymore. She had talked about it with Mario, and the latter talked about it with me, asking me what was happening to me.

I had to tell him about Alessia, and to say that she took it very badly is little! We didn't talk to each other for about two days and it caused me a certain sense of sadness: why did my best friend want at all costs to make me a pillar for a person I thought I loved but don't love? How could I have made her happy if I had lived with regret for her? I wanted her to understand me, but obviously he didn't care what I felt, only what Milla felt.

I looked at the blonde sleeping with her head on my chest, I didn't even notice. I stepped back a little and covered her with the sheet. I took my boxers and put them on, sitting on the edge of the bed, with my arms outstretched on my thighs. Everything, now, seemed so strange to me, so different ..

I looked at Milla and suddenly it seemed to me that I never really wanted her. And what could I do with it? How could I convince myself that I really fell in love with her? Maybe it was her presence, or the lack of her. Maybe because I liked her right away and she had been there to make me like that. Yet when some other girl approached me, I pushed her away.

I was confused, and this was the only security I had.

I wanted to see Alessia, but, I was trying to convince myself that it was better to get her out of her head.

***

"Are you ready, Mirko?" Giorgio asked me as he patted me lightly on the shoulder.

I nodded.

"Mirko, I see you absent .." He continued. "This does not help in the meeting."

But what did everyone expect of me?

I was human too!

"Giorgio is all right! I've been training for this meeting for a week." I said in an annoyed tone. I rolled my eyes and put on the mouthguard, the gloves, beating them together after having closed them tightly, preventing them from slipping. Perhaps this meeting would have clarified my ideas. I just needed to let off steam.

I knew that Milla and Mario were there to look at me, to bet on me. I was so busy at the beginning that I let myself go with all of myself. It was I who commanded, it was I who had everything in my hand: the encounter, my life, and my feelings!

Nobody could decide for me!

Then his frightened face and I angry with myself.

Stupid Mirko. Stupid actions done without thinking about it.

"Mirko, f**k!" He heard someone yell, just long enough to realize I was lying on the ground.

I didn't realize how many punches on my body my opponent was throwing. How did I let my guard down so quickly?

"Stop him! Stop I'm f*****g meeting!" Giorgio shouted.

But no one listened to him, and I lost the match.

***

"Can you explain to me how the f**k did you manage to lose concentration like this?" Giorgio was in front of me, his hands on his hips: "I told you you weren't ready!"

I didn't answer.

What was happening to me? Why was it all so strange?

"Mirko .. Mirko .." Milla ran to me, holding me. I did not reciprocate; I stood with my arms left by my legs, and my gaze lost.

She held me tighter, expecting me to reciprocate but, she was stronger than me, I felt oppressed.

"Milla, please let me breathe .." I muttered, pulling her away from her.

A sadness palpable with bare hands fell on her face. She was realizing she loved me when I realized I didn't love her. I gently pushed it aside, and got up from the bench going to the locker room to take a shower and get out of there.

"Mirko but what happened?" Mario appeared between the jamb of the door.

I didn't look up from my duffel bag; I grabbed my clean clothes, and toweled her.

"Nothing, Mario. It happens to everyone not to be in great shape, right?"

"Yes, but you lost 5 thousand euros, Mirko!" He blurted out.

“You will get them back,” I said.

"And how? Going back to selling cocaine in Parco Alessandrini?" She replied acidly.

I threw the bag on the ground with force causing a noise, almost deafening. Mario started. My jaw felt stiff, I gritted my teeth:

"You broke your d**k, Mario! You've been near me for days, let me f*****g live!"

I walked past his figure and went to take a shower, then take a walk and stay away from everyone.

***

I had been walking around for about an hour after I left the gym. I had had many messages and calls from Milla, four messages from Mario, and two from Andrea who advised me to take my time before setting foot in the house, or with Mario all hell would break loose.

I found myself in front of the b & b, even that was instinctive: my heart took me there!

I went to the windows and caught her immediately, sitting on her bed and wearing headphones, her PC on her legs, and a black jumpsuit. Her hair was loose curly, it fell over her shoulders, and just about everywhere. I smiled.

I climbed up, pushing the French doors with my hand, and she jumped.

"Mirko, are you crazy?" She said it in a whisper, as if she were afraid that someone might hear her

I shook my head: "I needed to see you, and to apologize for what happened .." I whispered to her.

She thought about her, looking at me.

“What did you do to your face?” She asked soon after.

I touched half of my cheek to understand, and only when I touched the sore spot did I understand.

"I had a meeting and I lost .."

“Sit down, I'll hand you some disinfectant.” She whispered thoughtfully.

I sat on her bed and saw her disappear into the bathroom she had in her room. I could see her as she grabbed the essentials from her locker. She got on her toes and I saw a flap of skin uncover. I was not supposed to bullshit ..

Not now..

Maybe I would have been able to fix that situation, maybe we would have built something if only I had stayed in my place ..