Three Little Birds

Wednesday Pt. 3

"About Kaiden?"

"Yes," I answered, meeting her gaze. "We talked about Kaiden."

"What did he say?" She wasn't looking at me, but at the horizon. 

"Liz..." I started. I was going to deny her. Trust was something...it is something...that I hold to the highest regard. I had never been trusted as I had the night before and I was loathed to break that confidence.

"Mattie, this is my brother. He hasn't acted like that in a long time. In the beginning, he was so angry all the time. I know he's keeping things from me. I'm not stupid, I always knew there was something. I just never knew what." She wiped her face and asked silently for another drink. I complied willingly, handing the cup over to her.

"Please, Mattie." I could hear the desperation in her voice. 

"Liz, I love you, but, if he wanted you to know, he would have told you. I can't break that confidence, I'm sorry." And I was. I wanted nothing more than to tell her. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. 

She nodded not at all pleased with my answer and stood up with a mumbled 'I understand', before walking back inside the house.

I closed my eyes and took a breath in every attempt to hold my resolve, before I, too, stood and followed her inside.

She was standing at the counter, her forgotten cup set in the sink. Her head was in her hands, her elbows braced on the kitchen counter. Her shoulders shook as silent sobs escaped her. I approached slowly, gently setting my arm around her, drawing her to me.

She did not resist but wrapped her arms around me, her hold gripping and fierce.

As I held her in a strong attempt to calm and soothe her as she had done for me so many times in the past, the front door opened. 

When Mykel entered the kitchen his eyes were red as Liz's, glassy with previously fallen tears. Liz pulled away from me. She looked at him, tears still falling down her face.

"Liz?" He asked softly in inquiry, his mind searching possibilities of why that look was on her face. Then his eyes and face hardened before he turned that icky look to me.

"What did you tell her?" He did not yell, but his voice held pent-up fury that sent me back to feeling like that scared boy locked in the closet. I stepped behind Liz, cowering from that look, knowing that at any moment he was going to strike.

"I-I-I-I did-did-di-didn't say an-an-anyth-anything." I cowered further behind Liz, my fear taking root.

"You told her, didn't you? You told her about the note, didn't you?" This time Mykel did yell. I jumped backward at the blade of his tone as it sliced through my soul.

Liz jumped in then, pushing me a bit further behind her as she stepped forward. "Don't you f*****g yell at him, he didn't tell me..." She paused then as his words hit her. All the anger left her, deflated her, and her face fell.

"N-note? There was a note, Mykel? Why the f**k didn't you tell me he left a goddamn note?"

Mykel's eyes lost the icy chill as he looked at his sister's heartbroken face. His eyes rapidly passed between us both, his face awash with pain and panic. He'd given away his secret. One of them, anyway.

I said nothing as I watched the family tragedy unfurl, but tried to shrink forgotten into the background.

"What did he say? In the note, what did he say?"

Mykel shook his head. "I delivered his last message to you back then. The rest is private."

"Mykel, damn it," she began. 

"No, f**k you, Liz. I told you what he wanted you to know. The rest you don't understand."

His voice was raised an octave higher than his usual tone, but he was not quite yelling at her. Her voice equaled his in her answer.

"I'd understand if you f*****g told me! How can you expect me--"

"I don't expect you to do anything, Liz. Please just drop it."

"Oh, yeah, sure, I'll just forget all about it. I'll forget all about him, how about that? I f*****g forgot that you're the only one that loved that boy. Excuse the f**k out of me for wanting a bit of closure."

At this, she stormed past him and to her room. She didn't look back. 

I didn't move from where I had shoved myself between the counter and fridge. I tried to become as invisible as possible, to be an unnoticed fly on the wall. The logical side of me knew he would never strike me, never raise his hand. 

But the other part of me braced myself to be on the receiving end of those large fists. And the prospect terrified me.

I took a small, tentative step forward causing Mykel to look at me. I stopped in my tracks not wanting to further upset him.

"Mykel, I really didn't tell her."

He waved his hand in dismissal and shook his head. His movement cut me off, pausing my words, and he wrapped his arms around himself.

"I shouldn't have even come home." I don't know if he was talking to me or himself, but he did not wait for a reply. He simply turned and left once again.

I sighed as I stood there in the silence, poured myself another cup of coffee before going back outside and taking a seat back on the porch swing.

I sat there for hours, swinging gently, listening to the wind blow through the trees. Liz chose to stay in her room. I chose to give her the privacy she needed, knowing she would come out when she was ready.

Surprisingly enough when someone sat down next to me, it wasn't Liz who sat down beside me.

I said nothing, waiting for him to break the silence. I did not know what to say, but I could not hide the nervousness I felt at him being so close after his earlier display.

He reached out, lightly placing his hand over mine, which had been wringing around each other. A nervous habit I have yet to break. I jumped, ever so slightly, my nerves heightened near overdrive.

"Mattie, I won't ever hurt you." His voice was soft, gentle; so much like I had grown accustomed to since meeting him.

I nodded, my throat closing. I linked my fingers with his acknowledging that I knew what he said to be true. 

"I'm sorry, Mattie. I didn't mean to yell at you. I shouldn't have treated you like that."

I said nothing. I physically could not form words, and I briefly had the sensation that I was choking. He had taken my silence as a denial of his apology and went to stand, but my grip around his fingers anchored and he paused in his movements.

He studied me a moment before sitting back once more, his hand never leaving the confines of mine.

"I guess I made a real a*s of myself today, didn't I?" he said breaking the quiet that had developed.

"A bit."

He laughed, sharing that smile that makes me melt. "Thanks for the candor."

I smiled back at him before our faces once again grew serious. "Thank you, Mattie, for not telling Liz anything."

"I would never betray a confidence, Mykel." In truth, the accusation hurt, but I shrugged it off knowing that the words were not meant, and the anger was not actually directed at me.

"I know. I really am sorry." I nodded and squeezed his hand.

"Has Liz come out of her room?"

I shook my head. "No. I thought it best not to disturb her."

"Probably a good idea." He sighed. "I need to make things right with her. I'm such an asshole." The last sentence was spoken on a long, drawn-out sigh.

"You're not an asshole," I countered as I looked at him. "You're just hurting. But so is she."

He nodded. "Yeah. Fuck...alright...when I'm done talking to her...can I, uh...can I come knock on your door?"

I smiled at him. "My door is always open."

"I really am sorry, mon bonheur. Forgive me? Please."

I smiled at him, kissing the back of his hand still linked with mine. "There's nothing to forgive, Mykel. It isn't an easy day."

He nodded and looked toward the house, a small sigh escaping him in the knowledge that what he was about to do, talking to his sister, would not be as easily done as talking with me.

"Go to her. She needs you." He nodded and smiled a slightly nervous smile.

He looked in my eyes for a moment before gently pressing his lips to mine. The kiss was not one of extreme romance, sparks did not erupt overhead, but my heart lightened some nonetheless. It was a kiss between friends. Comrades, with a hint of something more. 

"Thank you, Mattie."

I watched him turn and walk inside, his head hung low and his demeanor resigned. I did not envy what he had to do and instead sent with him my sympathy. 

I knew then as I watched him disappear into the house that I had to admit that I was beginning to fall in love with him. I had no idea the concept of being in love. Nothing but fairy tales to compare to. The fantasies conjured up from the depths of the imagination of the forgotten boy.

But what else could this feeling be but love? I was both exhilarated and terrified to find out what would happen next, but I knew that I was in for it for the long haul. I only hoped Mykel was, too.