MY UGLY FIANCE

VI. The Fall Of Jane

PABILING-BILING siya sa paghiga. Hindi siya makatulog. Iwinasiwas niya ang kamay nang lumitaw na naman ang mukha ni Hercules. She's in real trouble. She never expected this. Ano bang nangyayari't nagkaroon siya bigla ng kakaibang damdamin para sa binata? He isn't her type. He will never be. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit hindi niya maalis-alis sa isip ang mukha nito? Bakit ba pakiramdam niya totoo lahat ng emosyon na nakikita niya sa tuwing tinititigan siya nito? At nahihigit niya ang hininga sa tuwing naaalala kung paano siya halikan nito. This shouldn't happen.This should never happen! Tinakpan niya ng ulo ang unan at mariing ipinikit ang mga mata pero hindi pa rin siya dinalaw ng antok. Napabuga siya ng hininga.

She has to be professional. Hercules hired her for a definite job, iyon lang ang gagawin niya. What happened this night meant nothing. All those kisses meant nothing. Siguro nanibago lang siya dahil sa lahat ng mga lalaking nakaslamuha niya, si Hercules lang ang naiiiba. He respects her to a certain degree where no other man can. He cares for her sincerely. He cares for her mother, too. And he's quite a good kisser. Well, he's really a good kisser.

She likes him, that's a fact. But not in a romantic way. It's a no no. Falling for Hercules can never be an option. Dapat siyang mag-focus sa trabaho. Kapag nakuha niya ang two million, mag-iiba na ang buhay niya, maghihiwalay din sila't lahat ng nangyayari ngayon ay makakalimutan rin niya. Kailangan niyang ituon ang atensiyon sa dalawang milyon. It's all that she needed from him. Iyon lang dapat.

Nang hindi pa rin siya dalawin ng antok ay nagpasya siyang bumangon. Magbi-bake na lang siya ng cake para mawala ang kalokohan at kaabnormalan ng utak niya. But as she was baking she remembered Hercules helped her buy those ingredients. And she noticed she has been smiling all the while. She remembered why she wasn't able to bake this cake. And it was because she got her job back because of Hercules. Hercules had been her hero that day... And she hugged him for what he did for her... And from that point forward, she had admired the kind of man that he is.

Alright, she likes Hercules. Amin na niya sa sarili. Simula nang dumating ito sa buhay niya'y maraming nagbago sa kanya. She always looks for his presence because she likes the feeling of being near him. Alright, she likes him a lot. A lot... that everytime he kissed her... she... she... Napabuntong-hininga siya. Alright, she might have fallen in love with him too.

Tumunog ang timer. Saglit na nabaling sa iba ang pansin niya. Napangiti siya. She has successfully baked the cake. But she failed to get Hercules off her mind. Napabuntong-hininga siya. She is indeed in deep touble.

IT took only a night to make her the most popular girl in town. Halos lahat ng nakakasalubong niya'y nginingitian siya kung hindi man kinakawayan. Sa Flap, usap-usapan rin ang love story nila ni Hercules. Dapat niyang i-congratulate si Hercules sa napakagandang marriage proposal nito. It was wonderful. It was too overwhelming that she even forgot that they were just pretending. Every single person in the crowd was convinced it was for real, well, except for Wynona and Lemuel, and probably Walter. But that's the least she should worry about. She's so happy the night was a success. She's a step closer to two million. Something tugged her heart at the thought. Yes, this is all about two million. Nothing is real between her and Hercules. That is reality. Kaya kailangan niyang supilin ang lahat ng emosyon sa dibdib niya. She just needs a month. And her normal life will be back. Napabuga siya ng hininga nang maramdaman ang kirot sa dibdib. She needs herself back. The normal her.

Pagdating niya sa silid ay nagtaka siya nang makita roon si Maricar. Nagtatanong ang mga mata nito. Nakataas ang kilay na tila ba naghihintay ng paliwanag. Hindi niya magawang tingnan sa mata ang kaibigan. How could she ever lie to her bestfriend?

"H-Hi," awkward na bati niya.

"You're engaged," anitong napahalukipkip.

"Yeah. I never expected it," aniyang pinasigla ang tinig.

"How can you be so cool about it? You're getting married, for goodness sake!" anitong tila maloloka sa kanya. "You didn't hear me say a word when you and Hercules got together. I was thinking you need something to unwind and to get you mind off certain things. Hercules did have a good effect on you, I saw that. But marrying him? Are you serious?"

Napabuntong-hininga siya. It doesn't bother her that she's engaged dahil hindi naman totoo iyon. What bothers her is what she is feeling right now. And she wanted to tell Maricar of the real thing that is going on but she doesn't want to ruin the deal between her and Hercules. "W-Well..I'm...I'm.."

"You're...You're what?" tila mawawalan ng pasensiyang tanong nito.

Napabuga siya ng hininga. She just have to say she's in love. She already knew her lines. But saying those lines is like admitting to herself that she really is. Which is what she's trying to avoid as of the moment . "I think I've fallen in love," aniyang hindi naitago ang pagkabahala sa mukha.

Maricar gave her a very worried and stressed look. "Jane, are you sure about this?" nag-aalalang tanong nito. "You barely knew the man. Uso pa ba ang whirlwind romance ngayon? Paano mo magagawang magpakasal sa taong hindi mo halos kilala?"

Hindi niya alam kung paano sasagutin iyon nang hindi mahalatang nagsisinungaling siya. Of all people, it's Maricar whom she wanted to share about everything, especially this two million-peso deal. But it's a secret she must keep if she wanted to stay in the deal.Though she never knew if she wanted to keep it because of the money of because of Hercules himself.

"That's actually the funny part. I can't explain it but it's like we've known each other for so long. So if you ask me, the answer is I don't know. I'm just ready to marry him."

Tiningnan siya nito ng matiim. "Something's really wrong with you. Ikaw ang pinakamapanlait na taong kilala ko. Don't expect me to be contented with I-don't-know. Hercules is not your type of guy."

"I know," mahinang sambit niya. "But-"

"You're still on recovery," sapaw nito sa sasabihin niya. "Hindi ka pa ready magmahal dahil sugatan pa iyang puso mo. Alam mo ba kung ano ang nangyayari sa sugat na pilit tinatabunan? Nagnanana, bumabaho, nagiging mas malala kesa dati at hindi naghihilom."

Napangiti siya sa sinabi nito. She wished she just have to deal with the hurt her ex had caused her. But it's a different thing now. She had moved on. The only thing she isn't sure about is if she had moved into the right direction. "I've thought about this over and over again, Maricar. Hindi ako papasok sa isang relasyon na hindi ako handa. Now is the right time for me to start again. I'm over Lemuel. I want a new life with Hercules. He is fun to be with. He respects me. He makes me feel happy and secured. Ni hindi ko maramdaman na sugatan ako lalo na kapag kasama siya. Para siyang-"

"Band aid?" anitong nakatikwas ang kilay.

Natawa siya sa sinabi nito. "Yeah, parang band aid nga siya. Well, you've seen me with all those good looking guys. They did me no good. Some of them just brought out the worse in me. Hercules is different. You can see the difference for yourself once you get to know him. I didn't expect for this to happen too. I didn't know I was falling until... until I fell."

Tila hindi ito makapaniwalang napatitig sa kanya. Siya mismo, hindi siya makapaniwala sa sarili, ang kaibigan pa kaya? Napabuntong-hininga ito tanda ng pagsuko. "I'm just worried about you. Akala ko naglalaro ka lang. But seeing you and hearing you now, kahit hindi ko pa lubos maisip, unti-unti ko ng naiintindihan. Well, Hercules is a good man. He's not good looking though but, you're right, so far, he is the best one for you."

Napangiti siya. "I'm happy being with him," tapat sa loob na sabi niya.

"Halata naman," anaman ng kaibigan. "Hindi lang talaga ako siguro sanay. But you're getting married!" anito na nag-aalala na naman ang mukha.

"It's not that I'm dying," aniya sa kaibigan.

Natahimik ito. "Well, kung talagang desidido ka na, alam mo namang nasa'yo lahat ng suporta ko. I guess I'll have to get to know Hercules more."

Ngumiti siya saka inabot ang kamay ng kaibigan. "You will love him. He's really fun to be with."

Nagpasalamat siya nang pumasok na ang mga estudyante niya. Napilitang lumabas ang kaibigan niya pero alam niyang hindi pa tapos ang usapang iyon. Huminga siya ng malalim bago hinarap ang mga estudyante.

MAAGA siyang natapos nang araw na iyon kaya tinawagan niya kaagad si Hercules para sunduin siya. Iiwas na muna siya na makorner ng mga kaibigan. Alam niyang hindi lang si Maricar ang nagulat sa engagement party niya. Pero paalabas pa lang siya ng locker room ay may humarang na sa kanya. Naglapat ang mag labi niya nang mapagtanto kung sino iyon. Napahigpit ang hawak niya sa dalang bag.

"My office, now," ani Wynona.

"For what?"

"My office. Kung ayaw mo ng eskandalo." anito at nagpatiunang lumakad. Nagpupuyos ang loob na napasunod siya rito. Pagkasarang-pagkasara ng pinto ng opisina nito'y kaagad siyang dinuro.

"Ang galing mo rin 'no? Bilib din ako sa diskarte mo. Alam mo kung sino ang paiikutin para makuha ang gusto mo. I know you're using Kuya Hercules to get back at me!"

"Watch your mouth, Wynona and stop pointing your finger at me kung ayaw mong mabalian," aniyang nagtitimpi ng galit. "Kung noon kaya kong palampasin ang lahat ng pang-iinsulto mo, ngayon hindi na. Ubos na ubos na ang pasensiya ko sa'yo."

Nanggigigil itong ibinaba ang kamay. Nanginginig ito sa galit. "Now you've got the guts! Pero ito ang tandaan mo, you're not gonna win over me! Hindi ko hahayaan na mahaluan ng maruming dugo ang pamilya namin. I will protect Kuya Hercules by all means. Kung kailangang sirain kita, sisirain kita! Hindi ka nababagay maging Mondragon! Tandaan mong sa lupa ka lang nababagay. Gold digger!"

Pinigilan niya ang pag-igkas ng palad. Alam niyang pag sinimulan niyang saktan ito'y hindi siya titigil. Ayaw niyang pumatol sa kababawan nito. Pinilit niyang magmukhang mahinahon.

"Do it," matapang na sagot niya na lalong ikinagalit nito. "Hindi ako natatakot sa'yo. Let's just see who wins, Wynona," aniyang umangat ang isang sulok ng labi. "I heard you love running the school but this is not actually yours... right?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata nito at nanginginig sa galit nang makuha ang ibig niyang sabihin. "I'm a part-owner of this school! Hindi mo ako basta-basta mapapaalis, b***h! Even when you sleep with Kuya a thousand times, he can't do that favor for you. And I assure you, that he'll wake up one day and finds out that you're just using him. And he will dump you. When that day happens, expect me to have the loudest laugh."

Nag-init ang punong-tenga niya sa sinabi nito. Tila may kung anong tumaga sa dibdib. After a month, this will be all over. Magmumukha nga siyang talunan kapag naghiwalay sila ni Hercules. Hindi pa man nangyayari'y naiinis na siya. Kita niya ang pagsilay ng nakakalokong ngiti nito.

"Did I just hit a nerve? I used to take pity on you because I took your boyfriend from you. People say I am worse, but I don't care. I took Lemuel from you because I love him. And he loves me. I could bear all the bad things people talk at my back because of that. But you, you're using Kuya Hercules just to get even. You're far worse than I am!" anitong muling dinuro siya. "I won't let Kuya Hercules fall for your trap. He's a good man, he doesn't deserve you. User!" Iniwan siya nito't pabalibag na sinarado ang pinto.

Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata niya pero hindi niya pinansin iyon. Umaalingawngaw sa tenga niya ang sinabi ni Wynona. Nanginginig siya sa galit. Kahit alam niyang hindi totoo ang mga paratang nito, nasasaktan pa rin siya. Because partly, it's true. Pera naman talaga ang dahilan kaya pumayag siya sa kasunduan nila ni Hercules.

Hindi pala madaling maging fiancee ng isang Hercules Mondragon. Bigla'y gusto na niyang umatras. Kapag itinuloy niya ang pakikipagkasundo rito'y talagang sirang-sira na siya pagkatapos. At the end of the month, he would dump her. She would have her heart broken because of this stupid feeling she's starting to feel towards him. And that would give Wynona her loudest laugh. Will that be worth two million? Certainly not. Sawa na siyang magmukhang talunan lalo n sa harap ni Wynona at Lemuel.

Nang sunduin siya ni Hercules kinahapunan ay hindi niya maitago ang bigat ng dibdib. Parang sasabog siya anumang oras kaya pinili niyang huwag magsalita. Ginawaran niya ito ng isang mabilis na halik sa pisngi bago pumasok sa kotse. Para lang makita ng lahat na sweet sila.

"Today's your first day as my fiancee, you should at least smile and pretend you're happy," anito na tila nagtataka.

"There's no one around. I don't need to pretend, okay?" aniyang hindi napigilan ang pagtaas ng tinig. She's trying so hard to control her emotions but she just can't. She's mad for all the things she wasn't able to control. She's mad at her own self. She's mad because she has indeed fallen in love with him and he doesn't even feel the same!

Natahimik ito. Napabuntong-hininga. "So you're back to being hostile."

"I have all the right to be!" di mapigilang singhal niya. "It sucks to be your fiancee, do you know that?"

He looked hurt with her words. Pero iyon ang nararamdaman niya at wala siyang planong bawiin iyon. It really sucks to be his fiancee! Bakit ba hindi niya naisip na maaring magulo ang mundo niya sa presensiya nito? Ni hindi niya naisip na mawawalan din siya ng dangal pagkatapos ng kasunduan nila. He's going to dump her. And though he knows they are just faking, she can't deny the fact that she's hurting for real. Gusto niyang sumigaw. Gusto niyang magwala. It is so unfair!

"Tell me what happened and we'll sort things out," mahinahong sabi nito. Pero tila wala siyang narinig.

Umingos siya't napahalukipkip. Ibinaling niya ang tingin sa labas ng bintana. Wala silang imikan sa sumunod na sandali. She's really mad. She just want to punch someone right now.

THEY had been driving for almost half an hour. Humupa na ang init ng ulo niya. Nang sulyapan niya si Hercules, nakatutok ito sa pagda-drive. She shouldn't have put all the blame on him. It's her fault that she said yes to this agreement. And even her fault she fell for him. Hercules had been clear at the beginning. So she just needs to face the consequence by herself. Nang sulyapan siya nito'y kaagad niyang ibinaling sa iba ang tingin.

"Gusto ko ng umuwi," aniya nang mapansing paikot-ikot lang sila. Ngayon lang niya naramdaman ang matinding pagod buong buhay niya. Kung kahapon napakagaan ng pakiramdam niya't para siyang lumilipad, ngayon parang nakatulos ang buong katawan niya sa lupa.

Tumango ito. Wala silang imikan hanggang makarating sila sa bahay. Habang tumatagal, nakokonsensiya yata siya. Iba yata ang dating ng sinabi niya kay Hercules.Lalong bumigat ang nakadagan sa dibdib niya. Lalong tumindi ang kirot.

Nang muli niyang tingnan ito'y tila nasa malayo ang iniisip. He looked sad. He looked desperately, miserably, frustatedly sad. Nang makarating sila sa kanila'y umibis ito ng sasakyan para pagbuksan siya.

"Hindi na ako aakyat. I see you're tired," matamlay na sabi nito. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay? Magpahinga ka na." Ginawaran siya nito ng halik sa noo saka tumalikod.

"Hercules," tawag niya. Nilingon siya nito. And there's that sad look again. Na para bang pasan nito ang buong mundo. Lumapit siya rito't niyakap ito. Tila nagulat ito sa ginawi niya. It took a while before she felt his arms around her and hugged her back. Suddenly, she felt the world froze for a while. Lahat ng inis at galit na naramdaman niya sa araw na iyon, unti-unting nawala. It's a weird feeling... because she didn't want to let go from that hug.

"Can you tell me what happened?" malumanay na tanong nito. Unti-unting nanubig ang mga mata niya. Hindi siya nagsalita dahil ayaw niyang umiyak. Mas hinigpitan niya ang yakap dito. Hindi na ito nagtanong pa. He just held her. And it's all that she needs at the moment.