Violet

Eight

On Saturday morning I had been awake since five due to another restless night. It seemed this week had been full of restless nights since seeing the big black wolf on Tuesday. I made no noise as I rolled to my side of the bed. I was awake but just barely. Not quite ready to get out of the warm cocoon I had wrapped myself in, my thoughts turned towards Elliot. He was a nice friend. He had spent this whole week walking me to my classes and making sure to eat lunch with me so I wouldn’t be alone. He often shared lunches with me when I had forgotten mine at home due to lack of rest. During this week, I had learned the bus schedule, and had begun taking the bus halfway through the week so as to not add any more disturbances to my mother’s already chaotic work schedule. 

Victor, her boss, had decided to up her working hours as preparation for some trip the two of them had to take together in the next couple of weeks. It was obvious from the way she spoke of it, which was few and far between, that she didn’t want to go. What that translated to in my mind was that she didn’t want to leave me here alone. Her short leash with me was beginning to drive me batty. I needed some type of freedom here if I was to try and find normalcy. 

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I slowly pulled myself to a sitting position on the bed. The clock across from me read seven-thirty in the morning and, for once, I was thankful that my mother had a habit of waking up early on her days off from work. I wanted to get today over with before it had even begun. 

Showering and dressing didn’t take long as I simply chose to throw on a pair of fleece lined, black tights and a long red shirt. I quickly pulled on the only pair of winter boots I owned and a large hoodie. The hoodie used to belong to an old friend of mine. I smiled fondly at the few good memories I had of him while I brushed my teeth and hair. By the time I was done, thoughts of my old friend had long vanished, and I could hear my mother in the kitchen talking on her phone. I glanced at the clock on my way out of the bedroom and took note that it was now eight. I briefly wondered who she was talking to this early in the morning but shrugged it off as I made my way to the kitchen. I walked through the living room shortly after she hung up the phone. 

“This is me trying not to sneak up on you again.” I spoke up to my mother as I made my way into the kitchen. 

I was met with a soft smile and a plate of pancakes that she set down on the island. 

“Here, eat up, we have an appointment in about an hour.” My mother replied as she flitted about the kitchen. 

Quickly I ate, almost positive I looked like an unhealthy person with the way I shoveled the food down, wiped my mouth, then turned to my mother. 

“Where are we going for the appointment?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. I had thought we were going to get clothes, I had remembered that being mentioned earlier on in the week, but nothing about an appointment. 

“Oh it’s not far, it’s a little ways down the main road.” She replied as she finished up her breakfast.

I frowned slightly but all thoughts of the appointment dissipated when I remembered about the meeting with Elliot at the library around three today. 

“Okay. Hey mom, I made a friend at school this week. His name is Elliot, we have an English class together and the teacher partnered us for a project this week. I told him I would ask you if it’s okay if we meet at the library this afternoon, once our errand is out of the way. I can reschedule if we have to.” I spoke up, hoping she’d say yes to me meeting up with him. 

“No.” 

“You know how Jim feels about you meeting up with boys.”

My mother spoke so fast, I almost didn’t catch what she had to say. When it finally registered, I stared at her with a mix of fear and confusion. 

“Um, mom?” I questioned but received no response. 

“Jim isn’t here, remember?” I asked slowly as I took a few steps towards her. 

She turned towards me and closed her eyes. 

“Yes, sorry Vi, it’s been a hectic morning and I guess I just got caught up in the old routine.” She stated and I remained quiet, still unsure of what to say. 

Maybe she was struggling with the fact that we both had our freedom now. Maybe it was just stress from the week. 

“It’s okay. So about my friend Elliot, can I meet with him this afternoon to work on the project?” I reiterated my question from earlier. 

“This boy, how old is he?” She asked as she turned around and began gathering her purse and coat to leave. 

“Well, he’s one year older than me. He’s not straight, at least I don’t think he is.” I spoke up softly. 

“His sexuality isn’t any of our business sweetie, I just want to make sure you’re being careful, that’s all.” She spoke slowly, directing every word at me with a strange look in her eyes. 

“Mom, Elliot and I are not together. He’s just a friend.” I replied sharply as heat flooded to my cheeks and ears at her hints of Elliot and I have s*x with each other. I had no intention of having s*x with anyone, let alone Elliot. 

“Well, even if you two are together or just having fun, please be careful, in every sense of the word. Now, if you two are just meeting up to work on the project you guys have that’s fine. Where will you two be meeting?” She questioned. 

“I could make cookies and tea?” She questioned a second time before I could speak as she lightly pulled me to the door. 

“No, we decided to meet at the library, around three this afternoon.” I spoke up as we stepped out of the house. 

The chilly air bit at my skin and it didn’t take long before I had to cross my arms over my chest to keep out the cold. 

“The library? I think I know where that is.” She responded. 

“Maybe you could ask about a job. But if you do, I don’t want you filling out any applications until we check it out together.” She spoke and I gave a slight nod as I frowned at her words. 

“Mom, I am eighteen, you know? I am in my last year of high school, pretty soon you’re going to have to let me have some adult freedom.” I spoke up, trying to be as kind as I possibly could about the topic. I listened as she gave a harsh sigh as we entered her car. 

“Oh how well aware I am of that. Pretty soon you’re going to be wrapped up with everyone else, you’ll forget all about dear old me.” She mumbled softly as she drove away from the house. 

Did she think I couldn’t hear her? 

“I could never forget about you mom.” I spoke up, hoping to ease whatever tension she felt but the car turned silent when she chose not to respond. 

I didn’t know what else to say at this point. The whole morning she had seemed a bit off but I didn’t figure now would be a good time to bring it up. We were only in the car for about ten minutes when she pulled into a building that looked rather dull. Honestly, it gave me a medical building type feel and I looked to my mother in confusion as she pulled to a stop in the covered parking space in front of the two very large double doors. 

“What’s this?” I asked after a moment of silence once she shut the car off. 

“I know we moved here to get a new start. But I feel like we aren’t going to be able to do that unless you talk to someone, professionally. I brought this up before the move, you agreed to it.” She spoke so clinically that I couldn’t help but feel hurt at her lack of warmth. 

“I remember agreeing to counseling. I didn’t realize you were so serious about it.” I responded as I looked from her to the building. 

“I think it would be good for you.” She replied with a soft smile but the smile didn’t reach her eyes and I gave a frustrated sigh as I turned in my seat and exited the vehicle. 

If it means getting out of the horribly uncomfortable situation in the car with her, I’d gladly try counseling. I could hear her step out of the car with me and slowly walk to my side. 

“You don’t have to talk today. But the things that happened in that place…” She trailed off as I gave her a hard look. 

I didn’t want to hear about anything from that place, especially not from her. 

“It’s important to me that you talk to someone, especially if you won’t talk to me. We’re lucky no legalities, of all the stuff that happened, followed us here. I think it’s the least both of us could do to help each other.” I heard my mother’s voice but couldn’t continue to stare at her as I dropped my eyes to the ground. 

“Does this mean you’re taking therapy too?” I questioned softly. 

“Yes, I am.” Her response came quick and I frowned and let out a frustrated sigh. 

“Fine. I will give this a shot, but please remember this, if I say it’s not working and if I say I don’t want to continue, you can’t force me to do this.” I spoke up with finality. 

“I know that you are old enough to make your own choices Violet. Hell, you’re eighteen. You could legally move out right now and I wouldn’t have a damn choice in it. But please, I am asking you as your mother, as someone who had to watch you go through all of that, to please consider talking to someone here. I want us both to be okay here, I want us to thrive. But that will be hard to do if neither of us put effort into repairing what we can repair.” She spoke up. I felt bitter and wanted to applaud at her grand speech. 

I was irritated no doubt, but I couldn’t fault her for wanting to help us get better. I glanced over at her and nodded my head once. When I noticed tears forming in the corners of her eyes I took that as my cue. 

“Okay, let’s get in there and get this over with. I want to have a good day today. Not sit here crying with you all day over things we can’t change.” 

I spoke up, briefly wondering if I had overstepped my bounds. When I received a small smile and a head nod back I knew I hadn’t gone too far and I silently let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Neither of us spoke again as she led me inside the building. When we entered I was met with the soft smell of lavender and soothing music being played. The place was empty it seemed, save for one older gentleman sitting behind the front desk with a glass pane between him and us. 

He smiled politely as my mother and I approached the counter. I tuned everything out from there as I focused on the fact that I was about to have to meet with a stranger. I felt my anxiety grow when I realized that if I wasn’t already the weird kid at school that started half way through the semester, now I was the weird kid in therapy sessions as well. I felt a scowl make it’s way onto my face. This was the last place I wanted to be but I refused to go back on my word to my mother and maybe, way far off into the future, this would be good for both of us. 

When my mother was done talking and filling out paper work, we both took a seat by the window. I couldn’t help but stare out at the bleary day. It feels like the only thing holding me together right now is the fact that I get to meet up with Elliot later. Maybe working on the project with him will help get my mind off of my terrible life before our grand escape here.