Danny

Chapter 9

It is growling now. The thing behind me. I can't see it. The trees are blocking it from view. There are hard thunderous footsteps leaping behind me. My legs feel like lead, but my pumping heart insists I need to escape. With every breath I am lunging myself forward racing for my life.

The ground under my bare feet is slippery and tempting me to fall with every step. The growl sounds louder now. I look back for a second to see it, but I cannot find it in the dark. Whatever it is, it is big and angry. It wants me and I am afraid. My fear is consuming all of me.

My fear is driving me forward. I am panting heavily as I duck under low hanging tree branches. I am dodging left and right to avoid trees. It is so dark and there are thick trees everywhere. It is becoming harder and harder to get away from it, but I am too afraid to stop. I barely see the big tree in front of me before I dadge to the left. I look up quickly running past some small bushes. The half moon is disappearing behind some clouds.

I know I cannot go much further like this. The growl seems louder and closer. It is hunting me down by the second. It won't be long before he catches me. I decide it might make sense to climb a tree. I stop to take a breath and get a glimpse of my surroundings. To my horror all the big trees are behind me where that thing is coming from. I still can't see it which means it is not as close as I thought it was. The ground is still trembling under my feet.

I turn around in a full circle searching for escape. Then in the blur of my distant vision I see what appears to be some small lights. With a deep breath I start in that direction. At first it is a small jog and then I pick up the pace at the sound of the growl. I almost forgot there was something hunting me, but I am quickly reminded by it's hungry growl.

As I quicken my pace I look up and see the dim lights in the distance get no closer. It is becoming harder to breathe. The air seems to be getting thinner and thinner. I trip over a loose root in the ground. I am falling and tumbling. A spasm of pain shoots up my leg and my stomach travels upwards. The sinking and pain pulls me far away from the lights and the thing that was chasing me. It feels like I tumbling into nothingness until I begin to feel the soft texture of the sheet under my back.

Disorientated I grip the blanket tightly between my fingers in both my hands. I feel sweat seeping through every pore in my body. My bed is drenched. Nausea itches at the walls of my throat and stomach. Agony consumes my left leg. My dream was so frightening and real I must have moved my leg in my sleep. I swallow the nausea down starting to become more orientated to where I am.

“f**k, " I swear loudly at my stupidity. The agony is too much for me to bare. Tears are at the corners of my eyes. I clench my teeth together before allowing my voice to be heard.

“Nurse!" I scream as loud as I can. I wait impatiently grinding my teeth in agony. The seconds tick by torturing me. I hear no footsteps or any sound suggesting anyone is coming.

My one good eye is open wide staring into the dark. It is still in the middle of the night and I cannot control myself any more. I scream for nurse again. Desperation is seeping out of me into the sweat soaked sheets. I need this pain to be gone and there is no one who is willing to help me get rid of the pain. I am screaming nurse again to try get someone attention.

An elderly woman enters my room slowly like the is all the time in the world. Maybe she is tired, I don't take too much notice. The fact that she is taking her time irritates me. My leg is aching and she strolls in like there is nothing wrong.

“I am in pain, " I growl.

“I am sorry to hear, dear," her grandmother voice says to me as she approaches my bed.

I see now the small nurse known as Nurse Gumede. I feel shame for being so rude to such a sweet old lady, but at this point I have no patience and cannot control the tone of my voice. The words are coming out of my foul mouth before I even have a chance to think.

“Give me something for the pain. Why must I tell you how to do your f*****g job? "

Her small dark eyes widen in surprise, but patiently she absorbs the blow and continues to tell me to calm down. She explains to me that earlier I had received my pain injection and now it is only five and a half hours later. The sister would have to contact the doctor on call to prescribe a stat dose before anything can be given.

I have a full on meltdown demanding pain relief now like a child having a tantrum. I am losing control of everything in that moment. The nurse simply watched my tantrum for a minute before shaking her head and walking out of the room.

Shame tickles the edges of me senses, but the anger and pain consume me. All my thoughts go to the relief I will feel when they give me meds. My eye focuses on the doorway. I have an intense glare that stares at the doorway eagerly anticipating the arrival of the nurse with my drugs to help take the pain away.

Eventually I see a familiar figure appear in the doorway. The pain had slowly subsided a little on its own by the time the small figure appears. I think about how I spoke to her and immediately feel guilty. I don't know much about who I am supposed to be. I don't remember who thought me values and responsibility, but I feel like I should know better.

“I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you, " I apologize sheepishly.

“It's okay, my dear," nurse Gumede tells me in her deep grandmother's voice. “As long as you know what you did was wrong and inappropriate. I appreciate your apology, but I advise you get that temper of yours in check. It is not wise to aggravate those who are trying to help you. "

“You are right," I concede believing in every word she tells me. I am a sponge absorbing all the information this wise person is giving me.

“How is the pain now? " she asks.

“It is a little better now, but I still cannot sleep."

“Okay, Sr Brown has called the doctor. He said he will come see you soon. "

“Thank you," I say grateful for their assistance. She nods her head and leaves. Tears are in the corners of my eye. I am feeling pity for myself because of leg and also feel a warmth from nurse Gumede that cannot be described. She has tolerated my tantrum with grace and has taught me humility.

A short while later a young man enters the room and assesses my pain. He is tall and thin with long arms and long fingers. He introduces himself as Dr Sewpersad and tells me that he will add tramadol tablets to my prescription to help with the pain. He leaves and I don't see him again. Thoughts go through my mind. Parhaps he could practice his bedside manner a little. It leaves much to be desired.

Nurse Gumede enters my room quietly with a dose of the tablet the doctor had mentioned before. I smile at her gratefully. She serves it to me in a medicine cup and pour water into my plastic tumbler. I tip the medicine cup into my mouth and let the tablet fall onto my tongue. She hands me the tumbler and I begin drinking.

“You are looking a lot better now, " she says to me. “Thank you. I still feel bad for the way a talked to you earlier. I have no excuse."

“Your excuse was that you were in alot of pain in the middle of the night. It is natural to be irritable when your sleep is interrupted, even more so due to pain. Just Check on that temper in the future. You will surprised how many people will care for you if you show a little respect. A smile goes a long way, even if you have crooked teeth, " she adds and smiles for emphasis.

Her words echo in my head long after she leaves my room. I make a personal bow to always live by those words. A smile goes a long way even if you have crooked teeth. I smile imagining an ugly person with teeth missing and all crooked smiling back at me. Before I know it my imaginings help me drift off one last time so I sleep for a little bit before the morning shift starts. My dreams are uneventful and so vague I barely remember them now.

The nurses who helped me during the night go home and leave me in the care of the day shift. A particularly unhappy nurse comes to give me my new pain tablets. I take the medicine cup from her bony fingers and swallow the tablet with water. Her dark eyes look at me after. I say thank you to her and smile. Her thin face is drawn and tiredness is visible under her eyes. Now her frown disappears and the corners of her mouth curl slightly up in what looks like an attempt to smile.

I get a visit from Chelsea that day. We start off conversation pleasantly. She is adjusting to my memory loss and I am trying to reach out to her for help to remember. I tell her about the dream that I do remember and she looks at me with big eyes. She holds my hand just for a second and pulls away realizing her action. Seeing her attempt to keep things slow for me warmed me up to her and I grab her hand back.

“Chelsea, tell me more about me." I say quietly

“Danny, I don't know what you want me tell you. There is so much that makes a person. Lessons learnt, memories, pain and misery. Going through all the good times and bad times won't make you the same person as before. I want you to be the same, but Patrick says otherwise. He told me you don't want to go back to the way things were. I know that it wasn't perfect, but at least we had each other. "

“Don't trust him," I say. My voice seems a little too deep. I guess that is my anger seeping through. A quick reminder what kind of man Patrick is stares back at me. The leg is reminder enough and hearing her talk about him helps anger to bubble to the surface.

“He says what happened to was an accident. He says he didn't mean to hurt you, " she tells me in that little angelic voice of hers. I see tears are forming in the corners of her steel grey eyes. My mind feels like a bomb going off.

“You can't be serious," I tell her in disbelief.

“Why are you doing this again?" she asks. “One minute you hate him, the next you're f*****g him. What is it with you and him? "

I hear anger bubbling at the surface of her voice. Her voice seems to raise a pitch when she gets angry. Seeing her small frame build up energy like makes me want to grab every bit of her. To me she looks absolutely adorable. Even though I sit admiring how cute she is something she says rings in my ears.

“Did you say I f**k him?" I ask tentatively.

“Yes, sorry. The doctor said I should let you know things slowly. I know you don't remember it but you have a few times. After you usually feel ashamed of yourself and seek me. We then share a bed together."

“You and me..? " I ask not quite finishing the sentence suggesting that I kind of get what she is trying to say. I can see how I could have done a lot of damage. I am a very destructive person and I am starting to not like myself based on decisions I made before the stupid accident.

I hold one of her tiny hands in both of mine. I am sincere when I look at her point face. Her small lips give nothing away about how she feels or thinks. Her grey eyes are almost as blank with a little pain showing through.

“I am so sorry for being such an asshole. I should have treated you better. He is quite good looking, but his personality and demeanor is as joyful as a eating s**t. Let's start with a clean slate minus that prick. What's his name again? " I add with a small smile and a wink.

Her small lips curl upwards into a cheerful smile. Her perfectly white teeth show as her smile broadens. Happiness fills me up. I start a new conversation about the good looking doctor.

“Do you really like him?" she asks.

“Yeah. He always makes me feel better like a good doctor should," I tell her. I can't help but give a little giggle at the end of my statement. She smiles and then looks serious and wary.

“I don't know. There is something he is not telling us. I feel he is hiding something."

The conversation is not going the way I want. She does not trust the doctor. I am afraid I have made an error in disclosing my feelings about the doctor to her. I had anticipated her sharing my feelings, but she is more reserved than I realize.

“Okay. New topic," I say shrugging my shoulders. I see the tension leave her as her shoulders slump forward and down. Her eyes sparkled for a minute before the nurses start chasing visitors away.

She pulls her hand away gently to get up and leave. I awkwardly let go. I had forgotten we were still hands and no wish to keep the empty space in my palm occupied by her hand. An impulse makes me want to pull her in for a kiss, but I second guess it and let her hand slip out of mine. She slowly walks out. At the door she pauses and looks over her tiny shoulder at me and blows me a kiss. My hands instinctively go to my heart.

Then she is gone and I am left to my thoughts yet again. The loneliness is starting to get to me now and a deep desire to go home settles in me. Of course the reality of my situation is still dawning on me. If I go home, where is home?

The nurses interrupt my thoughts with meds and food. Serving me dinner. Checking my blood pressure and giving me meds allows me to think about the good feeling I got when talking to Chelsea. Pleasant thoughts invade my miserable mind making me feel happy. My last thought as I close my eyes for a good night's sleep is that of Chelsea and how I look forward to seeing her again.