The Circle

The Scene is a stately drawing-room at Aston-Adey, with fine pictures on the walls and Georgian furniture. Aston-Adey has been described, with many illustrations, in Country Life. It is not a house, but a place. Its owner takes a great pride in it, and there is nothing in the room which is not of the period. Through the French windows at the back can be seen the beautiful gardens which are one of the features. It is a fine summer morning. Arnold comes in. He is a man of about thirty-five, tall and good-looking, fair, with a clean-cut, sensitive face. He has a look that is intellectual, but somewhat bloodless. He is very well dressed. Arnold. [Calling.] Elizabeth! [He goes to the window and calls again.] Elizabeth! [He rings the bell. While he is waiting he gives a look round the room. He slightly alters the position of one of the chairs. He takes an ornament from the chimney-piece and blows the dust from it.] [A Footman comes in. Oh, George! see if you can find Mrs. Cheney, and ask her if shed be good enough to come here. Footman. Very good, sir. [The Footman turns to go. Arnold. Who is supposed to look after this room? Footman. I dont know, sir. Arnold. I wish when they dust theyd take care to replace the things exactly as they were before. Footman. Yes, sir. Arnold. [Dismissing him.] All right. [The Footman goes out. He goes again to the window and calls. Arnold. Elizabeth! [He sees Mrs. Shenstone.] Oh, Anna, do you know where Elizabeth is? [Mrs. Shenstone comes in from the garden. She is a woman of forty, pleasant and of elegant appearance. Anna. Isnt she playing tennis? Arnold. No, Ive been down to the tennis court. Something very tiresome has happened. Anna. Oh? Arnold. I wonder where the deuce she is. Anna. When do you expect Lord Porteous and Lady Kitty? Arnold. Theyre motoring down in time for luncheon. Anna. Are you sure you want me to be here? Its not too late yet, you know. I can have my things packed and catch a train for somewhere or other. Arnold. No, of course we want you. Itll make it so much easier if there are people here. It was exceedingly kind of you to come. Anna. Oh, nonsense! Arnold. And I think it was a good thing to have Teddie Luton down. Anna. He is so breezy, isnt he? Arnold. Yes, thats his great asset. I dont know that hes very intelligent, but, you know, there are occasions when you want a bull in a china shop. I sent one of the servants to find Elizabeth. Anna. I daresay shes putting on her shoes. She and Teddie were going to have a single. Arnold. It cant take all this time to change ones shoes. Anna. [With a smile.] One cant change ones shoes without powdering ones nose, you know. [Elizabeth comes in. She is a very pretty creature in the early twenties. She wears a light summer frock. Arnold. My dear, Ive been hunting for you everywhere. What have you been doing? Elizabeth. Nothing! Ive been standing on my head. Arnold. My fathers here. Elizabeth. [Startled.] Where? Arnold. At the cottage. He arrived last night. Elizabeth. Damn! Arnold. [Good-humouredly.] I wish you wouldnt say that, Elizabeth. Elizabeth. If youre not going to say Damn when a things damnable, when are you going to say Damn? Arnold. I should have thought you could say, Oh, bother! or something like that. Elizabeth. But that wouldnt express my sentiments. Besides, at that speech day when you were giving away the prizes you said there were no synonyms in the English language. Anna. [Smiling.] Oh, Elizabeth! its very unfair to expect a politician to live in private up to the statements he makes in public. Arnold. Im always willing to stand by anything Ive said. There are no synonyms in the English language. Elizabeth. In that case I shall be regretfully forced to continue to say Damn whenever I feel like it. [Edward Luton shows himself at the window. He is an attractive youth in flannels. Teddie. I say, what about this tennis? Elizabeth. Come in. Were having a scene. Teddie. [Entering.] How splendid! What about? Elizabeth. The English language. Teddie. Dont tell me youve been splitting your infinitives. Arnold. [With the shadow of a frown.] I wish youd be serious, Elizabeth. The situation is none too pleasant. Anna. I think Teddie and I had better make ourselves scarce. Elizabeth. Nonsense! Youre both in it. If theres going to be any unpleasantness we want your moral support. Thats why we asked you to come. Teddie. And I thought Id been asked for my blue eyes. Elizabeth. Vain beast! And they happen to be brown. Teddie. Is anything up? Elizabeth. Arnolds father arrived last night. Teddie. Did he, by Jove! I thought he was in Paris. Arnold. So did we all. He told me hed be there for the next month. Anna. Have you seen him? Arnold. No! he rang me up. Its a mercy he had a telephone put in the cottage. It would have been a pretty kettle of fish if hed just walked in. Elizabeth. Did you tell him Lady Catherine was coming? Arnold. Of course not. I was flabbergasted to know he was here. And then I thought wed better talk it over first. Elizabeth. Is he coming along here? Arnold. Yes. He suggested it, and I couldnt think of any excuse to prevent him. Teddie. Couldnt you put the other people off? Arnold. Theyre coming by car. They may be here any minute. Its too late to do that. Elizabeth. Besides, it would be beastly. Arnold. I knew it was silly to have them here. Elizabeth insisted. Elizabeth. After all, she is your mother, Arnold. Arnold. That meant precious little to her when shewent away. You cant imagine it means very much to me now. Elizabeth. Its thirty years ago. It seems so absurd to bear malice after all that time. Arnold. I dont bear malice, but the fact remains that she did me the most irreparable harm. I can find no excuse for her. Elizabeth. Have you ever tried to? Arnold. My dear Elizabeth, its no good going over all that again. The facts are lamentably simple. She had a husband who adored her, a wonderful position, all the money she could want, and a child of five. And she ran away with a married man. Elizabeth. Lady Porteous is not a very attractive woman, Arnold. [To Anna.] Do you know her? Anna. [Smiling.] Forbidding is the word, I think. Arnold. If youre going to make little jokes about it, I have nothing more to say. Anna. Im sorry, Arnold. Elizabeth. Perhaps your mother couldnt help herselfif she was in love? Arnold. And had no sense of honour, duty, or decency? Oh, yes, under those circumstances you can explain a great deal. Elizabeth. Thats not a very pretty way to speak of your mother. Arnold. I cant look on her as my mother. Elizabeth. What you cant get over is that she didnt think of you. Some of us are more mother and some of us more woman. It gives me a little thrill when I think that she loved that man so much. She sacrificed her name, her position, and her child to him. Arnold. You really cant expect the said child to have any great affection for the mother who treated him like that. Elizabeth. No, I dont think I do. But I think its a pity after all these years that you shouldnt be friends. Arnold. I wonder if you realise what it was to grow up under the shadow of that horrible scandal. Everywhere, at school, and at Oxford, and afterwards in London, I was always the son of Lady Kitty Cheney. Oh, it was cruel, cruel! Elizabeth. Yes, I know, Arnold. It was beastly for you. Arnold. It would have been bad enough if it had been an ordinary case, but the position of the people made it ten times worse. My father was in the House then, and Porteoushe hadnt succeeded to the titlewas in the House too; he was Under-Secretary for Foreign Affairs, and he was very much in the public eye. Anna. My father always used to say he was the ablest man in the party. Every one was expecting him to be Prime Minister. Arnold. You can imagine what a boon it was to the British public. They hadnt had such a treat for a generation. The most popular song of the day was about my mother. Did you ever hear it? Naughty Lady Kitty. Thought it such a pity . . . Elizabeth. [Interrupting.] Oh, Arnold, dont! Arnold. And then they never let people forget them. If theyd lived quietly in Florence and not made a fuss the scandal would have died down. But those constant actions between Lord and Lady Porteous kept on reminding everyone. Teddie. What were they having actions about? Arnold. Of course my father divorced his wife, but Lady Porteous refused to divorce Porteous. He tried to force her by refusing to support her and turning her out of her house, and heaven knows what. They were constantly wrangling in the law courts. Anna. I think it was monstrous of Lady Porteous. Arnold. She knew he wanted to marry my mother, and she hated my mother. You cant blame her. Anna. It must have been very difficult for them. Arnold. Thats why theyve lived in Florence. Porteous has money. They found people there who were willing to accept the situation. Elizabeth. This is the first time theyve ever come to England. Arnold. My father will have to be told, Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Yes. Anna. [To Elizabeth.] Has he ever spoken to you about Lady Kitty? Elizabeth. Never. Arnold. I dont think her name has passed his lips since she ran away from this house thirty years ago. Teddie. Oh, they lived here? Arnold. Naturally. There was a house-party, and one evening neither Porteous nor my mother came down to dinner. The rest of them waited. They couldnt make it out. My father sent up to my mothers room, and a note was found on the pincushion. Elizabeth. [With a faint smile.] Thats what they did in the Dark Ages. Arnold. I think he took a dislike to this house from that horrible night. He never lived here again, and when I married he handed the place over to me. He just has a cottage now on the estate that he comes to when he feels inclined. Elizabeth. Its been very nice for us. Arnold. I owe everything to my father. I dont think hell ever forgive me for asking these people to come here. Elizabeth. Im going to take all the blame on myself, Arnold. Arnold. [Irritably.] The situation was embarrassing enough anyhow. I dont know how I ought to treat them. Elizabeth. Dont you think thatll settle itself when you see them? Arnold. After all, theyre my guests. I shall try and behave like a gentleman. Elizabeth. I wouldnt. We havent got central heating. Arnold. [Taking no notice.] Will she expect me to kiss her? Elizabeth. [With a smile.] Surely. Arnold. It always makes me uncomfortable when people are effusive. Anna. But I cant understand why you never saw her before. Arnold. I believe she tried to see me when I was little, but my father thought it better she shouldnt. Anna. Yes, but when you were grown up? Arnold. She was always in Italy. I never went to Italy. Elizabeth. It seems to me so pathetic that if you saw one another in the street you wouldnt recognise each other. Arnold. Is it my fault? Elizabeth. Youve promised to be very gentle with her and very kind. Arnold. The mistake was asking Porteous to come too. It looks as though we condoned the whole thing. And how am I to treat him? Am I to shake him by the hand and slap him on the back? He absolutely ruined my fathers life. Elizabeth. [Smiling.] How much would you give for a nice motor accident that prevented them from coming? Arnold. I let you persuade me against my better judgment, and Ive regretted it ever since. Elizabeth. [Good-humouredly.] I think its very lucky that Anna and Teddie are here. I dont foresee a very successful party. Arnold. Im going to do my best. I gave you my promise and I shall keep it. But I cant answer for my father. Anna. Here is your father. [Mr. Champion-Cheney shows himself at one of the French windows. C.-C. May I come in through the window, or shall I have myself announced by a supercilious flunkey? Elizabeth. Come in. Weve been expecting you. C.-C. Impatiently, I hope, my dear child. [Mr. Champion-Cheney is a tall man in the early sixties, spare, with a fine head of gray hair and an intelligent, somewhat ascetic face. He is very carefully dressed. He is a man who makes the most of himself. He bears his years jauntily. He kisses Elizabeth and then holds out his hand to Arnold. Elizabeth. We thought youd be in Paris for another month. C.-C. How are you, Arnold? I always reserve to myself the privilege of changing my mind. Its the only one elderly gentlemen share with pretty women. Elizabeth. You know Anna. C.-C. [Shaking hands with her.] Of course I do. How very nice to see you here! Are you staying long? Anna. As long as Im welcome. Elizabeth. And this is Mr. Luton. C.-C. How do you do? Do you play bridge? Luton. I do. C.-C. Capital. Do you declare without top honours? Luton. Never. C.-C. Of such is the kingdom of heaven. I see that you are a good young man. Luton. But, like the good in general, I am poor. C.-C. Never mind; if your principles are right, you can play ten shillings a hundred without danger. I never play less, and I never play more. Arnold. And youare you going to stay long, father? C.-C. To luncheon, if youll have me. [Arnold gives Elizabeth a harassed look. Elizabeth. Thatll be jolly. Arnold. I didnt mean that. Of course youre going to stay for luncheon. I meant, how long are you going to stay down here? C.-C. A week. [There is a moments pause. Everyone but Champion-Cheney is slightly embarrassed. Teddie. I think wed better chuck our tennis. Elizabeth. Yes. I want my father-in-law to tell me what theyre wearing in Paris this week. Teddie. Ill go and put the rackets away. [Teddie goes out. Arnold. Its nearly one oclock, Elizabeth. Elizabeth. I didnt know it was so late. Anna. [To Arnold.] I wonder if I can persuade you to take a turn in the garden before luncheon. Arnold. [Jumping at the idea.] Id love it. [Anna goes out of the window, and as he follows her he stops irresolutely. I want you to look at this chair Ive just got. I think its rather good. C.-C. Charming. Arnold. About 1750, I should say. Good design, isnt it? It hasnt been restored or anything. C.-C. Very pretty. Arnold. I think it was a good buy, dont you? C.-C. Oh, my dear boy! you know Im entirely ignorant about these things. Arnold. Its exactly my period . . . I shall see you at luncheon, then. [He follows Anna through the window. C.-C. Who is that young man? Elizabeth. Mr. Luton. Hes only just been demobilised. Hes the manager of a rubber estate in the F.M.S. C.-C. And what are the F.M.S. when theyre at home? Elizabeth. The Federated Malay States. He joined up at the beginning of the war. Hes just going back there. C.-C. And why have we been left alone in this very marked manner? Elizabeth. Have we? I didnt notice it. C.-C. I suppose its difficult for the young to realise that one may be old without being a fool. Elizabeth. I never thought you that. Everyone knows youre very intelligent. C.-C. They certainly ought to by now. Ive told them often enough. Are you a little nervous? Elizabeth. Let me feel my pulse. [She puts her finger on her wrist.] Its perfectly regular. C.-C. When I suggested staying to luncheon Arnold looked exactly like a dose of castor oil. Elizabeth. I wish youd sit down. C.-C. Will it make it easier for you? [He takes a chair.] You have evidently something very disagreeable to say to me. Elizabeth. You wont be cross with me? C.-C. How old are you? Elizabeth. Twenty-five. C.-C. Im never cross with a woman under thirty. Elizabeth. Oh, then Ive got ten years. C.-C. Mathematics? Elizabeth. No. Paint. C.-C. Well? Elizabeth. [Reflectively.] I think it would be easier if I sat on your knees. C.-C. That is a pleasing taste of yours, but you must take care not to put on weight. [She sits down on his knees. Elizabeth. Am I boney? C.-C. On the contrary. . . . Im listening. Elizabeth. Lady Catherines coming here. C.-C. Whos Lady Catherine? Elizabeth. YourArnolds mother. C.-C. Is she? [He withdraws himself a little and Elizabeth gets up. Elizabeth. You mustnt blame Arnold. Its my fault. I insisted. He was against it. I nagged him till he gave way. And then I wrote and asked her to come. C.-C. I didnt know you knew her. Elizabeth. I dont. But I heard she was in London. Shes staying at Claridges. It seemed so heartless not to take the smallest notice of her. C.-C. When is she coming? Elizabeth. Were expecting her in time for luncheon. C.-C. As soon as that? I understand the embarrassment. Elizabeth. You see, we never expected you to be here. You said youd be in Paris for another month. C.-C. My dear child, this is your house. Theres no reason why you shouldnt ask whom you please to stay with you. Elizabeth. After all, whatever her faults, shes Arnolds mother. It seemed so unnatural that they should never see one another. My heart ached for that poor lonely woman. C.-C. I never heard that she was lonely, and she certainly isnt poor. Elizabeth. And theres something else. I couldnt ask her by herself. It would have been soso insulting. I asked Lord Porteous, too. C.-C. I see. Elizabeth. I daresay youd rather not meet them. C.-C. I daresay theyd rather not meet me. I shall get a capital luncheon at the cottage. Ive noticed you always get the best food if you come in unexpectedly and have the same as theyre having in the servants hall. Elizabeth. No ones ever talked to me about Lady Kitty. Its always been a subject that everyone has avoided. Ive never even seen a photograph of her. C.-C. The house was full of them when she left. I think I told the butler to throw them in the dust-bin. She was very much photographed. Elizabeth. Wont you tell me what she was like? C.-C. She was very like you, Elizabeth, only she had dark hair instead of red. Elizabeth. Poor dear! it must be quite white now. C.-C. I daresay. She was a pretty little thing. Elizabeth. But she was one of the great beauties of her day. They say she was lovely. C.-C. She had the most adorable little nose, like yours. . . . Elizabeth. Dyou like my nose? C.-C. And she was very dainty, with a beautiful little figure; very light on her feet. She was like a marquise in an old French comedy. Yes, she was lovely. Elizabeth. And Im sure shes lovely still. C.-C. Shes no chicken, you know. Elizabeth. You cant expect me to look at it as you and Arnold do. When youve loved as shes loved you may grow old, but you grow old beautifully. C.-C. Youre very romantic. Elizabeth. If everyone hadnt made such a mystery of it I daresay I shouldnt feel as I do. I know she did a great wrong to you and a great wrong to Arnold. Im willing to acknowledge that. C.-C. Im sure its very kind of you. Elizabeth. But she loved and she dared. Romance is such an illusive thing. You read of it in books, but its seldom you see it face to face. I cant help it if it thrills me. C.-C. I am painfully aware that the husband in these cases is not a romantic object. Elizabeth. She had the world at her feet. You were rich. She was a figure in society. And she gave up everything for love. C.-C. [Dryly.] Im beginning to suspect it wasnt only for her sake and for Arnolds that you asked her to come here. Elizabeth. I seem to know her already. I think her face is a little sad, for a love like that doesnt leave you gay, it leaves you grave, but I think her pale face is unlined. Its like a childs. C.-C. My dear, how you let your imagination run away with you! Elizabeth. I imagine her slight and frail. C.-C. Frail, certainly. Elizabeth. With beautiful thin hands and white hair. Ive pictured her so often in that Renaissance Palace that they live in, with old Masters on the walls and lovely carved things all round, sitting in a black silk dress with old lace round her neck and old-fashioned diamonds. You see, I never knew my mother; she died when I was a baby. You cant confide in aunts with huge families of their own. I want Arnolds mother to be a mother to me. Ive got so much to say to her. C.-C. Are you happy with Arnold? Elizabeth. Why shouldnt I be? C.-C. Why havent you got any babies? Elizabeth. Give us a little time. Weve only been married three years. C.-C. I wonder what Hughie is like now! Elizabeth. Lord Porteous? C.-C. He wore his clothes better than any man in London. You know hed have been Prime Minister if hed remained in politics. Elizabeth. What was he like then? C.-C. He was a nice-looking fellow. Fine horseman. I suppose there was something very fascinating about him. Yellow hair and blue eyes, you know. He had a very good figure. I liked him. I was his parliamentary secretary. He was Arnolds godfather. Elizabeth. I know. C.-C. I wonder if he ever regrets! Elizabeth. I wouldnt. C.-C. Well, I must be strolling back to my cottage. Elizabeth. Youre not angry with me? C.-C. Not a bit. [She puts up her face for him to kiss. He kisses her on both cheeks and then goes out. In a moment Teddie is seen at the window. Teddie. I saw the old blighter go. Elizabeth. Come in. Teddie. Everything all right? Elizabeth. Oh, quite, as far as hes concerned. Hes going to keep out of the way. Teddie. Was it beastly? Elizabeth. No, he made it very easy for me. Hes a nice old thing. Teddie. You were rather scared. Elizabeth. A little. I am still. I dont know why. Teddie. I guessed you were. I thought Id come and give you a little moral support. Its ripping here, isnt it? Elizabeth. It is rather nice. Teddie. Itll be jolly to think of it when Im back in the F.M.S. Elizabeth. Arent you homesick sometimes? Teddie. Oh, everyone is now and then, you know. Elizabeth. You could have got a job in England if youd wanted to, couldnt you? Teddie. Oh, but I love it out there. Englands ripping to come back to, but I couldnt live here now. Its like a woman youre desperately in love with as long as you dont see her, but when youre with her she maddens you so that you cant bear her. Elizabeth. [Smiling.] Whats wrong with England? Teddie. I dont think anythings wrong with England. I expect somethings wrong with me. Ive been away too long. England seems to me full of people doing things they dont want to because other people expect it of them. Elizabeth. Isnt that what you call a high degree of civilisation? Teddie. People seem to me so insincere. When you go to parties in London theyre all babbling about art, and you feel that in their hearts they dont care twopence about it. They read the books that everybody is talking about because they dont want to be out of it. In the F.M.S. we dont get very many books, and we read those we have over and over again. They mean so much to us. I dont think the people over there are half so clever as the people at home, but one gets to know them better. You see, there are so few of us that we have to make the best of one another. Elizabeth. I imagine that frills are not much worn in the F.M.S. It must be a comfort. Teddie. Its not much good being pretentious where everyone knows exactly who you are and what your income is. Elizabeth. I dont think you want too much sincerity in society. It would be like an iron girder in a house of cards. Teddie. And then, you know, the place is ripping. You get used to a blue sky and you miss it in England. Elizabeth. What do you do with yourself all the time? Teddie. Oh, one works like blazes. You have to be a pretty hefty fellow to be a planter. And then theres ripping bathing. You know, its lovely, with palm trees all along the beach. And theres shooting. And now and then we have a little dance to a gramophone. Elizabeth. [Pretending to tease him.] I think youve got a young woman out there, Teddie. Teddie. [Vehemently.] Oh, no! [She is a little taken aback by the earnestness of his disclaimer. There is a moments silence, then she recovers herself. Elizabeth. But youll have to marry and settle down one of these days, you know. Teddie. I want to, but its not a thing you can do lightly. Elizabeth. I dont know why there more than elsewhere. Teddie. In England if people dont get on they go their own ways and jog along after a fashion. In a place like that youre thrown a great deal on your own resources. Elizabeth. Of course. Teddie. Lots of girls come out because they think theyre going to have a good time. But if theyre empty-headed, then theyre just faced with their own emptiness and theyre done. If their husbands can afford it they go home and settle down as grass-widows. Elizabeth. Ive met them. They seem to find it a very pleasant occupation. Teddie. Its rotten for their husbands, though. Elizabeth. And if the husbands cant afford it? Teddie. Oh, then they tipple. Elizabeth. Its not a very alluring prospect. Teddie. But if the womans the right sort she wouldnt exchange it for any life in the world. When alls said and done its we whove made the Empire. Elizabeth. What sort is the right sort? Teddie. A woman of courage and endurance and sincerity. Of course, its hopeless unless shes in love with her husband. [He is looking at her earnestly and she, raising her eyes, gives him a long look. There is silence between them. Teddie. My house stands on the side of a hill, and the cocoanut trees wind down to the shore. Azaleas grow in my garden, and camellias, and all sorts of ripping flowers. And in front of me is the winding coast line, and then the blue sea. [A pause. Do you know that Im awfully in love with you? Elizabeth. [Gravely.] I wasnt quite sure. I wondered. Teddie. And you? [She nods slowly. Ive never kissed you. Elizabeth. I dont want you to. [They look at one another steadily. They are both grave. Arnold comes in hurriedly. Arnold. Theyre coming, Elizabeth. Elizabeth. [As though returning from a distant world.] Who? Arnold. [Impatiently.] My dear! My mother, of course. The car is just coming up the drive. Teddie. Would you like me to clear out? Arnold. No, no! For goodness sake stay. Elizabeth. Wed better go and meet them, Arnold. Arnold. No, no; I think theyd much better be shown in. I feel simply sick with nervousness. [Anna comes in from the garden. Anna. Your guests have arrived. Elizabeth. Yes, I know. Arnold. Ive given orders that luncheon should be served at once. Elizabeth. Why? Its not half-past one already, is it? Arnold. I thought it would help. When you dont know exactly what to say you can always eat. [The Butler comes in and announces. Butler. Lady Catherine Champion-Cheney! Lord Porteous! [Lady Kitty comes in followed by Porteous, and the Butler goes out. Lady Kitty is a gay little lady, with dyed red hair and painted cheeks. She is somewhat outrageously dressed. She never forgets that she has been a pretty woman and she still behaves as if she were twenty-five. Lord Porteous is a very bald, elderly gentleman in loose, rather eccentric clothes. He is snappy and gruff. This is not at all the couple that Elizabeth expected, and for a moment she stares at them with round, startled eyes. Lady Kitty goes up to her with outstretched hands. Lady Kitty. Elizabeth! Elizabeth! [She kisses her] Hughie, isnt she adorable? Porteous. [With a grunt.] Ugh! [Elizabeth, smiling now, turns to him and gives him her hand. Elizabeth. How dyou do? Porteous. Damnable road youve got down here. How dyou do, my dear? Why dyou have such damnable roads in England? [Lady Kittys eyes fall on Teddie and she goes up to him with her arms thrown back, prepared to throw them round him. Lady Kitty. My boy, my boy! I should have known you anywhere! Elizabeth. [Hastily.] Thats Arnold. Lady Kitty. [Without a moments hesitation.] The image of his father! I should have known him anywhere! [She throws her arms round his neck.] My boy, my boy! Porteous. [With a grunt.] Ugh! Lady Kitty. Tell me, would you have known me again? Have I changed? Arnold. I was only five, you know, whenwhen you . . . Lady Kitty. [Emotionally.] I remember as if it was yesterday. I went up into your room. [With a sudden change of manner.] By the way, I always thought that nurse drank. Did you ever find out if she really did? Porteous. How the devil can you expect him to know that, Kitty? Lady Kitty. Youve never had a child, Hughie; how can you tell what they know and what they dont? Elizabeth. [Coming to the rescue.] This is Arnold, Lord Porteous. Porteous. [Shaking hands with him.] How dyou do? I knew your father. Arnold. Yes. Porteous. Alive still? Arnold. Yes. Porteous. He must be getting on. Is he well? Arnold. Very. Porteous. Ugh! Takes care of himself, I suppose. Im not at all well. This damned climate doesnt agree with me. Elizabeth. [To Lady Kitty.] This is Mrs. Shenstone. And this is Mr. Luton. I hope you dont mind a very small party. Lady Kitty. [Shaking hands with Anna and Teddie.] Oh, no, I shall enjoy it. I used to give enormous parties here. Political, you know. How nice youve made this room! Elizabeth. Oh, thats Arnold. Arnold. [Nervously.] Dyou like this chair? Ive just bought it. Its exactly my period. Porteous. [Bluntly.] Its a fake. Arnold. [Indignantly.] I dont think it is for a minute. Porteous. The legs are not right. Arnold. I dont know how you can say that. If there is anything right about it, its the legs. Lady Kitty. Im sure theyre right. Porteous. You know nothing whatever about it, Kitty. Lady Kitty. Thats what you think. I think its a beautiful chair. Hepplewhite? Arnold. No, Sheraton. Lady Kitty. Oh, I know. The School for Scandal. Porteous. Sheraton, my dear. Sheraton. Lady Kitty. Yes, thats what I say. I acted the screen scene at some amateur theatricals in Florence, and Ermeto Novelli, the great Italian tragedian, told me hed never seen a Lady Teazle like me. Porteous. Ugh! Lady Kitty. [To Elizabeth.] Do you act? Elizabeth. Oh, I couldnt. I should be too nervous. Lady Kitty. Im never nervous. Im a born actress.] Are you interested in religion? I think its too wonderful. We must have a long talk about it one of these days. [Pointing to her frock.] Callot? Elizabeth. No, Worth. Lady Kitty. I knew it was either Worth or Callot. Of course, its line thats the important thing. I go to Worth myself, and I always say to him, Line, my dear Worth, line. What is the matter, Hughie? Porteous. These new teeth of mine are so damned uncomfortable. Lady Kitty. Men are extraordinary. They cant stand the smallest discomfort. Why, a womans life is uncomfortable from the moment she gets up in the morning till the moment she goes to bed at night. And dyou think its comfortable to sleep with a mask on your face? Porteous. They dont seem to hold up properly. Lady Kitty. Well, thats not the fault of your teeth. Thats the fault of your gums. Porteous. Damned rotten dentist. Thats whats the matter. Lady Kitty. I thought he was a very nice dentist. He told me my teeth would last till I was fifty. He has a Chinese room. Its so interesting; while he scrapes your teeth he tells you all about the dear Empress Dowager. Are you interested in China? I think its too wonderful. You know theyve cut off their pigtails. I think its such a pity. They were so picturesque. [The Butler comes in. Butler. Luncheon is served, sir. Elizabeth. Would you like to see your rooms? Porteous. We can see our rooms after luncheon. Lady Kitty. I must powder my nose, Hughie. Porteous. Powder it down here. Lady Kitty. I never saw anyone so inconsiderate. Porteous. Youll keep us all waiting half an hour. I know you. Lady Kitty. [Fumbling in her bag.] Oh, well, peace at any price, as Lord Beaconsfield said. Porteous. He said a lot of damned silly things, Kitty, but he never said that. [Lady Kittys face changes. Perplexity is followed by dismay, and dismay by consternation. Lady Kitty. Oh! Elizabeth. What is the matter? Lady Kitty. [With anguish.] My lip-stick! Elizabeth. Cant you find it? Lady Kitty. I had it in the car. Hughie, you remember that I had it in the car. Porteous. I dont remember anything about it. Lady Kitty. Dont be so stupid, Hughie. Why, when we came through the gates I said: My home, my home! and I took it out and put some on my lips. Elizabeth. Perhaps you dropped it in the car. Lady Kitty. For heavens sake send some one to look for it. Arnold. Ill ring. Lady Kitty. Im absolutely lost without my lip-stick. Lend me yours, darling, will you? Elizabeth. Im awfully sorry. Im afraid I havent got one. Lady Kitty. Do you mean to say you dont use a lip-stick? Elizabeth. Never. Porteous. Look at her lips. What the devil dyou think she wants muck like that for? Lady Kitty. Oh, my dear, what a mistake you make! You must use a lip-stick. Its so good for the lips. Men like it, you know. I couldnt live without a lip-stick. [Champion-Cheney appears at the window holding in his upstretched hand a little gold case. C.-C. [As he comes in.] Has anyone here lost a diminutive utensil containing, unless I am mistaken, a favourite preparation for the toilet? [Arnold and Elizabeth are thunderstruck at his appearance and even Teddie and Anna are taken aback. But Lady Kitty is overjoyed. Lady Kitty. My lip-stick! C.-C. I found it in the drive and I ventured to bring it in. Lady Kitty. Its Saint Antony. I said a little prayer to him when I was hunting in my bag. Porteous. Saint Antony be blowed! Its Clive, by God! Lady Kitty. [Startled, her attention suddenly turning from the lip-stick.] Clive! C.-C. You didnt recognise me. Its many years since we met. Lady Kitty. My poor Clive, your hair has gone quite white! C.-C. [Holding out his hand.] I hope you had a pleasant journey down from London. Lady Kitty. [Offering him her cheek.] You may kiss me, Clive. C.-C. [Kissing her.] You dont mind, Hughie? Porteous. [With a grunt.] Ugh! C.-C. [Going up to him cordially.] And how are you, my dear Hughie? Porteous. Damned rheumatic if you want to know. Filthy climate you have in this country. C.-C. Arent you going to shake hands with me, Hughie? Porteous. I have no objection to shaking hands with you. C.-C. Youve aged, my poor Hughie. Porteous. Some one was asking me how old you were the other day. C.-C. Were they surprised when you told them? Porteous. Surprised! They wondered you werent dead. [The Butler comes in. Butler. Did you ring, sir? Arnold. No. Oh, yes, I did. It doesnt matter now. C.-C. [As the Butler is going.] One moment. My dear Elizabeth, Ive come to throw myself on your mercy. My servants are busy with their own affairs. Theres not a thing for me to eat in my cottage. Elizabeth. Oh, but we shall be delighted if youll lunch with us. C.-C. It either means that or my immediate death from starvation. You dont mind, Arnold? Arnold. My dear father! Elizabeth. [To the Butler.] Mr. Cheney will lunch here. Butler. Very good, maam. C.-C. [To Lady Kitty.] And what do you think of Arnold? Lady Kitty. I adore him. C.-C. Hes grown, hasnt he? But then youd expect him to do that in thirty years. Arnold. For Gods sake lets go in to lunch, Elizabeth!