Tomorrow

Marigold POV I relish in the softness beneath me. This bed is just too soft to be real, am I in heaven? But then, I feel a sudden burning pain in my abdomen and I let out a shout. I shut my eyes tightly then wait for the pain to subside. Well that does it, I'm definitely not dead or in heaven I'm very m.uch alive. I open my eyes and find a lady, probably a nurse walking hurriedly to me. A nurse?? meaning... I'm definitely in the hospital. I wonder how I got here and here I am thinking this is heaven The nurse smiles at me in pity from time to time then walks away after checking my vitals. I get up from the bed ignoring the sharp pains in my body and then realise that I'm wearing a hospital gown and I know I must look like s**t but that's honestly the least of my concerns. I am hit suddenly with emotions and I sit back down, memories flash in my mind. Then reality hits me hard Apparently I was molested. Wow I've never felt the need to cry in the presence of strangers but this particular feeling is very hard to control but not impossible. I held it in just as I've been doing all my life The doctor came in and introduced himself then proceeded to ask some personal questions that I honestly don't remember because of absent mindness . He decided to let me be for a while and promised to come back. I'm so glad that I'm alone right now. I limped to the bathroom and refused to set my eyes on the mirror to avoid looking at a broken girl. I need to take a shower, it doesn't matter how many times i scrub my skin with the delicate sponge provided by the hospital till I bleed. I know I'll never get rid of it. It won't matter how many times I'll write in that stupid diary my mum gave me on my last birthday, I know I'll never escape this ghost. Everytime I turn a new corner or open a new door this ghost will be on the other side waiting for me. I'm done I'm done I've passed through worse It's ok I tell myself...who am I kidding though I just need to cry to get this all out but my tears are dried up. I read a quote somewhere and it goes thus" Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet" and I particularly love that statement. It reminds me of a bible text my mum reads every morning from the bible Matthew 6:34 and it says "so don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring its own worries, today's trouble is enough for today" Tomorrow means hope I have hope I had hope I know I've made countless mistakes in life but that hope from somewhere has just been keeping me till now. I don't know how my tomorrow will be like and I honestly hate myself right now. Everything going on in my life is my fault. Yesterday I wasn't the best version of myself. Today I'm not the best version of myself, it's not easy but I still have tomorrow and tomorrow might be the day I'll become someone brighter and new. I just need to cry for now. White POV All my life, I've been drilled to be a man by my dad. There's a particular point my dad loves to pass through to me and it is that traditionally and stereotypically things like power, strength and lack of emotion are what makes a man a man. I'm the only child of my parents and I'm constantly reminded that I have goals to attain. Goals that aren't mine to achieve but I've learnt to embrace it. I'm grooming myself but I'm just tired I decided to just stroll to my favourite restaurant, this place makes me feel normal and free. I occasionally go there because of Aunt Cynthia. She has been a second mother figure to me and had helped me out a lot in the past and I honestly love her peppered meat on sticks. I can eat it the whole day. I walked in the restaurant and it was quite filled up. She has lots of customers lately and i can't be more happy for her, i went to greet Aunt Cynthia then ordered peppered meat and a bottle of coke. Looking for an empty stall, I noticed a free seat beside a lady wearing a nose mask. "That's weird" .. I thought. . I gathered the courage to ask for her permission to seat beside her "Hi Good afternoon, there are currently no empty seat around so can I seat with you?" "Sure no problem" she replied Alright then, that's done with . I just need to eat, drink and check on my daily planner app on my phone. I do this for a while and totally forgot that I'm seated beside someone. I'm surprised she didn't start up any conversation with me because that's what most ladies tend to do. I took a good look at her and I must say she's pretty. She also looked pretty sad. I'm not an expert on interpretation of behaviour but someone with eyes can clearly see that she doesn't look happy. I don't know what prompted me to ask why she was wearing a face mask "Any reason you're wearing a face mask? The pandemic has been over for quite some time now" She simply replied "I don't know why" I'm meant to just ignore her but I asked "Are you sad?" She looked taken aback and asked if it was that obvious. There's this psychology that claims people open up to strangers more than they do to their close friends and I believed it at that moment. "OK let's start again" I said "Hi I'm White by name" The lady still a bit taken aback, managed to smile and said, "Hi, there. I'm Marigold." "Are you having a good day?" I asked.."Not really," Marigold said, her voice full of honesty. "But I'm glad I ran into you. It's nice to have someone to talk to." "I know what you mean. It can be hard to find people who really listen and understand. What's going on?" She took a deep breath "The truth is," Marigold said, "I've been struggling with depression for a long time. And lately, it's been really bad. I just feel so stuck. Nothing brings me joy anymore, and I feel like a burden to the people around me." I listened intently, my eyes full of empathy. "That's a really heavy thing to be carrying," want to tell me more?" She nodded, relieved to finally have someone to confide in I believe. "I think the hardest part," Anna said, "is that I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore." I understood exactly what she meant. "It's like you're a shell of your former self," I said. "Exactly," she said, feeling a weight lift as she shared her thoughts with someone who seemed to get it. "I'm just so tired of feeling this way" Nodding because i really understand the exhaustion that comes with depression. "It's a lot of ups and downs," i said. "It must be exhausting to constantly be riding that rollercoaster." Marigold let out a sigh of relief. "It is," she said. "It's so nice to talk to someone who gets it. Most people just tell me to 'think positive' After talking for a while, we exchanged phone numbers and said goodbyes. I felt good and I couldn't explain why.